Katie Hayes #23 Heads are spinning, Dena’s winning. Cheryl’s fled, where’s me head?!

[Doll-Parts]

Wonder if she’s actually had to be on a ward with non celeb bespoke influencers?

Think about the poor women in there too, still nauseous off all the drugs and hormones, having to cope with them two, slurping oysters and chonging twirls all over the gaff.

Can’t sleep at night for the broken ring lights, Frodo knocking up an island on wheels to keep her 1000 cards from well wishers.

THM hogging the bathroom and leaving tan footprints all over. She’s got those cringe cards everyone buys, Baby’s first smile, Baby’s first brown sharkling. Poor women.

Brown sharkling has broken me!

AT APH:

MIDWIFE: RIGHT KATE HUN YOU CAN FINALLY MEET YOUR BABY GERL CONGRATS, HERE SHE IS

*Olive is passed over the surgery screen and held in the air like a fish that’s just been caught in the sea*

DELO: FUCKIN HELL KATE SHES ERE!! 2 BECOME 3 GERL!!

THM: MATT! FUCKEN JUS GET ME PHONE NOW THOUGHT I FUCKIN SAID TO GIVE IT ME BEFORE THIS MIDWIFE HANDS HER OVER TO ME MMMKAY???!!

*Delo dives head first into his overnight bag flapping about looking for her phone whilst Kate is looking down at him picking her nose, both nostrils at the same time*

THM: *points with her middle finger to her gifted bag* ITS IN MY BAG YA head, GET OUT YOUR UNNECESSARY OVERNIGHT BAG QUICK MMMKAY, LOOK NEAR ME NEAR THE CANDLES, PAMPAS GRASS & BREATH SPRAY!!!!!

*Delo goes cross eyed for a few seconds trying to find it, finally sees it all covered in orange Dior finger marks and a strip eyelash - hands it to Momma*

MIDWIFE: HERE YOU GO SHES ALL SWADDLED HERE - WHAT ARE YA GONNA CALL HER????

Delo: A REALLY BESPOKE NAME. DO YOU WANT ANY PANELLING DOING BY THE WAY? GOT ME WORK PHONE ON ME CAN BOOK YA IN?

THM: A NAME MMMKAY, SO SO RARE, THAT NO ONE WILL EVER GUESS. A NAME SO OLD IT IS ONLY FOUND IN THE BIBLE MMKAY AND OLD HISTORY BOOKS. A NAME SO AMAZING NO ONE WILL GET IT

*Health visitor side steps into the door and is hit in the face by THM’s rancid breath that’s filled the room*

Health Visitor: *holding her nose* I AM HEALTH VISITOR KATE ... AND YOU ACCIDENTALLY LEAKED THE BABIES NAME ON INSTAGRAM VIA A DUMMY CLIP

THM: YOU ON TATTLE? MMKAY, YOU A TROLL????

MIDWIFE: DO YA DO PANELLING YEAH? ILL GIVE YA MY NUMBER IM NESTON AREA. DO YA CONVERT TINY GARAGES INTO TINY INADEQUATE LIVING ROOMS TOO???

HEALTH VISITOR: IS IT OLIVE?

DELO: I DO YEAH. FOLLOW MY INSTA AND ILL MESSAGE YA. SOZ HV BUT YOUR THE bleeping QUEEN OF TATTLE, BEST GET OUT NOW OR ILL BE KNOCKING ON YA MAMS DOOR.

*Health visitor runs towards delivery room door leaving behind a shoe like Cinderella, turns back and waits for Delo to look round, he does a phone sign with his hand to her with dead pan eyes*

THM: SHE IS GORGEOUS HONESTLY IVE NEVER SEEN A MORE BESPOKE BABY, MATT SHES YOUR PRINCESS ISNT SHE MATT? MMKAY MATT YOU OBSESSED? IM SO OBSESSED! BEST BABY EVER!!!!!!! LEMME RING CHEZZA

*dials Chez whilst the midwife tries to whack THM’s leaky tyre tit into poor Olives tiny tired mouth, Delo tries to squeeze a tear out hoping THM will see*

CHEZ: IYA BABE!!! OORRRRRR IVE BEEN WAITING BY MY PHONE GERL. I SAID TO BAAYLAY duck THE HATERS! YOU ARE SO ICONIC KATE. HEARD FROM DENA? IVE BLOCKED HER NAH.

