Eating disorders- Advice & support

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squatternutbosh

VIP Member
I really hope someone can steer me in the right direction in a pretty hopeless situation.
*trigger warning- eating disorder*
I have a loved one in my family who is bulimic. His wife discovered a few months ago he would gorge on food & sneak upstairs & force himself to vomit & come down to eat more again. She monitored this for a while & then decided to confront him, explaining the dangers of it & explore any reasons behind him doing it. He didn’t deny it & nonchalantly explained it’s something he did as a child to enjoy eating more food whilst keeping the weight off (he was overweight as a child).
he said it’s something he doesn’t do regularly & can stop whenever he wants, as he was quite taken aback by his wife’s upset.
a couple of months passed & all was well. Recently it has started again, his wife has noticed him throwing up after meals. She said she has offered to get support with him, & they can get through it together, but she says he’s in a state of denial & is brushing her concerns off. She said she’s cooking lighter meals & avoiding trigger junk food, keeping him active & joining in with him but nothing is working. He is flat out refusing to get help. She called the bulimia disorder helpline & they essentially said to support him into seeing a GP but until he agrees it’s an issue, not much can be done. again, he’s refusing to see it as an issue. She is absolutely distraught & worried about his health & mental health to do something like this- what advice does anyone have in this situation?
His wife has confided in me in confidence & doesn’t wish to betray his trust by going to other ppl or family members or to discuss this with a therapist without his consent
 
squatternutbosh said:
I really hope someone can steer me in the right direction in a pretty hopeless situation.
*trigger warning- eating disorder*
I have a loved one in my family who is bulimic. His wife discovered a few months ago he would gorge on food & sneak upstairs & force himself to vomit & come down to eat more again. She monitored this for a while & then decided to confront him, explaining the dangers of it & explore any reasons behind him doing it. He didn’t deny it & nonchalantly explained it’s something he did as a child to enjoy eating more food whilst keeping the weight off (he was overweight as a child).
he said it’s something he doesn’t do regularly & can stop whenever he wants, as he was quite taken aback by his wife’s upset.
a couple of months passed & all was well. Recently it has started again, his wife has noticed him throwing up after meals. She said she has offered to get support with him, & they can get through it together, but she says he’s in a state of denial & is brushing her concerns off. She said she’s cooking lighter meals & avoiding trigger junk food, keeping him active & joining in with him but nothing is working. He is flat out refusing to get help. She called the bulimia disorder helpline & they essentially said to support him into seeing a GP but until he agrees it’s an issue, not much can be done. again, he’s refusing to see it as an issue. She is absolutely distraught & worried about his health & mental health to do something like this- what advice does anyone have in this situation?
His wife has confided in me in confidence & doesn’t wish to betray his trust by going to other ppl or family members or to discuss this with a therapist without his consent
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It’s so hard when someone is in such total denial. The thing is, apart from the emotional impact of it all, bulemia has serious physical consequences too. It can literally destroy the digestive system, cause gut paralysis, tear open the oesophagus, disrupt electrolytes balance, damage the heart, ruin teeth etc etc. if he’s making himself vomit then these are possible consequences. Irrefutable.

but ultimately, short of getting him sectioned under the mental health act, until he’s willing to accept help, there isn’t much more she can do. It’s heartbreaking but it’s like an addiction, he will find a way if he wants to.
 
It's hard. I now freely admit I have an ED after over 13 years. My sister used to confront me after hearing me being sick. I would lie. I do struggle still if I have a calorific meal like a takeaway but if I eat reasonably within my calories I am ok and accept it now. I hated people going on and on at me about it. I hated it when my family suggested we all get a takeaway because I knew what I would have to do. Get it out. I no longer binge and rarely purge. I'm honest with people now that what they think is a nice treat like a burger or pizza I will throw up and do not want. My teeth are ruined, health is bad and I regret it all. I've only made myself look worse. I asked my GP for help and got nowhere. It's taken years to finally get to the point I hardly do it.
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Face and neck glands get swollen, you get a face like a balloon. It's not worth it. Something has triggered this for him. That needs to be gotten to the bottom of. He will be in denial for a while. I was for years. There isn't much a GP will do other than give numbers for help like Beat. Unless he's severely underweight and tbh most bulimics are not. The calories consumed don't all come out. Link to Beat:
https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/
 
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First off, I need to reiterate again how triggering i’m about to be so please do take heed. I’m just venting really as nobody knows the absolute nonsense I do with my body and I’m really going even more crazy than usual and it’s just too much for normal people to understand.

