Cancer Influencers #3

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jackolantern said:
I honestly think Deborah would have been disgusted with Lauren if she could see how she’s behaved. Whatever you thought of Deborah, her absolute main goal was to shelter her kids from as much of the trauma around her cancer as possible. Lauren making a song and dance around her death and funeral is so insensitive to Deborah’s ACTUAL loved ones, including those poor kids, who are choosing to keep a dignified silence. It’s a circus and it’s sick.
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That’s the ‘gram for ya!
Lauren probably doesn’t even know what dignified means. Let’s see if she stops posting now that someone has called her out. I doubt it. She’s tone deaf.
 
stardust21 said:
I entirely agree. He didn’t say anything out of order. I’m sure she will get 50-odd people message her saying “he’s a bellend, ignore him, everyone grieves differently” but I think a silent majority would read that and think he’s got a point.

the vast majority of people would think it’s in bad taste to Instagram at a funeral, no matter how much the person being celebrated loved Instagram
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She is a bully and her behaviour is not because of grief and pain she loves and craves attention and it’s utterly sickening. No wonder people call her out she actually makes me feel sick 🤮
 
maytoseptember said:
They don’t need to fund end of life care because hospices exist and they are charity funded.

I have to say I didn’t know the GFM was still rolling. That is so morally questionable but sadly par for the course with cancer GFMs.



I suspect this is the explanation. Clearly Monique has the capacity to make decisions, but there must come a point where the doctors have to step in and say life prolonging treatment just cannot continue? She cannot continue to insist on being kept alive?

We’ve seen enough cases of hospitals having to go to court because parents refuse to accept that their child needs to come off life support… I’ve never seen an equivalent case of an adult refusing to accept palliative care, but it almost feels like Monique is heading that way.
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This is a very interesting concept, I wonder what would happen in that instance? Like you I’ve never known an adult insist on continued care at this point, if the hospital refused what would happen? Tbh it’s morbid but she wouldn’t have the ability to take them to court and would likely pass very quickly. I wonder if the only reason this hasn’t happened is because she’s already blasted them on socials and they know they are being watched and don’t want the flack?
 
jackolantern said:
This is a very interesting concept, I wonder what would happen in that instance? Like you I’ve never known an adult insist on continued care at this point, if the hospital refused what would happen? Tbh it’s morbid but she wouldn’t have the ability to take them to court and would likely pass very quickly. I wonder if the only reason this hasn’t happened is because she’s already blasted them on socials and they know they are being watched and don’t want the flack?
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I'd say you've hit the nail on the head. The grief they'd get if the family dared to post all active treatments have been withdrawn. Sad state of affairs
 
LittleMissRuby said:
I'd say you've hit the nail on the head. The grief they'd get if the family dared to post all active treatments have been withdrawn. Sad state of affairs
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I think you are right because the NHS really doesn’t allow bed blocking, if someone isn’t going to recover isn’t it essentially always a move to hospice without any choice really? They aren’t equipped for EOL care.
 
sarahlou1966 said:
The same with my step dad and long time friend both passed away from Pancreatic Ca and it took me a very long time to remember Danny as he was and not him in hospital, it was so awful and the same a week of him on the syringe driver unconscious and holding on. My American Dad fought for a year he was so strong but he went then suddenly. I hate cancer.
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I’m so sorry your step dad & friend had to go through it too, it really is a horrible disease to deal with. I know what you mean about the image left in your head. My dad was 6 years ago now & it’s still there. Although thankfully we mostly remember how he was. He was a proud man who hated fuss & he absolutely without doubt would not have wanted to linger & waste away the way he did. But cancer is a cruel mistress and does what it wants regardless most of the time 😔😔
 
LittleMissRuby said:
I'd say you've hit the nail on the head. The grief they'd get if the family dared to post all active treatments have been withdrawn. Sad state of affairs
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I hope that’s not true but it’s a definite possibility. I loathe how adversarial these situations become.

Parents / families determined to “win” the “battle against” the doctors, nurses, HCA et al
Increasingly inflammatory & aggressive rhetoric, at its worst, aired on social media.

Doctors go through 5-6 tough years at medical school plus a minimum of 2 years as junior (then senior) house officer in an acute trust. They do this because they want to save people, they don’t “give up” but there comes a time when further active treatment is futile & causes more harm than good.

Monique’s brother is a medical student, I dread to think how he’s finding all this.
 