THM: SHES HERE LUV, SHES AMAYZIN, MMMKAY, 10LB 8, GOT MY ENLARGED NOSE, NOT MUCH HAIR BUT ILL DRAG A TOOTHBRUSH THROUGH ANYWAY LIKE FOR THE GRAM. THE SECTION WAS GIFTED YA KNOW!!! HOWS IBIZA MMKAY?

CHEZ: CARRNT WAIT TO SEE HER, CAN YOU BELIEVE MARK IS ASKING ME WHERE HIS JEANS ARE? IBIZA IS GORGE HUN, LEFT MY HOOVER ROUND THE POOL YESTERDAY WHILE I WENT FOR A tit, TOLD BAYLAY KEEP AN EYE ON IT AND SOMEONES bleeping HAD OFF WITH IT

THM: OK HUN WELL I AM SO TIRED FROM ALL THIS DELIVERY MMKAY, I HAVE 10000’S OF STITCHES BUT MY SCAR IS BASICALLY INVISIBLE IM SO LUCKY. GONNA GIVE MATT AN ULTIMATUM TOMORROW WHICH FORCES HIM INTO PROPOSING, SO, YEAH.

CHEZ: YOU ARE A BOSS BABE.

*THM puts the phone down on top of Olives head, looks down at her daughter and her face lights up, she just realised the babies head is the perfect phone holder she can still scroll insta/tattle

MIDWIFE: YOUR DOING WELL KATE, KEEP YA TIT IN HER MOUTH AND LETS KEEP THE SKIN TO SK - WAIT LET ME JUST LOOK AT BABY...

DELO: WHY WHATS THE MATTER?

MIDWIFE: HER SKIN, ITS...

*THM looks down and notices all her tit strawberry mouse BPERFECT tan is all over poor bloody Olive*

THM: OH ITS THIS AMAYYYZIN TAN MMKAY, ILL WIPE IT OFF WHEN SHES FINISHED ON MY LEAKING BURGER NIP. DO YOU WANT MY DISCOUNT CODE TO ORDER SOME MMKAY?

*Midwife takes baby’s paperwork and leaves the room*

DELO: KATE THE LADS ARE OUT IN TOWN TONIGHT GERL GONNA GO WET THE BABYS HEAD.

THM: FUCKIN HELL MATT, MMKAY I KNEW THIS WAS COMING, THROWING ME ORANGE JUICE AT ME ON INSTA THE OTHER DAY LIKE A KNOB, LOOKING FED UP AS duck, SUP WITH YA DADDY DIY MMKAY?

*Delo shakes his head and moonwalks out the room all the way to the lift*

I'm in tears, even did one of those awful little piggy snort laughs

 

[Liverpool_gossipgirl_xoxo]

I dont think anyone here would ever speak negatively about how a baby looks. I think you are totally getting the wrong end of the stick. Nobody really says anything bad about THM’s looks, only genuine shock about how different she looks in real life compared to her filtered and face tuned insta persona.

I wouldn’t worry, she just says things for effect this one

 

[Glittercandy12]

AT APH:

MIDWIFE: RIGHT KATE HUN YOU CAN FINALLY MEET YOUR BABY GERL CONGRATS, HERE SHE IS

*Olive is passed over the surgery screen and held in the air like a fish that’s just been caught in the sea*

DELO: FUCKIN HELL KATE SHES ERE!! 2 BECOME 3 GERL!!

THM: MATT! FUCKEN JUS GET ME PHONE NOW THOUGHT I FUCKIN SAID TO GIVE IT ME BEFORE THIS MIDWIFE HANDS HER OVER TO ME MMMKAY???!!

