Miscanthus
VIP Member
Thank you to all 51 of you who voted for my thread title 
"The Author"
* Yes, the secret personalmoney grab financial project that Lidl has been ‘working on’ for nine months is a debut book. “Viola!”, as @Rexysmum would say!
* After months of hints we heaved a sigh of relief that it wasn’t a pregnancy…or should I just say we heaved…
* Our country-dwelling, veg-growing, dress-wearing, old money calligrapher is now the author of Evergreen.
* The book is 200 pages of lessons, tips and exercises from slothy Lidl. We suspect there are plenty of blank pages fordoodles colouring notes too.
* It’s available from publisher Orion Spring in “hardbook” (sic), paperback, ebook and audio book and can be pre-ordered for the "price guaranteed" sum of £17.99 (hardback).
* Pay now and you can wait months for the launch date of October 12 2023 (March 2024 in the US). Best of all, you can return it within 30 days!
* The book was spotted on Amazon by super sleuth Tattler @Cmkchick a day earlier than Lidl’s announcement. It spoilt Lidl's count down. Oh dear, how sad, never mind!
* Our poll predictions (thread #181) came close to guessing but it was @Al Fresco who guessed correctly back in May…
* Of course it would be remiss to not mention @Oops... Finbar Fanfare of Announcement Furball who predicted it was a book collab with life coach Jacqueline Hurst!
* In her Vlog Lidl spent most of the time talking about the book’s green floral cover - where she appears to have dropped both her middle name and her married name - and how to buy it, without any details of the contents or the writing process. That’s because the only idea she had was the green cover and she didn’t write it!
* This is the woman who plagiarised her monthly word salad musings, then copied her own work the following year!
* She’s encouraging people to buy multiple copies across all formats. We can read it, decorate our homes with it, give it as Christmas presents, pass it down to our children, take notes on it.... but we don’t know what’s in it!
* Plus there’s the audio book, where we can listen to The Author reading it slowly in her best Princess voice.
* The book is “the hug I can’t give you” she smugly states. Who wants a hug from boney, smelly you, Lidl?
* We will be moved by it, she adds. Yes, I'm moving as far away from you as possible #faketan #sweatyfeet #doggyaroma #toomuchperfume
* It’s a self help / wellbeing book (we think) but trending at number one in Amazon’s Gardening and Conservatories section.....or was it the Fashion and Style section? Even they don't know!
* We are puzzled about the reference to "picking herself up from her personal rock bottom". There are so many things it could be - #hairgate/#globygate/#savoygate/#horsegate/homelessness!
* Whatever rock bottom is we are wondering if she will elaborate or play the victim
* We are poised to spot any plagiarism from self help books and antique books purchased for her birthday (Nature Rambles volumes 1-4).
* The proof readers among us are about to have a breakdown at the thought of illiterate idiot going into print. She can't even proof read her posts #bare
* We amused ourselves by thinking up alternative names for the book - Ever Mean, Ever Hopeful, Ever Clever, and ...( thanks @SauceBoy )
* We are annoyed that so many authors can't get publishing deals but then they don't have "£3million followers across all platforms" - well neither do you Lidl.
* We are wondering why her PR agency Belle PR didn't suggest a discount for subscribers or a competition to win a copy. #moneygrab
* She's broken the internet with requests for signed copies...
* The only fangirling has been from Lauren, the l.a. way, and sisters/employees Fi and Cawwie.
* We look forward to the book tour and are stocked up with mini eggs and bananas.
* We realised why she furnished the Wisteria Room with an antique writing desk (not to be confused with the antique table where Diana Princess of Wales did not sign her name). Stand by for a picture of The Author at her desk, calligraphy pen in hand, ready to sign her name with a flourish.
In other news (was there other news?):
*The MGs were at Bicester spending a voucher on clothes by designers they can’t pronounce. Lidl was praised by Loro Piano for her selling power.
* Lidl spend the day laughing nervously with her current Cotswold idol @irenemylife. She wore white linen and gold accessories to pose holding Irene’s chickens and didn’t understand the term 'broody'. Lidl took Irene, who has a huge productive garden, a small bunch of white sweet peas.
* Lidl and Cawwie were at Blenheim Palace for afternoon tea but didn’t visit the exhibitions. Instead they paraded around screeching and drunk yet seemed surprised people recognised Lidl.
* Lidl was pictured front and centre in her “perfect for Ibiza”, mismatched pattern dress at an Elizabeth Arden Retinol Residency event. Most of the other influencers were in trousers.
* At 4am she asked to move hotel rooms for the rest of the night as she saw a spider!!!
