Jack Monroe #46 Patreon Saint of waifs and strays.

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heretoreaditall2019 said:
Yep, this is exactly it and why it's so incredibly uncomfortable to read. It's made even more offensive by the fact she cosplays as a childhood neglect & abuse victim herself, but is quick to weaponise it when she wants to. She's scum.
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It also just highlights how she viewed her foster siblings? Like they were damaged creatures that couldn’t be helped. She can duck off with that.
 
AmTellinYa said:
My sympathies to any Fraus north of the border.

th
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May the fraus be with you, Scottish tattlers. Remember to stay at least one carriage away on any trains so no shins are kicked 🙄
 
Flumps said:
I agree entirely with this, and the previous post you quoted. I've talked about this before, and sorry if it's like I'm going on about it, but I have regular thoughts of suicide. Less so when things are going well, but they sneak up on me even then. It's mostly just tiresome, like having an ongoing argument with someone who doesn't like me very much. I dropped a big milk carton and made a mess at the weekend, because my (probably arthritic) hands were hurting and I didn't want to accept I couldn't lift it and my first thought was 'God, you're just a useless c**t, why don't you kill yourself and then people won't have to put up with you any more'. It's like it's not me talking when it happens, and 'actual me' has to take over and tell that thought to duck off. I sort of assume that most people don't have that happen to them on the regular and over such small things. I don't know what it is that causes it, because though I have had a lot of tit in my life, I am sure there are plenty of people who have had far worse things happen to them and didn't end up with that voice in their head, that ever present option. What I'm trying to, poorly, articulate is it's not about the situations I've faced, not about specific events that have driven me to the point where I'd consider it, it's just that somehow, it's an option for me.

Sorry, I don't mean this to sound all 'woe is me' because I don't mean it like that and I am fine, not JM fine, proper fine, I suppose what I'm saying is that the same event could happen to two different people and one would have that option and one wouldn't, because it isn't how their brain works. I have a suspicion, though it's only from personal experience and talking to a few people, that those who do kill themselves (sorry, I don't know the right words to use here), might have the same switch flipped in their head as I have, for whatever reason that happens.

I'm sure it's different for everyone, like most things, but the couple of times I have ever come close in 20+ years of feeling like this were not a result of one particular event, it was a build up of things until what I can only describe as overwhelming tiredness took over, and really just a desire to rest and not have to keep fighting any more. I appreciate that's only personal experience though. I guess what I'm getting at is that had I done it, no event/person/situation would have been the cause, it would have been the way my head deals with things.

Sorry, that was long, and not very well written and I hope doesn't seem insensitive.
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Do you - or could you - have an autoimmune disease like Rheumatoid or Psoriatic Arthritis? It's known that for some people, increased levels of inflammation have a negative effect upon mood. A blood test to include ESR and CRP would show if you had inflammation on the go.

I know I've had intrusive thoughts like that when starting a flare - it's pretty much my canary in the coal mine to get disproportionally upset over small things and, since I've been on decent medication, they're almost disappeared, to the extent that all I did when I dropped a pot plant this afternoon was swear profusely because I was theoretically saving it from the cat's leap-slide table combo. But I have had some reasonable sleep for a change recently (silk pillows are awesome!).
 
TheDragonWithAFlagon said:
Do you - or could you - have an autoimmune disease like Rheumatoid or Psoriatic Arthritis? It's known that for some people, increased levels of inflammation have a negative effect upon mood. A blood test to include ESR and CRP would show if you had inflammation on the go.

I know I've had intrusive thoughts like that when starting a flare - it's pretty much my canary in the coal mine to get disproportionally upset over small things and, since I've been on decent medication, they're almost disappeared, to the extent that all I did when I dropped a pot plant this afternoon was swear profusely because I was theoretically saving it from the cat's leap-slide table combo. But I have had some reasonable sleep for a change recently (silk pillows are awesome!).
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This is really interesting. I feel like you’ve just described me, @Flumps. And @TheDragonWithAFlagon. I’ve just been diagnosed with a chronic illness (ulcerative colitis) and I have been much more depressed than usual. So, so anxious and panicky with constant intrusive thoughts. No energy or drive to do even the most basic of tasks.
 