*Delo dives head first into his overnight bag flapping about looking for her phone whilst Kate is looking down at him picking her nose, both nostrils at the same time*

THM: *points with her middle finger to her gifted bag* ITS IN MY BAG YA head, GET OUT YOUR UNNECESSARY OVERNIGHT BAG QUICK MMMKAY, LOOK NEAR ME NEAR THE CANDLES, PAMPAS GRASS & BREATH SPRAY!!!!!

*Delo goes cross eyed for a few seconds trying to find it, finally sees it all covered in orange Dior finger marks and a strip eyelash - hands it to Momma*

MIDWIFE: HERE YOU GO SHES ALL SWADDLED HERE - WHAT ARE YA GONNA CALL HER????

Delo: A REALLY BESPOKE NAME. DO YOU WANT ANY PANELLING DOING BY THE WAY? GOT ME WORK PHONE ON ME CAN BOOK YA IN?

THM: A NAME MMMKAY, SO SO RARE, THAT NO ONE WILL EVER GUESS. A NAME SO OLD IT IS ONLY FOUND IN THE BIBLE MMKAY AND OLD HISTORY BOOKS. A NAME SO AMAZING NO ONE WILL GET IT

*Health visitor side steps into the door and is hit in the face by THM’s rancid breath that’s filled the room*

Health Visitor: *holding her nose* I AM HEALTH VISITOR KATE ... AND YOU ACCIDENTALLY LEAKED THE BABIES NAME ON INSTAGRAM VIA A DUMMY CLIP

THM: YOU ON TATTLE? MMKAY, YOU A TROLL????

MIDWIFE: DO YA DO PANELLING YEAH? ILL GIVE YA MY NUMBER IM NESTON AREA. DO YA CONVERT TINY GARAGES INTO TINY INADEQUATE LIVING ROOMS TOO???

HEALTH VISITOR: IS IT OLIVE?

DELO: I DO YEAH. FOLLOW MY INSTA AND ILL MESSAGE YA. SOZ HV BUT YOUR THE bleeping QUEEN OF TATTLE, BEST GET OUT NOW OR ILL BE KNOCKING ON YA MAMS DOOR.

*Health visitor runs towards delivery room door leaving behind a shoe like Cinderella, turns back and waits for Delo to look round, he does a phone sign with his hand to her with dead pan eyes*

THM: SHE IS GORGEOUS HONESTLY IVE NEVER SEEN A MORE BESPOKE BABY, MATT SHES YOUR PRINCESS ISNT SHE MATT? MMKAY MATT YOU OBSESSED? IM SO OBSESSED! BEST BABY EVER!!!!!!! LEMME RING CHEZZA

*dials Chez whilst the midwife tries to whack THM’s leaky tyre tit into poor Olives tiny tired mouth, Delo tries to squeeze a tear out hoping THM will see*

CHEZ: IYA BABE!!! OORRRRRR IVE BEEN WAITING BY MY PHONE GERL. I SAID TO BAAYLAY duck THE HATERS! YOU ARE SO ICONIC KATE. HEARD FROM DENA? IVE BLOCKED HER NAH.

THM: SHES HERE LUV, SHES AMAYZIN, MMMKAY, 10LB 8, GOT MY ENLARGED NOSE, NOT MUCH HAIR BUT ILL DRAG A TOOTHBRUSH THROUGH ANYWAY LIKE FOR THE GRAM. THE SECTION WAS GIFTED YA KNOW!!! HOWS IBIZA MMKAY?

CHEZ: CARRNT WAIT TO SEE HER, CAN YOU BELIEVE MARK IS ASKING ME WHERE HIS JEANS ARE? IBIZA IS GORGE HUN, LEFT MY HOOVER ROUND THE POOL YESTERDAY WHILE I WENT FOR A tit, TOLD BAYLAY KEEP AN EYE ON IT AND SOMEONES bleeping HAD OFF WITH IT

THM: OK HUN WELL I AM SO TIRED FROM ALL THIS DELIVERY MMKAY, I HAVE 10000’S OF STITCHES BUT MY SCAR IS BASICALLY INVISIBLE IM SO LUCKY. GONNA GIVE MATT AN ULTIMATUM TOMORROW WHICH FORCES HIM INTO PROPOSING, SO, YEAH.

