Jack Monroe #581 I’d rather shove a live lobster up my ring

[Grifty Mc]

Spoiler: Fingers mither mither

I’ll not forgive Fingers for the fact he pretended that he could get people to lose weight on a calorie controlled diet (and got at least one book and tv series out of it) when what he’d done to lose weight was stop drinking 10 pints and a bottle of spirits a day.

In my head I pronounced that as “mither, mither”
As you were.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

We got hee haw during the run up to the vote. No letters, no one at the door. I dont mind tbh, it would not have made any difference to how we voted. Wee rural village, gone from SNP to Labour although it was a close thing with the Lib Dems. I'm just glad we are not southend adjacent. No accidental guests.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Her red suit makes me think of someone turning up in a big white dress at someone else's wedding.

 

[CrackingOwlSanctuary]

Unfortunately despite being a safe seat for decades no tory canvassers knocked on our door this time around, disappointing really because their leaflet had a whole page of fanfare promises I was looking forward to denouncing as complete fantasy due to my job and knowing it was all complete bollocks.

 

[hoopdedoo]

If guest wants to pick up another sideboard, slightly used.....

 

[Grifty Mc]

If guest wants to pick up another sideboard, slightly used.....
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Is that her bleeping lashes for handles?

 

[Carefree]

If guest wants to pick up another sideboard, slightly used.....
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Not from Cotswolds?

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

If guest wants to pick up another sideboard, slightly used.....
View attachment 3042638 q

It would go nicely with her grey undies for lounging in.

 

[Mr Krabs]

Living in Southend near to her is bad enough but scary thinking I could have opened my door to find Jack Monroe standing there! I’d have thought I’d been

Boo, I guess?

 

[Grifty Mc]

Living in Southend near to her is bad enough but scary thinking I could have opened my door to find Jack Monroe standing there! I’d have thought I’d been

You could have claimed she was being an evil stalker,

 

[Onestorytoomany]

You could have claimed she was being an evil stalker,

She coukd have sernaded you with one of her hits or invited you round for tea and sand..wiches.

 

[Grifty Mc]

She coukd have sernaded you with one of her hits or invited you round for tea and sand..wiches.

I love that I don’t know if ‘sand..witches’ is a typo or if it is just that her sarnies would be dry as sand. I bet they would be both wet from botulism salad but dry from tit bread.

 

[rage naan]

I don't answer the door.

do you do what i do, and peer through the many layers of voiles that you haven't sold despite selling everything you owned?

 

[Esmeposslethwaite]

She looked like she was there as a novelty candidate.

I think she was... rinsed bean face?

 

[I'm not actually here]

Spoiler: Fingers mither mither

I’ll not forgive Fingers for the fact he pretended that he could get people to lose weight on a calorie controlled diet (and got at least one book and tv series out of it) when what he’d done to lose weight was stop drinking 10 pints and a bottle of spirits a day.

Fkme. So as a Thinnifer, I simply need to do a reverse???!
---

Unfortunately despite being a safe seat for decades no tory canvassers knocked on our door this time around, disappointing really because their leaflet had a whole page of fanfare promises I was looking forward to denouncing as complete fantasy due to my job and knowing it was all complete bollocks.

Is there no way to demand they return? It would fill the 4 years of utter boredom between elections AND, potentially be the most riveting reality TV ever.

I'll vote for you. N pay 10p for the call. Just once, like. But I will.

 

[Grifty Mc]

I think she was... rinsed bean face?

Could you not have come up with this a few pages ago so we could have it for a thread title!

 

[Onestorytoomany]

I am shook, i thought now she was like the saviour of all mankind, who singularly won the labour vote for .. MEN to steal the limelight that she is now nowhere to seen or honked... I mean why isn't she fist waving about jollof rice again, could it be that she really that involved they gave her some leaflets and a "good effort" sticker and sent her on her merry way.

 

[Grifty Mc]

I am shook, i thought now she was like the saviour of all mankind, who singularly won the labour vote for .. MEN to steal the limelight that she is now nowhere to seen or honked... I mean why isn't she fist waving about jollof rice again, could it be that she really that involved they gave her some leaflets and a "good effort" sticker and sent her on her merry way.

It’s like when you get a sticker from the dentist for being a good girl.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

In my head I pronounced that as “mither, mither”
As you were.

You pronounced the second "mither" wrong.

It's "mither". not "mither".

You did it right the first time, so we know you can do it properly.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

New post now we’ve hit 1000: https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-582-a-literal-walking-red-flag.45975/