Baby Reindeer Netflix #2

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I think people are more interested because ultimately stalking, harassment etc is usually done by men to women. People don’t seem angrier about her, it looks like people are making more excuses because she’s female and saying she’s mentally ill, vulnerable etc - but when a man does similar and cries mental illness people aren’t sorry for him (nor should they be IMO) it’s just interesting because it’s unfamiliar and unusual for a woman to be the perpetrator of this kind of behaviour. Similarly people seem less sympathetic to Gadd than they would be if he was a woman, because people find him less likeable. Even unpleasant people are stalked, harassed, and raped. With some of the comments I’ve seen online I’m not surprised he didn’t report anything
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NitrousOxide said:
I can't see the videos on her Facebook, just loads of photos and frequent posts. Any idea why?
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I can’t either, I’m guessing the account with videos is not the account most people are referring to (there’s a few fake ones)
 
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judgejohndeed said:
I think people are more interested because ultimately stalking, harassment etc is usually done by men to women. People don’t seem angrier about her, it looks like people are making more excuses because she’s female and saying she’s mentally ill, vulnerable etc - but when a man does similar and cries mental illness people aren’t sorry for him (nor should they be IMO) it’s just interesting because it’s unfamiliar and unusual for a woman to be the perpetrator of this kind of behaviour. Similarly people seem less sympathetic to Gadd than they would be if he was a woman, because people find him less likeable. Even unpleasant people are stalked, harassed, and raped. With some of the comments I’ve seen online I’m not surprised he didn’t report anything
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I can’t either, I’m guessing the account with videos is not the account most people are referring to (there’s a few fake ones)
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Click photos at top of her page the videos come up there in album
 
People would be even less sympathetic if the show was about a woman getting stalked and the lead actress was playing a fictionalized version of herself. Same thing that’s happening to Gadd now would happen to an actress in his case, probably worse: focus on alleged inaccuracies, accusations of questionable behavior, victim blaming, sympathies for the perpetrator because they’re a victim too - it all would have played out the exact same. Except men all over the internet would be leaving angry comments too. I don’t think they care that much in Gadd‘s case. If this was a woman‘s story she’d be scrutinized by both men and women. That’s the only difference.
 
This may sound victim blamey which isn’t my intention, so apologies in advance. Why didn’t Gadd simply change his mobile number / email address? I know there’s a view of ‘why should he have to?’ which I understand, but it would have been a simple fix. He didn’t mention once in the series attempting this.

Also it really annoys me seeing the argument that “if Martha was a man, nobody would be giving her sympathy and excusing her behaviour by mentioning her mental health issues”. If the genders were reversed and Martha was a man, it’s much more likely that the victim would be dead. THAT’S the difference. Male stalkers often physically attack, rape and murder their female victims. Women stalkers don’t.
 
femmegirly said:
Also it really annoys me seeing the argument that “if Martha was a man, nobody would be giving her sympathy and excusing her behaviour by mentioning her mental health issues”. If the genders were reversed and Martha was a man, it’s much more likely that the victim would be dead. THAT’S the difference. Male stalkers often physically attack, rape and murder their female victims. Women stalkers don’t.
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It’s not either or though? Yes a woman would be more likely to be killed by a stalker. Equally would you be asking why a woman didn’t ‘just change her mobile number and email address’ because if not then you’re rather proving my point. A totally redundant argument anyway as she was showing up at his work everyday, do really think getting a new phone would’ve stopped her? Or would you suggest he ought to have stopped working there too as a ‘simple fix’ 🙄
 
judgejohndeed said:
It’s not either or though? Yes a woman would be more likely to be killed by a stalker. Equally would you be asking why a woman didn’t ‘just change her mobile number and email address’ because if not then you’re rather proving my point. A totally redundant argument anyway as she was showing up at his work everyday, do really think getting a new phone would’ve stopped her?
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Many people in this thread are making it an ‘either or’ situation. I’m replying to them.

Of course I would! I’m a woman and I changed my number when I split up with my ex who kept phoning me at 3am looking for sex. He wasn’t stalking me, he was just drunk and irritating, but of course I’d question that if the genders were reversed.

lol no need to put words in my mouth. But you’d think he would have at least tried it.
 
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femmegirly said:
Many people in this thread are making it an ‘either or’ situation. I’m replying to them.

Of course I would! I’m a woman and I changed my number when I split up with my ex who kept phoning me at 3am looking for sex. He wasn’t stalking me, he was just drunk and irritating, but of course I’d question that if the genders were reversed.
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I don’t think many, if any, are? There is a huge amount of victim blaming going on.

That’s not really a similar situation in the slightest but you being happy to change your number doesn’t mean everyone is. I’ve had my phone number since I was about 13, when my ex started stalking me I wasn’t going to be bullied into changing it by him. I don’t think that means I could’ve stopped him, he would’ve contacted me other ways anyway, as he was already doing. If anything it made me feel safer knowing it was ‘contained’ to the same routes that I could try to ignore, until it ramped up, at least. I did get the police involved however but it seems they didn’t help Gadd and I don’t really know why as sending thousands of emails alone is harassment
 
femmegirly said:
Many people in this thread are making it an ‘either or’ situation. I’m replying to them.