I have to be super vague, obviously. So basically for the last ten days i’ve literally had two bananas to eat and today I had scheduled an eating day but I just can’t do it. The idea of any food being in my body makes me feel even more ill than I do already. I know I need to eat and I will pull myself together later and have sonething (promise), I’m just scared because it hasn’t been this bad for years and years and now i’m getting older I’m honestly worried i’ll faint in public. I’ve been close a few times the last few days and have black spots in my vision, my hands shake and my heart races when I stand up and beats 40 times a minute when i’m still. I’ve been hiding food and pretending i’ve eaten which is stuff I haven’t done for 20 years fgs. I’m a parent! I’ve already done 15,000 steps this morning and i’ve told myself I can eat when i’ve done 20,000. (👋🏻to Jack Monroe thread people😂)

Anyhow, I don’t really know why i’m writing this, just a safe place to I guess. I weighed myself for the first time in about 6 years and I actually gasped at what it said. Anyhow, anyhow, sorry to go on.

Love to all who get it. ❤️❤️
 
Silver Linings said:
First off, I need to reiterate again how triggering i’m about to be so please do take heed. I’m just venting really as nobody knows the absolute nonsense I do with my body and I’m really going even more crazy than usual and it’s just too much for normal people to understand.

I have to be super vague, obviously. So basically for the last ten days i’ve literally had two bananas to eat and today I had scheduled an eating day but I just can’t do it. The idea of any food being in my body makes me feel even more ill than I do already. I know I need to eat and I will pull myself together later and have sonething (promise), I’m just scared because it hasn’t been this bad for years and years and now i’m getting older I’m honestly worried i’ll faint in public. I’ve been close a few times the last few days and have black spots in my vision, my hands shake and my heart races when I stand up and beats 40 times a minute when i’m still. I’ve been hiding food and pretending i’ve eaten which is stuff I haven’t done for 20 years fgs. I’m a parent! I’ve already done 15,000 steps this morning and i’ve told myself I can eat when i’ve done 20,000. (👋🏻to Jack Monroe thread people😂)

Anyhow, I don’t really know why i’m writing this, just a safe place to I guess. I weighed myself for the first time in about 6 years and I actually gasped at what it said. Anyhow, anyhow, sorry to go on.

Love to all who get it. ❤❤
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This might be totally useless advice- but I’ve read a few comments by some ppl with ED on a YouTube channel and it said it’s helped them manage their ED by watching the series and it subconsciously makes them feel hungry & encourages them to eat, you may wanna check it out? The try guys eat the menu series.

hope u feel the confidence to reach out for professional help alongside. ❤️ you will become yourself again
 
Silver Linings said:
First off, I need to reiterate again how triggering i’m about to be so please do take heed. I’m just venting really as nobody knows the absolute nonsense I do with my body and I’m really going even more crazy than usual and it’s just too much for normal people to understand.

I have to be super vague, obviously. So basically for the last ten days i’ve literally had two bananas to eat and today I had scheduled an eating day but I just can’t do it. The idea of any food being in my body makes me feel even more ill than I do already. I know I need to eat and I will pull myself together later and have sonething (promise), I’m just scared because it hasn’t been this bad for years and years and now i’m getting older I’m honestly worried i’ll faint in public. I’ve been close a few times the last few days and have black spots in my vision, my hands shake and my heart races when I stand up and beats 40 times a minute when i’m still. I’ve been hiding food and pretending i’ve eaten which is stuff I haven’t done for 20 years fgs. I’m a parent! I’ve already done 15,000 steps this morning and i’ve told myself I can eat when i’ve done 20,000. (👋🏻to Jack Monroe thread people😂)

Anyhow, I don’t really know why i’m writing this, just a safe place to I guess. I weighed myself for the first time in about 6 years and I actually gasped at what it said. Anyhow, anyhow, sorry to go on.