TheDragonWithAFlagon said:
Do you - or could you - have an autoimmune disease like Rheumatoid or Psoriatic Arthritis? It's known that for some people, increased levels of inflammation have a negative effect upon mood. A blood test to include ESR and CRP would show if you had inflammation on the go.

I know I've had intrusive thoughts like that when starting a flare - it's pretty much my canary in the coal mine to get disproportionally upset over small things and, since I've been on decent medication, they're almost disappeared, to the extent that all I did when I dropped a pot plant this afternoon was swear profusely because I was theoretically saving it from the cat's leap-slide table combo. But I have had some reasonable sleep for a change recently (silk pillows are awesome!).
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Possible. I've been referred and am waiting for a Rheumatology appointment at the moment because I had a blood test that showed slightly raised numbers of one of those acronyms. I don't know much about Rheumatoid Arthritis, but have only been experiencing symptoms of *something* that I could identify as wrong for a shortish time. Intrusive thoughts have been following me around for 20+ years, I don't know if it's possible for it to be asymptomatic for that long. I'll totally take it if it turns out that there's a solution that isn't more head work though. That'd be a weird bonus.
 
Flumps said:
I agree entirely with this, and the previous post you quoted. I've talked about this before, and sorry if it's like I'm going on about it, but I have regular thoughts of suicide. Less so when things are going well, but they sneak up on me even then. It's mostly just tiresome, like having an ongoing argument with someone who doesn't like me very much. I dropped a big milk carton and made a mess at the weekend, because my (probably arthritic) hands were hurting and I didn't want to accept I couldn't lift it and my first thought was 'God, you're just a useless c**t, why don't you kill yourself and then people won't have to put up with you any more'. It's like it's not me talking when it happens, and 'actual me' has to take over and tell that thought to duck off. I sort of assume that most people don't have that happen to them on the regular and over such small things. I don't know what it is that causes it, because though I have had a lot of tit in my life, I am sure there are plenty of people who have had far worse things happen to them and didn't end up with that voice in their head, that ever present option. What I'm trying to, poorly, articulate is it's not about the situations I've faced, not about specific events that have driven me to the point where I'd consider it, it's just that somehow, it's an option for me.

Sorry, I don't mean this to sound all 'woe is me' because I don't mean it like that and I am fine, not JM fine, proper fine, I suppose what I'm saying is that the same event could happen to two different people and one would have that option and one wouldn't, because it isn't how their brain works. I have a suspicion, though it's only from personal experience and talking to a few people, that those who do kill themselves (sorry, I don't know the right words to use here), might have the same switch flipped in their head as I have, for whatever reason that happens.

I'm sure it's different for everyone, like most things, but the couple of times I have ever come close in 20+ years of feeling like this were not a result of one particular event, it was a build up of things until what I can only describe as overwhelming tiredness took over, and really just a desire to rest and not have to keep fighting any more. I appreciate that's only personal experience though. I guess what I'm getting at is that had I done it, no event/person/situation would have been the cause, it would have been the way my head deals with things.

Sorry, that was long, and not very well written and I hope doesn't seem insensitive.
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Going to spoiler my response back ❤️
I had wanted to say something about this before, as I find it really offensive the way she dangles suicide as if it’s up to everyone around to stop her from doing it. It diminishes the actual struggle that people have with intrusive thoughts, ideation etc. and also makes it seem like it’s an easily controllable entity, that wouldn’t happen if not for external forces. I feel extremely upset, for many reasons, when suicide is given a blame angle because it’s extremely damaging and hurtful to people who have lost loved ones. It’s so poorly understood, and having a so-called mental health advocate using it as a stick to beat naysayers with is just disgusting. I noticed she attempted to insert herself into the Naya story, there had been some speculation online before she was found, and it felt like jack wanted to draw parallels if she possibly could. That coverage was awful anyway, but the speculation about suicide was particularly irresponsible. I’m so sorry lovely Flumps that you struggle with these thoughts, and am hoping that you have a support system in place for when they get too much. Sorry if that’s a bit waffly, but I’m just saying I know exactly what you mean
 
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