Sorry I'm late, kids. Today is my anniversary. I had a lovely day with my wife. Sorry. Unlike Will, I actually love and respect my wife. Also, my wife is smart.
Call me Larry David because I have written too much about nothing. It's long. I'm tired. Like Dawn, I worked my fingers to the bone. Unlike Dawn, I can hold a fork.
Are you ready?
*boney sideways thumbs up*
Let's do this!
Congratulations to
@CrazySquirrelLady
Who?
So mysterious, no one knows. Maybe Will does. He seems to think so. Will also says he knows Jesus. So I don't think we have anything to worry about. No matter what he says, he's not going to find either of them.
I didn't know that Suzanne Somers was dead (she's not) During a livestream on Tuesday afternoon as Will and Dawn were checking out the cars already parked for the Rod Run, Will just casually mentions that Suzanne Somers died a few months ago. Saying Suzanne Somers passed away is right up there with saying that The Apple Barn closed. Maybe they can lay her corpse in one of the swing seats at an Apple Barn table?
Everyone in the chat told Will Suzanne Somers was alive. He didn't believe them at first. Will always knows better. Then he realized he meant Cindy Williams, who looks nothing like Suzanne Somers. Will got confused because they were both in American Graffiti. Also, Will met Cindy Williams years ago at Autorama. Have you noticed how many people Will met at Autorama? Henry Winkler, Sally Field, Cindy Williams, Jay Leno, Tim Allen. I've seen Oscar telecasts that have fewer stars than that Autorama.
The YITS channel gave away six gift cards to sus-cribers. One woman who won told YITS in the livestream chat that she hasn't gotten her prize yet. I don't know what it is about the Sevierville Post Office but it needs to be investigated for all the mistakes it makes. Or maybe it's the woman's fault. All I know is that it's not Will's fault. It never is.
The next contest is coming up. Instead of giving us information on The Smokies, we got to go shopping for prizes with Will and Dawn. Not just any prizes. Really
crappy ones! Will and Dawn picked out coffee mugs. Because who's kitchen doesn't already have a cupboard full of coffee mugs? Yay useless clutter! But that's not all! They also got key chains and ornaments! A whole keychain just for me? If you thought they couldn't pick out something you wanted less than a keychain, hang on. It's a box of taffy! Who doesn't enjoy candy that feels like it's going to pull out your teeth? Are these items for the contest winners or losers? The answer is, "Yes! You'll be a winner but the prizes are so
crappy you'll feel like a loser!" Great job, YITS!
I'm going to let you in on a little secret: since August, Will and Dawn have been on a weight loss journey. Don't tell anyone!! It's just a thing they're doing. They probably don't want me to even mention it. They only talked about it once. Never again.
Will and Dawn also took their E-Bikes to Knoxville! I don't know if you heard but, Will and Dawn are trying to lose some weight. Don't tell anyone. They don't want anyone to know. Maybe that's the reason they stopped every ten feet and used pedal assist on the flat, smooth pavement.
They also ate at a Mediterranean restaurant. I don't know if you heard but, Will and Dawn are trying be healthier. Don't tell anyone. It's not a big deal. They don't want to talk about it. It's something that they're doing for them. I'm only going to mention it this one time. This one time.
Will and Dawn went to the Old Mill. Will ordered a chicken breast. I don't know if you have heard, but Will and Dawn are trying to lose weight and make healthier choices. Don't tell anyone. Dawn ordered a triple grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of chili. Apparently, Dawn making healthier choices is such a secret, even no one told her about it.
Move over Jabberjaw! You have competition in the puzzle world. Dawn was enthralled by a magnetic puzzle in a can of the state of Tennessee. It's 100 pieces. Civics question. Guess first without looking. How many counties does Tennessee have? 95. So basically, someone slapped a map of Tennessee on a magnet and made five more cuts. If that person made even more cuts, they could be in the government.
Will has done the impossible! No, not shower, tell the truth or finish a sentence. He somehow made a video even more boring!
During The Jeep Invasion he literally just drove a loop on the strip and then went home. He says it took two-and-a-half hours. Yeah, watching it.
While it felt like hours, it was just twenty-one minutes of the finest Pigeon Forge had to offer: thousands of Jeeps, hundreds of flags and dozens of teeth. More like The Jeep Infestation
Don't worry, Gadsden Flag people. I won't tread on you. Mainly because I don't want the uphill walk. Call it Mt Le
bleep.
These people looked at Dawn eating a triple grilled cheese with a cup of chili and thought she was on a diet.
Those Jeeps are very nice and obviously very expensive. Will decided to go cheap. Dawn's accessories cost less but the gas is much worse. (Let 'er rip, potato chip!)
