Support for anyone that needs to vent #4

1
OmgObsessed said:
I don't understand why people are so rude (outside of here) when women vent. We are told we are wrong and to stop "bitchin". Can I just say how I'm feeling without being attacked??? I'm so tired of it and I feel so alone.
Click to expand...
My manager apologised for bitching about a colleague the other day, when it was simply letting off steam as the colleague hasn't pulled her weight recently and gone off on holiday again. My late mum used to say to me to stop moaning, when I had an opinion, yet she could moan on anything and everything for Britain and Denmark! I think we need safe spaces irl and on here that we can just let it out.
 
Sometimes I feel like those who are planning weddings have no sense of how much things actually cost for family/guests attending.

My brother in law is getting married in a few weeks which we have been really excited for. Family are flying from overseas and it’ll be a great day and a chance to meet people I’ve not met before.

However, there are now FIVE extra activities planned during the wedding week. Mostly dinners & lunches. I get one or two in order to meet certain family members before the actual big day but they are all meals out in central London restaurants that are not cheap.

Surely it’s unreasonable to expect people to be able to afford these alongside hotels, outfits, wedding gifts and other wedding related expenses?
 
My team leader has no idea, so I can’t really be annoyed, but on the teams meeting with the rest of the team, she asked everyone what they were having for lunch. I tend to always have the same thing. This is because I used to have issues with food (restricting myself, dieting etc) and it’s still ingrained in me. She made a comment about how I always have the same thing and about how it can’t be nutritious or any good for me (something along those lines) and it’s been bugging me ever since. It’s made me feel embarrassed and ashamed. I didn’t say anything at the time.
Just needed to vent. 😕
 
I’ve just had a phone call from the police my ex has done a complaint of harassment to me but I’ve not messaged in 4 weeks so would he have gone to them recently? Because if he has it’s really really odd considering he was messaging me 24/7 for a week in March after not hearing anything for 18 months I’ve only messaged him twice since then once to explain why I snitch on him a second time round and the last to remind him I’m not mad at him and I don’t see him as a bad person I get he’s probably in love with two people. I told his current gf family because she had her privacy changed since the first time round and i couldn’t couldn’t be bothered with the abuse,
The thing is I don’t think it was him that’s done the complaint when we were talking he was telling me how he sees himself as he use to be fun before all this, he wants babies when he’s 32, how his girlfriend reacted the first time round and how he misses the thing we had and how he would unblock and block me because he wants to check up on me. He even messages my mate sometimes to see how I am or see pics of It’s bad because it was like nothing happened which makes me think it was his girlfriend.
They even called me by my middle name not my first name.
like im not worried because I’m not planning on messaging but I’m more worried over him if this is her doing it
 
OmgObsessed said:
I would have everyone block both of them. They both don't sound right in the head. Don't worry about him, he isn't your responsibility. You can find someone better.
Click to expand...
They are I just want to know would this be something they’ve done recently or not because it just seems very out the blue to receive a phone call when my last message was 4 weeks ago just strange
 
Blondeangel2515 said:
They are I just want to know would this be something they’ve done recently or not because it just seems very out the blue to receive a phone call when my last message was 4 weeks ago just strange
Click to expand...

I wouldn't worry or even wonder unless you're going to get in legal trouble or they continue to report you. Then you need to call a lawyer. Just don't waste anymore effort wondering. duck em'
 
OmgObsessed said:
I wouldn't worry or even wonder unless you're going to get in legal trouble or they continue to report you. Then you need to call a lawyer. Just don't waste anymore effort wondering. duck em'
Click to expand...
It’s just odd how they were calling me by my middle name and surname and him his surname then first name. The number was a landline number but whenever I tried phoning it back it says I’ve dialled an incorrect number just something about it doesn’t sit right with me.
I’ve deleted his number I’m not worrying or bothered over it at all just none of it makes sense when he was messaging me in March 🤷🏼‍♀️
 
My eldest brother can be a thoughtless twit and showed it again this weekend. I have had issues with body dysmorphia and depression due to total hair loss for over 30 years. I tried on a new wig on Friday (for the style as my hairdresser and I agree red suits me best), which was white with grey/blue in it. Most people on my social media have raved, a few saying it didn't suit me, and it's cool as I don't like the colour. I showed my brother and he laughed at it, when I showed him the colour it will come in the response was "do you get the makeover that goes with it"?! I never wear make up as burns my skin, and he didn't even think how that makes me feel. So gone backwards this weekend feeling a freak and thinking people are laughing behind my back again.
 
childofthe70s said:
My eldest brother can be a thoughtless twit and showed it again this weekend. I have had issues with body dysmorphia and depression due to total hair loss for over 30 years. I tried on a new wig on Friday (for the style as my hairdresser and I agree red suits me best), which was white with grey/blue in it. Most people on my social media have raved, a few saying it didn't suit me, and it's cool as I don't like the colour. I showed my brother and he laughed at it, when I showed him the colour it will come in the response was "do you get the makeover that goes with it"?! I never wear make up as burns my skin, and he didn't even think how that makes me feel. So gone backwards this weekend feeling a freak and thinking people are laughing behind my back again.
Click to expand...
Why believe one person that is being hurtful on purpose when so many have told you they like it? I know, I know, it isn't easy - but consider how many people told you it was cool just not for them too, if your brain is trying to make you think they wouldn't be truthful.

