Mason Mount #24 We want socks not stats & the FBC are starting a band

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keylimepie said:
I’m really sorry it’s taken me so long to upload! I’ve been absolutely swamped with work this morning so I’m quickly typing this up! It’s probably nowhere near as good as some of the others but it was more hilarious than I could ever put into writing. I’ve condensed it down a lot due to time but I think you all will get the general gist. As ever if you are not mentioned I’m sorry 😘



So we are all on a bus heading to @jflurker93 hen party. The destination unfortunately wasn’t Mykonos but Blackpool 🤣 (you need to blame Jflurker as she said she didn’t want to go far from the farm as it was lambing season!)



We are all dressed in FBC bomber jackets and jeans. Our t shirts have Luke Shaw’s face on them.



Jflurker was the only one who was dressed differently. By that I mean she was in fancy dress as a sheep 😂 We all started drinking rather heavily and this is where the FBC hen do got messy!



@Scuffed and @GGina were on their first night out since the birth of their babies. Kyle had been a total prick and left them high and dry to go back to Annie. Scuffed had been living with Dec since giving birth and had left him playing Dad. A custody agreement for Rafa had been reached apparently and now Dec was back living his best life. Reece and Gina were raising her baby together and had recently moved into together (sorry GGina. The daddy is still Snail)



@PunkRocker was still a Dom for Timbo. I think she probably left him shackled at home while she was out but I can’t be sure 😂

@Geraldine.20.jobs had allowed Chilly to extend the harem further and now gravy play had extended to several of the FBC community.

@Suder34 had moved to Cheshire to live with DCL. They had become dog parents recently.

@irishgal2013 had decided she was going to ask Gnasher on a date as she thought he was cute 😳

@Eden246 and John had come second in the dancing competition. Eden complained that the winners only won because they had a sob story and were tit dancers.



We went into a bar where shots were deployed at a rate of knots. It wasn’t long before we were all off our heads. @calmyourritas and @MensaBarbie1985 were talking to some rugby players and flirting outrageously. Rita licked one of their chests after spilling the contents of a shot glass down it.



@SmoochL and @bluek98 were up on the tables dancing rather manically. The bouncers told them to get down and behave.



We then headed to the next bar which had a fantastic drag act! The drag queens all picked on Jflurker for her sheep attire. Jessy was too wasted to care and was wandering around with an inflatable dick shouting “This is the same size as Luke’s” We didn’t believe her 😂

We were asked to leave when Punkie decided to use the dance floor as a vomit bucket. She was very drunk 🥴



Geraldine shouted as we got kicked out that we needed to go to a strip club. Giggling away we all went to the nearest lap dancing club. We waited what seemed like a bloody eternity to get in! While waiting even though steaming drunk, Jessy asked me if I’d heard from Mason. I said he’d text and tried to call a few times but I had ignored him saying I was over his tit. Eden was eavesdropping and put her arm round my shoulder and slurred that I was a good egg but deserved a decent shag and he looked like he could be one. The three of us laughed and then were shown inside the titty bar.



Punkie asked if there was any jobs going as she was fantastic on a pole. Then Jessy’s surprised turned up. It was a dwarf stripper dressed as a farmer 😂😂 we all were pissing ourselves laughing as Farmer Dwarf strutted his stuff. He had a surprisingly big dong though!



We decided to call it a night and head back to the hotel but stopped for pizzas to eat on the way back. @nellyloz123 asked a man if he could try some of his pizza so she knew what she might like. Before he could say yes or no, she had already put a slice in her mouth from out his box.



We got back to the hotel but decided we hadn’t had enough yet….

Eating our pizza, we soon got out our phones and called the boys.

Jessy called Luke and admitted she had considered leaving him for a dwarf named Mick 😂 Punkie rang Timbo and asked him if he had been a good boy and done what she had told him to do. We didn’t ask.

@MrsGrealish called Jack to tell him she loved him and missed him (aww)

Geraldine and Chilly were very lovey dovey on the phone. She said she would get a KFC when she got back.

Dec told scuffed to enjoy her night and that Baby was fine. Reece said similar to Gina.

