Emma Drew #22 I don’t know why I'm accused of neglect, I arranged a click and collect

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Well you must have it too Princess Porkster! You like a ton of sweet stuff doncha imma!
 

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Katykatykaty said:
When she first started asking for help with her emotional spending I sent her a really long message with lots of tips in that I’ve used over the years. One strategy being just to put things in your basket but not check out. You get the excitement of finding things you like but it doesn’t cost you anything and then if in a week or so you still like it you can check out then. I got a really curt “thanks” back and that was it, no attempt to even apply any strategies. The next day she made loads of purchases and spent an absolute fortune....and it all ended up getting returned. Don’t cry out with a problem and ask for advice then completely ignore the solutions just so you can keep whinging - it’s one of my biggest pet hates in people!
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Oh it's one of mine too 😣. Also those people who are like "omg I've just had the worst day" or something along those lines, and then when you ask them what's wrong or are they ok they're like "oh it's nothing, I can't say" 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🙄 Crying out for attention, and I see those traits in Emma all the time. Another big bear is that she doesn't have the send a message box switched on. It's ok for the majority of posts, but why ask for advice and then not give the option of a reply? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don't know if her DM's are switched on or not either?

You're absolutely right in that Researching stuff and then putting it in your basket gives you that burst of excitement, and then if you're still thinking about that item after a week or so Go back and purchase it. If not, then you never really wanted it in the first place. Can't believe she only replied with "thanks", that is so dismissive and shows a distinct lack of manners, but then again I'm not surprised.
 
DJ* said:
Oh it's one of mine too 😣. Also those people who are like "omg I've just had the worst day" or something along those lines, and then when you ask them what's wrong or are they ok they're like "oh it's nothing, I can't say" 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🙄 Crying out for attention, and I see those traits in Emma all the time. Another big bear is that she doesn't have the send a message box switched on. It's ok for the majority of posts, but why ask for advice and then not give the option of a reply? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don't know if her DM's are switched on or not either?

You're absolutely right in that Researching stuff and then putting it in your basket gives you that burst of excitement, and then if you're still thinking about that item after a week or so Go back and purchase it. If not, then you never really wanted it in the first place. Can't believe she only replied with "thanks", that is so dismissive and shows a distinct lack of manners, but then again I'm not surprised.
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To be fair I was shocked I got a reply at all!
 
DJ* said:
Oh it's one of mine too 😣. Also those people who are like "omg I've just had the worst day" or something along those lines, and then when you ask them what's wrong or are they ok they're like "oh it's nothing, I can't say" 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🙄 Crying out for attention, and I see those traits in Emma all the time. Another big bear is that she doesn't have the send a message box switched on. It's ok for the majority of posts, but why ask for advice and then not give the option of a reply? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don't know if her DM's are switched on or not either?

You're absolutely right in that Researching stuff and then putting it in your basket gives you that burst of excitement, and then if you're still thinking about that item after a week or so Go back and purchase it. If not, then you never really wanted it in the first place. Can't believe she only replied with "thanks", that is so dismissive and shows a distinct lack of manners, but then again I'm not surprised.
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That’s what I do. My Etsy and Amazon baskets both have things in them. I add stuff, wait a bit, then go back if I decide I want them. Sometimes I’ll ask my other half what he thinks too, not because I need his consent to spend or buy but for another opinion. “Do I really need that hand made candle I’ve got my eye on?”
I’ve taught my kids to do that too. When they get given money, unless it’s something they KNOW they want, to look at it, think about it, then buy it. Not just spend straight away.
It’s also fun to anticipate if you really want or need something that way, and you know you’ve spent money sensibly. Just buying for the sake of buying is pointless and wastes money and time. Also during a pandemic, I’m trying to think “does the postie really need to be bringing me three lots of packages every day?” (We shielded last time so we had to get everything delivered but this time we can go out if needs be)
 
Just leaving this here for Emma as I know she reads. I feel so sorry for her dad and I'm half tempted to report with all the proof to ensure someone else checks on her poor dad
 

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myzosi said:
I'm fairly certain it has been confirmed that she does matched betting "for" her dad, no?

