I know someone very much like this - a mother of a relative of mine, she is awful to her now teenager. They are a bit messed up because of it tbh. Mother is crazy, nothing is ever her fault, she is always the victim, only ever does things to make herself look good. We’ve said it’s quite scary how little self awareness she has. Very dangerous people narcissists, do a lot more damage I think than people realise.
Yep. I think people associate it with extremes and in romantic relationships. It didn’t seem to flag as much in parental relationships, but it’s so damaging.
for me, one of the worst aspects was how… subtle and undetectable it was. Social services were involved in my case but my parents were able to explain away any concerns and because my siblings and I weren’t in actual physical danger I think we didn’t flag as a high priory. As a kid, I waa conditioned to believe that it was important to be guarded about the full extent of my home life.
my relationship with my siblings is very strained, because we were pitted against each other so much (as a way to control us). one of my siblings was the sweetest child but has turned into a monster narcissist themselves because of the abuse.
then of course there’s the lifetime of grief, because you get never got to experience selfless parental love and didn’t have that loving guidance growing up, didn’t have a normal childhood. Your trust in yourself is reduced to nothing because the gaslighting and manipulation and having your experiences constantly dismissed and invalidated, meant you never really feel sure about anything.
worst of all… because you grew up with your main caregivers normalising abuse.. as an adult you’ll be easy manipulated yourself - you’ll be a prime target for more abuse. My first boyfriend used to use shame and guilt to manipulate me and control me and I couldn’t see it because… that was normal. I’d grown up being told that behaviour was ok, I was used to being shamed into behaving a certain way.
It took a LOT of therapy and personal growth for me to fully realise - I just didn’t want to accept that’s what my parents were. But I feel like my life is much better without them in it, as difficult as that is for a lot of people to understand.
poor Alf is not going to have an easy life. In that reel with Ashley, the poor baby looks so disconnected from her. He’s not looking at her, not interacting with her… he’s not connected to her at all and she doesn’t even realise.
I hope for his sake his grandparents step up and offer him a lifeline, and give him some love and care and affection. One of the most powerful things to give to a child of narcissistic parents is validation. Validation that their feelings, experiences etc are real. I hope his father steps up a bit more - have yet to understand why Tommy doesn’t intervene on how his child is being left to V&D over himself? Why he doesn’t intervene to make sure he is being fed and clothed properly?
I can't even articulate what my brain is trying to process after her library revelation
