Jack Monroe #338 That man Jack Monroe? Really

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jenny2603 said:
The walrack is closer than ever.

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Yikes. These are getting more and more horrifying.

Why you cry?
Walrus fry

Also, why is this walrus stabbing this walrus? Why can't they play nicely?

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Edit: I like that people are trying to have a genuine conversation about Jack's medication and the eye makeup amidst the walrus chaos.
 
This poem about a walrus has broke me a bit:

https://www.12ft.io/https://www.the...lease-do-not-touch-the-walrus-by-caleb-parkin

"And when staff approach with their lanyard spears,
their hunters’ walkie-talkies, to stare up at the hull
of our little world, our Oscar-nominated forever,

I’ll look down through blubbering eyes and briny
breathlessness, then whisper in impeccable walrus:
I’m flying."
 
Rekyavikgirl said:
This poem about a walrus has broke me a bit:

https://www.12ft.io/https://www.the...lease-do-not-touch-the-walrus-by-caleb-parkin

"And when staff approach with their lanyard spears,
their hunters’ walkie-talkies, to stare up at the hull
of our little world, our Oscar-nominated forever,

I’ll look down through blubbering eyes and briny
breathlessness, then whisper in impeccable walrus:
I’m flying."
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whisper in impeccable walrus

Did Jack write this?
 
StatusWoe said:
Yikes. These are getting more and more horrifying.

Why you cry?
Walrus fry

Also, why is this walrus stabbing this walrus? Why can't they play nicely?

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Edit: like that people are trying to have a genuine conversation about Jack's medication and the eye makeup amidst the walrus chaos.
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True fact: I don’t want to 🔺 myself any more, but this altercation led to the very famous divorce court proceedings of Walrus versus Walrus 2005, that actually made legal history
 
GoLando said:
If Jack were a Sim, she’d be the one you meet once when on a jaunt out who then calls daily to go to the spice festival / karaoke / flea market and constantly interrupts your carefully planned actions when you are trying to skill up and max out a career. OMG IS MY SIM LJC?

IS THIS ACTUALLY ALL MY DOING?!
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Or the Sim that interrupts your Sims date, resulting in an Awkward Moodlet; worse still, she’s Agatha Crumplebottom
 
The AI is throwing shade on Jack, first by creating a reasonable sounding recipe and secondly with the email address and affiliate links comment at the end. Getting up in her niche!

First finely dice or, if you have the patience, grate your bread. Add the shredded or grated bread, berries and sultanas to a large bowl.

In a separate bowl whisk the apple sauce with the water, then slowly add it to the berries along with the sugar, applesauce and water. Stir it all together.

Pour the mixture into two eight-hole shallow dish pies, generously grease the bases. Place one in the over, then pour the other over it.

Place both dishes in the oven on a low, low heat to cook for 45 minutes, until lightly golden and the filling has come up to the top of the dishes.

Leave them there for five minutes or so to crisp up, then, for the most excellent action shot, pop one back in the oven for five minutes or so on a high heat to get it all nicely toasted. Then serve warm, with a scoop of thick ice cream, and watch as they disappear in seconds.

Email Nigel at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @Nigelslater

The Guardian is looking for new chefs to join its coverage of food and drink. If you are interested, please email [email protected]/https://www.theguardian.com

This article contains affiliate links, which means we may earn a small commission if a reader clicks through and makes a purchase. All our journalism is independent and is in no way influenced by any advertiser or commercial initiative.
 
AI Jack wouldn't stop going with this one, becoming surprisingly modest at the end. Cranberry sauce (optional). The more you know!

This cheeky little number is a cross between a pie and a crumble, a hot sweet pile of stewed fruits beneath a crumbly puff pastry topping. I admit to approaching my pies with borderline religious fervour; that is, in order to qualify as a pie, it must have a base and walls and a lid. This does not meet my high pie standards, but it is undeniably adorable in itself, and so the Pumble was born.
You can use any kind of fruit here – I have made both an apple and a banoffee version – and am dreaming of a zesty tinned peach and mandarin version with a smattering of lime juice, too. The Pumble is a simple first recipe for children, too, who may be curious about helping in the kitchen.
We were having a lot of fun making this in the kitchen last weekend, and my daughter was very taken with the story of the pig and the pies he made for all his friends. They had the most delicious pig pie, she said. What kind of pie is this one? I'm not entirely sure, but one can only imagine!

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A little piggy pie.