P.s. Did anyone score the ABH Modern Renaissance pallete on Ooooo last night? I used my sigh up voucher and got it for a tenner 🤑🤑🤑
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Already had it, got it for a tenner earlier on in the week! 😍

The thing is with this matched betting thing, I bet the poor old guy doesn't have a damn clue what is going on in regards to that. She'll have briefly mumbled something about it but it won't have went in properly. ☹️ Would bet that she uses his name but doesn't give him any of the profits.

Whatthecatsaid said:
That’s what I do. My Etsy and Amazon baskets both have things in them. I add stuff, wait a bit, then go back if I decide I want them. Sometimes I’ll ask my other half what he thinks too, not because I need his consent to spend or buy but for another opinion. “Do I really need that hand made candle I’ve got my eye on?”
I’ve taught my kids to do that too. When they get given money, unless it’s something they KNOW they want, to look at it, think about it, then buy it. Not just spend straight away.
It’s also fun to anticipate if you really want or need something that way, and you know you’ve spent money sensibly. Just buying for the sake of buying is pointless and wastes money and time. Also during a pandemic, I’m trying to think “does the postie really need to be bringing me three lots of packages every day?” (We shielded last time so we had to get everything delivered but this time we can go out if needs be)
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It's a good money life lesson to think this way and to teach kids this way ❤️ I think the next generations of kids will be more money savvy then a lot of people who are in their 30's,40's and 50's now.

I sometimes consult with my husband too, again not because I need consent but because I value his opinion. Emma would do well to do the same, but I fear she wouldn't get any help off Tony as he'd be afraid to speak up. What sort of relationship is that? I guess he's just happy if he's getting his computer games and little toys 🙈
 
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Fanaff said:
Whilst it is of course awful to see someone you love deteriorate, emma is in a very privileged position here. She doesn’t work, well properly and any work she does do she can do from anywhere. She boasts about her financial situation and spends like her life depends on it. There are carers who juggle full time work, those who get laid off due to their caring responsibilities and have to depend on carers allowance to get them by or live miles away so face a massive commute to see there family member that needs care. She has none of those worries. And yet, her priority is herself as usual. If my dad was in Ill health, I didn’t work, had money to throw at the situation and I could be there in a short time, I’d be going out of my way to be there for him. She is a selfish cow, end of!
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Yes, my grandad had my dad as his carer, he had carers go in during the day but my dad would go in too a lot, he'd have to do some horrific things like clean my grandad who didn't go to the toilet. He was working full time, he had a lot on at work too, of course there were days when he complained but that was very rare and he was pushed to it.
My grandad was very generous with money, always at christmas, birthdays etc, gave us all about £50 & there are a fair few of us. This changed, my dad took over the cards & my grandad was insistent on putting money in, so my dad put £5 in, as he got worse, nothing. Did we all complain?! No. It felt so wrong taking his money, even though we knew before it made him happy. We just wanted my grandad to be healthy and happy and would have given anything for that. Some of his money did have to go to his care and that helped him stay home longer, imagine we were all taking that money to spend on luxuries and his care suffered, no no no.

Like everyone is saying, why now?! Perhaps it's innocent & she didn't admit to herself how bad he saw, buried her head in the sand, I'd like to think that was the case, it was just denial & Christmas showed her otherwise but I just have a gut feeling there is more to it.

With regards to him living at home, I can see that could be best, if my grandad had moved in with one of us, it'd really disrupt him and he would have got worse. Eventually he went to a home but it was a couple of months and he declined fast but it was a nice place.

He also lived on ready meals unfortunately, we tried our best to make them healthy but he'd refuse to eat, he'd been a healthy water previously, he was thinning out so it was a case of ear what you can, trying not to fill him with sugary treats. The only thing, in his last 2 weeks, he could only eat choc buttons as they'd melt in his mouth but that was a last resort as he forgot how to eat, swallow etc.

Gosh a long one but I just get this niggling feeling there is more to this than meets the eye.
 
I’ve really started to dislike living thrifty with a passion but the other day she said ‘you can like nice things and not own them’ and that really hit home. You can like expensive things but it doesn’t mean you have to own all of them. The thing is with Imma, she isn’t buying expensive items, she is just buying absolute tat that she uses/ wears once then sells it.