While looking at Jeep vendors at The Le Conte Center, Will asked Dawn if she knew who legendary NASCAR driver Richard Petty was. Dawn said of course. Richard Petty was a singer and Tom Petty's brother. That sounds like I made that up, but I didn't. She really said that. For Dawn, it's not the waiting. It's the thinking that's the hardest part. Dawn probably thinks Johnny Cash is money for a pay toilet.
We know Will can't finish a sentence and can't write. You're shocked to know that Will can't do math. I don't know if you know this, but YITS are trying to lose weight. Will posted their progress on "X" (Twitter). He listed the amount and percentage of weight that Dawn lost. A fifth grader could calculate the rest. Dawn weighed 292lbs. All of this time when Will said he was taking out "The 300", did he really mean Dawn?
(Note: in typical Will fashion, he's tried to lie and gaslight people by saying it was really his weight. Nice try, Will.)
Will and Dawn's Errand-Palooza! Ma and Pa Kettle went to Walmart. They even pointed out where you can find it. Because finding a Walmart is such huge a problem. If those places don't catch on, they could only put a few more local stores out of business. Will showed us "Smokies-Opoly". I wonder if Will's house is Baltic Avenue? Instead of Jail, you just have to stay away from The Dolly Parton statue, which is cruel and unusual punishment for Will.
They also looked at costumes, fall t-shirts and warm, haunt pajamas. Haunt is flannel if Will is reading. I don't know if you know this but Will can't read.
Will and Dawn spent two seconds picking out gift cards, but ten minutes looking at candy, cookies and donuts. Dawn laughed about a "baker's dozen" printed on the box of donuts. No idea why Dawn laughed. I also had no idea that she could count that high.
After, walking ten miles around Walmart, we got a musical montage of the parking lot. Like a white trash Scorsese.
I don't know if you know this, but Will and Dawn are trying to make healthier choices. Don't tell anyone. During their trip to the Applewood Farmhouse, you can see they're not trying very hard. Will got steak smothered in gravy and Dawn got a pork chop. At first they weren't going to eat any fritters. Then just one. Then there was just one left in the basket. Of course, they haven't had any sweets lately...which is something they will say again in three days when they break down and eat sweets yet again.
I don't know if you know this, but Will and Dawn are on a diet. You certainly wouldn't know it from watching them eat.
Don't worry. They are going to walk six miles later. Of course. On a rainy day. And Will didn't bring a jacket. If Will counted how many miles he ran from the truth, he could add a million miles on his weight loss app.
During a livestream Will and Dawn said they keep a spare change of clothes in the Jeep at all times. Will said he even keeps jackets in the Jeep in case it rains. If that's the case, then why do we always see them without jackets in cold and rainy weather? I'll bet the jackets must be kept in the Jeep underneath the chainsaw. They wear the jackets as often they use the chainsaw.
I don't know if you know this, but Will and Dawn are disgusting. On that same livestream, Will and Dawn said they intentionally packed their old underwear and socks in their luggage on their Europe trip. Instead of washing them they just threw them away.
"Throw them away! Throw them away! Throw them away!!" shrieked Dawn like a psychotic parrot who snorted Tony 5000's finest.
I can't imagine the horror of Dawn's giant granny panties and Will's drawers that look like a dragster laid rubber through them. His hats are disgusting enough. I don't even want to think about the damage the other end is capable of. The Skid Row of skid marks.
Let's see, they've done Apple Barn, Applewood Smokehouse and The Old Mill AGAIN. By my calculation, that means...it's time for Dollywood! AGAIN. Gotta use the passes. Nobody was there. It's in-between seasons. Will says it gives them a chance to see and do things they wouldn't ordinarily do. So, of course, they didn't. Same gift shops, decorations, and Fire in the Hole...the ride, not how their diet is affecting digestion and his biohazard underwear.
Will and Dawn once again went to the Sevier County Fair. We got to see animals, art projects, agriculture and the midway. Will said that they rode The Zipper last year and he's still feeling the pressure. The only zipper under more pressure is the one holding Will's jeans together.
I don't know if you know this but Will and Dawn are trying to lose weight. Don't tell anyone. They each had giant, Philly cheesesteak baked potatoes smothered in cheese sauce. Apparently, Will and Dawn's diet is so secret, even they don't know about it. Unless someone recently invented a diet Philly cheesesteak with Zero Calorie Cheese Sauce. It's okay. I'm sure Will and Dawn sprinted in between midway games.
