The Nurse Mum #14 Virgin on the Ridiculous

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I honestly don’t know why anyone interacts with her at all

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Imagine following her, still liking her and feeling terribly sorry for her circumstances, seeing she’s on a date and feels bf genuinely happy that she’s got something good in her life, so sending her a message to say so. I’m putting myself in that position right now, and then imagining I’m watching her following stories and seeing my message has given her the ick? I’d be gutted.
 
disillusionedbythegram said:
Imagine following her, still liking her and feeling terribly sorry for her circumstances, seeing she’s on a date and feels bf genuinely happy that she’s got something good in her life, so sending her a message to say so. I’m putting myself in that position right now, and then imagining I’m watching her following stories and seeing my message has given her the ick? I’d be gutted.
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And then some bollocks about always looking happy no matter who she’s with - aye right 😂. Her resting witch face is quite something
 
ellobird said:
Never known any airline to let you turn down a flight unless the trip goes into days off and your schedule would then change after that
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Apparently the planners could tell she was emotional 🙄
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JustAnotherUserName said:
Just catching up on this thread as I’ve had a breather from all the insta muppets! Did the ball go ahead do we know?
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No. She didn’t feel she could put enough energy into it. 🙄
 
Toast365 said:
This is a total merail, so sorry for hijacking the thread.

I have a disabled child who needs some things which will likely cost a small fortune, building work. While I’m aware of funding through the government, happy to apply to charities and we’re trying to save as much as we can, it’s likely to be a drop in the ocean.

Is there an ethical way to fundraise? I don’t feel super comfortable sharing “our story”, but I know that’s how to raise money and I wonder if the ends justify the means? I feel particularly fragile to the type of criticism TNM receives here, I couldn’t cope with it if it was me.
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I think the issue with crowd funding can be the lack of transparency over the funds.
Be clear what the funds will be used for. If you have received quotes show them, so that people can see you’re only asking for what you need. E.g if you need a wet room but first you need building work done and pipes moved explain the phases of the project and how much each phase is expected to cost.
Some people will start a go fund me with a low amount and when it reaches the target increase it a bit, and keep increasing it. I think this probably does work in that people see it and think oh it’s close to target I’ll help them get there… when otherwise they wouldn’t, but it also makes people feel a bit… duped? When they then find that they didn’t help it over the line. If you want to do this I think the best way is be clear from the start: “we need X amount total. We’re applying for grants etc as well. I’m starting the goal on this as Y to see how it goes, we might increase it later”. Talk about the other efforts you’re going to to fund this so people know you’re exploring all options.
Other people will just ask for a huge amount of money with no explanation of why they need that much- that can also be a red flag.
When you are using the funds update people- you don’t have to go into all the details down to the penny but for example Kaytee had a big fundraiser to pay for carers for J but never used the money for that and never said what happened to it. She also had a fundraiser to pay for his funeral- she didn’t say how much of it she spent on the funeral. She said she would donate leftover money to charity but never said if she did and how much. So just updates like “We’re so grateful for your help, £10,000 of the money you raised has gone towards the building works that needed to be done first, next we will…”.
If people ask questions re the money be prepared to answer them. PTWM has found herself with so many “haters” because she would ask people to donate money to her each month to fight domestic violence and block anyone that asked what it was being used for. If someone says hey we donated to this six months ago but never heard anything else and that holiday looked expensive… yeah that’s going to make you feel on the defensive, but if you have nothing to hide don’t block, just answer honestly. You don’t have to go into detail, but if the work has been delayed explain that, and that the moneys untouched. Doesn’t need to be an essay (like this reply!) just a line or two.
Which brings me to my last point… Kaytee had a secret fiancé that had a lot of cash. She had an engagement party, and he bought her designer bags, sunglasses etc. She travelled a lot. If you’re doing go fund mes for things, not updating on the money spent, and then also showing off your new designer bag, travelling, etc. that is going to raise eyebrows. If you want to share your life on Instagram then be aware that if you are showing a version of your life looks aspirational from the outside then people may start to question why you also need to ask for help.
There’s nothing wrong with doing go fund mes, they certainly can be ethical. Just don’t fall down that trap of “I don’t have to explain/justify myself to anyone”. You dont *have* to, but it’s probably in your best interests to.
 
Bunbun1 said:
I think the issue with crowd funding can be the lack of transparency over the funds.
Be clear what the funds will be used for. If you have received quotes show them, so that people can see you’re only asking for what you need. E.g if you need a wet room but first you need building work done and pipes moved explain the phases of the project and how much each phase is expected to cost.
Some people will start a go fund me with a low amount and when it reaches the target increase it a bit, and keep increasing it. I think this probably does work in that people see it and think oh it’s close to target I’ll help them get there… when otherwise they wouldn’t, but it also makes people feel a bit… duped? When they then find that they didn’t help it over the line. If you want to do this I think the best way is be clear from the start: “we need X amount total. We’re applying for grants etc as well. I’m starting the goal on this as Y to see how it goes, we might increase it later”. Talk about the other efforts you’re going to to fund this so people know you’re exploring all options.
Other people will just ask for a huge amount of money with no explanation of why they need that much- that can also be a red flag.
When you are using the funds update people- you don’t have to go into all the details down to the penny but for example Kaytee had a big fundraiser to pay for carers for J but never used the money for that and never said what happened to it. She also had a fundraiser to pay for his funeral- she didn’t say how much of it she spent on the funeral. She said she would donate leftover money to charity but never said if she did and how much. So just updates like “We’re so grateful for your help, £10,000 of the money you raised has gone towards the building works that needed to be done first, next we will…”.
If people ask questions re the money be prepared to answer them. PTWM has found herself with so many “haters” because she would ask people to donate money to her each month to fight domestic violence and block anyone that asked what it was being used for. If someone says hey we donated to this six months ago but never heard anything else and that holiday looked expensive… yeah that’s going to make you feel on the defensive, but if you have nothing to hide don’t block, just answer honestly. You don’t have to go into detail, but if the work has been delayed explain that, and that the moneys untouched. Doesn’t need to be an essay (like this reply!) just a line or two.
Which brings me to my last point… Kaytee had a secret fiancé that had a lot of cash. She had an engagement party, and he bought her designer bags, sunglasses etc. She travelled a lot. If you’re doing go fund mes for things, not updating on the money spent, and then also showing off your new designer bag, travelling, etc. that is going to raise eyebrows. If you want to share your life on Instagram then be aware that if you are showing a version of your life looks aspirational from the outside then people may start to question why you also need to ask for help.
There’s nothing wrong with doing go fund mes, they certainly can be ethical. Just don’t fall down that trap of “I don’t have to explain/justify myself to anyone”. You dont *have* to, but it’s probably in your best interests to.
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Thank you, that’s all really helpful. I had heard of a charity you can fundraise through, I can’t remember the name now, Tree something. So it adds another level of safety as they administer everything, and if you raise more than you need they send it to a charity, it’s not via GFM.

Although, your post has put me off a bit! Not that I don’t want to be accountable or to spend it on sunglass, but more that I don’t really want to open our lives up so much. I think the extra pressure would be too much for my (already fragile) mental health. Despite doing all the things you’ve suggested I can see some people will still be unhappy with that level of openness. And I’m aware building costs can be tricky to put a figure on, I’ve watched lots of Grand Designs.
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Not sure if I can link, the charity is called Tree of Hope. I’m not sure if they would help with building work, it seems to be more for health support.
 
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