If she is using her dads money, that angers me so much. My nan is late 70s, she owns a very successful business and still works full time yet my dad and brother literally sponge off her. I have never asked for a penny off anyone, I just couldn’t. If I was losing my home or couldn’t afford food then of course I would but my brother asks after he’s spent all his wages on clothes. I know it’s slightly different as they actually ask and she gives, Imma is clearly helping herself.

I really really hope karma bites her in the arse, maybe that’s why he hasn’t gone in to full time care yet? She’s too scared to get found out.
 
princesssparklepants said:
In America there's guardianships where if tricked into signing them they can force you out of your home, steal you from family without permission, sell your property and everything you own - all legal and above board and supported by the police (though the initial tricking of people into letting you become their guardian is pure evil - though obviously not everyone is that bad) If you can, check out Dirty Money on Netflix - the guardianship episode. It's absolutely evil what some people will do.

Here you have 'more' of a say if you have power of attorney for health/welfare and property/finances (they are two different types and you have to apply for each whilst the person who needs it has capacity otherwise it's too late. You can't fake it either as it has to be signed by a doctor/professional people and there's generally people you write to to let them know you're applying for it and they can register their concerns if there are any about you being that persons attorney. If you skip that part you have to have two professional people who know you and have known you for a while in their capacity as a professional person (lawyer, doctor, nurse etc) sign that you are making this decision in sound mind etc and that they know the people who are trying to become that persons attorney.

Usually it becomes obvious that the person isn't managing at home, even with support and that they need 24 hour care (ours came when grandad lost the use of his legs and we couldn't safely or reasonably get a wheelchair in his house as it was a long passage way with the stairs ahead as you came ithe front door and the front/middle room straight off said passageway and it was too tight a turn to get through the door.

As Social Observation said, there would be a best interests meeting to see if extra carers in place would help, or night visits (useless as they were as here it was only one visit during the night three nights a week and all she did was pop her head in, see him sleeping, write it down and feck off - once leaving the front door unlocked.) This means that agencies involved in his care - and you (make sure you'd push yourself forward to be included as you had power of attorney - this carries more weight than not having it. Without it your wishes are heard as NOK but ignored if the council/social workers/hospital decide that he can no longer stay at home safely.

With said POA you/the person cared for can be overruled - especially if he they need a deprivationation of liberty or DoLs though this is usually in place in a hospital or care home (this is a formal document carried out by social services with medical and carers support to say that sadly this person no longer understands consequences or how to keep themselves safe and sound and that they have to be kept safe in a place designed for continuous observation - essentially you're taking their freedom away for their own safety.) It has to be renewed each year and fully checked each year.

It all depends on if the care being provided is enough and is safe enough for the person to be supported fully at home. Unfortunately a lot of Dementia suffering people do become violent and it becomes unsafe for them and the person caring for them.

If you don't own your own home and you have to be moved into a care home - social services will pay a percentage of the home fees and you use your pension to pay the rest. In the case of my grandad for the first 4ish years, he received something like 170 per week pension and the care home took 150 of it. If you stay at home and require care you are means tested and may have to pay a percentage towards it.

If you own your own home you will have to fund your own care at home or in a care home. This could be through savings or selling your home. Once your finances run out you can be means tested again and social services will do what they do for those who don't own their own home as mentioned above.

You do have to be fully open and financially checked every year through social services who will go through everything so you MUST keep all reciepts for the persons purchases and care fees etc.

There is help via NHS Continuing Healthcare (this can also fund home care too) where the NHS will pay for your care. This is for VERY ill people who need high levels of care and is very hard to get. We did get it for Grandad but this was because of other care needs too not just his dementia. It's worth an application but it can be like pulling teeth. The first time we applied he didn't qualify but he did the second for the last 4ish years of him being in the care home when he became violent again and fully lost his capacity and obtained the DoLS as well.

My advice to you, Emma and EVERYONE in this position is to have a lined a4 notebook and use it like a diary. Write down EVERYTHING EVERY DAY and tell people who come to the house to write things down too - messages, if he had a wash, if he took his medicine, what he said if anything was asked for, what phonecalls/visitors to the house said, if he did anything out of the ordinary, if he's running out of something, if someone called/something is worrying etc. When we got this in action it was fabulous! We had back up proof of everything and timings (also helped when we had a bent social worker too to prove what she was doing). It meant it was all there in black and white by everyone involved in his care. It also meant that we knew everyone was up to date on him and his routine incase we were ever poorly or if we had an appointment coming up for him - they knew what was said as well as us so everyone was constantly looking out for important things. It REALLY made our job so much easier when we could see patterns or had evidence or reminders of what happened months previously.
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Thank you for the time taken to write this all out! :) that's a good tip about writing it all down too. Did you have to hide it from your grandad?