Mensa was blocking calls from Grandad after finding out his weird fetish for cottage cheese.

You all then looked at me. I said well I don’t have anyone I need to call. Jessy then flung her phone at me and said it’s ringing. I said ringing who? I listened to the phone ring but it rang off and went to voicemail. I glanced at the screen. It said Mason. I was quite relieved he didn’t answer but also quite sad he hadn’t.

He’s probably shagging one of his instahoes I said unimpressed.



We continued drinking until we passed out.



The following morning, Jessy was woken by her phone ringing. Hello she said in her hungover state. She then hit me in the arm and said it’s for you.

“Hello”

“I’ve been dying to hear your voice” It was Mason.

“Sorry I didn’t pick up last night”

“Too busy with something or someone”

“Nope. Just asleep as it was 2am”

“Oh ok. Well it was nice talking to you” I then hung up.



Jessy then shouted What the duck was wrong with me? I told her not to start and I had my reasons. She shook her head at me as I walked to the shower.



We all said our goodbyes as none of us could have breakfast with the fear of spewing up everywhere.



I got home where my neighbour said she had taken a parcel in for me. I took it and opened it. Inside was a black set of lacy underwear.

The note inside read



Zara, Please will you wear these for me? I can’t stop thinking about you. M xx



I didn’t know what to do so called Jessy to ask for advice but she didn’t answer.

ETA: All of the FBC were at the party but some of it is a bit blurry so you were all there I promise 😘
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Haha goodbye grandad! I was going to ask more about the cottage cheese fetish but I then decided I’m happy to live the rest of my life without knowing 😂

Im hoping the rugby players looked like this… bit partial to a rugby man! (Or any man really)

46F97955-4D0B-4966-9525-AEC3BB911644.jpeg


The lift smut has made me realise I’ve sunk even lower than admiring 🐌 arms… got me thinking about hate sex with my evil ex 🙈 aka Lord Voldemort aka the biggest prick alive… trust me Craig’s harem has nothing on the one this guy had whole with me!
 
PunkRocker said:
Great dream again @keylimepie sorry I ruined it by vomiting, I feel very seen by the accuracy of it! 😂

I only now feel able to discuss my awful dream 😖 I've spent the morning trying to purge myself of the horror as well as doing my actual job!
So Mason was my boyfriend but like an absolute rat bastard he cheated on me with some cheap tart 😤 I decided that revenge was a dish best served cold so I pretended I didn't know and went out to a club with some mates. On the night, I met someone and went back to his and I got some good and proper revenge multiple times 😈 I then took a photo of myself and this man and sent it to Mason with the message 'Two can play that game 🖕🏻'
The man was Craig Chilwell 🙈
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jflurker93 said:
Have you’s read the polaroids and the stress relief smuts from tumblr? There’s quite a few good ones on there, I search every night so i’m all up to date 😂😂
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The Polaroids one as in ‘you’ put them in his bag when he goes away and they fall out his stuff?! Think I’ve read some of the stress relief ones. I just search Mason Mount or Mason Mount fics to see what comes up 😂let me know if there’s a better way to find this goodness!

Geraldine.20.jobs said:
The Tik Tok teens have found plant based girl
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The fact they put that song over it makes me chuckle. I mean I know have literally no chance with him, but you’re 12. You really have no chance huns 😂 Tickled me that has.
 
Eden246 said:
The Polaroids one as in ‘you’ put them in his bag when he goes away and they fall out his stuff?! Think I’ve read some of the stress relief ones. I just search Mason Mount or Mason Mount fics to see what comes up 😂let me know if there’s a better way to find this goodness!
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Yeah that’s all I search to be fair, but yes thats the polaroid one.. the line where chilly says “why did you throw them at me” makes me laugh 😂😂
 
jflurker93 said:
Yeah that’s all I search to be fair, but yes thats the polaroid one.. the line where chilly says “why did you throw them at me” makes me laugh 😂😂
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Chilly would deffo want a peek at them. Have to keep my tumblr reading to when Mr E isn’t around as he’d totally think I’d lost the plot!
 
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