Just never ask for his opinion on anything again, ok? He doesn't deserve your time and he's being disrespectful. Is he one of those "brutally honest" type of guys? Because he sure sounds like someone with zero social skills.
 
Blondeangel2515 said:
It’s just odd how they were calling me by my middle name and surname and him his surname then first name. The number was a landline number but whenever I tried phoning it back it says I’ve dialled an incorrect number just something about it doesn’t sit right with me.
I’ve deleted his number I’m not worrying or bothered over it at all just none of it makes sense when he was messaging me in March 🤷🏼‍♀️
Click to expand...
Phoned the police back after that harassment claim and apparently it was because I sent screenshots of my ex messaging me to his current girlfriends family. My ex and his girlfriend saying I sent her family sexual messages 😂 like yes I did they were screenshots of what your boyfriend was sending me and I sent them to your family to make you aware so I don’t get abuse and because you blocked me. Making out I sent random sexual images to her family

like what did they think I would say to the police over this? When they know I have screenshots that I sent to them apparently he didn’t even tell the police he was messaging me in March and a week after I snitched he done the claim.
Why waste police time on this petty thing and now he’s made himself a right tit even the woman on the phone sounded like she was face palming at it. She’s closed the case and said I had a lucky escape
 
tomato_paste said:
Why believe one person that is being hurtful on purpose when so many have told you they like it? I know, I know, it isn't easy - but consider how many people told you it was cool just not for them too, if your brain is trying to make you think they wouldn't be truthful.

Just never ask for his opinion on anything again, ok? He doesn't deserve your time and he's being disrespectful. Is he one of those "brutally honest" type of guys? Because he sure sounds like someone with zero social skills.
Click to expand...
Thanks very much. I guess as he's been so kind to our nieces (my other brother's girls), and thought maybe he's grown up at last.

I have decided like my late mum it's pointless, as judgemental and doesn't get it. I would agree on the social skills.
 
Blondeangel2515 said:
Phoned the police back after that harassment claim and apparently it was because I sent screenshots of my ex messaging me to his current girlfriends family. My ex and his girlfriend saying I sent her family sexual messages 😂 like yes I did they were screenshots of what your boyfriend was sending me and I sent them to your family to make you aware so I don’t get abuse and because you blocked me. Making out I sent random sexual images to her family

like what did they think I would say to the police over this? When they know I have screenshots that I sent to them apparently he didn’t even tell the police he was messaging me in March and a week after I snitched he done the claim.
Why waste police time on this petty thing and now he’s made himself a right tit even the woman on the phone sounded like she was face palming at it. She’s closed the case and said I had a lucky escape
Click to expand...

In the nicest way possible - going out of your way to find her family and messaging them, when she has already blocked you herself, is harassment. The police might have dropped it but you just need to accept that she doesn't want to hear from you. IF he messages again then just block him. It's absolutely wrong to go and find her family and send stuff like that to them. The only person who ends up looking bad is you. It's harassment. She doesn't want to hear from you, you've tried to warn her, she doesn't want to know. You have no right to then keep finding other ways to contact her.

You just need to accept the relationship is over and move on, like he has. You've posted across numerous threads with the same story. You're clearly a bit hung up on him still, no matter how much you deny it, it's obvious. You wouldn't be obsessing over the situation if you weren't.
 
This doesn't warrant a separate thread so I'll post here.

I come from a fairly drama free family (before now😳). I left home years ago. My parents have been married nearly 40 years. No breakups in that time.

Now all of a sudden my father has had an affair and is living two lives, coming and going as he pleases and still hasn't made his mind up about divorce. My mother, is absolutely reeling in shock, is hurt, and confused. My father acts surprised that she didn't see it coming and is basically trying to blame her for everything and starting to play stupid mind games. Ive confronted him and basically got told to keep my nose out of his business.

Now I know it is not my responsibility to fix anything. But, what I want to know is how do you deal with this as a family bystander? One is playing emotional mind games with the other and I feel so crap at helping my mother.

My family never had the ups and downs others seemed to have when I was growing up, so I have no experience on how to navigate the drama.


---
Edited: to make a bit more anonymous/ cut out excess details
 
Last edited:
emmer_moans said:
This doesn't warrant a separate thread so I'll post here.

I come from a fairly drama free family (before now😳). I am early 30s, left home 12 years ago. My parents have been married 38 years. No breakups in that time.

Now all of a sudden my father has had an affair and is living two lives, coming and going as he pleases and still hasn't made his mind up about divorce. My mother, is is absolutely reeling in shock, is hurt, and confused. My father acts surprised that she didn't see it coming and is basically trying to blame her for everything and starting to play stupid mind games. Ive confronted him and basically got told to keep my nose out of his business.

Now I know it is not my responsibility to fix anything. But, what I want to know is how do you deal with this as a family bystander? One is playing emotional mind games with the other and I feel so crap at helping my mother.

