Jack Monroe #559 Untitled Jack Monroe Memoir

[skronkywildcat]

The WHAT ARE YOU people are the version of the Should Have Kept Your LEGS CLOSED people. No doubt the good gentlefolk of Per Rialto were equally insulting to the poor plucky pixie, but as she couldn’t understand the Italian for WHITE TRASH SHOULDN’T BREED, she scampered about their city remaining oblivious to their cutting remarks.

Guarda la donna con il cibo matto? Pulita bianca, proprio.

 

[griftalo]

You're right @SlopAmbsase! I'd forgotten that it was Cheryl from the salon who gave Aunty Pat the perm that went wrong. I never got to the bottom of why Cheryl and Pat fell out but Cheryl was fuming (and also probs fumin' on perm mix fumes, wink,wink) and clearly that perm was a hatchet job and then Pat refused to let her do her makeup for the show. And that's why she looked like a creepy marionette dragged backwards through a hedge.

Aunty Pat gets her hair done by Maxine of Cutz 'n Snipz now, the ones just behind the Nationwide off the high street.

I came for guest, I live for aunty pat!!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Looking at the long haired pic in particular, I thought, “you can tell just from looking at her that she’s utterly unhinged”. But then I began to wonder about this. I mean, I like to think that most of us here look at those photos and see something’s not right but she is obviously able to move about in the general populace and find people willing to work with and date her.

Do you think fraus just have particularly well-developed nutter radars?

They really are the most dreadful cunts, but I don’t think the pics the Mail chose to accompany her ridiculous “sobriety article” were entirely an accident.

Spoiler: ETA spoiler for screenies

Plus there’s one of her and LJC which looks like she’s drugged and Velcro-ed LJC to the side of her head in some sort of hostage situation.

There’s also this one, not from the Mail but terrifying nonetheless. I think Medusa would turn to stone at this.

And as for the ill-concealed fury at being ignored here…

oh, and…

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Perhaps her houses wouldnt be so damp and mouldy if every single square inch of her housevwasnt cluttered and her plaster on her walls could breathe andvdry out. She honestly has no clue of how too keep a house. Its all very welll cluttering the place but you also have to mantain and clean it, ya numpty!

 

[griftalo]

They really are the most dreadful cunts, but I don’t think the pics the Mail chose to accompany her ridiculous “sobriety article” were entirely an accident.
View attachment 2659261 qView attachment 2659262 qView attachment 2659263 qView attachment 2659267 qView attachment 2659265 qPlus there’s one of her and LJC which looks like she’s drugged and Velcro-ed LJC to the side of her head in some sort of hostage situation.

There’s also this one, not from the Mail but terrifying nonetheless. I think Medusa would turn to stone at this.
View attachment 2659269 qAnd as for the ill-concealed fury at being ignored here…View attachment 2659275 qoh, and…
View attachment 2659279 qView attachment 2659280 q

That style of eye shadow in the white t shirt pic does nothing for her. Awful. I haven’t had enough coffee to be coherent about the other stuff but yuk, her personality shines through with every snap!

 

[SleevelessSlopSlinger]

They really are the most dreadful cunts, but I don’t think the pics the Mail chose to accompany her ridiculous “sobriety article” were entirely an accident.
View attachment 2659261 qView attachment 2659262 qView attachment 2659263 qView attachment 2659267 qView attachment 2659265 qPlus there’s one of her and LJC which looks like she’s drugged and Velcro-ed LJC to the side of her head in some sort of hostage situation.

There’s also this one, not from the Mail but terrifying nonetheless. I think Medusa would turn to stone at this.
View attachment 2659269 qAnd as for the ill-concealed fury at being ignored here…View attachment 2659275 qoh, and…
View attachment 2659279 qView attachment 2659280 q

The picture of her being ignored will never not be funny.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

The picture of her being ignored will never not be funny.

It’s the juxtaposition in the same vid between the “abject fury at being completely ignored by plebs”

And the “utter glee at getting lots of undivided attention from A CELEBRITY”

that really makes it so glorious too. bleeping narc nightmare.

