Jack Monroe #426 Slop in a shoebox

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Valiofthedolls said:
Time for another POEM! about herself (and, apparently @Doddery old dear who gets a shout out 😁 No word on whether there was musical accompaniment to this one. She can pop in and let us know when she catches up)

The Councillors are no longer her friends and she’s feeling ANGRY. AS. HELL.

This poem is brought to you by tit Poetry Jack and the letters F. U. C. K.

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PS if you’re in the mood for a palate cleansing PROPER and TALENTED creative interlude after that,

Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley

Tender ones, I am stuck home with Covid and the slopalong is giving me life and brining me back to health. I am a very keen baker and I think I’m not bad at it. Alas I have no Jack recipe books anymore having dispensed of them long ago when I got wise to the grift. Would a kind Frau consider...
tattle.life
can I please direct you this way ⬆ to the slopalong. Volumes UP please, ninnies and all hail the intrepid and talented @binkbonk
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Police horses, at a club? In Southend? Give over 😂😂
 
Mr Krabs said:
Pre-SB she also claimed to be working part time in a cafe and in a night club while also doing her fire service shifts. I bet she was horrendously unreliable at all three of them.
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Having the best year of her life until her son came and RUINED it all for her by consuming, shitting and DESTROYING all her money (sounds more like her, really?)

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jenny2603 said:
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Jack has been sent a SPITE tenner by a squig.
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This just sums up Jack’s audience…someone who can afford to throw away a tenner like it’s nothing because they got angry at a parody making fun of someone they don’t even know. By Jack’s logic that’s half of a week’s food for a whole family! They probably think they’re such a good #kind person helping the poor by defending saint Jack against the trolls.

Sorry I don’t know how to quote from the last thread but I can’t get my head around jack bickering with people in the comments of her guardian articles! It’s such a bad look. I’m a sensitive smol rinsed bean myself and if I’d had an article published I don’t think I could even bring myself to look at the comments, let alone start petty arguments with strangers for all to see.

Seeing her getting into Twitter spats non stop was what first made me suspicious of her before I even knew about the lying and scamming. Considering that’s her professional account where she (supposedly) does fundraising for charities, campaigns for changes in government policies, activism etc (I know she does none of this in reality lmao) it looks sooo unprofessional it boggles my mind how anyone takes her seriously. She probably thinks by doing that she’s sticking it to the establishment by being ‘real’ and not like the other celebs but it just makes her look very insecure.
 
Valiofthedolls said:
Time for another POEM! about herself (and, apparently @Doddery old dear who gets a shout out 😁 No word on whether there was musical accompaniment to this one. She can pop in and let us know when she catches up)

The Councillors are no longer her friends and she’s feeling ANGRY. AS. HELL.

This poem is brought to you by tit Poetry Jack and the letters F. U. C. K.

View attachment 1719229 qView attachment 1719231 qView attachment 1719232 qView attachment 1719233 qView attachment 1719237 q

PS if you’re in the mood for a palate cleansing PROPER and TALENTED creative interlude after that,

Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley

Tender ones, I am stuck home with Covid and the slopalong is giving me life and brining me back to health. I am a very keen baker and I think I’m not bad at it. Alas I have no Jack recipe books anymore having dispensed of them long ago when I got wise to the grift. Would a kind Frau consider...
tattle.life
@binkbonk
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John Cooper Clarke she ain't
 
jenny2603 said:
Yes dear old millionaire granddad couldn't even give her a few quid for food and did nothing whilst she lived rough and went on the game but he's somehow Jack's favourite relative.
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Be fair now, jenny numbers. She wasn’t in PROSTITUTION AND STEALING FOOD TO SURVIVE until 2013, when she also got her full time newspaper job on the Southend Echo, a Fortnum’s award for blog of the year, a book contract with a £25,000 advance, a weekly Guardian column, and a PoPo fiancée with her own home. All that and her grandad was STILL DEAD too.

Do you reckon it was a Band of Gold/The Deuce thing where her PoPo fiancée met tart with a heart Jack while she was plying her trade on a street corner? She nicked her but then fell in love with her.

Then Leggy came along and Pretty Womaned/Henry Higginsed the duck out of her in early 2014 and healed her heart from the trauma of 2013. Jack’s life really is just like a movie!
 
Valiofthedolls said:
Having the best year of her life until her son came and RUINED it all for her by consuming, shitting and DESTROYING all her money (sounds more like her, really?)

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Maybe it's my hormones but the way she describes that child is abhorrent and knocks me sick 😔 I'm sure everyone might have a moan about their child's behaviour and lament the childfree days from time to time but she does it all the time and not in private!!! By all accounts (including her own) he is a polite, sweet boy.
 
Valiofthedolls said:
No he wasn’t DEAD til November 2012 after she was IN POVERTY for a YEAR. She made ART about it! Do you want her to STOP BREATHING?!
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Quoting myself like a twit, but there are two things for which I will eternally be grateful to Edwina Currie.

The first is her on Celeb Come Dine with Me sitting disdainfully in a chair drinking tea and looking on as a completely shitfaced trio of Julia Bradbury, Christopher Biggins and Tinhead out of Hollyoaks all danced around and shouted along to “ARE WE HUMAN, OR ARE WE DANCERS?”. That was comedy gold and I’m laughing just thinking about it now even tho it’s over ten years since I last saw it.

The second is being the genesis of My Granddad is DEAD. Which (and it’s a hard one to top, but) is even better than the first in my opinion.
 
