Dating after lockdown #37 - One thing men are consistent with is the AUDACITY.

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I’m literally done. Fin. I’m rocking the spinster life. There is nothing left for me. I can’t do this anymore. There is no more I can do. 42 and on the shelf. I’m literally done and breaking at this point. I’ll live out my days alone.

I think it’s fair to say men are arseholes, only want to get their dick wet and do not care about anything apart from themselves.

I’ve gotten over three year relationships quicker than this. Even being walked out on when I got pregnant I dealt with better than this.

I’m annoyed at myself for allowing him in - a big thing for me - I’ve been single for 12 years - he was there for years as a friend. He was there for me, he held me when times were hard, I caught feelings but dismissed them because who’d be interested in me? Then one cold winter day he holds me and we kissed and I stupidly thought I like this one, caught feelings, sex was amazing, he was lovely to me and then something shifted and that was that... we truly connected and I cannot explain the connection at all. But now there is silence. No texts or calls. Nothing. Just ghosted. Discarded. No longer needed. It hurts so bad.

It’s an awful feeling to know you are not special. To know nobody thinks you are special enough to spend the rest of your days with. To know you are worthless. It all hurts and is very raw at the moment. I’ve posted on this thread before. Just wanted to wish you all well. Be careful it’s an absolute minefield out there.
 
Getting sick of being told to be happy in myself and be ok being alone with my own company. Im fine! It'd just be nice to at least talk to someone though. So, if I do go out with someone am I not allowed to say they make me happy? It seems like this is a bad thing to say now. Im not expecting someone to be my life, but who is actually fine completely alone? Really. I mean no one to talk to for the foreseeable future, because im more important, seems so sad to me. I have a life but I'd like a companion at least..🙄
 
Good Egg said:
I’m literally done. Fin. I’m rocking the spinster life. There is nothing left for me. I can’t do this anymore. There is no more I can do. 42 and on the shelf. I’m literally done and breaking at this point. I’ll live out my days alone.

I think it’s fair to say men are arseholes, only want to get their dick wet and do not care about anything apart from themselves.

I’ve gotten over three year relationships quicker than this. Even being walked out on when I got pregnant I dealt with better than this.

I’m annoyed at myself for allowing him in - a big thing for me - I’ve been single for 12 years - he was there for years as a friend. He was there for me, he held me when times were hard, I caught feelings but dismissed them because who’d be interested in me? Then one cold winter day he holds me and we kissed and I stupidly thought I like this one, caught feelings, sex was amazing, he was lovely to me and then something shifted and that was that... we truly connected and I cannot explain the connection at all. But now there is silence. No texts or calls. Nothing. Just ghosted. Discarded. No longer needed. It hurts so bad.

It’s an awful feeling to know you are not special. To know nobody thinks you are special enough to spend the rest of your days with. To know you are worthless. It all hurts and is very raw at the moment. I’ve posted on this thread before. Just wanted to wish you all well. Be careful it’s an absolute minefield out there.
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I really hope you’re OK ❤️ Talk, vent, whatever on here. X
 
I feel like I'm just adding to the chorus of men are tit at this point. After 2 days of no reply I'm pretty sure I've been ghosted after seeing someone for just over a month and about 9 dates. Luckily we hadn't slept together but I am still annoyed about him not just being upfront. We last saw each other Thursday and I was a little bit off so I think he might've got the ick. He messaged as normal that night and the next day, I explained I was finding it hard that we'd only been seeing each other for short periods of time as I take a while to warm up (neither of our faults, just circumstances). He was saying he could swap a day with his son as his ex has been doing that a lot lately, and I had said only if it wasn't too much trouble but that would be nice and I could also swap at some point. His last message was him confirming he'd done it so we could have a day together next weekend, I responded with a pretty straightforward message, nothing too much as I was out and about. It included asking how his weekend was going (he was away since Friday), he read it shortly after and I haven't heard from him since. Prior to this he would message several times a day, including good morning messages etc, so it's clear he'd done.

I'm tempted to message him later tonight and just say I take it something's changed on his end and that's fine, it would be great if he could let me know and I think we're past the ghosting stage. But I won't, I'll just leave it, because I know I won't get closure anyway. He did genuinely seem like a nice person, potentially a little bit emotionally closed off which we'd talked about as I'm a bit guarded, but not someone I thought would just ghost. I'm feeling pretty down, it's not this guy in particular (although I thought we had potential), just that men in general are so difficult and I don't want to keep going through these experiences as it impacts my self-esteem. I was starting to think it could go somewhere and to just not hear from him is hard.
 