Love to all who get it. ❤❤
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I’m completely out of my depth to give any advice. I strongly recommend you go and see your GP, you know yourself it’s not right. My support to you ❤️
 
Silver Linings said:
First off, I need to reiterate again how triggering i’m about to be so please do take heed. I’m just venting really as nobody knows the absolute nonsense I do with my body and I’m really going even more crazy than usual and it’s just too much for normal people to understand.

I have to be super vague, obviously. So basically for the last ten days i’ve literally had two bananas to eat and today I had scheduled an eating day but I just can’t do it. The idea of any food being in my body makes me feel even more ill than I do already. I know I need to eat and I will pull myself together later and have sonething (promise), I’m just scared because it hasn’t been this bad for years and years and now i’m getting older I’m honestly worried i’ll faint in public. I’ve been close a few times the last few days and have black spots in my vision, my hands shake and my heart races when I stand up and beats 40 times a minute when i’m still. I’ve been hiding food and pretending i’ve eaten which is stuff I haven’t done for 20 years fgs. I’m a parent! I’ve already done 15,000 steps this morning and i’ve told myself I can eat when i’ve done 20,000. (👋🏻to Jack Monroe thread people😂)

Anyhow, I don’t really know why i’m writing this, just a safe place to I guess. I weighed myself for the first time in about 6 years and I actually gasped at what it said. Anyhow, anyhow, sorry to go on.

Love to all who get it. ❤️❤️
Click to expand...

What has triggered the relapse? Throw the scales out immediately before that becomes an obsession. Contact Beat and/or your GP. The sooner you get help the better. Have you got a close friend or family member you could open up to and could support you at meal times? Sending you a big hug xx
 
Silver Linings said:
First off, I need to reiterate again how triggering i’m about to be so please do take heed. I’m just venting really as nobody knows the absolute nonsense I do with my body and I’m really going even more crazy than usual and it’s just too much for normal people to understand.

I have to be super vague, obviously. So basically for the last ten days i’ve literally had two bananas to eat and today I had scheduled an eating day but I just can’t do it. The idea of any food being in my body makes me feel even more ill than I do already. I know I need to eat and I will pull myself together later and have sonething (promise), I’m just scared because it hasn’t been this bad for years and years and now i’m getting older I’m honestly worried i’ll faint in public. I’ve been close a few times the last few days and have black spots in my vision, my hands shake and my heart races when I stand up and beats 40 times a minute when i’m still. I’ve been hiding food and pretending i’ve eaten which is stuff I haven’t done for 20 years fgs. I’m a parent! I’ve already done 15,000 steps this morning and i’ve told myself I can eat when i’ve done 20,000. (👋🏻to Jack Monroe thread people😂)

Anyhow, I don’t really know why i’m writing this, just a safe place to I guess. I weighed myself for the first time in about 6 years and I actually gasped at what it said. Anyhow, anyhow, sorry to go on.

Love to all who get it. ❤❤
Click to expand...

Oh my God, I can't offer you any useful advice or help in any way at all but...
I am also in a bit of a situation with my ridiculous food/body behaviour. The way that you have described some of this really hits home with me. I am at a complete loss how to deal with it, and I am so ashamed because I know I am quite literally slowly killing myself but I cannot seem to get a grip on it at all. I honestly feel so embarrassed that I do some of these things, and I dread something happening to me and someone discovering all the hidden food and notebooks of working out calories burned/logs of exercise I've done for hours when I should be asleep. I fell and badly injured myself recently and even that isnt enough to stop me being so stupid. I wish I could help you but all I can do is tell you that you're not alone, I understand, I don't think you're crazy or mad, I think you're struggling and I hope beyond anything that you can make it through this. Sending you so much love.
 
@Silver Linings - I’m a parent too. One of my worst nightmares as a parent is me passing out/becoming unconscious/incapacitated whilst caring for my child. It could be suddenly while driving with the child in the car, it could be whilst food is on the cooker and my child is unsupervised. It could cause danger to my child if i allow myself to get in a vulnerable state.
what would happen to a child/children in your care if you were to pass out? Look at it from that perspective, maybe let that motivate u to get urself help so u don’t ever put your child in a position where u suddenly succumb to a serious illness which is totally treatable. ❤❤❤ pls reach out to a doctor urgently
 
Silver Linings said:
First off, I need to reiterate again how triggering i’m about to be so please do take heed. I’m just venting really as nobody knows the absolute nonsense I do with my body and I’m really going even more crazy than usual and it’s just too much for normal people to understand.