CHEZ: YOU ARE A BOSS BABE.

*THM puts the phone down on top of Olives head, looks down at her daughter and her face lights up, she just realised the babies head is the perfect phone holder she can still scroll insta/tattle

MIDWIFE: YOUR DOING WELL KATE, KEEP YA TIT IN HER MOUTH AND LETS KEEP THE SKIN TO SK - WAIT LET ME JUST LOOK AT BABY...

DELO: WHY WHATS THE MATTER?

MIDWIFE: HER SKIN, ITS...

*THM looks down and notices all her tit strawberry mouse BPERFECT tan is all over poor bloody Olive*

THM: OH ITS THIS AMAYYYZIN TAN MMKAY, ILL WIPE IT OFF WHEN SHES FINISHED ON MY LEAKING BURGER NIP. DO YOU WANT MY DISCOUNT CODE TO ORDER SOME MMKAY?

*Midwife takes baby’s paperwork and leaves the room*

DELO: KATE THE LADS ARE OUT IN TOWN TONIGHT GERL GONNA GO WET THE BABYS HEAD.

THM: FUCKIN HELL MATT, MMKAY I KNEW THIS WAS COMING, THROWING ME ORANGE JUICE AT ME ON INSTA THE OTHER DAY LIKE A KNOB, LOOKING FED UP AS duck, SUP WITH YA DADDY DIY MMKAY?

*Delo shakes his head and moonwalks out the room all the way to the lift*

Omg im howling, missed these
You need to start a blog the day and the bespoke life of truffle hog momma

 

[Whatsthefuss]

Pretty sure tattle rules state no flouncing about leaving ah well! Can’t wait for us to not troll the baby but we sure as tit will have something to say over her filtering the crap out of the poor baby

 

[noseybirdxo]

i love reading this thread but oh my god i can’t keep up with how quick it moves, i see things i wanna reply to but can’t cos there’s already another 500 threads

 

[bellinibobble]

Pretty sure tattle rules state no flouncing about leaving ah well! Can’t wait for us to not troll the baby but we sure as tit will have something to say over her filtering the crap out of the poor baby

You can’t knock the mods, they’re on it

People are very quick to moderate threads but can rarely give examples of the so called rule breaking behaviour

 

[Charlie Farlie]

Pretty sure tattle rules state no flouncing about leaving ah well! Can’t wait for us to not troll the baby but we sure as tit will have something to say over her filtering the crap out of the poor baby

Does THM use a filter?? Neeeee bleeping way!!
I guess I’m always learning things on here.

 

[gigi_93]

I’ve probably seen one comment about the baby having her nose and that’s it. And that’s hardly the worst thing someone could say. Nobody here would judge how a baby looks! Certainly not the regulars at least. Anyway, still crying at delo moonwalking ffs

 

[Scottishlurker09]

AT APH:

MIDWIFE: RIGHT KATE HUN YOU CAN FINALLY MEET YOUR BABY GERL CONGRATS, HERE SHE IS

*Olive is passed over the surgery screen and held in the air like a fish that’s just been caught in the sea*

DELO: FUCKIN HELL KATE SHES ERE!! 2 BECOME 3 GERL!!

THM: MATT! FUCKEN JUS GET ME PHONE NOW THOUGHT I FUCKIN SAID TO GIVE IT ME BEFORE THIS MIDWIFE HANDS HER OVER TO ME MMMKAY???!!

*Delo dives head first into his overnight bag flapping about looking for her phone whilst Kate is looking down at him picking her nose, both nostrils at the same time*

THM: *points with her middle finger to her gifted bag* ITS IN MY BAG YA head, GET OUT YOUR UNNECESSARY OVERNIGHT BAG QUICK MMMKAY, LOOK NEAR ME NEAR THE CANDLES, PAMPAS GRASS & BREATH SPRAY!!!!!