Peakyblinders said:
I am sick to death of seeing women wondering where they stand with men because they haven’t got the decency to be upfront and honest, and, let’s be honest, grow a pair of balls. It’s happened to me more times than I could even count and it just makes me so sad.
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This is what really messes with my head, the mixed messages. I know this was a general response but mine was literally saying one minute he's re-arranged his custody schedule to see me, and then the next ghosts me. I can deal with rejection, yes I would've been a bit sad that he didn't feel the same way, but it's much easier to deal with than not hearing anything. I'm even doing the whole did something happen to him/his phone because it's hard to imagine he's just another dick, even though I know that's the only rational answer. We literally just had a text conversation last weekend about how I'm a bit guarded - he said he'd assumed it was because I've been hurt and he's been hurt too and it really sucks, and is guarded too. Now he's adding to that!
 
timtams said:
This is what really messes with my head, the mixed messages. I know this was a general response but mine was literally saying one minute he's re-arranged his custody schedule to see me, and then the next ghosts me. I can deal with rejection, yes I would've been a bit sad that he didn't feel the same way, but it's much easier to deal with than not hearing anything. I'm even doing the whole did something happen to him/his phone because it's hard to imagine he's just another dick, even though I know that's the only rational answer. We literally just had a text conversation last weekend about how I'm a bit guarded - he said he'd assumed it was because I've been hurt and he's been hurt too and it really sucks, and is guarded too. Now he's adding to that!
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It honestly makes me feel like a lunatic sometimes. I have two master degrees but used to do the craziest mental gymnastics because a guy was acting like an absolute hole. Clown behaviour really.🤡 I learned the hard way that you simply can't words. I have a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson printed in my work diary as a reminder: What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say . In other words: I have stopped believing the fairy tales guys will try to spin, and only start trusting them once their behaviour has proven that they keep their promises.
 
I do believe there's someone out there for everyone 🫶🏻 I've had one awful relationship after the next, along with dating the wrong people who I'm so so glad it didn't work out with in hindsight! I've had 4 amazing months with my bf, the best I've ever had with anyone! He has met my Daughter and she adores him, he makes such an effort to play with her and she's really loves him being around. We have just booked to go to abroad in August (child free eeek!) 😁 After 3 years of dating I hope this gives someone hope they'll meet someone who is right for them x
 
timtams said:
This is what really messes with my head, the mixed messages. I know this was a general response but mine was literally saying one minute he's re-arranged his custody schedule to see me, and then the next ghosts me. I can deal with rejection, yes I would've been a bit sad that he didn't feel the same way, but it's much easier to deal with than not hearing anything. I'm even doing the whole did something happen to him/his phone because it's hard to imagine he's just another dick, even though I know that's the only rational answer. We literally just had a text conversation last weekend about how I'm a bit guarded - he said he'd assumed it was because I've been hurt and he's been hurt too and it really sucks, and is guarded too. Now he's adding to that!
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Babe I’ve had men arrange and BOOK weekends away with me and then ghost me the next day! I’ve had men tell me they love me then ghost me 12 hours later. Nothing surprises me honestly but what I would say is don’t wrack your brains wondering what you did wrong because it will drive you mental and you did NOTHING WRONG! Men do this all the time believe me they can ghost you any minute of any day. At any stage of your relationship and that’s the scary truth.
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al255 said:
I do believe there's someone out there for everyone 🫶🏻 I've had one awful relationship after the next, along with dating the wrong people who I'm so so glad it didn't work out with in hindsight! I've had 4 amazing months with my bf, the best I've ever had with anyone! He has met my Daughter and she adores him, he makes such an effort to play with her and she's really loves him being around. We have just booked to go to abroad in August (child free eeek!) 😁 After 3 years of dating I hope this gives someone hope they'll meet someone who is right for them x
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Lovely! Happy for you! Where did you meet? X
 
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Honestly, make the choice to realise that none of it is a reflection of you and none of it is your responsibility. People do tit, let them do it, take a deep breath and move on with grace.

accountability is important. Don’t be accountable for stuff you weren’t an active participant in eg cheating, ghosting, nastiness.

I’ve felt so free since I’ve done this. If people leave, it only says something about them and that they didn’t choose you. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
 
Peakyblinders said:
Babe I’ve had men arrange and BOOK weekends away with me and then ghost me the next day! I’ve had men tell me they love me then ghost me 12 hours later. Nothing surprises me honestly but what I would say is don’t wrack your brains wondering what you did wrong because it will drive you mental and you did NOTHING WRONG! Men do this all the time believe me they can ghost you any minute of any day. At any stage of your relationship and that’s the scary truth.
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Lovely! Happy for you! Where did you meet? X
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Thank you x

We met on Facebook dating.. i'd seen him on apps before but for some reason I never swiped right, he was the first person to pop up that night on the app and the rest was history! It was probably a good thing I didn't swipe right when I'd seen him previously as he was newly single (when we got together it was well over a year)! And he said he defo wouldn't have been in the right frame of mind to date but just had the apps!
 
Sandor said:
Honestly, make the choice to realise that none of it is a reflection of you and none of it is your responsibility. People do tit, let them do it, take a deep breath and move on with grace.

accountability is important. Don’t be accountable for stuff you weren’t an active participant in eg cheating, ghosting, nastiness.

I’ve felt so free since I’ve done this. If people leave, it only says something about them and that they didn’t choose you. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
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I do agree with this but unfortunately the whole societal set up seems to blame us as women. Your man has an affair - you weren't giving him enough sex, or the right sex, or looking attractive or making enough effort. It's your fault.
You go on dates and the guy loses interest? You're giving him sex too quickly, or not quickly enough. Or you're a bit boring, or too talkative, or your hair or appearance are wrong. Again you're at fault.

