Jack Monroe #539 The devil works hard, but portrait mode works harder

[LizzieE.]

When I find myself in times of pumble, mamapapa jack comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
"Risotto is rice." And I'm a PhD

Apologies to Sir Paul mcartney
---

A hospital bed I assume tenderstem? Get well soon dear heart

Some kind of nest...I don't remeber it being like this.
All sorts of crumbs and anchovy butter everywhere and I'm surrounded by stacks of boxes.
Where am I?

 

[Landslide]

@Landslide...how much could you stand? I got to her inhaling and letting out the thinnest of sounds and I don't remeber what happened after that. I woke up in bed

Tenderstem you survived. That’s all we can ask with allergies this severe. I now have no memories of what I just watched. Just a hound yowling at innocent bystanders with a thought bubble hovering overhead saying ‘if I do this Uncle Billy will give me a record deal’
---

Some kind of nest...I don't remeber it being like this.
All sorts of crumbs and anchovy butter everywhere and I'm surrounded by stacks of boxes.
Where am I?

OH NO THE UPSIDEDOWN PUMBLE!

 

[LizzieE.]

Tenderstem you survived. That’s all we can ask with allergies this severe. I now have no memories of what I just watched. Just a hound yowling at innocent bystanders with a thought bubble hovering overhead saying ‘if I do this Uncle Billy with give me a record deal’
---

OH NO THE UPSIDEDOWN PUMBLE!

Don't say that!
It smells of trapped farts.
Is Winona Ryder with you?
Tell her to spark up a fag, you've got a job for her.

 

[Esmeposslethwaite]

Tenderstem you survived. That’s all we can ask with allergies this severe. I now have no memories of what I just watched. Just a hound yowling at innocent bystanders with a thought bubble hovering overhead saying ‘if I do this Uncle Billy with give me a record deal’
---

OH NO THE UPSIDEDOWN PUMBLE!

See if you can crawl out of the fishy bed nest, push through the boxes ( despite what is written on them they are empty) and see if you can make it to the safety of the sofa, there to sleep, softly, gently, performitvily, rehearsally, until you can downsize to a one bed flat. God speed dear heart. Now duck off

 

[phoebuscartel]

View attachment 2418498 q

I hope this is true.

Manifesting Mrs Matt to join Tattle

I’m manifesting DKL runners / producers

 

[BeardyBap]

Some kind of nest...I don't remeber it being like this.
All sorts of crumbs and anchovy butter everywhere and I'm surrounded by stacks of boxes.
Where am I?

The pumble is coming from inside the house! For the love of god get out of there!

 

[LizzieE.]

See if you can crawl out of the fishy bed nest, push through the boxes ( despite what is written on them they are empty) and see if you can make it to the safety of the sofa, there to sleep, softly, gently, performitvily, rehearsally, until you can downsize to a one bed flat. God speed dear heart. Now duck off

I am so terribly weak. But, if you send cashios I'll give it a go...I suppose

 

[MooBelle]

any good diving around there?

Fun fact about teenage me...
My uncle was a navy frogman in the 70s and 80s.
At his retirement party his navy mates got him a tshirt with 'Muff Diver' on it. Hilarious.
Unfortunately as a sweet summer child I knew nothing of such filth and up into my adulthood I genuinely thought Muff Diver was some sort of naval rank that he'd reached.

 

[Esmeposslethwaite]

I am so terribly weak. But, if you send cashios I'll give it a go...I suppose

As long as you ring fence it in the same account as all your other millions I will happily send you £5k a month to stop your small boy having to live in the upside down pumble.
Thanks for all that you do for us povs

 

[Limey]

Lads, I've never seen BOULEVAAAAAAAAARD and I'd like the rest of my life to continue this way.

 

[FrumpyCat]

Whilst it's quiet on here, shall we revisit some of her vocal offerings?

BTW that bacon risotto topped with two claggy slabs of brie has put me off my post-dinner snack of baguette and brie...

Same babe. They are just positioned there like they are standing guard over a plate of stagnant rice and raw bacon.

 

[Landslide]

As long as you ring fence it in the same account as all your other millions I will happily send you £5k a month to stop your small boy having to live in the upside down pumble.
Thanks for all that you do for us povs

Will this be enough to escape the fish nest box fort? Please forward your Patreon details

 

[Esmeposslethwaite]

Same babe. They are just positioned there like they are standing guard over a plate of stagnant rice and raw bacon.

Why are some of her risottos like dishwater and others look dry as the Sahara?

 

[Landslide]

Lads, I've never seen BOULEVAAAAAAAAARD and I'd like the rest of my life to continue this way.

Wise. But you may benefit from some exposure therapy

 

[Esmeposslethwaite]

Will this be enough to escape the fish nest box fort? Please forward your Patreon details

No sorry, you are trapped there forever or at least 3 years, due to having signed the world's longest contract with your fiancee who LEFT. I suggest you start unscrewing lightbulbs and boiling soap sharpish.

 

[LizzieE.]

Will this be enough to escape the fish nest box fort? Please forward your Patreon details

I'm shy ...just leave an envelope with used fivers in the fridge with reduced ham at Asda any Asda will do. I have a network of helpers you see. Invisible to the human eye but doing so much good behind the scenes
---

Lads, I've never seen BOULEVAAAAAAAAARD and I'd like the rest of my life to continue this way.

You've been warned.
All joking aside, it turned my blood to ice and my synapses started firing like Guy Fawkes but not in a good way

 

[HootieMcBoob]

When I was looking for David Cameron Jack, I came across this delicious recipe for Floury Lumpy Clumpy Sloppy Smeary Cheesy Fish on Toast. Yum!

Brought to you by the words smattering, smattering (again), smear and sloppy. View attachment 2419113 qView attachment 2419114 q

Sorry ninnies am I missing something or, where it says “extra cheese”… shouldn’t that say “SOME cheese” since up to that point the cheese sauce doesn’t seem to contain any actual cheese?

How is it possible for someone to make a living writing recipe books where the soup recipe’s main ingredient is a tin of soup and the cheese sauce recipe’s main ingredient isn’t cheese?

I’ve typed cheese so many times in the last minute I’m not sure I’ve spelled it right now

 

[phoebuscartel]

You've been warned.
All joking aside, it turned my blood to ice and my synapses started firing like Guy Fawkes but not in a good way

I found it funny.

Landslide, on the other hand, caused me a pelvic floor clenching injury from which I do not expect to recover. Sorry, @Landslide

 

[MurielSnark]

The canal is ROCKING tonight. But we need an adult now.

 

[Esmeposslethwaite]

I found it funny.

Landslide, on the other hand, caused me a pelvic floor clenching injury from which I do not expect to recover. Sorry, @Landslide

If guest's medical history is anything to go by you should be fully recuperated and able to enjoy a good burgering in 5 to 10 mins. You may well have a relapse tomorrow though