MaryPoppinsHandbag said:
I’m so sorry your step dad & friend had to go through it too, it really is a horrible disease to deal with. I know what you mean about the image left in your head. My dad was 6 years ago now & it’s still there. Although thankfully we mostly remember how he was. He was a proud man who hated fuss & he absolutely without doubt would not have wanted to linger & waste away the way he did. But cancer is a cruel mistress and does what it wants regardless most of the time 😔😔
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I’m sorry you did too it’s a cruel disease and it certainly took along time to get rid of that image. It’s good to remember the before and I’m glad my children never saw their grandad like that. I feel guilty that I survived cancer I’m 5 years in remission but I’m certainly very grateful and take each day st a time. Hugs to you xxx
 
sarahlou1966 said:
I’m sorry you did too it’s a cruel disease and it certainly took along time to get rid of that image. It’s good to remember the before and I’m glad my children never saw their grandad like that. I feel guilty that I survived cancer I’m 5 years in remission but I’m certainly very grateful and take each day st a time. Hugs to you xxx
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❤️❤️ hugs to you too, never feel guilty to survive. You deserve every second of life as much as the ones we lose do. Be kind to yourself, they’d definitely be cheering you on for still being here xx
 
jackolantern said:
This is a very interesting concept, I wonder what would happen in that instance? Like you I’ve never known an adult insist on continued care at this point, if the hospital refused what would happen?
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To be honest, the comparison I was making wasn’t a very good one. These court cases involve children on life support that parents don’t want to switch off. Monique will eventually have the decision taken out of her hands because her poor body will give up, and I assume there is a DNR in place.
 
LittleMissRuby said:
I just went to watch her actual stories. Classy as ever, classy as ever 👏 If it were me, I'd really not have drawn attention to a message that depicts what the majority are thinking, but each to their own. Bet our Ray doesn't give a duck. Take a bow Ray, Deb's husband probably coming to give you a pat on the back
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Maybe Ray is Deb‘s husband. Whoever he is , he spoke for many of us.
 
Lauren’s scabby post has even managed to make the daily fail. Ugh. As if she needed any further encouragement. I feel this is the beginning of a long never ending road - so long as she keeps DDJ’s name going, this is a ticket to dine out for the rest of the year at a minimum. The barrel will be getting scraped lower and lower (if that’s even possible) re Monique, I hope whatever has happened, she has had some enjoyment out of that gofundme. Impossible to know really. It’s not a bank account situation - it could be at 80k still - it could be empty. GFM doesn’t show withdrawals ~ it only displays the total raised. Ive decided on reflection it’s up to anyone if they choose to donate. What happens then is out of anyone’s hands. You hope it’s used for the purpose states but you’ll never really know. That poor poor girl. She and everyone like her deserves so much better. But it could be anyone of us one day. And if we choose to ask and people choose to give so be it. I hope they all take the holiday and the freebies if that brings some happiness. If companies want their tat flogged online then let those guys rinse them for that. You don’t have to follow those that annoy you. Personally I like Lizzie England a lot. What a tit hand she’s been dealt and to exist with that pressure must be truly immense. I’m pleased so many people have given their views ~ it’s made me see things differently. So thx tattlers! But the grief thief that is Lauren will not get my feelings. She’s a pig.
 
Monique's GFM was set up far too late. If it had been a couple of years ago, there might have been some better options for potential treatments – as far as we know from her posts, the only additional treatment she may have had (or was at least discussing) was some vitamin d infusions. That might have given her a bit of an energy boost, but was never going to do anything for her cancer.

It seems likely that a good chunk of the GFM money has been spent on consultations with various doctors, but she obviously hasn't been well enough to pursue any other treatments (and there likely weren't any given that she's had immune therapy and extensive surgeries already). She doesn't even appear to have been well enough to use the money for travel or experiences, so it's hard to know what it's even for at this point.

I feel terrible for her and cannot even imagine what she must be going through, but it's all getting a bit bizarre with the cutesy dog IG page updates and the continued insistence that she just needs to get better so that she can get back on treatment. I was previously critical of her hospital team, but I now think they must be in an impossible position, especially with the threat of a massive social media backlash hanging over them.
 
They really are in an impossible situation, a terminally ill person in a bed since the start of the year, with a family that won’t take no for an answer. Probably unsure what to do with her other than giving her pain meds, TPN and the odd scan when she needs it, and a barking shitting dog on the wards!
it’s such an unusual situation that ah nhs patient on end of life would be allowed such a prolonged stay in hospital
 
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