Cancer Influencers #3

[jackolantern]

I just really don’t understand what she is waiting for, does she truly believe it when she says she’s going to get better? She can’t possibly? If she does it’s horrific that no one is intervening and helping her come to terms with it as best she can. She is suffering for no reason because it’s not even like she can get extra time to make memories, she’s in constant agony and it’s just getting worse.

 

[Ivegotatheory]

I’ve never followed Monique, I don’t follow any cancer influencers anymore. I just check how a few are doing, like I did with Debs. I used to follow Emily Hayward, she was a very special soul. And when she passed away I was so upset I vowed never to get invested again. I still follow her wife Aisha. I think at the very end Deborah made peace with it and the fact that she managed to see her kids go to high school and turn 40. Monique is 26…Imagine having to wrap your head around that as her family and friends. Throughout these threads you’ve been very supportive of her, and spoken about her in much more kind terms than others. I hope that doesn’t change now, she’s a lovely girl, it doesn’t really matter which account has been updated, you wanted to know how she was, and now you do.

 

[stardust21]

Not sure I would have shared that message in my stories tbh. He wasn't overly rude and I imagine even some of her own followers are starting to agree.

Probably shouldn't have tried to highlight it further Lozza.

Although I know she did it to try and show the downright ABUSE a super famous and impossibly stylish influencer like her gets from these disgusting men - probably short and bald - when she is just grieving Our Dame Debs and the Greatest (4 year...) Friendship Of All Time - by going on holidays and getting hammered and taking photos at her funeral.

At least, that's how her mind is working.

I entirely agree. He didn’t say anything out of order. I’m sure she will get 50-odd people message her saying “he’s a bellend, ignore him, everyone grieves differently” but I think a silent majority would read that and think he’s got a point.

the vast majority of people would think it’s in bad taste to Instagram at a funeral, no matter how much the person being celebrated loved Instagram

 

[nettleteareader]

I’ve never followed Monique, I don’t follow any cancer influencers anymore. I just check how a few are doing, like I did with Debs. I used to follow Emily Hayward, she was a very special soul. And when she passed away I was so upset I vowed never to get invested again. I still follow her wife Aisha. I think at the very end Deborah made peace with it and the fact that she managed to see her kids go to high school and turn 40. Monique is 26…Imagine having to wrap your head around that as her family and friends. Throughout these threads you’ve been very supportive of her, and spoken about her in much more kind terms than others. I hope that doesn’t change now, she’s a lovely girl, it doesn’t really matter which account has been updated, you wanted to know how she was, and now you do.

I agree, although I also agree that updating the dog's page seems weird. Many people will miss that update because they won't be aware of the dog's IG.
I also wish something could be done to make Monique more comfortable. She and her family have known since January that no more treatment is available to her. It seems unbearably cruel that she's still suffering so much and clinging on to, what seems to me, is an unrealistic hope of being better. Very strange, sad situation.

 

[gummy-bear]

I agree, although I also agree that updating the dog's page seems weird. Many people will miss that update because they won't be aware of the dog's IG.
I also wish something could be done to make Monique more comfortable. She and her family have known since January that no more treatment is available to her. It seems unbearably cruel that she's still suffering so much and clinging on to, what seems to me, is an unrealistic hope of being better. Very strange, sad situation.

It’s so sad isn’t it that a few months ago we were all saying how much BB was in denial in comparison to Monique. The tables clearly totally turned in that I do think BB did respectfully accept her fate. I actually think her last few weeks seemed wonderful albeit must have been incredibly painful for her and her family. But at least she got some lovely trips in, spent time with her kids and had a few lasting memories which I’m sure they’ll all remember fondly one day. It seems totally unrealistic to ever think of Monique having this. I honestly fear the worst for her and the journey she is going to have

 

[nettleteareader]

Lauren has been called out and it hasn’t gone down well

Go Ray, just saying what so many of us are thinking. And of course Lauren has responded is her usual predictable way! Can't bear any criticism even if it's the truth!

It’s so sad isn’t it that a few months ago we were all saying how much BB was in denial in comparison to Monique. The tables clearly totally turned in that I do think BB did respectfully accept her fate. I actually think her last few weeks seemed wonderful albeit must have been incredibly painful for her and her family. But at least she got some lovely trips in, spent time with her kids and had a few lasting memories which I’m sure they’ll all remember fondly one day. It seems totally unrealistic to ever think of Monique having this. I honestly fear the worst for her and the journey she is going to have

Exactly, BB looked terribly ill in those last few weeks and obviously was, but wow, didn't she have a fun time. Made some fabulous memories for herself and her family. Monique is far too ill to ever do this surely. I don't want to wish her away but certainly wouldn't want a member of my family to suffer like this in the hope of a miracle which realistically isn't going to happen.

