Jack Monroe #343 A heavy dose of chickpea and loathing

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Mr Krabs said:
I have so many questions, such as why are you making soup out of soup? But my main one is, why do you need to blend this? It’s soup and chopped tomatoes. Even with the ouwchiest of mouths you could drink this down.
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Into_the_tunnel said:
Ummm. Posted last night. Is the countertop toaster oven gas? Is her #notworking #oventruther oven gas? The mystery rumbles on…

Edit- you don’t ping it in the microwave. You pop it in the microwave and it pings when it is done. Ffs.

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She's obsessed with pinging things. It doesn't mean what she thinks it does. Another word to add to the Jacktionary?

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Holasenoritax said:
I feel like Jack's gagging for people to call her work number that she's purposely posted for thousands to see on twitter under the guise of it being an innocent mistake and just happens to be on her dogs collar. she could of facetuned that had she wanted, she does everything else, the sky and her legs included. That would make great content for her, someone calling her work number asking for feet pictures, she'd be secretly loving it. Anything for attention
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I mean this might be a tad paranoid but I reckon she’s posted it cos she’s hoping a member of the canal will be daft enough to call it. And then she can triangulate them using her Mossad-level triangulation skills which will allegedly lead her all the way up to the front door.

seriously, though - she just wants another stalking storyline. Hasn’t been one of those for a while. Or it’s all about Harold, as other Fraus have speculated
 
Mr Krabs said:
Let’s not forget her classic recipe for Triple Tomato Soup.

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I have so many questions, such as why are you making soup out of soup? But my main one is, why do you need to blend this? It’s soup and chopped tomatoes. Even with the ouwchiest of mouths you could drink this down.
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That's going to be so acidic it would remove paint.
 
Valiofthedolls said:
Agree. Ditto anyone and everyone at The Guardian and elsewhere who had a hand in creating this monster and then continuing to enable her.
View attachment 1437718 qMuch as it’s grim to watch as a bystander, it’s also done Jack herself no favours whatsoever, other than enabling the grift.

It’s hardly an endearing character trait to be totally insufferable, or a compulsive liar, no matter how much money for nothing you get thrown at you on a monthly basis.
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I just can't understand why they're seemingly still letting her churn out books after what is now 4 crappy tomes for her current publisher (plus 2 for the one she's bitched about previously)... I don't get why the new lot took her on at all, never mind seemingly gave her a numerous book contract but surely there's a point where it must be costing them more to publish this utter dross than it would be just to say "Ok never mind Jack, keep the money you've had."
 
moldwarp said:
I mean this might be a tad paranoid but I reckon she’s posted it cos she’s hoping a member of the canal will be daft enough to call it. And then she can triangulate them using her Mossad-level triangulation skills which will allegedly lead her all the way up to the front door.

seriously, though - she just wants another stalking storyline. Hasn’t been one of those for a while. Or it’s all about Harold, as other Fraus have speculated
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I can honestly say I wouldn't talk to her on the phone even if she handed me a phone with it already ringing her. Nope, not a chance. Of she didn't bore me tears, she would drive me round the bend with her endless shiite talk!
 
My favourite thing about today's Twitter chaos is that Jack could have said something sensible like "I think it's a good idea to let kids play parliament because we need to encourage the youth to take an interest in politics" but instead she went down some batshit route that led to her arguing online about whether or not children are people.

Never change, Jack.
 
Mr Krabs said:
Let’s not forget her classic recipe for Triple Tomato Soup.

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I have so many questions, such as why are you making soup out of soup? But my main one is, why do you need to blend this? It’s soup and chopped tomatoes. Even with the ouwchiest of mouths you could drink this down.
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She’s so patronising with her ‘carefully pour it in’, like the average poor is going to rip the lid off and chuck the bleeping can at the blender like a grenade.
 
Jack's Self-Loathing Soup For One

Step one: Open tin of soup
Step two: Get a pan (a metal object with a handle, like in the picture) and place it on the stove. [there isn't a picture]
Step three: Carefully pour the soup in pan
Step four: Turn oven on. Stir soup.
JACK'S TIPS: Has your food been burning and sticking to the pan? FEAR NOT!!! Solve this problem by procuring a spoon and whizzing it through the mixture. I myself have over 300 spoons in my kitchen. No I won't remove the tip section, it's perfect as it is, do you want me to stop breathing?
Step five: Sling in the cream of prunes, egg mayonnaise, chutney, marzipan, plenty of black pepper and any sad elderly vegetables clinging to life in the fridge!!!
Step six: Blend into submission
Step seven: One and done! Put the soup in a bowl. Looks awful but as God is my witness, you'll never have constipation again.
 
kachoochoo said:
while we've been mithering, she's been doing things to wings that sound ok actually

hhnnnnggghh tho. and wash your hands!

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Ugghh. Why is everything she writes so irritatingly twee? ''Very very happy tummy'' you're not a children's TV presenter, Jack.

*Might need to step away from this thread. It's got to the point where everything she does is annoying. :LOL:
 
elliejoonm said:
She's obsessed with pinging things. It doesn't mean what she thinks it does. Another word to add to the Jacktionary?

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SPOILER="Ping"] No sensible person has ping enabled anymore, you are then open to a DoS (denial of service) type attack. It's been a good while, maybe 10 years or more, since the industry standard is not to have ping enabled. Although being out of date is Jack's flex.[/SPOILER]

The arguing on Twitter is so bad it's hilarious. Why waste the precious work hours now it is school holidays? Of course, that's a rhetorical question. But the "recipes" are killing me, send oxygenos if anyone posts anymore!
 
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