jack monroe

Well ninnies, we made it to 600 THREADS!!! Winning thread title by @NomDeGuerre, from a review of one of guest's books by someone known only as Alex. You win a medal and a place in canal history as the thread title winner for this six hundredth thread! Alex wins nothing because they should know...

Thread title by Lumpyspaceprincess who wins some chicken of a slightly higher welfare standard than Asda’s value range. Recap: the snow is falling so fiercely we can hardly keep up. Someone has put more than a few 50ps in the dickhead and she’s still going so let’s try and sum it up as guest...

Title by @HotesTilaire, nominated by @BlendedSlop. You each win tickets to a Funeral For a Friend gig. Recap! Guest's friends are still dying in twos, last time they had , this time they . What a guest is She's in her faux-Scot era ("och, Matt mate") and her communist era (calling people...

Thread title by @TrolleyParton, nominated by @Elsie Ben Felyn. You each win a fire blanket and bottle of holy water in case guest should ever darken your door. Recap: Well this is her latest Which she says is being published in a couple of months. Pity it wasn't several months ago when...

Canal elves, it's that festive time of year when we gather to celebrate holy Slopmas. Holy as in crumpet holes manufactured by chop sticks. But, before we can celebrate with lashings of slop, we must pay tribute to our overlord the Pumble by delving through the past year's Guest antics and...

Thread title by @SouthendRealEstate. You win a tin of Polyfilla for that hole. Recap: Guest has gone quiet on Bluesky, presumably bored now the initial rush of attention is over, and/or simply exhausted from trying to keep up with her own endless lies. So the thread carries on nicely without...

Thread title by @Smeghead, nominated by @FlowerOfTheEast. You each win a pair of earmuffs to block out the sounds of Jackling and honking coming from the bungamansion. Recap: Well where do we start? Guest has manic depression! DON'T call it bipolar disorder because she thinks that "implies two...

Thread title by @Ms Biscuit, nominated by @nothanksbabes. You each win a collection of books by the professional crime novelist of your choice. Recap! It's all go, go, go as guest has migrated to Bluesky and the LIGHTS ARE ON! We've had a montage of her greatest hits and the revelation that...

Winning thread title by @DinosaurSenior, nominated by @Valiofthedolls. Actual title is "Just a jumble of twatness", but no naughty words allowed in thread titles. You each win an actual dictionary (not the Southend English Jacktionary) so you can make sense of words, because guest certainly...

Thread title by @VeniVidiVicki, nominated by @secretsrsafe. You each win a year's Sky subscription because guest doesn't have one :) The actual most liked thread title was "Is this finally the silence of the scams?" by me and nominated by @ahkrin but we've already had a very similar one so I...

Thread title by @Saltfish84, nominated by @GrunkaLunka. You each win a toastie maker so you can have cheese on toast like a normal person as opposed to whatever guest is currently serving. Recap! Guest's awake and "doing food." First it was beef dripping on fried bread or something straight out...

Thread title by @ThePickledCrab, nominated by @GrunkaLunka. You each win a baby gate to put at the top of the stairs for your safety. Recap! Guest apparently fell down the spiral stairs of the bungamansion and broke her ouchy bones all over again. SEVERELY. In several places. There followed...

Winning thread title by @Elsie Ben Felyn, nominated by @nothanksbabes and @houseofhoop. You each win a ring light so you look nice during contentious Zoom calls. Recap: Guest has been quiet since the Oasis tickets fuss, and all her tweets have auto-deleted yet again. However, she is currently...

Thread title by @VeniVidiVicki. You win a restaurant voucher so you can eat some pasta not cooked by guest. Recap! Guest returned to social media with new slop: watery pasta covered in some sauce that she slowly, gently, forensically, painstakingly, behind the scenes made herself and totes did...

Thread title by @RandomFishOils, nominated by @Emmapism. You each win a month's Netflix subscription to watch that glossy documentary about Anna Delvey, which will inevitably be more entertaining than watching guest do anything. Recap: Guest still quiet but she's lurking. When the Guardian...

Thread title by @Ablemabel, nominated by @Sideboard Bob. You each win an Odeon Unlimited pass for guest's local. Recap: Rumour had it that guest had posted a friends-only Facebook message about being caught up in a lock-in at the cinema after violence erupted in Southend. The canal couldn't...

Winning thread title by @DinosaurSenior , nominated by @rage naan. You each win a packet of crumpets and a packet of digestive biscuits because they're supposed to be separate things. Recap: Little is going on in the world of guest, Carp Man tried commenting on her Facebook so she blocked him...

Winning thread title by a squig, nominated by @Lucy Aeroplane. You each win a large box of Kleenex and a life coaching session cuz guest ain't gonna use them :) Recap: Carp man's on the warpath Guest paid an exclusivity deposit, so while she wasn't obliged to complete the sale, it was...

Thread title by @Jelly Bean, nominated by @Claret. You each win a subscription to the Financial Times for a year. Recap: Guest has been posting endless "hilarious" memes on Facebook, which seems to be her permanent base now, and generally going full Aunty Pat. In an article for the FT, Bryce...

Thread title by @lilykestrel, nominated by several people. You each win 5% off tailoring so your suit fits better than guest's. Recap: Guest was a Cunt Agent at the election and after both Labour candidates in Southend won, she appeared in many a photo grinning and honking, while cosplaying...

Thread title by @Geetbo, nominated by @Hollaaa. You each win a free ticket to your nearest aquarium so you can see the lobsters (please do not shove them up your ring.) Recap! Guest is working 80-hour weeks in the OFFICE with her COMRADES, reading aloud 15-year-old campaign posters to them. She...

Thread title nominated by me, thanks all who voted :) I won’t award myself anything cuz I’m not guest but might treat myself to a SPITE meringue later. Recap: Labour says it’s time to end the Tory shit show, we say it’s time to end guest’s slop show! After a week of quiet, the snow fell and...

Winning thread title by @Nottonightbabe, nominated by multiple people. You win, of course, a bell jar to put guest in! Recap: Guest has been quiet again and her tweets have been auto-deleting every 3 days, she says she does not have an auto-delete set up and it's a total mystery. We suspect she...

Winning thread title by @SendReceive, nominated by @shugabug23. You each win a lovely collection of WWI poetry from the British Legion. Recap: After a light fall of snow, guest went from lights ON to lights OFF. She’s recovering from another breakdown (hence the title), this one prompted by the...

Winning thread title by @Shimmering. You win a Ben Sherman trench coat fresh from Pitsea Market just like guest's. Recap: Guest has rebranded mononymously as "Jack." and changed her Twitter handle in attempt to distance herself from The Grift. She's been tweeting a lot about Labour, veterans...