 

[jackolantern]

I’ve never followed Monique, I don’t follow any cancer influencers anymore. I just check how a few are doing, like I did with Debs. I used to follow Emily Hayward, she was a very special soul. And when she passed away I was so upset I vowed never to get invested again. I still follow her wife Aisha. I think at the very end Deborah made peace with it and the fact that she managed to see her kids go to high school and turn 40. Monique is 26…Imagine having to wrap your head around that as her family and friends. Throughout these threads you’ve been very supportive of her, and spoken about her in much more kind terms than others. I hope that doesn’t change now, she’s a lovely girl, it doesn’t really matter which account has been updated, you wanted to know how she was, and now you do.

I don’t think anyone is being unkind. Realistically all our comments come from the basis that we think it’s barbaric to see her suffering so much for no hope of it getting better. It’s deeply sad to think she hasn’t got the right support in her life to help her process this so she can come to a point where she is more comfortable in the time she has left.

 

[DoctorFlocci]

Amongst the comments on Monique’s therapy dog’s latest Instagram post (not a sentence I ever anticipated writing) is this, from Monique’s Mum, Anne Buckingham, taking anthropomorphism to a new level.

I’m a veterinary surgeon (& a pet owner) & over the last 25+ years I’ve been able to observe & readily appreciate the relationship between pets and their owners. I’ve also witnessed situations when it’s gone too far (often to the detriment of animal welfare).

I can’t imagine losing a child though, but I don’t think Mrs Buckingham is in a good place.

 

[jackolantern]

Amongst the comments on Monique’s therapy dog’s latest Instagram post (not a sentence I ever anticipated writing) is this, from Monique’s Mum, Anne Buckingham, taking anthropomorphism to a new level.

I’m a veterinary surgeon (& a pet owner) & over the last 25+ years I’ve been able to observe & readily appreciate the relationship between pets and their owners. I’ve also witnessed situations when it’s gone too far (often to the detriment of animal welfare).

I can’t imagine losing a child though, but I don’t think Mrs Buckingham is in a good place.

It’s times like these that I really think people should step away from socials altogether tbh. They are going through the unimaginable, how you expect anyone to cope with that I don’t know, but it’s heartbreaking to watch it all play out and see them all in so much pain with no one seemingly helping them deal with it all. Such a strange world when social media has become a coping mechanism. I think it does far more harm than good.

 

[Freedomofspeech89]

Amongst the comments on Monique’s therapy dog’s latest Instagram post (not a sentence I ever anticipated writing) is this, from Monique’s Mum, Anne Buckingham, taking anthropomorphism to a new level.

I’m a veterinary surgeon (& a pet owner) & over the last 25+ years I’ve been able to observe & readily appreciate the relationship between pets and their owners. I’ve also witnessed situations when it’s gone too far (often to the detriment of animal welfare).

I can’t imagine losing a child though, but I don’t think Mrs Buckingham is in a good place.

It's truly a heartbreaking situation all round. We put our gorgeous bullmastiff boy to sleep a year ago. He had bone cancer and it was terminal. We kept him with us at home until he told me he'd had enough. Making that decision was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I lived with the guilt of letting him go for a long time. Ultimately though I knew it was kinder to let him go and release him from his pain. And I'm talking about a dog not a person, so I can't imagine how this must be for her family, especially her mother. They'll be clinging onto any miracle possible. It's just so incredibly sad and I can understand why they'd find it so unbelievably hard to let her go. Every fibre of their being will be telling them to keep her alive as long as possible, even though we can now see this is not in moniques best interest. It's such a cruel situation to be in.

 

[DoctorFlocci]

TW: talking about the terminal illness and death of a child.

I’ve gone to mention this a couple of times & hesitated, given the subject content but I truly believe there’s something in this that we can all learn from.

Back in Feb, I was listening to an episode of Desert Island Discs (I’m a big fan ) featuring Professor Sir David Spiegelhalter. He’s a mathematician, specialising in medical statistics. If his name is vaguely familiar, that’s because he’s often been interviewed re:covid.