Thanks to @BrookeDavis, @Allexie01 @Namima @Peppypoopar @Al Fresco @Julia123 for the screenshots
"The Author"
* Yes, the secret personal
* After months of hints we heaved a sigh of relief that it wasn’t a pregnancy…or should I just say we heaved…
* Our country-dwelling, veg-growing, dress-wearing, old money calligrapher is now the author of Evergreen.
* The book is 200 pages of lessons, tips and exercises from slothy Lidl. We suspect there are plenty of blank pages for
* It’s available from publisher Orion Spring in “hardbook” (sic), paperback, ebook and audio book and can be pre-ordered for the "price guaranteed" sum of £17.99 (hardback).
* Pay now and you can wait months for the launch date of October 12 2023 (March 2024 in the US). Best of all, you can return it within 30 days!
* The book was spotted on Amazon by super sleuth Tattler @Cmkchick a day earlier than Lidl’s announcement. It spoilt Lidl's count down. Oh dear, how sad, never mind!
* Our poll predictions (thread #181) came close to guessing but it was @Al Fresco who guessed correctly back in May…
* Of course it would be remiss to not mention @Oops... Finbar Fanfare of Announcement Furball who predicted it was a book collab with life coach Jacqueline Hurst!
* In her Vlog Lidl spent most of the time talking about the book’s green floral cover - where she appears to have dropped both her middle name and her married name - and how to buy it, without any details of the contents or the writing process. That’s because the only idea she had was the green cover and she didn’t write it!
* This is the woman who plagiarised her monthly word salad musings, then copied her own work the following year!
* She’s encouraging people to buy multiple copies across all formats. We can read it, decorate our homes with it, give it as Christmas presents, pass it down to our children, take notes on it.... but we don’t know what’s in it!
* Plus there’s the audio book, where we can listen to The Author reading it slowly in her best Princess voice.
* The book is “the hug I can’t give you” she smugly states. Who wants a hug from boney, smelly you, Lidl?
* We will be moved by it, she adds. Yes, I'm moving as far away from you as possible #faketan #sweatyfeet #doggyaroma #toomuchperfume
* It’s a self help / wellbeing book (we think) but trending at number one in Amazon’s Gardening and Conservatories section.....or was it the Fashion and Style section? Even they don't know!
* We are puzzled about the reference to "picking herself up from her personal rock bottom". There are so many things it could be - #hairgate/#globygate/#savoygate/#horsegate/homelessness!
* Whatever rock bottom is we are wondering if she will elaborate or play the victim
* We are poised to spot any plagiarism from self help books and antique books purchased for her birthday (Nature Rambles volumes 1-4).
* The proof readers among us are about to have a breakdown at the thought of illiterate idiot going into print. She can't even proof read her posts #bare
* We amused ourselves by thinking up alternative names for the book - Ever Mean, Ever Hopeful, Ever Clever, and ...( thanks @SauceBoy )
* We are annoyed that so many authors can't get publishing deals but then they don't have "£3million followers across all platforms" - well neither do you Lidl.
* We are wondering why her PR agency Belle PR didn't suggest a discount for subscribers or a competition to win a copy. #moneygrab
* She's broken the internet with requests for signed copies...
* The only fangirling has been from Lauren, the l.a. way, and sisters/employees Fi and Cawwie.
* We look forward to the book tour and are stocked up with mini eggs and bananas.
* We realised why she furnished the Wisteria Room with an antique writing desk (not to be confused with the antique table where Diana Princess of Wales did not sign her name). Stand by for a picture of The Author at her desk, calligraphy pen in hand, ready to sign her name with a flourish.
In other news (was there other news?):
*The MGs were at Bicester spending a voucher on clothes by designers they can’t pronounce. Lidl was praised by Loro Piano for her selling power.
* Lidl spend the day laughing nervously with her current Cotswold idol @irenemylife. She wore white linen and gold accessories to pose holding Irene’s chickens and didn’t understand the term 'broody'. Lidl took Irene, who has a huge productive garden, a small bunch of white sweet peas.
* Lidl and Cawwie were at Blenheim Palace for afternoon tea but didn’t visit the exhibitions. Instead they paraded around screeching and drunk yet seemed surprised people recognised Lidl.
* Lidl was pictured front and centre in her “perfect for Ibiza”, mismatched pattern dress at an Elizabeth Arden Retinol Residency event. Most of the other influencers were in trousers.
* At 4am she asked to move hotel rooms for the rest of the night as she saw a spider!!!
Thanks to @BrookeDavis, @Allexie01 @Namima @Peppypoopar @Al Fresco @Julia123 for the screenshots
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