I have to be super vague, obviously. So basically for the last ten days i’ve literally had two bananas to eat and today I had scheduled an eating day but I just can’t do it. The idea of any food being in my body makes me feel even more ill than I do already. I know I need to eat and I will pull myself together later and have sonething (promise), I’m just scared because it hasn’t been this bad for years and years and now i’m getting older I’m honestly worried i’ll faint in public. I’ve been close a few times the last few days and have black spots in my vision, my hands shake and my heart races when I stand up and beats 40 times a minute when i’m still. I’ve been hiding food and pretending i’ve eaten which is stuff I haven’t done for 20 years fgs. I’m a parent! I’ve already done 15,000 steps this morning and i’ve told myself I can eat when i’ve done 20,000. (👋🏻to Jack Monroe thread people😂)

Anyhow, I don’t really know why i’m writing this, just a safe place to I guess. I weighed myself for the first time in about 6 years and I actually gasped at what it said. Anyhow, anyhow, sorry to go on.

Love to all who get it. ❤❤
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Was it the weighing yourself that triggered this? I’m sorry you are going through this but I understand. I would say get help but I know that’s easier said than done. Do you have someone in real life you can confide to? Could you try a smoothie or something, there are shakes called complan that have lots of nutrients, or get some protein shakes. Might help until you can face some real food or get some help. I’m guessing you have an ED background so might have sought help you can use now?
Thinking of you x
It is so, so, SO tit to be consumed with food and weight and eating. I’m so done with it. It makes life so tough and there is such little help.
Edited to add - sorry I read my post back and I sound so dismissive by suggesting shakes or smoothies. I know it’s not that simple. However in the past they have helped me, I guess not having to chew or whatever I’m not sure. But I know it’s still food in your stomach to deal with.
 
squatternutbosh said:
This might be totally useless advice- but I’ve read a few comments by some ppl with ED on a YouTube channel and it said it’s helped them manage their ED by watching the series and it subconsciously makes them feel hungry & encourages them to eat, you may wanna check it out? The try guys eat the menu series.

hope u feel the confidence to reach out for professional help alongside. ❤ you will become yourself again
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Thank you, one thing I do that keeps me going on fast days did actually end up being very helpful yesterday which was watching TikTok cookery stuff. So very similar, than you again.

GrunkaLunka said:
Oh my God, I can't offer you any useful advice or help in any way at all but...
I am also in a bit of a situation with my ridiculous food/body behaviour. The way that you have described some of this really hits home with me. I am at a complete loss how to deal with it, and I am so ashamed because I know I am quite literally slowly killing myself but I cannot seem to get a grip on it at all. I honestly feel so embarrassed that I do some of these things, and I dread something happening to me and someone discovering all the hidden food and notebooks of working out calories burned/logs of exercise I've done for hours when I should be asleep. I fell and badly injured myself recently and even that isnt enough to stop me being so stupid. I wish I could help you but all I can do is tell you that you're not alone, I understand, I don't think you're crazy or mad, I think you're struggling and I hope beyond anything that you can make it through this. Sending you so much love.
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Oh Grunka. So much solidarity and love to you. I hope things start to improve. It would be hilariously hypocritical of me to offer advice but we are with you. And oh my god, the amount of coded notebooks and pads i’ve fretted about over the years! Totally get that. ❤️
YoungHollywood said:
Was it the weighing yourself that triggered this? I’m sorry you are going through this but I understand. I would say get help but I know that’s easier said than done. Do you have someone in real life you can confide to? Could you try a smoothie or something, there are shakes called complan that have lots of nutrients, or get some protein shakes. Might help until you can face some real food or get some help. I’m guessing you have an ED background so might have sought help you can use now?
Thinking of you x
It is so, so, SO tit to be consumed with food and weight and eating. I’m so done with it. It makes life so tough and there is such little help.
Edited to add - sorry I read my post back and I sound so dismissive by suggesting shakes or smoothies. I know it’s not that simple. However in the past they have helped me, I guess not having to chew or whatever I’m not sure. But I know it’s still food in your stomach to deal with.
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It wasn’t dismissive at all, thank you. One thing I have done in the past is have orange juice until I can face food. Thank you. ❤️

Thank you everyone. I did manage to psych myself up and then I was ok. I had to promise myself to go crazy with exercise and stuff today but it got me going. Then I slept and slept. I feel much more in control again, obv. I know there is a huge problem but I don’t feel like i’m going insane like yesterday.