His son Danny developed retinoblastoma (eye cancer) at the age of 11 months. He endured intensive treatment including radiotherapy, chemotherapy, a STEM cell transplant etc but by the age of 5 years, Danny was still very unwell & in Sir David’s words “We knew he’d had enough so we stopped treatment so we could take him home, be with him and he could die in our arms”.

Sir David went on to describe a period of acceptance and adjustment for Danny & the whole family and after he’d passed, over 100 people - & even most of his classmates - came to say “Goodbye” (Danny was dressed in his Virgil Tracy Thunderbirds suit).

The family found the Natural Death Handbook incredibly helpful. Sir David made his son’s coffin, by hand and another family team made a beautiful lining.

I learnt a lot from this heartbreaking story. Death is a part of life, it is - in many ways - natural to fear it but there is a way through (especially if you have a period of terminal illness prior to the death).

I’m afraid I have little time for the “Life At All Costs” movement, whether they are motivated by “religion” or any other reason. I’ve seen so much suffering, mostly in animals but also in humans. It need not be that way.

More info via the Desert Island Discs podcast (BBC Sounds app or your usual podcast provider): Professor Sir David Spiegelhalter episode. Conversation turns to Danny at approx 19 mins & 20 seconds in and lasts for 6 minutes. Also via this article from The Guardian:-

 

[LittleMissRuby]

TW: talking about the terminal illness and death of a child.

I’ve gone to mention this a couple of times & hesitated, given the subject content but I truly believe there’s something in this that we can all learn from.

Back in Feb, I was listening to an episode of Desert Island Discs (I’m a big fan ) featuring Professor Sir David Spiegelhalter. He’s a mathematician, specialising in medical statistics. If his name is vaguely familiar, that’s because he’s often been interviewed re:covid.

His son Danny developed retinoblastoma (eye cancer) at the age of 11 months. He endured intensive treatment including radiotherapy, chemotherapy, a STEM cell transplant etc but by the age of 5 years, Danny was still very unwell & in Sir David’s words “We knew he’d had enough so we stopped treatment so we could take him home, be with him and he could die in our arms”.

Sir David went on to describe a period of acceptance and adjustment for Danny & the whole family and after he’d passed, over 100 people - & even most of his classmates - came to say “Goodbye” (Danny was dressed in his Virgil Tracy Thunderbirds suit).

The family found the Natural Death Handbook incredibly helpful. Sir David made his son’s coffin, by hand and another family team made a beautiful lining.

I learnt a lot from this heartbreaking story. Death is a part of life, it is - in many ways - natural to fear it but there is a way through (especially if you have a period of terminal illness prior to the death).

I’m afraid I have little time for the “Life At All Costs” movement, whether they are motivated by “religion” or any other reason. I’ve seen so much suffering, mostly in animals but also in humans. It need not be that way.

More info via the Desert Island Discs podcast (BBC Sounds app or your usual podcast provider): Professor Sir David Spiegelhalter episode. Conversation turns to Danny at approx 19 mins & 20 seconds in and lasts for 6 minutes. Also via this article from The Guardian:-

Thank you for thus. I'm going to listen. If anyone is interested, there is also a book I read by a Dr (neurosurgeon) who had cancer. "When breath becomes air". He also keenly studied neuroscience and his focus was largely on quality of life over quantity. Its helped me to be more accepting of my Mums death

 

[MaryPoppinsHandbag]

I’ve never followed Monique, I don’t follow any cancer influencers anymore. I just check how a few are doing, like I did with Debs. I used to follow Emily Hayward, she was a very special soul. And when she passed away I was so upset I vowed never to get invested again. I still follow her wife Aisha. I think at the very end Deborah made peace with it and the fact that she managed to see her kids go to high school and turn 40. Monique is 26…Imagine having to wrap your head around that as her family and friends. Throughout these threads you’ve been very supportive of her, and spoken about her in much more kind terms than others. I hope that doesn’t change now, she’s a lovely girl, it doesn’t really matter which account has been updated, you wanted to know how she was, and now you do.

I followed Emily too, and still follow Aisha. I was genuinely upset when she passed, such an amazing girl & vastly different to some of the current crop of cancer influencers. No flogging any old tat with a swipe up or aff link. Just an honest account of life with cancer & her beautiful soul shining through.

