Jack Monroe # 45 I’ll put it on the to do list

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PoorPatrol said:
I’ve just been reminded of my ex’s ex. Thank goodness I don’t need to deal with her anymore, jeez! Like your one, very smashy when upset, also always in A&E, can’t commit to anything, always having massive rows with friends, family and neighbours. The smashing of hanging baskets reminds me of her once getting in a rage about nothing, just furious at our unbotheredness in general - she just started off on one. It went on and on with her ranting in the street, and she started ripping the heads off of roses that belonged to the neighbour! Culminating in cut hands that she was then screaming at us about having “done to her”, it was awful. I have a few people of varying degrees of family/acquaintance that have some of these/Jack’s issues. I think that’s why I find her so infuriating, that it’s all playing out in the public sphere and nobody seems to realise!
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Yep, sounds all too familiar. I can't go into too many details about the latest drama but honestly you would laugh. they've been divorced 11 years.
 
Elliebob82 said:
Bloody hell I've waffled.
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Not to mention that, in return, they NEVER believe anybody who has genuine illnesses, injuries or disabilities. Or experience/knowledge of any given area if the person represents a threat, an equal or anything other than the saintlike paragon person they aspire to be. The bluetickers, basically; they can do no wrong.

One of mine believes that all illnesses are completely in the mind and to cure them, you have to want to get better, lose weight and exercise. Despite being 'allergic' to an ever increasing list of foods, recipes and ingredients that are healthy. Lots of utter shite about toxins poisoning him. If you don't cure yourself entirely, that's because you want to be unwell. Oh, and the use of psychoactive substances is abhorrent when it's prescribed, but if they are purchased from some tosser who owns a nice car in the next town, they are a perfectly reasonable addition to take away of awfulness of being around other people's disgusting existence.

And the feuds/targeting that goes on. There's always somebody to hate.
 
Veronicaaa said:
Oh I meant to say earlier, when she linked to her youtube channel for the kitten video I had a look at her previous videos. She went through a very short-lived phase (unusual for jack, I know) at the start of the year doing 'Jackanoshy' - which is like Jackanory but she's reading her recipes out?? ASMR style??? It's extremely creepy and also grandiose, as though she's reading sacred texts or something. CRIIIINGE/
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Hate quoting myself but it's just occurred to me that this is the recipe for self love stew, which was the main lead in her promotional drive for her most recent book but which was actually a recycled recipe from Cooking on a Bootstrap? I thought it was a new one, why was she putting this front and centre for her new book when it was already written and available?
 
heretoreaditall2019 said:
Don't wanna overwhelm with numbers so sorry if this is dry, I'm also shattered so not v articulate:
  • On avg she tweets 36 times a day, median is 30 so that suggests she's relatively consistent with this at least! Range 1 - 144, again remembering the bulk of her content gets deleted...
  • Now we're excluding RTs (approx 7% of our sample) here because that'd piggy back on that person's viral tweet success... so for her she ranges from 0 - 3.7k RTs, with a median of just 6 per tweet.
  • Restating the previously mentioned fav figures because of my RT oversight: range 0 - 29.3k, with a median of just 10 favourites per tweet.
  • ANNOYINGLY I can't get reply count w/o having access to Twitter's enterprise API which would be really interesting because she does have a lot of convos, evidently.
A lil heat map of her activity, the darker the green the more tweets have occurred in that hour / on that day in the time period we're looking at. Please note this is a total for the 85 day period / 2.9k tweets, not a daily average!

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Honestly it looks like she must log in at 11am and just...stay there? I appreciate it's skewed by deleted shitfits which you can see where there's white squares of 0, but largely there's not a day of week or hour of day she's not tweeted on - is she eternally online?!

Now just adding RT count + fav count as 'engagements' to calculate avg engagements per tweet. Remembering to help ~contextualise results her median engagements is just 10 per tweet:

quickly edited to update with the range of her engagements, as it’s huge, 0-30.4k

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As you can tell by the sea of red & yellow, largely they skew at the lower end. She just has a handful of bigger tweets amongst a load of old tit. Most engaged with tweet, by a country mile, was about Hopkins. Second DW, then 3rd going out for paint loool. Nothing to do with work has slapped on Twitter, it's as if no one's actually rinsing those beans?
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This is fascinating. So, no one gives a tit about her cooking, it's all about the drama.

*Guy looking around him all surprised gif*
 
@heretoreaditall2019 was it the other thread you mentioned it on 😱 ffs I’m an idiot! I’m so pleased for you, though. I had a particularly complicated first pregnancy, so I know a little of how stressful and strange it all is, I wish I could impart on you some kind of reassurance and chilled vibes, but it’s so hard to get that across and it’s easy to say “everything will be fine” when you’re on the other side of it. With my first baby I did all the classes and stuff, read all the books, had a plan down to the most minute detail, but was super stressed and had pre-existing health issues. Second one just kind of hardly had time to think, third one I pretty much just rocked up to the hospital, ordered a takeaway and pulled him out myself (I’m not even joking). You’re so clever and thoughtful, you’ll be a fantastic mum. The baby will be doing excel spreadsheets at her six week check 💪
 