I don’t actually have any scales myself, I was at someone else’s house and was expecting it to be a high number that would make me feel bad about myself but when it was lower it just made me go all weird. Annoying, and truly lesson learned. I don’t go to doctors and my friends know I am strange with food but to this extent it’s just so profoundly embarrassing, I hate it. It may sound trite but with all the hideous news at the moment it just all felt even more so. People are desperate for food and I can’t eat a snack a jack, pathetic. Again, I know this isn’t true but it all just spiralled. I am very, very grateful for everyone’s support.

Thank you ❤️
 
I’m glad you posted @Silver Linings, I have been thinking about you today. You are not pathetic at all, the mind and EDs are very powerful. You speak with such honesty and seem very tuned into yourself, so hold on to that and hopefully you can get through this phase. It’s never easy so look after yourself and rely on those who want to help you x
 
@Silver Linings when you say "it's so profoundly embarrassing " I totally get you.
The thought of people knowing is unthinkable and God, if anyone saw the coded logs (i get you, @GrunkaLunka), tables and spreadsheets (the only thing I use Excel for with any zeal), I'd be mortified.
I've barely moved today and resent every wasted minute for not burning calories, expending energy. I feel total revulsion.
Love and care to everyone struggling
 
I just want to add to this thread. I’m 38 now, and eating disorders have been a constant in my life since the age of 13. I’ve been hospitalised for anorexia 3 times, and spent a large portion of the time in a binge purge cycle. My weight have been significantly overweight and vice versa. Most of the time I’ve been very much in the middle, with little obvs signs to the outside world that anything was wrong.

I can say that in the last few years, the grip EDs have on my life has slowest lessened, and I do feel like the older I get the less I care. The things that have helped me are -

- throwing away my scales

- stop looking at Instagram/online things that trigger me by fetishing thinness

- Finding exercise I love that doesn’t feel like punishment, that can help shape my body in a healthy way without dieting

- Expanding my enjoyment and knowledge of food and nutrition - so I can eat balanced meals and learn to recognise and regulate my hunger signals (before, the only meals I knew were a plain salad or a box of cream cakes - there was no in between)

- exposing myself to pictures of beautiful bigger people, and learning to appreciate the beauty in non skinny people

- stop looking at pictures of myself when I was skinny

- stop looking in the mirror so much

- allowing myself to eat previous binge foods as part of my normal diet. One slice of cheesecake, not an entire box

- stop counting calories

I still get derailed all the time, and all it takes is one accidental look at the Daily Mail and my anorexic voice is immediately back - but I know what I need to do to stay well. When I was 18 I wanted to die. Now I feel so grateful to be alive, cellulite and all.

I wish everybody suffering so much love and hope. My life is so much better now. There is hope for you all
 
Silver Linings said:
First off, I need to reiterate again how triggering i’m about to be so please do take heed. I’m just venting really as nobody knows the absolute nonsense I do with my body and I’m really going even more crazy than usual and it’s just too much for normal people to understand.

I have to be super vague, obviously. So basically for the last ten days i’ve literally had two bananas to eat and today I had scheduled an eating day but I just can’t do it. The idea of any food being in my body makes me feel even more ill than I do already. I know I need to eat and I will pull myself together later and have sonething (promise), I’m just scared because it hasn’t been this bad for years and years and now i’m getting older I’m honestly worried i’ll faint in public. I’ve been close a few times the last few days and have black spots in my vision, my hands shake and my heart races when I stand up and beats 40 times a minute when i’m still. I’ve been hiding food and pretending i’ve eaten which is stuff I haven’t done for 20 years fgs. I’m a parent! I’ve already done 15,000 steps this morning and i’ve told myself I can eat when i’ve done 20,000. (👋🏻to Jack Monroe thread people😂)

Anyhow, I don’t really know why i’m writing this, just a safe place to I guess. I weighed myself for the first time in about 6 years and I actually gasped at what it said. Anyhow, anyhow, sorry to go on.