 

[sarahlou1966]

I'm shocked by Monique's update on her therapy dogs page, it's so weird. Someone (her bf, her parents) tried to be cute and funny with "everypawdy" and "hoomans", but at the same time it was an update about a dying person who is basically in agony. This whole post turned out really wrong, she's in such a serious condition, I don't get why she's not in hospice and I'm the one who gave a lot of you angry emojis when you wrote that Deborah's life will end soon. Really, enough is enough, sometimes there's truly no hope and poor Monique doesn't even have a chance to make beautiful memories or check off some stuff from her bucket list. I really don't understand her parents.

Hmmm I got a lot of angry people that commented when I wrote what I did on the old

I entirely agree. He didn’t say anything out of order. I’m sure she will get 50-odd people message her saying “he’s a bellend, ignore him, everyone grieves differently” but I think a silent majority would read that and think he’s got a point.

the vast majority of people would think it’s in bad taste to Instagram at a funeral, no matter how much the person being celebrated loved Instagram

I agree with Ray and like me said it too her without disguise unfortunately for me it’s still on her grid and yes I got hammered for it mainly because of my comments about BB about her pink hair and how is she still here considering she was given a week at most a bit like Monique I’m amazed she is still here because she is clearly critically ill and on eolc I wish she would pass peacefully and without the agony she is going through definitely wouldn’t put her beloved dog through that pain. Her family will only remember the last 7 months which is so sad.
I still stand by what I say to LM every word of it vile creature.

 

[MaryPoppinsHandbag]

TW: talking about the terminal illness and death of a child.

I’ve gone to mention this a couple of times & hesitated, given the subject content but I truly believe there’s something in this that we can all learn from.

Back in Feb, I was listening to an episode of Desert Island Discs (I’m a big fan ) featuring Professor Sir David Spiegelhalter. He’s a mathematician, specialising in medical statistics. If his name is vaguely familiar, that’s because he’s often been interviewed re:covid.

His son Danny developed retinoblastoma (eye cancer) at the age of 11 months. He endured intensive treatment including radiotherapy, chemotherapy, a STEM cell transplant etc but by the age of 5 years, Danny was still very unwell & in Sir David’s words “We knew he’d had enough so we stopped treatment so we could take him home, be with him and he could die in our arms”.

Sir David went on to describe a period of acceptance and adjustment for Danny & the whole family and after he’d passed, over 100 people - & even most of his classmates - came to say “Goodbye” (Danny was dressed in his Virgil Tracy Thunderbirds suit).

The family found the Natural Death Handbook incredibly helpful. Sir David made his son’s coffin, by hand and another family team made a beautiful lining.

I learnt a lot from this heartbreaking story. Death is a part of life, it is - in many ways - natural to fear it but there is a way through (especially if you have a period of terminal illness prior to the death).

I’m afraid I have little time for the “Life At All Costs” movement, whether they are motivated by “religion” or any other reason. I’ve seen so much suffering, mostly in animals but also in humans. It need not be that way.

More info via the Desert Island Discs podcast (BBC Sounds app or your usual podcast provider): Professor Sir David Spiegelhalter episode. Conversation turns to Danny at approx 19 mins & 20 seconds in and lasts for 6 minutes. Also via this article from The Guardian:-

I completely agree, life at all costs isn’t necessarily the right way. Everyone is different. My Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, very little they could do for him, he didn’t tolerate chemo at all so about 2 months after diagnosis he was pretty much sent home to die. It was brutal. He said he hoped his heart would give up, that didn’t happen & on his last lucid day begged me to tell him it would be over soon. It wasn’t. He went another week on a morphine driver with no food or water & to be honest I wouldn’t treat my pet like it. If I could have helped him on his way sooner I would have done it as it was cruel, undignified for him & horrendous to watch him waste away unconscious. There comes a point when you really have to accept that it’s time and that it’s ok.

 

[sarahlou1966]

I completely agree, life at all costs isn’t necessarily the right way. Everyone is different. My Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, very little they could do for him, he didn’t tolerate chemo at all so about 2 months after diagnosis he was pretty much sent home to die. It was brutal. He said he hoped his heart would give up, that didn’t happen & on his last lucid day begged me to tell him it would be over soon. It wasn’t. He went another week on a morphine driver with no food or water & to be honest I wouldn’t treat my pet like it. If I could have helped him on his way sooner I would have done it as it was cruel, undignified for him & horrendous to watch him waste away unconscious. There comes a point when you really have to accept that it’s time and that it’s ok.