*Delo goes cross eyed for a few seconds trying to find it, finally sees it all covered in orange Dior finger marks and a strip eyelash - hands it to Momma*

MIDWIFE: HERE YOU GO SHES ALL SWADDLED HERE - WHAT ARE YA GONNA CALL HER????

Delo: A REALLY BESPOKE NAME. DO YOU WANT ANY PANELLING DOING BY THE WAY? GOT ME WORK PHONE ON ME CAN BOOK YA IN?

THM: A NAME MMMKAY, SO SO RARE, THAT NO ONE WILL EVER GUESS. A NAME SO OLD IT IS ONLY FOUND IN THE BIBLE MMKAY AND OLD HISTORY BOOKS. A NAME SO AMAZING NO ONE WILL GET IT

*Health visitor side steps into the door and is hit in the face by THM’s rancid breath that’s filled the room*

Health Visitor: *holding her nose* I AM HEALTH VISITOR KATE ... AND YOU ACCIDENTALLY LEAKED THE BABIES NAME ON INSTAGRAM VIA A DUMMY CLIP

THM: YOU ON TATTLE? MMKAY, YOU A TROLL????

MIDWIFE: DO YA DO PANELLING YEAH? ILL GIVE YA MY NUMBER IM NESTON AREA. DO YA CONVERT TINY GARAGES INTO TINY INADEQUATE LIVING ROOMS TOO???

HEALTH VISITOR: IS IT OLIVE?

DELO: I DO YEAH. FOLLOW MY INSTA AND ILL MESSAGE YA. SOZ HV BUT YOUR THE bleeping QUEEN OF TATTLE, BEST GET OUT NOW OR ILL BE KNOCKING ON YA MAMS DOOR.

*Health visitor runs towards delivery room door leaving behind a shoe like Cinderella, turns back and waits for Delo to look round, he does a phone sign with his hand to her with dead pan eyes*

THM: SHE IS GORGEOUS HONESTLY IVE NEVER SEEN A MORE BESPOKE BABY, MATT SHES YOUR PRINCESS ISNT SHE MATT? MMKAY MATT YOU OBSESSED? IM SO OBSESSED! BEST BABY EVER!!!!!!! LEMME RING CHEZZA

*dials Chez whilst the midwife tries to whack THM’s leaky tyre tit into poor Olives tiny tired mouth, Delo tries to squeeze a tear out hoping THM will see*

CHEZ: IYA BABE!!! OORRRRRR IVE BEEN WAITING BY MY PHONE GERL. I SAID TO BAAYLAY duck THE HATERS! YOU ARE SO ICONIC KATE. HEARD FROM DENA? IVE BLOCKED HER NAH.

THM: SHES HERE LUV, SHES AMAYZIN, MMMKAY, 10LB 8, GOT MY ENLARGED NOSE, NOT MUCH HAIR BUT ILL DRAG A TOOTHBRUSH THROUGH ANYWAY LIKE FOR THE GRAM. THE SECTION WAS GIFTED YA KNOW!!! HOWS IBIZA MMKAY?

CHEZ: CARRNT WAIT TO SEE HER, CAN YOU BELIEVE MARK IS ASKING ME WHERE HIS JEANS ARE? IBIZA IS GORGE HUN, LEFT MY HOOVER ROUND THE POOL YESTERDAY WHILE I WENT FOR A tit, TOLD BAYLAY KEEP AN EYE ON IT AND SOMEONES bleeping HAD OFF WITH IT

THM: OK HUN WELL I AM SO TIRED FROM ALL THIS DELIVERY MMKAY, I HAVE 10000’S OF STITCHES BUT MY SCAR IS BASICALLY INVISIBLE IM SO LUCKY. GONNA GIVE MATT AN ULTIMATUM TOMORROW WHICH FORCES HIM INTO PROPOSING, SO, YEAH.

CHEZ: YOU ARE A BOSS BABE.

