In the early days BK’s family did a lot of the work. The child lived with the grandmother (Brian’s mother).It sounds like it was less of a co-parenting arrangement back in the early days. When the father doesn’t step up the responsibility does automatically all fall to the mother. The state recognises you as a single parent on the birth of a child if you’re not married. The mother gets automatic custody and the baby is referred to as baby-mother’s surname until such time as you register the birth and decide if it gets a different surname. That’s how it was for us when our child was born, even though we were living together for a decade.