I’ve been slowly, softly, gently, painstakingly you might say, mulling over the unreliability of Jack’s recipes.
If you’ve followed the slop-along threads you’ll know that a few of us have recreated, almost to the letter, Jack’s recipes and almost all have resulted in failure or inedible food.
Collectively the canal have spent a fair whack of money trying to create the food Jack has been selling in her 7 books.
I’m reminded these books are, or were, targeted at people living in poverty, and those who were relying on foodbanks. Perhaps looking to create something more interesting from basic ingredients.

what I find to be grossly offensive is that Jack clearly never tried these recipes before creating them. She’s put a lot of people at risk of wasting money and time, feeling like a failure and throwing good food away.
What I find equally offensive is that the proof readers, editors, publishing team etc obviously never checked the recipes or the methods, therefore Jack’s mistakes have continued. For seven bleeping books.
This, to me, sends a clear message that PanMacMillan couldn’t give a duck about people on a meagre income and won’t spend the time or money making sure these recipes are foolproof. It’s making me very sad.
 
There was something I read about when she did a shift trial at a pub, and she never got yo use her "degree", but she said she did get to talk about it (to the punters). What she means is she basically tried to convey "I'm better than this" (I'm better than you) and that's exactly why she bangs on about thr 27k a year job - it's to make sure we know she's better than this, she's better than the other people in this situation. "I'm like you, I'm just one of you guys...but better"
 
Valiofthedolls said:
I think that Jack is LEGITIMATELY unemployable
No real job apart from a few months as a trainee reporter in 2013 since she LEFT the fire service in 2011.

Left school at 16, joined fire service at 20. In those four years she worked in AT LEAST the below 😂

Grandad’s Chip Shop
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Debenhams with Dazza , ‘curing meats’ in the supermarket EYE-ROLL, PLEEZ which I’m assuming is…
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…Never amount to anything Asda of the SPITE revisit
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A FREEZING clothing warehouse where she had a challenging role
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The coffee shop where she met her son’s long long long suffering dad
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And finally not yet listed above, MULTIPLE entry level customer facing retail jobs (minus 2 for Debenhams hot plate and Asda above), cafes, bartender, potwash (at grandad’s restaurant/shithole guesthouse and/or elsewhere?), fast food industry-something, waitress (at grandad’s restaurant/shithole guesthouse and/or elsewhere?).
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*chambermaid I’m being generous and not counting in the 4 years as she said she did it in grandad’s shithole guesthouse while at school.

That’s a fuckton of jobs to get through in 4 years. Love how she had to leave Southend to work in Basildon eventually. They’d prolly all heard about her in Southend by that point. (Or maybe she was fired from them all for stealing a scalpel but didn’t tell her boss?)

Also lol that high staff turnover Grandad apparently didn’t want to keep employing her either!

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After the fire service SHE LEFT her 2012 pub job after mere weeks, was fired from her 2012 folk music art coffee job after 8 days, LEFT another 2012 job to become self employed, Became a trainee reporter in Feb 2013, LEFT that job in Summer 2013 when the guardian came calling.

How fortunate she is that she’s spent the last ten years being a talentless, lying, grifting charlatan bleep with a fake backstory and getting paid handsomely for it. Because she sure as tit can’t hold down a real job. She’d better keep her legs closed open and snag a rich sugar daddy and new SB STAT!
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Thank you for gathering the evidence Vali our Receipts Queen! Yes there are some people who, whilst perfectly physically and mentally capable, are serially unemployable because of their attitude. We've all worked with one at some point. They're always hopelessly outraged that they actually have to take orders and direction in order to merit the hourly salary to which they believe they should be entitled for simply existing. They are very keen to know what the company can do for them, but have no interest in doing anything for the company. They are the type to nitpick every line of their contract and try to pull every last blag going, they will moan and time waste, anything but work. Team spirit means nothing to them, so all their colleagues despise them, because the rest of us are always having to cover their shifts or rescue their screw-ups. They are inveterate pullers of the unconvincing sickie ("I woke up with bumps on my ankles so can't walk to the bus stop" is still the best one I've heard.). They usually last 3 months max before quitting, being fired or just leaving one day and never showing up again and not answering their phone. If they are especially attitudinal they might try to claim unfair dismissal, and their union rep will review their case for approximately 9.5 seconds before shrieking with laughter and hurling it into the bin.

Jack is definitely one of these people. I can smell it on her from here.

HoopLaa said:
There was something I read about when she did a shift trial at a pub, and she never got yo use her "degree", but she said she did get to talk about it (to the punters). What she means is she basically tried to convey "I'm better than this" (I'm better than you) and that's exactly why she bangs on about thr 27k a year job - it's to make sure we know she's better than this, she's better than the other people in this situation. "I'm like you, I'm just one of you guys...but better"
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I translated that anecdote as "I spent three hours leaning on the bar chatting up rich older women instead of pulling pints"
 
HoopLaa said:
There was something I read about when she did a shift trial at a pub, and she never got yo use her "degree", but she said she did get to talk about it (to the punters). What she means is she basically tried to convey "I'm better than this" (I'm better than you) and that's exactly why she bangs on about thr 27k a year job - it's to make sure we know she's better than this, she's better than the other people in this situation. "I'm like you, I'm just one of you guys...but better"
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Wasn't this before she got her honorary degrees as well? Like yeah I've done tit jobs where I would much rather have been using my degree but 1) I actually have one and 2) I have the accompanying student loan to try and pay off one day. Lying about it is beyond pathetic.
 
I still can’t get over calling yourself ‘Dr Jack Monroe’ (pretty sure it was her actual Twitter handle) because you got given an honorary degree which is basically a pat on the head from some twit who’s easily fooled.
Farcical. But the lie about having a degree when she hasn’t (& would never get one imo, she’s too thick to even understand much of the vocabulary she uses) is one of the most cringeworthy things she’s done. I can’t lie but I basically just did in black & white with absolutely no get out possible.
 
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