My family never had the ups and downs others seemed to have when I was growing up, so I have no experience on how to navigate the drama.

I have signposted my mother to Citizens advice, friends who have been in similar boat, etc etc but she's not ready to tell anyone apparently, and still thinks there is a chance of reconciliation whereas my father is acting like that's not going to happen. Yes, it's THEIR business and issue to solve but my mother is quite vulnerable and terrible at advocating for herself in conflict. She's absolutely blindsided.

How do you help as the adult daughter in this scenario? I'm worried sick.

Please no nastiness, I've barely slept, I just want to hear how you helped your parents or friends start the process of separation. They have joint assets but would be skint AF if they divorce, and I don't have the means to help financially.
Click to expand...

I’m so sorry for you. Just before covid my parents separated and had to live together through lockdown and finally divorced in 2021 after 27 years married. A lot has come out about what’s gone on in the past and it’s been really hard at times with one parent threatening suicide.

I do have a younger brother, but as the eldest I was stuck in the middle and spent the entire time as the middle man. Neither would speak to each other and I was the communicator between the two. I hated how they both put my in this position.

Now we’re a couple years after it all, I’m still adjusting. Not sure how we even got through it if I’m honest, but we all have. Both parents have now bought new properties and it’s becoming more normal. I dislike Christmas now and birthdays etc. My Mum is so much happier, however, I think my Dad regrets it. Just take one day at a time. You aren’t alone and in a funny sort of way it’s really changed my outlook on life.
 
jnh24 said:
I’m so sorry for you. Just before covid my parents separated and had to live together through lockdown and finally divorced in 2021 after 27 years married. A lot has come out about what’s gone on in the past and it’s been really hard at times with one parent threatening suicide.

I do have a younger brother, but as the eldest I was stuck in the middle and spent the entire time as the middle man. Neither would speak to each other and I was the communicator between the two. I hated how they both put my in this position.

Now we’re a couple years after it all, I’m still adjusting. Not sure how we even got through it if I’m honest, but we all have. Both parents have now bought new properties and it’s becoming more normal. I dislike Christmas now and birthdays etc. My Mum is so much happier, however, I think my Dad regrets it. Just take one day at a time. You aren’t alone and in a funny sort of way it’s really changed my outlook on life.
Click to expand...
Thank you for taking the time to write. I guess time will make things easier. I too am the eldest 'child' and I recognise the vulnerability of one parent and I'm worried they will crumble. I just wish I had 100,000s in cash just lying around to buy them both a house and tell them to move on, but alas, it's never that simple. It's heartbreaking seeing some of the nasty jibes one is giving the other right now. Really astonishing behaviour in someone who was supposed to love and protect the other. If it was amicable I think all would cope more but now old tidbits and grievances from the past are being flung about and it feels so toxic. I can't not be a shoulder to cry on but at the same time I'm also angry about the affect it's having on the family. One step at a time I guess.
 
emmer_moans said:
This doesn't warrant a separate thread so I'll post here.

I come from a fairly drama free family (before now😳). I left home years ago. My parents have been married nearly 40 years. No breakups in that time.

Now all of a sudden my father has had an affair and is living two lives, coming and going as he pleases and still hasn't made his mind up about divorce. My mother, is absolutely reeling in shock, is hurt, and confused. My father acts surprised that she didn't see it coming and is basically trying to blame her for everything and starting to play stupid mind games. Ive confronted him and basically got told to keep my nose out of his business.

Now I know it is not my responsibility to fix anything. But, what I want to know is how do you deal with this as a family bystander? One is playing emotional mind games with the other and I feel so crap at helping my mother.

My family never had the ups and downs others seemed to have when I was growing up, so I have no experience on how to navigate the drama.


---
Edited: to make a bit more anonymous/ cut out excess details
Click to expand...
Not a similar situation but I also come from a drama free family. Honestly so lucky growing up.

Then my dad passed away and my mum has become an absolute nightmare. My brother and his wife live with her so it’sna constant source of drama and I’ve found it incredibly difficult to deal with, this is ongoing for 8 years 😅

What I have found is to be supportive to my mum who needs and outlet for her anger/depression/etc but I absolutely do not get involved with their day to day life.

My suggestion would be to do the same. Listen to your mum and be supportive but do not interfere in their relationship. Ultimately they are adults who are also just human, faults and all.
 
This is a bit of a petty rant from me and I'm so aware that it's ridiculous, but...

I have changed my office in work from a downstairs office to an upstairs office in the same building. There are toilets on both floors and, as there hadn't been any women on the top floor until I started up there, the guys (3 young men aged between 23 and 28, all definitely identifying as men) had designated the ladies loo as their 'number 2' toilet as it is double doored. This was fine when no women were up there but now I, a woman, would like my own toilet on the floor I work on. I have IBS and so sometimes I'm literally not able to go downstairs to use the bathroom there as it's a matter of urgency...

However, they think I'm being unreasonable and want to keep using both of the upstairs toilets. It's getting so frustrating as they leave it in a STATE - I'm talking eye watering - and they can't seem to grasp that I want my own toilet. I'm at my wits end as I just want to be able to use a bathroom of my own ffs
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top