Everything always seems geared to finding fault with women, to holding us to account in a way that NEVER happens with men. It's basically an extension of the whole 'she was asking for it dressed like that' trope. It makes me sad.

I wish we could get to a point where women weren't always blamed for men being tit, where having a man or being married isn't made out to be an amazing accomplishment, and where being a single woman (especially over a certain age) isn't perceived as the worst thing in the world.
 
Lalla said:
I do agree with this but unfortunately the whole societal set up seems to blame us as women. Your man has an affair - you weren't giving him enough sex, or the right sex, or looking attractive or making enough effort. It's your fault.
You go on dates and the guy loses interest? You're giving him sex too quickly, or not quickly enough. Or you're a bit boring, or too talkative, or your hair or appearance are wrong. Again you're at fault.

Everything always seems geared to finding fault with women, to holding us to account in a way that NEVER happens with men. It's basically an extension of the whole 'she was asking for it dressed like that' trope. It makes me sad.

I wish we could get to a point where women weren't always blamed for men being tit, where having a man or being married isn't made out to be an amazing accomplishment, and where being a single woman (especially over a certain age) isn't perceived as the worst thing in the world.
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And even when it's acknowledged that the man is the wrongdoer, it's "choose better men". So now we're supposed to be mind readers, fortune tellers and MI5 wrapped into one.
 
I'm definitely an over thinker and am anxious generally and it's really hard not to think about what I've done wrong to be ghosted. I understand on a rational sense it says more about him than me, but I do feel really crappy about it and it's impacting my sleep etc. I honestly feel like it would've been so much easier to deal with a flat out rejection but the confusion has made me so anxious. Anyway I'm just trying to tell myself that as time passes I'll feel better, and that there is no point reaching out to him because he'll likely just not respond and then I'll feel even worse. This is why I don't put myself out there (but then also think why does everyone else have a partner and what's so wrong with me).
 
I was single 4 years, i was bit of a serial dater trying to find the one but when i went on a dating banned I met my partner through work and even though we've had our moments we are stronger then ever and we've been together close to 7 months end if this month and been looking at houses together. We've also been on a few little breaks away without the kids but booked our first family holiday for next year.

All I can say is don't give up or try to hard as that was my mistake, once I took a relax approached my friendship with my colleague blossom and we met and fell in love organically
 
timtams said:
I'm definitely an over thinker and am anxious generally and it's really hard not to think about what I've done wrong to be ghosted. I understand on a rational sense it says more about him than me, but I do feel really crappy about it and it's impacting my sleep etc. I honestly feel like it would've been so much easier to deal with a flat out rejection but the confusion has made me so anxious. Anyway I'm just trying to tell myself that as time passes I'll feel better, and that there is no point reaching out to him because he'll likely just not respond and then I'll feel even worse. This is why I don't put myself out there (but then also think why does everyone else have a partner and what's so wrong with me).
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I got ghosted too. I just think it's really immature of the bloke to not even say, it was nice to meet you but I don't think there's anything here. Or something. This was by a 40 yr old who was really interested then just went completely silent. Was really annoying though coz it seemed liked he really liked me. Im the sort of person that appreciates a reply on the same day, not days or a week later I just think it's rude. Maybe I was too much I don't know. I'd never dated before in my life so I didn't know the rules, I just thought well why hang around and go slow if I know wat I like? Life's too short etc. loads of things played on my mind. It's put me off dating though. I don't understand it when they just decide to leave with no explanation. I think this new generation believes the woman's asking too much if it's a reply back. In the end i just said why do you take ages reply? This was to most of the texts, just nothing back but seen. He replied: im busy you dope! 😒
My sister said I was too much and she'd love it if someone never bothered texting her. Well... what's the point in talking to someone then?
 
Beaversabout said:
I got ghosted too. I just think it's really immature of the bloke to not even say, it was nice to meet you but I don't think there's anything here. Or something. This was by a 40 yr old who was really interested then just went completely silent. Was really annoying though coz it seemed liked he really liked me. Im the sort of person that appreciates a reply on the same day, not days or a week later I just think it's rude. Maybe I was too much I don't know. I'd never dated before in my life so I didn't know the rules, I just thought well why hang around and go slow if I know wat I like? Life's too short etc. loads of things played on my mind. It's put me off dating though. I don't understand it when they just decide to leave with no explanation. I think this new generation believes the woman's asking too much if it's a reply back. In the end i just said why do you take ages reply? This was to most of the texts, just nothing back but seen. He replied: im busy you dope! 😒
My sister said I was too much and she'd love it if someone never bothered texting her. Well... what's the point in talking to someone then?
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Too much for expecting a reply the same day?!?!?!
Stop the world i wanna get off 😩
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Well since mr tinder has moved I've got a promotion and his rugby team are champions after decades, I've told him not to hurry back 😅

I've decided to give myself some goals for when he gets back. I'm going to try and make a friend and also learn how to decorate cakes.
Its got nothing to do with my yearly urge to use my kitchenaid and spend my salary in hobbycraft
 
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