Photograph: Jonathan Lovekin for the Observer

Prep 10 min
Cook 1 hr
Serves 4

For the pastry
175g butter, cold and cubed
175g plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
Pinch of salt
50g frozen unsalted butter
2 tbsp lard or shortening, cold

For the fruit
1 apple
1 banana
4 dried apricots or satsumas, chopped
1 tbsp caster sugar
4 tbsp milk

To serve

Cranberry sauce (optional)

Heat the oven to 200C/390F/gas 6.
Grease a 30cm pie dish or a 20 x 30cm loose-bottomed tin and line the base with pastry.
On a lightly floured surface, roll out the cold butter into a ball, then lightly pat it into the base of the tin or dish.
Divide the plain flour into 4 equally-sized batches and rub in the flour with your fingertips. In a small bowl, whisk together the baking powder and salt. Stir the cubed butter and lard or shortening into the flour, then rub it all in together with your fingertips until you have fine crumbs. Press the mixture into the base of the tin, then sprinkle with a little flour, and press in firmly. Chill in the fridge for 10 minutes.

In a mixing bowl, combine the apples, banana and dried fruit, and season with a little sugar. Whisk together the milk and caster sugar in a small jug until the sugar has dissolved. Pour half the milk into the fruit mixture, then pour in the other half, until everything is evenly combined. Place the tin on a baking sheet, then put it into the oven and bake for 1 hour until the filling is bubbling and the pastry is crisp. Take out of the oven and leave to cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes.
Meanwhile, make the topping. Melt the lard in a small frying pan over a medium-high heat, then spread out in a thin layer over the surface of the pastry. Transfer to the hot tin and bake for a further 20 minutes, until the pastry is golden and crisp.
Serve hot with cranberry sauce, if wished, or pour the apples and custard over.

And for the rest of the week… I have never known a time when sweet and savoury pie cooking was not in vogue, so there is no shortage of fabulous fruit recipes available, from gooey creamy preserves to scrummy tarts and fragrant biscuits.
Pie is, of course, a cornerstone of the British pie tradition. I will admit that I never got the knack of pastry-making, but my grandmother – the most extraordinary cook I've ever known – proved endlessly patient and kind as I took a series of appalling first attempts at making the humble biscuit and pie-shaped delicacy. Now I'm confident about making the pastry – although I admit to having the occasional questionable approach.
 
Ostapbender said:
The AI is throwing shade on Jack, first by creating a reasonable sounding recipe and secondly with the email address and affiliate links comment at the end. Getting up in her niche!

First finely dice or, if you have the patience, grate your bread. Add the shredded or grated bread, berries and sultanas to a large bowl.

In a separate bowl whisk the apple sauce with the water, then slowly add it to the berries along with the sugar, applesauce and water. Stir it all together.

Pour the mixture into two eight-hole shallow dish pies, generously grease the bases. Place one in the over, then pour the other over it.

Place both dishes in the oven on a low, low heat to cook for 45 minutes, until lightly golden and the filling has come up to the top of the dishes.

Leave them there for five minutes or so to crisp up, then, for the most excellent action shot, pop one back in the oven for five minutes or so on a high heat to get it all nicely toasted. Then serve warm, with a scoop of thick ice cream, and watch as they disappear in seconds.

Email Nigel at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @Nigelslater

The Guardian is looking for new chefs to join its coverage of food and drink. If you are interested, please email [email protected]/https://www.theguardian.com

This article contains affiliate links, which means we may earn a small commission if a reader clicks through and makes a purchase. All our journalism is independent and is in no way influenced by any advertiser or commercial initiative.
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Is it a recipe for a curry without curry in the title?
 
NellieBoo said:
Morning ninnies! I managed approx 3 hours sleep last night due to the heat. And that was only because I tried the frozen hot water bottle as suggested by a frau, @Lumpyspaceprincess I think. Thank you for all you do 🙏.
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Have you tried the wet tea towel in a bag i the freezer till it just starts go crispy then gently straighten out and lay your poor over heated naked buttocks and possible lower back if you’re also having the hot flushios. Heaven x

Sideboard Bob said:
Yep! Despite wearing traaazers today, I am a “bird”.



On topic, this was in Jack’s twitter likes.

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I too am wearing trazzers and am a bird!

Valiofthedolls said:
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Sex Walrus, Sex Walrus
They use tusks as a tool
When it comes to mating season
They fight and are quite cruel
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I look forward to these posts. Weed myself x
 
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