*THM puts the phone down on top of Olives head, looks down at her daughter and her face lights up, she just realised the babies head is the perfect phone holder she can still scroll insta/tattle

MIDWIFE: YOUR DOING WELL KATE, KEEP YA TIT IN HER MOUTH AND LETS KEEP THE SKIN TO SK - WAIT LET ME JUST LOOK AT BABY...

DELO: WHY WHATS THE MATTER?

MIDWIFE: HER SKIN, ITS...

*THM looks down and notices all her tit strawberry mouse BPERFECT tan is all over poor bloody Olive*

THM: OH ITS THIS AMAYYYZIN TAN MMKAY, ILL WIPE IT OFF WHEN SHES FINISHED ON MY LEAKING BURGER NIP. DO YOU WANT MY DISCOUNT CODE TO ORDER SOME MMKAY?

*Midwife takes baby’s paperwork and leaves the room*

DELO: KATE THE LADS ARE OUT IN TOWN TONIGHT GERL GONNA GO WET THE BABYS HEAD.

THM: FUCKIN HELL MATT, MMKAY I KNEW THIS WAS COMING, THROWING ME ORANGE JUICE AT ME ON INSTA THE OTHER DAY LIKE A KNOB, LOOKING FED UP AS duck, SUP WITH YA DADDY DIY MMKAY?

*Delo shakes his head and moonwalks out the room all the way to the lift*

You've actually made my night, I couldn't even open my eyes from laughing and tears streaming keep it coming

 

[QueenBarb]

THM herself said that on her 4D Scan that the baby has her nose??

She’s also said herself her nose has bleeping tripled in size which is norm for pregnancy?

THM also edits her nose to death on her make up “tutorials” where you can see the filter bouncing off whenever she turns.. THAT is bleeping cringe, so jog on Leah, no baby photos will be posted on here that baby has done duck all wrong.
Peace and love and truffle.

 

[Charlie Farlie]

Noooo sign of little legs out tonight on anyone’s snapchat?? Allegedly of course. I’m thinking he’s got to be out before he gets cable tied to the Leccy pram.

 

[Noseyscouser82]

There have just been loadsa fireworks in New Ferry.... wonder if it’s our Matty celebrating

 

[Eleanor Abernathy]

There have just been loadsa fireworks in New Ferry.... wonder if it’s our Matty celebrating

We’ve just heard loads of fireworks too and we’re the other side of the water. Were we all meant to set them off tonight in celebration and we missed the memo somehow?

 

[Star12]

We saw the royal babies quicker than this!

 

[XoxoGigixoxo]

I’m so happy this thread is back on the straight and narrow(well as much as it can be, yous know what I mean ). I was really debating giving up tattle after the last thread, it proper sent me west but so glad normal service has resumed As you were tattlers...

P.S I also reckon a Sunday announcement is pending, we shall see

 

[Perfectsmile01]

Noooo sign of little legs out tonight on anyone’s snapchat?? Allegedly of course. I’m thinking he’s got to be out before he gets cable tied to the Leccy pram.

Little legs either cable tied or they get one of these to give him a leg up on the pram......

 

[Charlie Farlie]

D

We’ve just heard loads of fireworks too and we’re the other side of the water. Were we all meant to set them off tonight in celebration and we missed the memo somehow?

Well someone has just been shot about 5 miles from me earlier. So no fireworks here now

 

[gigi_93]

No photos yet as Trolive has probably ended up on New Brighton beach after the leccy pram malfunctioned

 

[I'm Sayin Nuttin]

Noooo sign of little legs out tonight on anyone’s snapchat?? Allegedly of course. I’m thinking he’s got to be out before he gets cable tied to the Leccy pram.

When I read little legs I thought you meant the baby before I realised Delo. Buckled

 

[Chunkywithopinions]

I had an absolute scrote in with me - rang her mum and told her she was going to chokeslam her in between sneaking in and out for a ciggy. It was her 7th kid and the fella looked like a broken human in every single way possible.

I dont think anyone here would ever speak negatively about how a baby looks. I think you are totally getting the wrong end of the stick. Nobody really says anything bad about THM’s looks, only genuine shock about how different she looks in real life compared to her filtered and face tuned insta persona.