 

[YerDa]

“Hi, Posterity here. It’s 2024 tomorrow guest, just checking how 2023 went for you?”

 

[blueorchid]

There's an obvious sock on Twitter urging people to sign up to Patreon and saying that it's all an orchestrated hate campaign against guest.

Hi Jack

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I came for guest, I live for aunty pat!!

ETA Here’s Aunty Pat the time in 1971 she heard Dave Lee Travis play Imagine on Radio 2, and got big into John Lennon

Spoiler

actually she looks like she’s trying to be big into The Stone Roses or Happy Mondays but the timeline doesn’t fit and she’s TOO BORING.

 

[elepal]

Couldn't understand the Italian? Excuse you, guest wrote all her recipe notes in Italian while she was crossing the Per Rialto. The fact she couldn't understand the basic street signs while also being fluent is just because she's got such a maverick pixie brain. And these recipe notes ~definitely~ exist. The recipes just haven't been shared yet because guest is so busy putting the final, final, final touches to the VBI.

The Violet Beauregarde Irritator is due any day now...

 

[Foxvint]

View attachment 2659302 q
“Hi, Posterity here. It’s 2024 tomorrow guest, just checking how 2023 went for you?”

She certainly un-alived her career. I hate New Year when every toxic toe rag waxes lyrical about 'leaving behind everything that doesn't serve me' when they'll be just as much of a galloping bleep next year as they were in this one.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Maybe she's wandering round in circles in one of Essex's parks, desperately trying to remember where the gate is.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Maybe she's wandering round in circles in one of Essex's parks, desperately trying to remember where the gate is.

 

[griftalo]

View attachment 2659313 q

ETA Here’s Aunty Pat the time in 1971 she heard Dave Lee Travis play Imagine on Radio 2, and got big into John Lennon

Spoiler

View attachment 2659315 qactually she looks like she’s trying to be big into The Stone Roses or Happy Mondays but the timeline doesn’t fit and she’s TOO BORING.

That’s Lionel, he tried going by L’nL but his mates just laughed at him. Kinnel Linnel they started saying. He’s Aunty Sandra’s estranged son, he couldn’t cope with the saucy parties- and went to live with Uncle Rob. He likes to make out he’s into YOOF Culture but he’s just a massive wazzock, well that’s what Rob called him, Rob isn’t even his uncle, he just dated Sandra back in the day and felt a bit sorry for him, and he charges him rent so that helps with Rob’s tarantula collection.

 

[Ablemabel]

View attachment 2659302 q
“Hi, Posterity here. It’s 2024 tomorrow guest, just checking how 2023 went for you?”

That post was so bleeping loaded, wasn't it?

 

[Cookiecookie]

I'm hooting at the idea of Jack thinking she could take any bloke in a fight. Why the need for a stab vest at Glastonbury then if you're so hard? Honestly, she'd piss her pants just going into the big shopping centre here. The locals are a bit lively at times...

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

View attachment 2659340 q

God, she’s such a middle-class, middle-aged frump, isn’t she. This is what terrifies her. She likes to think she’s a ‘maverick’, when she’s really ‘Mavis from Thorpe Bay’.

 

[rage naan]

Guarda la donna con il cibo matto? Pulita bianca, proprio.

Haha I was just imagining guest imagining guest sailing serenely through Venice on a gondola, or swaggering like a supermodel down the streets of Milan, while all around her commotion would follow - a flurry of "che cos'è? E Uno ragazzo? Una ragazza? Ma che bellissima! Allora, aspetto... UNO BAMBINO? Senza il anello nuziale? Che scandalo! Chiama al polizia!" Because I imagine guest is at a similar Duolingo stage to me but doesn't let that stop her

Spoiler: Pulita Bianca?

pure white? Is that a slang for the ? Lol

 

[Be our guest]

God, she’s such a middle-class, middle-aged frump, isn’t she. This is what terrifies her. She likes to think she’s a ‘maverick’, when she’s really ‘Mavis from Thorpe Bay’.

Never not amused by guest in her middle aged middle class mum joules jacket i have one so does my mum and my sister in law