Of course I would! I’m a woman and I changed my number when I split up with my ex who kept phoning me at 3am looking for sex. He wasn’t stalking me, he was just drunk and irritating, but of course I’d question that if the genders were reversed.

lol no need to put words in my mouth. But you’d think he would have at least tried it.
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If in the Netflix show he had changed his number and that had been the end of it, the show wouldn’t have been every interesting, no? Just like they added the trial and prison sentence. Works better for storytelling and audience satisfaction.
It’s possible he tried that in real life, who knows. But often stalkers will find alternative ways of tormenting their victims. Change of number does not always equal end of stalking, sadly.
 
londongirl2001 said:
If in the Netflix show he had changed his number and that had been the end of it, the show wouldn’t have been every interesting, no? Just like they added the trial and prison sentence. Works better for storytelling and audience satisfaction.
It’s possible he tried that in real life, who knows. But often stalkers will find alternative ways of tormenting their victims. Change of number does not always equal end of stalking, sadly.
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The police told me not to change mine. When stalkers perceive that their channel of communication is closed they get desperate and start to ramp up the behaviour/act more drastically to get their attention fix. The type of people who do this are not the kind who just shut up and go away because you block them. Hence Fiona still wittering on about Laura all these years later when she seemed to work with her for just a matter of weeks
 
I’ve seen quite a few comments here, one is just further up from my og comment.

We’ve probably all had bad experiences with men in various levels of seriousness and we will have opinions because of that. It just seemed logical to me that the first thing he would try, earlier on, would be to change his number in an attempt to nip it in the bud, once he started receiving the onslaught of communication. A lot of people would give up and get the message (like my ex). Obviously Martha wasn’t one of those people, but it does seem odd to me that it wasn’t even attempted and it wasn’t mentioned.

One of the first things I was told to do by SS and the police when I left my ex (different one to the 3am texter) was to block his number, and then change my number and cease comms with him. I didn’t end up doing it as I never had any hassle from him, but he had previous for dv hence the recommendation. The police and SS will literally advise you to do that to end comms. It happened with me. The official guidance online says not to answer calls from your stalker and blocking the number is advised. He will definitely have been told to not reply to texts or answer calls and to block her.

My point is that he didn’t know ‘what sort of person she was’ and if changing his number would have stopped her or not.
 
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Lalla said:
I completely agree that she's an easy target. Unless he's very stupid, RG knew that she could be identified from her previous tweets, that there was a clear trail. He also knew (albeit at the risk of her starting to stalk him again) he could write a story saying she did pretty much anything and people would believe it. If someone wrote a story like that about me, not only could I coherently deny it, I've got lots of friends, family, work colleagues who could back me up. The real Martha doesn't have any of that. We don't know how much of it happened, how much is exaggerated for dramatic effect, or how much RG encouraged her or played up to it, for the attention or with a view to making a show from it all. Who knows 🤷‍♀️

It is odd how much people are focused on Martha compared to Darrien even though what he did was far worse. I do wonder if this had been a show written by/ starring a woman based on her own experiences of being stalked by one man and raped by another whether there would be anywhere near this level of public interest.
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I knew a guy like that. Completely delusional who made out the female he was dating was delusional so no one believed her. Of course, putting his story out first made everyone take his side and not believe a word she said. Yes, the real-life Martha has issues, but I wonder how much truth RG is giving, whether he really didn't have some closer form of relationship with her, and feel there is a wider story to tell.
I also feel he is getting some huge gratification about how people are hunting her down (and trying to identify the man) and he knew 100% that she would be found once Netflix broadcast.

I feel quite sorry for her. She clearly has issues, is in need of professional help, and is very much alone with her own thoughts and limited support or money. I'm worried about the eventual outcome for her because I feel this story is far from over. She might be a stalker but also she is being abused as much as she may have abused others, and whilst some might say 'just desserts', it doesn't feel right that this should be happening to someone so vulnerable.
 
margaretta said:
I knew a guy like that. Completely delusional who made out the female he was dating was delusional so no one believed her. Of course, putting his story out first made everyone take his side and not believe a word she said. Yes, the real-life Martha has issues, but I wonder how much truth RG is giving, whether he really didn't have some closer form of relationship with her, and feel there is a wider story to tell.
I also feel he is getting some huge gratification about how people are hunting her down (and trying to identify the man) and he knew 100% that she would be found once Netflix broadcast.

I feel quite sorry for her. She clearly has issues, is in need of professional help, and is very much alone with her own thoughts and limited support or money. I'm worried about the eventual outcome for her because I feel this story is far from over. She might be a stalker but also she is being abused as much as she may have abused others, and whilst some might say 'just desserts', it doesn't feel right that this should be happening to someone so vulnerable.
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I think if he wasn’t telling the truth, wouldn’t someone have come forward and contradicted it by now? Bar workers, ex girlfriends, the trans ex girlfriend, his mates, relatives?
 
femmegirly said:
The official guidance online says not to answer calls from your stalker and blocking the number is advised. He will definitely have been told to not reply to texts or answer calls and to block her.
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Not for actual stalking which with all due respect it doesn’t sound like you’ve experienced (which I’m glad about). Guidance says not to change your number if you are actually being stalked, here is a press article about it:
www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk

Why you shouldn't block a stalker on social media or change phone

Police advice on the best way you can handle creepy behaviour as part of anti-stalking campaign
www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk
I know someone else who is being stalked and she’s also been advised not to change her email or number.
 
femmegirly said:
I think if he wasn’t telling the truth, wouldn’t someone have come forward and contradicted it by now? Bar workers, ex girlfriends, the trans ex girlfriend, his mates, relatives?
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I'm not saying he isn't telling some truth, but it is his truth, people who have maybe believed him for a long time because he has told them his story. It doesn't mean it is 100% the truth.

Think how many times any other incidents have asked people to come forward and they never do. You can't rely on other people.
 
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