Remember the news about a giraffe born without spots? Weeks after every platform had stories, pictures and video of the giraffe, YITS decided to check it out. How timely. Maybe next he can cover Lincoln being short at Ford's Theater. With the urgency of a drowsy turtle, Will took Dawn and sister Sierra to the Bright's Zoo. Upon entry it became the Not So Bright Zoo.
I swear Will said gir-ass. Listen. He doesn't say giraffe, he says "gir-ass". Which sounds like "yer ass". "Trying to capture a glimpse of ger ass."
Imagine asking Will about his day and he says, "I took Dawn and Sierra to see yer ass." Which would be a true statement if Will was talking to Adam the Woo.
Dawn was impressed with how much space the animals have in their enclosures. The enclosures also have better roofs and safer porches than her house. While the enclosures probably have holes in the walls there's no broke-dick pick-up truck in the animals' yard. Dawn's house also has a much bigger jackass.
We've seen animals at the Fair and at a zoo. Ever full of new ideas, Will took us to see even more animals at...uh...I'm not sure. Is it an abandoned Rain Forest Cafe? Sorta. It's more like a fancy pet store. The Rainforest Adventure Zoo. It's located on NASCAR Street? Seems weird to have a street named after a trademarked sport. Why not name it after a driver like Tom Petty?
Will says the adventure zoo has "that Mexico look or the look that we saw when we were in Mexico". Does that mean there's a fat guy in a blue bodysuit inside? What kind of adventure is this? Do we need a safe word? It better not be giraffe because I know how Will pronounces that.
The Rainforest Adventure Zoo has a lot of birds, smaller mammals and reptiles, including a caiman crocodile caught in the Little Pigeon River. The belief is that it was a pet released into the wild. While they can be menacing, predatory and dangerous, the caiman crocodile still has more friends than The Gatlinburg Hussey.
Will, Dawn, Sierra and Mama Sidelines went to Helena, Georgia. Always fun to celebrate Oktoberfest when you don't drink. Like going to Thanksgiving when you don't eat. Or Dawn going to school.
They browsed through a Dutch Import store. Will said it had blue china. It's actually Delft the iconic pottery of Holland. I don't know if you know this but Will doesn't read or prepare anything.
Will and Dawn enjoyed ginger cookies in various shapes. Will had the cookie shaped like two people. Which is fitting because Will's shaped like two people. Dawn got the man and a horse, in her case it should have been a man and a jackass.
I need to check out this calorie counting app. Apparently it lets you eat a bucket of candy. Dawn dove for candy thrown from the floats during the parade. She ended up filling a bucket with candy by running out into the street. She's old enough to be a grandma in Tennessee and she's cutting off young children to get candy on the street. Delicious street candy. Sounds like a nickname for what Tony 5000 sells. She held up her bucket. She was so proud. Very normal behavior for a 50-year-old woman.
After a giant pretzel, Will went into a candy shop. You can hear his diet just wearing him down, the lust in his voice as he practically growls the names, "my favorite, the candy corn!!" A very abrupt cut in the video makes me think he gave in. Like Gollum holding the ring, Will squeals, "My precious..."
Will, ever the wordsmith said, "A fun place to have some fun." Does he even listen to himself?
Inside the hat store, Will found a hat that reminded him of Clark Griswold. I wish Will could be like Clark Griswold at Oktoberfest: someone would punch him in the face.
I don't know if you know this but Will is back to being a self-made man. On the livestream Sunday night, Will brought back his old success story. We've heard it before: he managed a factory right out of high school. He worked like ten hour days, six days a week for 20 years. It still doesn't add up. Because if you work all of the time that's how you move up. That's so cute. Isn't that precious? If that's how you move up, why didn't Will move up when he worked at Walmart? Not enough twelve hour days? Didn't stock the tampon shelves well enough? You'd think a young, go-getter executive could do better than putting feminine hygiene on shelves at Walmart. We have a douche on aisle nine. His name is Will Grace.
During the same livestream, once again Will made the claim that he saved, invested and he's financially independent. Later, Will said he took a huge risk moving to The Smokies and starting his YouTube career. But I thought Will was financially stable? Also, if you have so much money, why did your dad pay for your house and your Jeep? It's funny how the self-made man never mentions that.
Last Sunday's livestream could be a recap of its own. Will went off on everything, including his insurance. He claims he's been on it for years through the marketplace. Except that's not what he said in January. Then he made a point of saying how he bought insurance this year and he was getting every exam and test this year because he's paying for it, even a colonoscopy at age 45. Last Sunday he said that he has been on a biologic for psoriasis through his insurance for years. I don't know what to think other than I bet he can't get a colonoscopy because he's so full of
tit.