Love to all who get it. ❤❤
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Oh, sending you all the ❤ from where I am to where you are.

I am in no place right now to give advice. I wrote a long post on the other ED thread a week or so ago which got lost when tattle did it’s reload thing and I couldn’t write it out again.

Others on here might be in a better space mentally to talk you through why your behaviours (which you know, because you are you) are not going to help anything in the long run. I can’t explain why one week, everything is ok and we can maybe eat a whole meal without it spiralling and then the next, a banana is too big a reach. Why 24 years ago, when this started, one would have learned how to manage so living wasn’t so damned hard.

I can’t offer help Silver. I can only offer a box to listen. Please know that you are not alone ❤❤❤.

(it feels so lonely when you hide the food and lie about the exercise and everything hurts because you’ve done so much and you’re missing events and forgetting things because you are hungry and tired and can’t concentrate on anything but food and exercise and the one person you are ameant to love thinks you are on self-destruct which makes them think you don’t care about them)

Things were better over the summer and we were hoping to be able go out for a meal for my birthday in December (we haven’t done that in years). That’s gone now. I can’t even have a coffee out. I don’t trust that they will use the amount of skimmed milk on the calorie counter.

@GrunkaLunka - I promised Mrs T I would delete MFP and I now (because I want to keep that promise) write everything down again in a notebook like I did when things were at their worst (and before I discovered MFP). Ffs.
 
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I can’t write down what’s happening because it’s so long and I’d bore myself but everything has gone tits up. I feel like a bleeping failure. I’ve spent so much money in the last couple of weeks on diaries to log stuff, green juices, slimming tea. Why can’t this stop. To top it off I’ve injured myself again exercising.

No one needs to reply. I just needed to vent. I want a life where food isn’t the focus. Where our life isn’t ruled by it.
 
zetta buttons said:
I can’t write down what’s happening because it’s so long and I’d bore myself but everything has gone tits up. I feel like a bleeping failure. I’ve spent so much money in the last couple of weeks on diaries to log stuff, green juices, slimming tea. Why can’t this stop. To top it off I’ve injured myself again exercising.

No one needs to reply. I just needed to vent. I want a life where food isn’t the focus. Where our life isn’t ruled by it.
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I know you said no one needs to reply, but hey, I bore myself too!

And you saying that, myself and so many others here get it. It’s a long f*cking slog. You’re not a failure, you’re dealing with an illness, it’s not a reflection of you as a person.
I don’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes, but I’ve felt the same pain and frustration and exhaustion.

“I want a life where food isn’t the focus. Where our life isn’t ruled by it.”
I want that for you too, so much. And for everyone here.

I had professional help to recover, but one of the things helping me mentally recover, is to not beat myself up.
I used to always give myself a row, like “for fucks sake, you’re 35 years old, you should be over this“, but that never really helped. I always thought I needed to speak to myself in that way, to “shout” myself out of it.

It’s different for everyone of course. I thought if I was kind to myself in any way it wouldn’t be enough. And sure that’s not enough, it takes A lot to recover from something so deep rooted.

But look at it this way, I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve mentally berated yourself in a need to recover. It might be worth thinking if that has ever helped? If it has, then that’s great , this is such a tough, complex situation, that you need to do what you can.

But maybe, you could try to be kinder to yourself (I wish this didn’t sound so cheesy, sorry!). Because honestly, it makes such a difference. I used to think if I gave myself any kind of kindness it would allow me to keep failing or something? But real kindness is emotional intelligence, it helps you figure yourself out in a calm, and unpressurised way.
You’re an intelligent woman. You can do this, in time of course, but you will get there.

I’m not saying you have to do any of this. And I’m sorry this is such a long post. I just kind of know what it’s like, I know that exasperation, and I think you’ve given yourself enough rows now, so please be nicer to yourself.
 
Thank you so so much ❤.

I felt I overshared on here and food and drink and following other triggering threads on here hasn’t helped so I stayed away.

itS all too much at the moment. My cluster headaches are horrible and I just want to go back to 4 years ago and the giant button stage but everything about me now is ugh.

Apologies for not writing more sense.
 
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