Jack Monroe #339 David Attenborough lied about walruses

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Thread title a vehement anti-Attenborough squig's words, nominated by @Falkor you win front row tickets to the annual Walrus Throwing Competition.

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In the last thread:

Jack claims that her absolute unit of a cat played with a mouse in a way that somehow did not terrify it and brought it as a gift for Content. She got snippy with dissenting squigs because she knows everything ever about owning pets. This is how we know that David Attenborough lied about walruses.

Her arthritis is so bad that it's actually two arthritises and she might have to have a shoulder replacement at 44. She's already completed it mate for remedies so don't even bother, squigs, except she is on the hunt for a TENS machine <rattle rattle>

Lights are relentlessly, crushingly, bone-leadenly OFF.
 
Also worth mentioning in the re-cap that she pill-baited like mad. If she genuinely takes all the pills and medications that she's claimed over the last few months, then she's simultaneously semi-comatose whilst also speeding more violently than Begbie in trainspotting, whilst also potentially having a heart attack. She's also very well padded, but also way too thin, and her Mammy is able to prepare an entire roast dinner from scratch to plate in under 30 minutes.
 
@jenny2603
Giggling ferociously at computer generated Jack:
"After 20 minutes of hysterically crying in the kitchen, I was given the chance to use the phone to call my mum. “I’m having a rough time, Mum,” I managed. “Are you mad?” she answered.

“I’m not mad, I’m pissed off. And cold. And cold. And cold. And cold.” I could have kept going with the obvious anger to which she responded with a flash of anger herself. She’d seen the footage of dervishes dancing in the street, freezing their bare feet on the ice and frozen in the cold rage I was feeling. “What’s the matter with you?” she shouted.

But there was nothing wrong with me. I was upset and angry and cold and cold and cold. I slammed the phone down and felt the rage again and stomped out of the kitchen and flung myself into a cold shower."

Chapeau! Are we sure this isn't Jack?
 
Ostapbender said:
@jenny2603
Giggling ferociously at computer generated Jack:
"After 20 minutes of hysterically crying in the kitchen, I was given the chance to use the phone to call my mum. “I’m having a rough time, Mum,” I managed. “Are you mad?” she answered.

“I’m not mad, I’m pissed off. And cold. And cold. And cold. And cold.” I could have kept going with the obvious anger to which she responded with a flash of anger herself. She’d seen the footage of dervishes dancing in the street, freezing their bare feet on the ice and frozen in the cold rage I was feeling. “What’s the matter with you?” she shouted.

But there was nothing wrong with me. I was upset and angry and cold and cold and cold. I slammed the phone down and felt the rage again and stomped out of the kitchen and flung myself into a cold shower."

Chapeau! Are we sure this isn't Jack?
Click to expand...
Complaining about the cold and throwing herself into a cold shower is the most Jack thing ever.
 
Quick reminder: last autumn, in Britain's most influential lesbian pdf, Jack had this to say about abusing meds:

Screenshot_20220712-181948_Chrome.jpg
Screenshot_20220712-181951_Chrome.jpg


Just something to keep in mind whenever she's talking about however many millions of pills she takes a day.
 
AI Jack is a card actually
Now I’m not only in arrears, but last night when I opened my fridge to find some leftover tomato pasta, an onion, and a knob of stem ginger, I gave the pasta to my boy and went to bed hungry with a pot of home made ginger tea to ease the stomach pains. It's going to be a struggle to get up tomorrow. As I type this, my last and final £19.30 is being withdrawn from my bank account. With the exception of an emergency food order, that's it.

There's no way I'm going on. If I don't have enough money coming through, then I won't be able to survive the day. And I fear that if I go back, the only way to save myself is to do all I could to make my life impossible. But I'll be damned if that's what I do. Because I will not. This is what it means to survive, to keep going, instead of going back where I was, or looking for a job, which I couldn't get. So, on the off chance that this is the last I hear of the jobless, today is a day for me, though, that might not be the end. A week ago I did get an email from Barclays saying they would be doing a £5.50 a month bonus. They have a vacancy for an apprentice, in the sales department. Of course, they have to be a sales person, not a salesman, so I put them to one side.

It looks like they are going to be doing a lot of this kind of thing, where they are going to be giving bonuses to people. It's great for the employees, but I don't know if it's so great for the customers.

I also got an email from Amazon, but the salary was too low. £10,000 a year is not good enough.
 
colouredlines said:
Quick reminder: last autumn, in Britain's most influential lesbian pdf, Jack had this to say about abusing meds:

View attachment 1411488 qView attachment 1411489 q

Just something to keep in mind whenever she's talking about however many millions of pills she takes a day.
Click to expand...

Sorry, reading this I realise that my previous suggestion that the relapse was LJC’s fault is incorrect. Jack makes it quite clear here it was the mendacious ninnies laughing at grated corned beef that caused her to drink a bottle of Agnostura bitters. Jesus, you lot are no better than David Bastard Attenborough, are you?
 
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