jake quickenden

Thank you my fellow Fakeys for your votes for my new thread title! 🥰 Fakey is currently playing the Elf from Temu in a manky old hall and Flapz is still pregnant with SpudRat. Their content has been absolutely appalling as they literally have no lives or souls. Both look extremely desperate...

A huge congratulations to @Eastendskin for our new thread title! You win a shitty Christmas tree just like the one the Colchester Clampets have. Where do we start? Well, the same old, same old really. Flapz is still boring us with the turkey baster pregnancy, RatBoy is still clinging on to...

Thank you so much for your votes for my new thread title! 😘 Short recap: The desperation is off-the-scale for both Fakey and Flapz. He is still grappling for any 5 minutes TV exposure to get his ugly face on TV although nobody wants to see him at all. Flapz is blatantly begging for gifted...

Title by @ShowMeThe Money nominated by Bluecaps Shoutout to @Justdee for this very apt suggestion And the grief drones on,and on. As sophs pregnancy enters month 2076 RECAP - I probably should put this behind a spoiler in case people don't know- Flaps is Pregnant Fakey is still...

A huge congratulations to our @trine for our new thread title! 🥰 Not much to really recap as these two are falling down the hole of actual 'irrelevance' more and more each boring day of theirs. 😴😴😴 Flapz is boring us with her non-bump and looking like she's just been dug up, Spud is still...

A huge congratulations to @PryingPenny for the original quote and our @ChastityDingle for bringing it to the Fakeys' attention. Well done you two. You get a free syrup each from Fakey and some Estrid Razors and Red Bull cans from Flapz. 🥰 After fucking off to Ibiza without Fred on yet...

Thank you for all your votes for my new thread title which is very appropriate! 😘 We saw them manage to grift yet another holiday, this time to Cornwall. Yes, they stayed at the hotel, made the most of the freebies and didn't do any sightseeing as they are skint. Definitely the wrong person...

A huge congratlations to our @Phillimena cunk on our new thread title. 😘😘😘 Our poll results from the last thread! Well, we have finally had the gender reveal but thanks to our inside information from our lovely Fakey and also thanks to my trusty crystal pendulum, we were correct. Flapz's...

Thanks for all your votes for my new thread title. 💖 Brief recap. Yes, the Beard is pregnant, Gail has proven to us even more that he is a horrid little brat and the Beard is currently in Ibeefa with her mate. No doubt Zelda is down to assist as he is incapable of doing it on his own. So...

Congratulations to @CrazyBaldhead for the new thread title She's up the duff with this absolute waster but it's all the work of a turkey baster! 🌈 Had to be edited slightly to fit Carrying on from...

A huge congratulations to our lovely @Vanilla Ice for our new thread title. 😘 Short recap because it's been so embarrassing. He did an abseil for Sarcoma UK and made it all about himself. In fact, the other abseilers were completely forgotten about. He literally jumped on this event for...

A huge congratlations to me, yes me, for this brilliant thread title for I am currently enjoying some Jamaican rum. 🤪 As I have been away for three weeks twerking and acting like 'Shabba' and twerking in the sunshine, nothing much has changed with this wrinkly, old chicken nugget head and his...

Brilliant title by @Cleopops with inspiration from @Hayze2384 and @trine. New thread just in time for Fakey’s star turn ‘supporting’ Soccer Aid, not actually playing again this year. He had a not quite headline slot at a free local festival, only thing is it was a 5 hour drive for him so he...

New thread Fakeys, title courtesy of a twitter user who was unimpressed by seeing Jacob first thing in the morning. I’ve been dipping in and out so someone else might have to recap, but our favourite (?) moaning minnie is currently undergoing a gruelling charity walk that he doesn’t appear to...

A huge congratulations to @Turmeric123 for our new thread title! 🍾🥂 In the previous thread we were introduced to Boo, the new cat and Flaps is treating it like a substitute baby. Meanwhile, Fakey ran down to mummy and DoorMatt on the beg again. Bambi and Boils finally went tits up (no...

A huge thank you for all the votes for my new thread title! 😘 The Full Monty's last show was the 13th April and they celebrated unemployment by booking a "bucket list" holiday to the Bahamas. From what we had seen of it so far, it was more "clearance bin" than "bucket list". It looked shit...

Thank you all for your votes for our new thread title inspired by the piping hot tea about Flapz! The Full Monty is a mere memory now and unemployment is here. It's back to the gormless Beard, the gormless Gail and the long-suffering Fred. Flapz booked a "bucket list" holiday to the Bahamas...

Congratulations to @bluecups for our new thread title! You win Flapz's dirty old white trainers that she's selling for a tenner! After celebrating our 100th thread with our favourite moments, it was business as usual! There were yet more dance reels, the brother got dug up yet again and Flapz...

A huge congratulations to @JazzFan , @Cleopops and @Hayze2384 who all contributed to our new 100th thread title! This is indeed a momentous day for the Fakeys as we have reached our 100th thread! 🥂🍾🥂 We started the last thread still in Bournemouth where we saw a blurry Michael Jackson...

A huge congratulations to @plonkington for our new thread title! You have won the dry chicken that was cooked whilst Zelda and DoorMatt were staying at Quickenden Towers!! The results of our poll are in. Nurse Ratchett will collect the crazy 5 at 7:30pm for admission into a secure unit...

A huge congratulations to @Lico for our new thread title! You win a barely roasted chicken that is as dry as Squidward's tuna canoe! We started the previous thread with Sicknote turning up for the last two shows at Glasgow and Squidward still in America. Ratboy started playing on his "bad...

A huge congratulations to @Philimena cunk for our new thread title. You win a new travel pillow as advertised by Flapz! Hoorah!! 😂 On the 10th February he posted a photo of himself on the floor and saying he felt ill. 🙄 We've seen yet more cooking from him leading us to speculate...

A huge congratulations to @ShowMeThe Money for our new thread title! You win a stick of Sarfend's finest cock, I mean rock!! 🌈 It was a belter that previous thread - full of 🌈, made-up stories that never happened and much speculation about Celebrity Masterchef! A homeless Ian Beale even made...

A huge congratulations to @Sarivng2022 for our new thread title!! It was actually a tie-breaker but yours is the oldest! Well done! 😘 So much happened in the previous thread that I can only refer you to Wiki 8 in case I miss anything out but I'll do a quick recap! We had a huge tea...

A huge congratulations to @fredstar2018 for our new thread title! You win Fakey's hideous pink ski suit and a box of protein bars as advertised on the ski slopes! ❄❄ We started the previous thread off with the budget adults-only skiing trip where we had topless skiing, a protein bar advert...