Jack Monroe #589 You have no authority here, Jackie Deceiver

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witchofwestbyfleet

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Winning thread title by @Elsie Ben Felyn, nominated by @nothanksbabes and @houseofhoop. You each win a ring light so you look nice during contentious Zoom calls.

Recap: Guest has been quiet since the Oasis tickets fuss, and all her tweets have auto-deleted yet again. However, she is currently posting in a Facebook group that promises to make small decisions for you. So far she's asked them what to do about her MIDDLE AGED GREEK-IRISH hair, and told someone their ex ain't worth it. We also discovered that she's been regularly attending Southend Council meetings, which are all available online anyway and are so boring no one attends in person unless they have to. Guest evidently finds them boring as well because she can be seen yawning, stretching, slumping, and picking her nose - all in full view of the camera because she makes sure she sits right behind the council chairman.

Carp Man is still not happy with her, and continues to be at war with socks which we cannot identify as her or not. She still has the best part of £200,000 to hand. Past mitherings on the last thread included terrible tattoos, and Mel Donte.

Wiki on the pink button!
 
I hear Asda has a new JackMonroeTM dinnerware range coming out, "Eternal Bridesmaid"
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threeSMEGfridges said:
What about rotten ouchy teeth 🦷 Jack?
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Quoting from the last thread to say I chipped a chunk of one of my front teeth last night, and my immediate thoughts after checking it for root exposure was 'am I turning into Jack with the crumbly teeth?' ( I also currently have an ouchie shoulder, probably gonna be eating with a spoon mostly these days 🥄 🦷)
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ForgettyBetty said:
I hear Asda has a new JackMonroeTM dinnerware range coming out, "Eternal Bridesmaid"
View attachment 3156014 q
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I just hoot laughed like Melanie from Neighbour's at this 😂
 
Seaford Haggington said:
Her follower numbers are in rapid decline and at the current rate we should get a nice xmas present of them going below 500,000.
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I’m wondering if the slow abandoning of X as a platform will mean we get a Jack softly gently putting her head above the parapet on Threads or if she’ll stick to FB where she can control the narrative almost entirely like her fellow grifter manbehavingdadly
 
I think I have found the start of jack as bowls.

Jack Monroe #184 Jack Monroe's Big Book of Boak

The mystery location is part of a chain she has used before. They appear to have a programme where you can sign up for benefits - 25% off bookings, late checkout, "and the occasional extra treat." A fridge full of hipster beverages and limes??
tattle.life

really gets going page 43

enjoy! And best not consume snacks or beverages, don’t want to lose anybody
 
Captainmouse said:
I think I have found the start of jack as bowls.

Jack Monroe #184 Jack Monroe's Big Book of Boak

The mystery location is part of a chain she has used before. They appear to have a programme where you can sign up for benefits - 25% off bookings, late checkout, "and the occasional extra treat." A fridge full of hipster beverages and limes??
tattle.life

really gets going page 43

enjoy! And best not consume snacks or beverages, don’t want to lose anybody
Click to expand...

I thought I'd grunked almost everything, but I hadn't seen the bowls! I love it so much.

But I also saw this, I'm not intending to 'looks shame', I'm no photogenic Natalie Portman lookalike myself - but this photo. This. This has ended me.

1000045437.jpg


Where does it fit in the upstaging the bride, RAF wanking over her, Mrs Gloss compliment twawling timelines?

Because I just CAN'T breathe anymore.

Throw me in a ditch or feed me to overpriced golden doodles. I am DONE. 🤣
 
pumbilical cord said:
I thought I'd grunked almost everything, but I hadn't seen the bowls! I love it so much.

But I also saw this, I'm not intending to 'looks shame', I'm no photogenic Natalie Portman lookalike myself - but this photo. This. This has ended me.

View attachment 3156059 q

Where does it fit in the upstaging the bride, RAF wanking over her, Mrs Gloss compliment twawling timelines?

Because I just CAN'T breathe anymore.

Throw me in a ditch or feed me to overpriced golden doodles. I am DONE. 🤣
Click to expand...
And that’s probably filtered to duck too
 
ForgettyBetty said:
I hear Asda has a new JackMonroeTM dinnerware range coming out, "Eternal Bridesmaid"
View attachment 3156014 q
Click to expand...
Does that replace the"Eternal Twathead" range, or is it in addition?
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pumbilical cord said:
Quoting from the last thread to say I chipped a chunk of one of my front teeth last night, and my immediate thoughts after checking it for root exposure was 'am I turning into Jack with the crumbly teeth?' ( I also currently have an ouchie shoulder, probably gonna be eating with a spoon mostly these days 🥄 🦷)
---

I just hoot laughed like Melanie from Neighbour's at this 😂
Click to expand...
I chipped a chunk of one of my front teeth last night,

I did this a year or so ago when I slipped in the bath and bounced my face off 1) the windowsill, 2) the edge of the sink then 3) the bath tap.*

Hurt like EFF - and I had a spectacularly bruised face and lips like I'd eaten 10 tubes of salt-and-vinegar Pringles. You have my sympathy.

*There are Japanese cubicle hotels that are roomier than our bathroom.
 
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TheMiceInTheShed said:
Does that replace the"Eternal Twathead" range, or is it in addition?
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I chipped a chunk of one of my front teeth last night,

I did this a year or so ago when I slipped in the bath and bounced my face off 1) the windowsill, 2) the edge of the sink then 3) the bath tap.*

Hurt like EFF - and I had a spectacularly bruised face and lips like I'd eaten 10 tubes of salt-and-vinegar Pringles. You have my sympathy.

*There are Japanese cubicle hotels that are roomier than our bathroom.
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Laugh / wow /ouch/ hug /ditto
 
ForgettyBetty said:
Laugh / wow /ouch/ hug /ditto
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I should have mentioned that there was blood up the walls, too - don't ask me how, but I think that as I struggled to get to my feet again and kept slipping back in in a pool of my own gore I must have been grabbing at th shower screen and flinging my head about.

I can laugh about it now, but I wasn't laughing when Mr Mice had to lift me out of the bath. (I'd gone down like a bag of hammers and alerted the entire household.)
 
pumbilical cord said:
But I also saw this, I'm not intending to 'looks shame', I'm no photogenic Natalie Portman lookalike myself - but this photo. This. This has ended me.
View attachment 3156059 q
Where does it fit in the upstaging the bride, RAF wanking over her, Mrs Gloss compliment twawling timelines?

Because I just CAN'T breathe anymore.

Throw me in a ditch or feed me to overpriced golden doodles. I am DONE. 🤣
Click to expand...
Ummmmm excuse you! THAT is Countryfile Jack (of the jazzy shirt) 2018. i.e. this is Jack cosplaying as landed gentry.
IMG_5585.jpeg

Bride Upstaging: 2014
Randy RAF-ers Rubbing their errr Rudiments Ragged: Also 2018 (Feb)
Mrs Gloss: 2016-2019 (when she got bored cos she wasn’t being fussed over as much). Basically she’s just been a twit for a decade.
 
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