I believe she knows. Her smug behavior is her defence mechanism. Her entire life she felt not good enough. Her father went away and did not even consider taking her with him. He simply left her behind because he wanted it all new - new wife, new daughter. She is deeply hurt, and blames the world for treating her so unfairly. Thus, her weird satanic style, when she was younger, her unethical career choice, and the ways she treats her followers. She cannot direct her anger at her father, as she is still trying to prove him that she is worthy. She chooses to dislike her mom instead, because it should be someone’s fault at the end of the day. Her narcissistic behavior is her coping mechanism. She treats Ali badly because he is her punching bag, as she projects her father’s figure onto him and directs all the anger she has towards men to Ali. I actually think none of her exes treated her well. Also, her choice to go work in Ibiza was not random either. I bet the reason was to have all these men in clubs want her (to prove herself she is worthy, and it’s just father who does not want her). Last but not least, she puts Carrie down because Carrie’s parents are still together, and Carrie had more growing up than Lydia did.
I guess, I’m being rude here. But if (when) she reads, and it will (for sure) hurt at first, it will also help her realise the root causes of that very unhappy life she has. Deep inside she knows that none of the material things, including the house, will ever be enough to fill the void. She needs to accept herself, and her past and learn to move on.
