Jack Monroe #34 Medicine won't lift her gloom. Lady doc says Facetune!

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PoorPatrol said:
Is she really going to spend an entire weekend going on about her lip? Even for Jack, that’s quite the commitment to a fake ailment. All we can hope for is that her lip is so excruciating/agonising/howlingly ouchy or whatever, that she doesn’t get that cat.
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I think instead of making bets on what she will cook, we can start betting on her next ailment. Mine is some kind of skin condition like psoriasis or something more extreme like Lyme disease

I steal names said:
Tried to add this to the old thread, but it's probably better here. If you can stand the cringe, buckle up for JM performing poetry

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She reminds me of Robert Smith from the cure, I saw about 10 seconds something about kate moss in a taxi, wtf.. too cringe to watch more. Anyone want to be a martyr and summarise? 😂
 
I steal names said:
Tried to add this to the old thread, but it's probably better here. If you can stand the cringe, buckle up for JM performing poetry

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It's something a basic "stick it to the man" teenager, wearing an Unknown Pleasures t-shirt (but they don't know why), would hand into a 6th form teacher; the teacher scans it, meets the child's eye and deploys a withering, Glenn Close, "groundbreaking".

C-.
 
Not wanting to tread on the toes of our esteemed house detectives here, but I’ve don’t some deep research on the pouty photo myself.. after she posted the photo of her as a man using that faceapp the other day/week I downloaded it and had a go to see what I looked like as a bloke (spoiler - shite).
But, on the app there is a ‘feminine’ filter (urgh) which I had a go on. This basically engorges your lips and gives you the sort of big wet eyes bambi would be jealous of.
I’d bet my (non pedigree) cat that she’s used this for the consumptive portrait as I don’t believe her facetune skills extend much beyond the blur tool.
 
Saint_clemmie said:
Yes Harry I’m BUSY! Now could You stop being so entitled/demanding please? Is it okay for me to have a piss, grab a sandwich, do my job for a bit, and come back later? 🙃

p.s thank you @elepal for the new thread.
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This reply is bleeping exceptional right?

I'm making a big fat roast this afternoon, and am considering using Jack's best ever Yorkshire pudding recipe as a bleeping laugh. Obviously I'll make some real ones as well, I'm not an animal.

Editing to say.. I won't be making her recipe for a bleeping laugh now. I went on her website to get the "recipe" and it's so full of ads, it is awful to use. Honestly it's the worst bleeping website I've seen in a long time. Disgusted. She can stick her bleeping horrible Yorkshire puddings.
 
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PeachyP said:
But, on the app there is a ‘feminine’ filter (urgh) which I had a go on. This basically engorges your lips and gives you the sort of big wet eyes bambi would be jealous of.
I’d bet my (non pedigree) cat that she’s used this for the consumptive portrait as I don’t believe her facetune skills extend much beyond the blur tool.
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It’s funny you say that, because I noticed that her eyes looked bigger straight away. I think you might be onto something!
 
GrunkaLunka said:
This reply is bleeping exceptional right?

I'm making a big fat roast this afternoon, and am considering using Jack's best ever Yorkshire pudding recipe as a bleeping laugh. Obviously I'll make some real ones as well, I'm not an animal.

Editing to say.. I won't be making her recipe for a bleeping laugh now. I went on her website to get the "recipe" and it's so full of ads, it is awful to use. Honestly it's the worst bleeping website I've seen in a long time. Disgusted. She can stick her bleeping horrible Yorkshire puddings.
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Your poor family 😂
 
I've known some attention seekers in my life but none even hold a giant church candle to her. She is definitely unique.

I honestly cannot fathom the point in her telling the world about her busted lip, but In the same breath saying don't pass on any advice. It's completely unnecessary and completely attention seeking. Yes my dear I know your in pain but someone miles away behind a screen telling you "it's ok petal" will not take the pain away. Go and find your real friends ask them to make you some soothing remedies and rest. You're looking for sympathy in all the wrong places. Also if ant of her friends are reading on here. I. Personally think you should be ashamed, your friend is in a bad way, go and help her and stop watching her become an epic car crash.
 
MooBelle said:
Right fraus, about to chuck ingredients into slow cooker (only the one...) for beef caserole for tea. Any suggestions to add? Going for usual onions/carrots/tomatoes but am happy to bow down to your superior wisdom. xxxx
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Take your pick from these blocks (with your basic ingredients):

English Mustard
Horseradish
Thyme

Rosemary
Thyme/Marjoram
Pitted black olives
Courgette
Peppers in chunks

Soy/Mirin/Sake
Green Peppers

Garam Masala
Lemon
Coriander Leaves
Mango Chutney

Thyme
Spring Onion
Fresh, whole chilli with a slit poked in it
Allspice/Pimento
Turmeric

Cinnamon
Cumin
Paprika
Olives
Dates/Dried Apricots
 
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emmer_moans said:
Twitter: Be nice in the morning, use BLOCK CAPITALS by late afternoon, and by midnight, all deleted.
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In the style of the esteemed lady poet, JM:

First I posted some nice morning tweets
But they didn't garner enough drama
THEN CAME THE LATE AFTERNOON DOGPILES
Ah, satisfying. Attention at last!
...tit. Wrong type of attention.
DELETE DELETE DELETE

~Fin~
 
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