As much as I hate emma, I really don't want to believe that she is taking his pension money/savings and using it to buy herself things. Maybe he's been gifting her money but when I've done breakdowns of how much I think she earns before, I don't think she is lying about getting paid thousands a month
 
Burd said:
Just leaving this here for Emma as I know she reads. I feel so sorry for her dad and I'm half tempted to report with all the proof to ensure someone else checks on her poor dad
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Sums it up perfectly... And she's the one who has announced it all with the holes in the clothes and the non working zip coat and so much more. Imagine not only neglecting your loved one but also announcing it publicly in a misguided attempt to make yourself sound kind and generous 😏😕

justherefortheattachments said:
Thank you for the time taken to write this all out! :) that's a good tip about writing it all down too. Did you have to hide it from your grandad?

As much as I hate emma, I really don't want to believe that she is taking his pension money/savings and using it to buy herself things. Maybe he's been gifting her money but when I've done breakdowns of how much I think she earns before, I don't think she is lying about getting paid thousands a month
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It was cathartic 😊

We didn't have to hide the diary notebook, he wouldn't have been able to read it or understand it anyway. It was on the side in full view and he wasn't bothered in it.... What he wanted was the locked small suitcase we had that was next to it that contained his medicine and would continually be found trying to break into it.

He also hoarded paracetomal by pretending to take it in front of you and then spitting it out and putting it in his glasses case when you left the room. So dangerous and so crafty 😂 luckily we caught onto him and took them away but he tried it several times afterwards. He was so furious he couldn't have *his* paracetomal when he wanted it in top of the 8 a day the doctor prescribed! He really fixated on that and had to be constantly watched. He also stashed money all over the house in strange places and you had to check everything!
 
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I think it is obvious that even if Emma's father can just about manage at home with carers at the moment he will soon need 24 hour care. Emma needs to think how she can achieve this. If her father is willing and has the money he could move into a care home without needing social service involvement. He could well be happier with company and proper meals. If any one is facing this at present you should try to have the difficult conversation with your relative before the worst hapens.
I am another one who thinks Emma genuinely earns thousands from her blog. I also thinks she sees nothing wrong in selling her dad's DVD player to buy herself expensive birthday presents.
 
I agree, Emma will be weighing up the options regarding his property and assets for her own gain. I'd love to think differently but sadly we know she won't always have his best interests at heart because her greed for money overpowers everything.
Average care home bill is what, £600 pw? He isn't *that* old and could live for several years yet? My grandad lived from age 83 - 90 with Alzeheimers and various health issues it brought. She needs to do the right thing and put his care and safety first. Prove us wrong Emma.
 
You can tell she reads here as yesterday she said her Dad had given her things to sell for him. Even if he said it, it's probably best not to go ahead and sell them having admitted he's not "compos mentis" and could soon be wondering where they are. But no Imma saw it was £1 ebay listings and decided to pay a visit. She genuinely thinks she's helping though.
 
DoseofReality said:
You can tell she reads here as yesterday she said her Dad had given her things to sell for him. Even if he said it, it's probably best not to go ahead and sell them having admitted he's not "compos mentis" and could soon be wondering where they are. But no Imma saw it was £1 ebay listings and decided to pay a visit. She genuinely thinks she's helping though.
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She will need to be very careful if she get investigated. Maybe she doesn't understand that this kind of thing is looked at as fraud if someone is not in their right mind
 
Bubblesandflowers said:
This is why Emma’s pity party the other night was confusing. Saying her Dad is not of sound mind and she’s been hiding it but doing very odd shadey things like selling his items on EBay.

pick a lane Emma.
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She hasn’t been hiding it though, we knew at Xmas her had holes in his clothes. She picks and chooses and forgets her own lies.

Time for the ooooo 3 hour special, can’t wait to see what shite imma buys
 
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