Veronicaaa said:
Oh I meant to say earlier, when she linked to her youtube channel for the kitten video I had a look at her previous videos. She went through a very short-lived phase (unusual for jack, I know) at the start of the year doing 'Jackanoshy' - which is like Jackanory but she's reading her recipes out?? ASMR style??? It's extremely creepy and also grandiose, as though she's reading sacred texts or something. CRIIIINGE/
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This is hilariously self-indulgent. The way her voice gets slower as she reads her “self-love-stew” as if she’s trying to be soothing. Self love means something else to me 😳

Also we can’t ignore her obligatory poverty lies. The way she says a really bad thing happened, implies that it’s traumatic, and it’s to do with PoVeRtY, but she’ll never say what happened is so attention seeking. Also noted is that she describes her (choice to briefly live in) poverty as staying around like a bad hangover. No love, for most people it’s just their normal reality. It’s not an after effect of something you chose 7 years ago.
 
panda_eyes said:
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That cat has stalking body language. Look at its eyes. In the video where it’s licking the kitten - it’s behaviour also has aggression. Its back legs are poised to trap and kick. My cat does it with my arm if I go in to mess with him. It hurts like hell. It’s extremely stressful for a cat to have another feline brought into their environment.
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Yel said:
Probably already repeating loads, but I scanned the kitten video just because I was sure she would mention the £700 quid for the xrays. Of course she did. She's every bit as terrible as I think she is.

Embarrassing that she's watermarked it so heavily, as if this would go viral and be re-posted :LOL:

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I don't understand how YouTube and watermarks work but she really is a bleep, who needs to explain who Noel Fitzpatrick is, much less say 'the telly'. She's not someone off Coronation Street ffs.
 
ChickenPorridge said:
Gotta say, at this point I don't believe a singular one of JM's ailments are real. Would take her showing me her medical records to believe it, and even then I would think she doctored them. She's self diagnosed every last thing she yaps on about (only when it suits). I don't believe her version of any event be it popping down the shops or the death of the kitten. Everything she comes off with stinks. With the door mechanism videos and kitten scans from the vets she seems to be manically grasping at more *believe me* straws, so I expect to see the medical records uploaded soon, ta Jack
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To be honest I'm surprised she's not got Fibromyalgia or something of that ilk , don't get me wrong, people genuinely have these diagnoses and rightly so, however, they are often exploited by people with similar behaviours to JM. Mainly because it's difficult to diagnose.
 
PoorPatrol said:
@heretoreaditall2019 was it the other thread you mentioned it on 😱 ffs I’m an idiot! I’m so pleased for you, though. I had a particularly complicated first pregnancy, so I know a little of how stressful and strange it all is, I wish I could impart on you some kind of reassurance and chilled vibes, but it’s so hard to get that across and it’s easy to say “everything will be fine” when you’re on the other side of it. With my first baby I did all the classes and stuff, read all the books, had a plan down to the most minute detail, but was super stressed and had pre-existing health issues. Second one just kind of hardly had time to think, third one I pretty much just rocked up to the hospital, ordered a takeaway and pulled him out myself (I’m not even joking). You’re so clever and thoughtful, you’ll be a fantastic mum. The baby will be doing excel spreadsheets at her six week check 💪
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awww this is lovely, thank you so much my love cos after today I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed as to wtf will happen now so it’s a really lovely message to read. It’s terrifying isn’t it 😱 sorry I’m not more articulate in responding back I should have napped earlier but didn’t so I’m half here now 😂

I wonder how long it’ll take our JM to return to her usual scandals? Sadly she likely won’t do any more cotswolds thot shots for a bit, I think they’re my fav social media outbursts 😂
 
heretoreaditall2019 said:
omg bless you hun, silly frau got pregnant didn’t she ive been royally shafted! If Putin or any other dictator is reading I’m available for freelance work babe x
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Putin on the line to Jackie Neeson, in need of her special triangulation skills:
C4BD9565-FD7B-4301-BCCF-095E7150DA4C.jpeg
 
AmTellinYa said:
I suffer with BPD and although I'm no psychologist, I don't think Jack does. Dependant personality disorder I have considered might be a possibility or maybe she's just an hole.
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Thanks for the input, I hope your own challenges are manageable. And to say, most likely she’s just a complete hole. Larry David done a comedy episode on a similar theme, funnily enough.

On an unrelated point, I keep putting myself in the shoes of her parents. Dunno why, but can just wonder/fully imagine that she’s always been a complete nightmare. And not to mention her friends.. I mean, really, it makes you wonder if those that know her are aware of the fact that she lies. They must know, must see through all of it, but play along to keep the peace. Must be exhausting.
 
heretoreaditall2019 said:
The worst bit of it all was the lady taking my blood telling me her baby was 9lbs 6 - I didn't know they could possibly get so big?! That's not a baby that's a fully grown bloke and he owes u rent, I had to go for a sit
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Don't! 😂😂😂
Honestly though, they get this wrong a lot. Don't get freaked out by it. They told me my first baby was about 10lb, second was supposedly 9lb and tiny baby was another 10lber..... they were all under 7lb at full term.
Glad it all went well.
 
GrunkaLunka said:
Don't! 😂😂😂
Honestly though, they get this wrong a lot. Don't get freaked out by it. They told me my first baby was about 10lb, second was supposedly 9lb and tiny baby was another 10lber..... they were all under 7lb at full term.
Glad it all went well.
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Oh, same - they got it wrong for me as well. They told me my second would be 10 lbs and he was 8 lbs 12 😂 (still sizeable, mind but not quite what I had been told to expect!
 
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