Here's a new one: Will has a large collection of Halloween decorations for his house and his yard including a giant skeleton. He's never put them up in Sevierville. My guess is that he's never put them up at all. They were his dad's. It doesn't matter if he puts them up or not. No Halloween decorations are scarier than standing on Will's deck.
Will was in fine form on the latest Sunday livestream. He's a good Christian. He knows there are bad people who stab him in the back. He talked to a family member who's a preacher who told Will to pray. He should have told Will about lying and the sin of gluttony. I think Will's preacher is as real as his diet plan.
Have you ever noticed how amazing Will's family is? He's got a relative who's a preacher, a lawyer, seems there's a family expert for everything, even Dr Seuss. Whenever Will has an issue, he just pulls out a relative who's an expert in that field. It's like a Swiss Army Family.
Will is super religious again. If you are a Christian or practice any faith, I respect that. You shouldn't respect Will. Religion to Will is a tool: it's a shield to hide from criticism, it's a stick to hit perceived enemies and it's a halo he wears to con people for money. When the cameras are off Will doesn't pray or even give Jesus a second thought. Will only needs God when the record button is pushed.
As angry as the fake pious act makes me, I about lost my
tit when Will and Dawn talked about how hard they work. Dawn had the audacity to say, "I work my fingers to the bone." Doing what exactly? You say maybe five words in every video. You don't shoot much if any video yourself. You don't edit. You don't call ahead or plan locations. You hold a fork like a knife and chew like a toddler. Your descriptions of food are literally the list of ingredients. "It's got a lot of flavor. You can really taste the cinnamon bread." Is that hard work? I put more work, thought, effort and planning into recapping your channel than you do in your actual channel.
What hard work did you do on New Years Eve at Chris and Mindy's house? They went the extra mile for your birthday in Nashville with expensive presents and a cake. They were great friends to you. On New Years Eve in their living room, you sat on your fat ass blabbing about a Jabberjaw puzzle. You are 50-
bleeping-years-old. Have some common courtesy. The truth is that you don't do
tit. You're supposed to be a Smoky Mountain travel expert, but you can't answer the most basic questions about the area. Hell, you can't even remember if you have been somewhere. That's not working fingers to the bone. That's being a bonehead. Maybe pay attention. Look up from your
bleeping phone once in awhile. Maybe don't watch YITS videos at the table like a three year old. You're an idiot who got lucky. You're not Forest Gump. He made an effort. You're like "Weekend at Bernie's", a lifeless body being drug around eating crap. Call it "Weekend at Fannie Farkles".
Then Dawn said something about modeling? What? How? Was she the centerfold for "Play-Wells" magazine.
Someone else in the chat asked Will and Dawn about their bucket list for travel. Dawn was trying to answer, but Will interrupted her, talked over her and answered the question in typical selfish Will fashion. I imagine Dawn's bucket list would be the Halloween Boo Buckets from McDonald's. Three buckets for candy and three times the kids she can shove out of her way.
Dawn should probably lay off the candy. For the month of August and into September, Will and Dawn have been on a weight loss journey. Did you know that? Oh, you did. They each lost 25lbs. Until they didn't. Will said on Saturday they gained it all back. Now you and I both know that they didn't gain 25lbs in a day. The truth is we've seen this before. I knew the diet plan was off when Will ordered a Club Sandwich and Dawn ordered the chili. Instead of getting down to 170lbs, Will now says the goal is to just feel better. Will always moves the goal posts. Neither Will or Dawn have the tools to succeed: they can't count, they don't have discipline. Hell, they don't even have groceries in their house. Dawn is a 50-year-old woman who can't cook basic, healthy meals. It got to the point where any more weight loss would have to be visible. Even they knew they couldn't keep up the charade. Like the roof, the deck, the pickup truck in the yard, getting rid of the hornets nest, cleaning the studio, the OBS system, the diet plan is never going to happen. Dawn will continue to wear the only two blouses that fit. They work more than she does.
To hear them talk, Will and Dawn are a hard-working, successful, wealthy, God-fearing, religious couple on a diet who walk and sprint several miles every day. Not because they actually do any of these things, but simply because they say so.
tit. Why stop there? Why not say you climbed Mt Everest? You starred in Avatar 2? You wrote "Jolene" and "I Will Always Love You" for Dolly? Why not? They are just as true as the other things Will and Dawn listed.
I don't know if you know this but the Yankee in the South channel has gotten worse. Worse at lying, worse at producing content and worse as human beings. I don't know if you know this. You do? Yeah, I do, too.
It's no wonder the parkway looks like a hippo stampede.
