Again, re my previous quotes. You’re right, this man is frightening and so many of us and recognise see this abusive, belittling behaviour that can break you down . Nui unfortunately is in his trap, maybe financially, and is also in love with him.
Indeed. And soon will start (if it hasn't already) the disapproving looks & comments when Nui's on the phone happily chatting to friends or family. 'Is that your mother/daughter/sister/friend on the phone
again?' Nui then starts to feel guilty for talking to family/friends, and feels, in order to keep the peace, and to keep on the right side of him, she must either restrict her communication to them, or keep it secret ... or - what he'd prefer, no doubt - distance herself from her support system altogether. Then she's all his to mould into what he desires, ie, a woman whose only worth in life is to keep her man happy, to please him - and only him - at all times, with no-one to turn to, to tell her he's a controlling creep.
The first step is usually to remove the victim and take them miles away to live from everyone they know. In this case, that was easy - different continents. The next step is slagging off just about everyone she knows; psychologically planting in her mind that he 'doesn't approve'. And she shouldn't either ... if she loves him ...
These controlling bastards are very clever manipulators - they know themselves that coming out & demanding the type of behaviour they expect from their victims would be much too obvious, their demands are more subtle - the odd eye-roll or annoyed 'tut' or 'tsk' every now and then is enough to keep them in line.
In my experience control freaks are damaged people, they have very unfortunate personalities and they know it, but will never admit it. Instead of seeking help for themselves, they'll happily carry on 'being right all the time' and being in control.
A friend of mine married one such creep and I'll never forget something she said to me once. She confided in me that he didn't get on with most of his own family, and then she said 'he just can't understand how I get on so well with mine'. To me, that wasn't a compliment - it was a warning. He resented her having a close relationship with her family and did his utmost to distance her from them. I do remember saying to her at the time - 'If someone said that to me it would frighten the hell out of me'. But she married him anyway, and yes, he had no friends to lose, but she lost all of hers - and most of her family too, because he was such an unbearable creep everyone stayed well away, including myself. Sad.
So kudos to those of you on this thread who've managed to escape from such unbearable controlling fuckers. I'm particularly thinking of you
@Picasso2713 xxx
