Myka Stauffer - The mother who gave up her internationally adopted Chinese son

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Gambit said:
Because adoption is not what you settle for because you can’t have biological kids.
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Okay, so you don't know the story then? I'm still interested if somebody does know the background. I didn't imply anybody was "settling." When people who can have kids also adopt--there is often a reason. Examples include, "I just love having kids and want to have more" or "I just have more love to give than my limited reproductive system allows." Or sometimes people mistakenly think they are infertile and are surprised to find out after adoption that they can have more kids. I didn't know if they heard about this child with special needs and he captured their heart and they wanted to care for him or if they first set out looking to adopt and then found a child with special needs and adopted him.

My understanding was that adoption was often a challenge and that they often didn't like to adopt out babies in particular to those who have the capability to have biological children, probably to avoid problems exactly like this one--the parents ending up showing a painful preference for their own child. I also thought that adoption agencies generally show preference to those who cannot have their own children because that seems to make more sense and be more fair.

I know three families who have adopted multiple children despite having bio children of their own. When they did so, it was older children, often several from the same family. In none of these cases was there mixing of their own bio babies and adopted babies--I imagine this is because it's kind of hard to have one small child, let alone two, so most people don't add a third to the mix, particularly a profoundly special needs one with an unknown background from a country known to have some shady adoption practices. To me this story sounds like it was a bad idea from the get-go. I've honestly not heard of people who have small children adopting an additional small child and then having more small children. It just seems like a weird choice and I'm still wanting to know the background.
 
Going back through old videos, Jim said "it would be a fun adventure that we could say we did, and we are kind of crazy anyway". So that was his reason for adopting.

Myka seemed obsessed with those Christian families who adopt on YouTube at the time so she did it because of some calling from god - I notice she has dropped that story entirely as they got more successful.

 
Myka is trash and never deserved that little boy. She adopted because it was the trend with other youtube families at the time and she saw it for what she would get out of it, a story line and a butt load of views. He was her cash cow. She never even tried with Huxley. She never played with him, cuddled with him or even seemed the least bit invested in his needs. Even with that being said, I'd never in a million years imagine that she'd sink this low and ultimately cause him more trauma. They seem to chalk it up to him "not being what they expected". You don't know what you're getting with a biological child either, yet she'd never toss one of her little blonde kids away like a piece of garbage. Her and her no-balls husband deserve to rot in hell for this.
 
Like a lot of people, I only found this family today and have been horrified. When I saw people saying that she'd been vlogging without him & so commenters asked where he was, I thought that she might only be a very occasional vlogger - I honestly can't believe she posts on Youtube as much as she did and basically just thought she could hide the disappearance of a child!


I also found this video which I think is really revealing in terms of their attitudes to Huxley and adoption - it very much seems from this that she didn't see him as equal to her other children but rather it was them and then Huxley. Interestingly she also says she'd rather say no to $1 million than to not having adopted - how ironic / deeply sad.
 
memberofthepublic said:
Watched the video re "returning" the little boy.

From what was (and what was specifically NOT said) I hear loudly that something happened at home (I get the sense with another child).
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That's NEVER an excuse to dump a kid. If it had happened the other way around (one of her bio kids attacking Hux) this witch wouldn't have batted an eye. I've watched their family channel for years to know what a POS she is.
 
I just looked it up on Twitter...so tragic. It seems the little boy they adopted was their cash cow!
He was autistic and couldnt speak English and people are saying how different he was treated. She has even changed her twitter bio to 'mom of 4' like he never existed.
Social media is vile....children are pimped out by their parents for views and likes and stuff like this goes to show you!
 
JaneRosie said:
Going back through old videos, Jim said "it would be a fun adventure that we could say we did, and we are kind of crazy anyway". So that was his reason for adopting.

Myka seemed obsessed with those Christian families who adopt on YouTube at the time so she did it because of some calling from god - I notice she has dropped that story entirely as they got more successful.

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Thank you, this aligns with what I was able to find as well. The religious thing is particularly concerning to me, even as a believer myself. I saw an article where she referenced asking God for a "sign" that it was the right move, and having received some silly coincidence, she took it as a "sign" and proceeded with what was obviously an ill-thought plan. This thought process reflects a somewhat infantile view of God and his communication with us and how he expresses his will or guides us. You don't ask him if it's okay to do foolhardy things and ask him to let you know by flickering the lights (or having the kid have a birthday close to hers as was the case here)--it's insulting to even ask him if you should do something which your own brain should tell you is a mistake. Having five kids is a challenge in the best of circumstances--choosing to make one of them a profoundly special-needs child from an agency which lies to you about his development and history, with all the kids being really close in age, was a huge gamble where losing would mean tremendous pain for multiple family members.

Other than describing her thought process about the initial adoption as very foolish and assuming that she was completely unprepared to deal with even a moderately special needs child, I'm not going to criticize her as long as there is the possibility that this was simply the least bad choice they had (with no "good" choices). My impression was that he might have hurt one of his siblings. I don't know that such a thing justifies "returning" him, but I can sympathize with a family facing that challenge. I feel like if I were in such a situation (with my bio daughter and an adopted son who hurt her, perhaps repeatedly)--I'd probably return the child for his own protection (from me), because I would struggle to deal with ANYBODY hurting my daughter like that. Not everybody can meet every challenge and sometimes you know your limits and have to admit you failed and just try to minimize harm as much as possible. If....(big if, not saying it's sure) he was hurting the other kids, they deserve to be protected as well, not forced to endure a childhood of abuse because mom wants to make sure she doesn't treat him any differently.
 
I came across this family when they adopted dear little Huxley. Makes me sick to think how he’s just been abandoned by them. Watching him be taken away was heartbreaking in itself as he was obviously so confused so for him to settle and this to happen again is awful. The family should be ashamed of themselves. Heartbreaking. I hope Hux finds a real family to show him love ❤️
 
kat.becs said:
I don't doubt they didn't.

He would've loved them though. 😭
Kids love unconditionally, he's probably so confused. This really breaks my heart.
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I have to disagree. I do not think all kids love unconditionally at all, and I actually think some children/people are not even capable of love. My daughter was not loving at all for the first three years of her life. She's very loving now, but there was no mistaking her indifference towards me (which bordered on disdain) in the beginning. At that age she did not have those types of developed emotions whatsoever. (She was evaluated for autism--I'm not pretending this is the average experience.) Whether Myka's child actually loved or was attached to her I have no idea, but it's not outside the realm of possibility that as a child with profound brain damage he was at minimum giving the impression that he was not attached and would not be harmed by being returned, and might even be better off. (Not attempting to say what they have done is okay, just playing devil's advocate.)
 
I’ve gone down the Twitter rabbit hole. Unbelievable.

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