The same with my step dad and long time friend both passed away from Pancreatic Ca and it took me a very long time to remember Danny as he was and not him in hospital, it was so awful and the same a week of him on the syringe driver unconscious and holding on. My American Dad fought for a year he was so strong but he went then suddenly. I hate cancer.

 

[jackolantern]

My Dad lived two years with his cancer before he passed and he was miserable for 99% of it. My grandma lasted two years also but only about 25% was really terrible. Both of them chose to stop treatment well before they were at the point of Monique and even then, they both had horrific last few weeks, even in hospice. It is the most harrowing thing to see someone go through and I suppose this is probably guiding my opinion that I can’t understand how her parents can bare to stand back and watch it all, knowing it is only going to get worse . Life at all costs isn’t living, it’s being technically alive. Both my Dad and Grandma would have chosen to end things if they had that option (IMO they should but that’s a different conversation). I truly do wonder if Monique is still hoping for a miracle and that is what is driving her? It’s all just harrowing beyond words. I just feel so awful for her.

 

[AladdinSane]

My granddad died of a heart attack related to his cancer (medication caused breathing and heart problems, had one heart attack, taken to hospital, taken off of medication, cancer spread to his liver and then a massive heart attack after being in hospital for 3 weeks).
He was miserable for 3 weeks. And we were so lucky it was only 3 weeks. I truly believe he chose to die the day he did. Just from things he did. It's horrendous seeing people suffering - he was in pain and died in pain. I honestly think he was here 3 weeks too long and if he had it his way, he would have chosen to die after the first heart attack. I can't even comprehend how Monique is feeling and how much energy it is taking her to carry on.

On a side note, these grief tourists hanging on around Deborah and using her is just disgraceful. Her family have kept a dignified silence since she passed and it is clear that is what they wanted. It grates on me so much that these instagrammers were sharing funeral dates and talking about it. It isn't for Deborah and it isn't for her family. It's literally so people can see on Instagram that they "care."
There's no need to constantly go on about it or post about it.

 

[jackolantern]

My granddad died of a heart attack related to his cancer (medication caused breathing and heart problems, had one heart attack, taken to hospital, taken off of medication, cancer spread to his liver and then a massive heart attack after being in hospital for 3 weeks).
He was miserable for 3 weeks. And we were so lucky it was only 3 weeks. I truly believe he chose to die the day he did. Just from things he did. It's horrendous seeing people suffering - he was in pain and died in pain. I honestly think he was here 3 weeks too long and if he had it his way, he would have chosen to die after the first heart attack. I can't even comprehend how Monique is feeling and how much energy it is taking her to carry on.

On a side note, these grief tourists hanging on around Deborah and using her is just disgraceful. Her family have kept a dignified silence since she passed and it is clear that is what they wanted. It grates on me so much that these instagrammers were sharing funeral dates and talking about it. It isn't for Deborah and it isn't for her family. It's literally so people can see on Instagram that they "care."
There's no need to constantly go on about it or post about it.

I honestly think Deborah would have been disgusted with Lauren if she could see how she’s behaved. Whatever you thought of Deborah, her absolute main goal was to shelter her kids from as much of the trauma around her cancer as possible. Lauren making a song and dance around her death and funeral is so insensitive to Deborah’s ACTUAL loved ones, including those poor kids, who are choosing to keep a dignified silence. It’s a circus and it’s sick.

 

[maytoseptember]

I wonder why they aren’t using the money to fund comfortable end of life care for her? Who else has access to the funds? If she was a member of my family, I’d try and arrange hospice at home care. 80k would go a long way to funding that.

They don’t need to fund end of life care because hospices exist and they are charity funded.

I have to say I didn’t know the GFM was still rolling. That is so morally questionable but sadly par for the course with cancer GFMs.

Perhaps this is Moniques choice, she’s an adult and can make these decisions she doesn’t need her parents to do it. That’s the only reason I can think of why she would continue this path when she’s so poorly.

I suspect this is the explanation. Clearly Monique has the capacity to make decisions, but there must come a point where the doctors have to step in and say life prolonging treatment just cannot continue? She cannot continue to insist on being kept alive?

We’ve seen enough cases of hospitals having to go to court because parents refuse to accept that their child needs to come off life support… I’ve never seen an equivalent case of an adult refusing to accept palliative care, but it almost feels like Monique is heading that way.