Jack Monroe #301 Jack Monroe Cheap and Cheerless

[jordishaw]

can i just echo earlier posters by saying how annoying it is that someone who thinks cooking is such a chore gets paid to be a recipe writer?! i went to a hen party last weekend and offered to cook the dinner for 15 people (including blurst beans!) - i loved being in the kitchen for hours with a glass of wine and having people come in and chat to me while i prepared everything. how can anyone who follows on her twitter want to buy her book i’ll never understand…her hatred of cooking is so obvious

The most passive aggressive present I ever received was from my late MiL, a book called The I Hate to Cook Cook Book by Peg Bracken, who made an entire career out of hacks and dodges to cut time in the kitchen in the 1960s, very popular with women who did not want to be Betty Draper. Jack does not have that audience.

 

[WTFDidIJustSee]

On the old catch up but why is the fact that grown up I assume twins but deffo siblings are dressing identical and why is this the least problematic part of the whole fantasy family meal

Spoiler: “twin ramble”

My sisters are identical twins. Our Grandmother still cannot tell them apart, and not even in their teens when one bleached her hair to white blonde and the other dyed hers black.

To me, they look completely different, even now they’re both back to natural hair colour and when dressed identical (which family members still insist on doing to them, particularly for weddings - they’ve been bridesmaids a thousand times, otherwise they have entirely different styles).

They sound different, have different speech patterns, have different mannerisms. I can tell them apart when their backs are to me, by their voices. The only other person that can do that is our mother.

Spoiler: “naked autism kids”

My middle child would walk around in shorts and a vest top, barefoot 24/7 if I let her, even in the dead of winter, even outside. She doesn’t feel the cold at all, and has an extraordinarily high pain threshold.

Some kids have almost zero impulse control - my Dads first cousins daughter is on the barely speaks/interacts part of the spectrum, is now an adult in a supported independent living complex and was very much like your husbands relative as a child.

She just uses it all in place of a personality. My wife is autistic and I am not, unless my parents have been hiding my diagnosis, but it's me with the wardrobe full of the same stuff just because it's useful for work and I know what looks good on me. However I may have ADHD and so far this morning I've had to open Gmail four times because I kept getting distracted by other emails and then forgetting about the one I needed to find, and I've totally lost the PS3 controller I got from my Dad last week. It is not quirky it's just bleeping annoying.

nobody gets more annoyed at my ADHD symptoms than I do. I call it “Pissing Myself Off Disorder”

Completely agree. We had lots of students in our provision who didn’t wear uniform but their own clothes/had thunder vests on under uniform/wore sports compression clothing instead of or under their uniform. But that wasn’t a fix-all and as you say there were still challenges regarding those clothes.

As we always say here, you meet a person with autism, you have met one person with autism.

She is such a danger with stereotyping conditions- there is not one she touches that is free. It is baffling how she continues to get away with it.

Spoiler: ”autism and schools”

Middle kid is allowed to wear compression leggings and trainers at school. She wears the usual polo t shirt, though. Secondary starts this September and I’m terrified - she cannot stand the stiff, formal shirts (despite me trying this year) and as for formal shoes? She wears Doc Martens boots, and secondary do not allow boots. She’s allowed fidget toys, to leave the classroom to “shake her sillies off”

My eldest kid is there now and has been for 3 years, and they are spectacularly bleeping awful with ND kids, but fantastic for the “gifted” kids like my eldest (who is also probably ND but in a less debilitating way)

I am already That Mother with that school due to their deeply misogynistic rules (eg boys can wear tight trousers but girls cannot).

 

[trueblue222]

She’s too coarse for the BBC so they put her on their flagship daytime show in the middle of the pandemic…okay.
Hey Miss Munroe we can’t have you on the BBC, except those 2 weeks you were. Oh and everyone else who appeared on the programme we will invite back.

also everyone took doggy bags home (has anyone ever done that from someone’s house) so she cooked pork for 20 then? So very very poor isn’t she.

It’s okay, I know the answer.

Absolutely never ever taken a doggy bag home from someone’s house. From a restaurant yes if the portions have been massive but never anywhere else.

I assume she’ll say that she isn’t very very rich but she’s been given an advance on her book hence the cooking pork with a broccoli sauce and smoosh or whatever the hell she was banging on about

Btw my lat flow comment was slightly tongue in cheek but I caught covid on a Sunday in a quiet pub. Would I be mixing with 20 people just now unless I had to for some reason. Absolutely not.

Btw I had a look at the MN thread on DKL. Wow. They got Jack spot on over there.

Those nuzzling comments are still giving me the boak.

 

[Veronicaaa]

This made me laugh last night. OK cheers, care to pass anything on?

 

[WTFDidIJustSee]

Absolutely never ever taken a doggy bag home from someone’s house. From a restaurant yes if the portions have been massive but never anywhere else.

I assume she’ll say that she isn’t very very rich but she’s been given an advance on her book hence the cooking pork with a broccoli sauce and smoosh or whatever the hell she was banging on about

Btw my lat flow comment was slightly tongue in cheek but I caught covid on a Sunday in a quiet pub. Would I be mixing with 20 people just now unless I had to for some reason. Absolutely not.

Btw I had a look at the MN thread on DKL. Wow. They got Jack spot on over there.

Those nuzzling comments are still giving me the boak.

I have, but only from Nonna or ExBIL, who is a Trained Chef And Therefore Knows Nothing And Can’t Even Make Gruel

ETA: I caught Covid from my ex, who caught it from work - food production manager. (Jan 2021 so start of second lockdown and 8 weeks after his furlough ended!) Our eldest caught it and passed it to me. They were barely ill, I ended up with Paramedics being called out and long Covid, despite being a fit and healthy 30-something.

 

[Captainmouse]

Brought forward

Jack Monroe Enemies List
(not an exhaustive list)
The BBC
Jamie Oliver
Security guards in Wilko
Voters in Thorpe area
Old Chief
Big Arborio
Owner of orangery
Landlady
Property inspectors
Neighbour (bin habits)
Big Sugar
Man who said white trash shouldn't breed (possibly fictional)
Headteacher of jack's primary school
Headteacher of jack's grammar school
Jack's primary school
Jack's grammar school
Kevin
George Useless
David Walliams
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Headteacher of a secondary school
Soldier, guards MOD beach
Miguel Barclay
Brambly mice
Burglars (stole precious collection of old receipts which she also still has)
Canal (has receipts)

Don’t forget the train company

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

With my husband safely out the house decided to try j0.2g orange sugar. Yet again she’s given me a task with poor yield!

ps have just gone back to see wtf that grey hair is and it’s not there? Harold????

Spoiler: The recipe

This peel is approx 3 weeks old and has been living in an IKEA stacking cup in a cupboard after a day in the gorgeous sun, a pic of the before:

Yummy right? The texture isn’t quite brittle but isn’t what you know a peel to feel like? Imagine this is what sun damaged leather would feel like? Then into the grater it went:

This is one of those circular handle graters that makes life so easy but it was getting jammed so I’d just shimmy it back/forth slightly rather than round. The yield was PITIFUL:

Don’t @ me about my unsanitary wooden chopping board pls usually it’s just used for cheese boards tbf, already had grief from husband for binning his gross chopping boards need to buy new ones but keep forgetting lol

Then got the zester involved:

You can see the zester “sugar” is lighter and provides longer strands. It was easier but also feared slicing my finger as the peel was so small?

Had seen enough / too much by this point. In fairness it did smell nice, which surprised me as it’s not far off a month old? I did hesitate to sample it and this is coming from someone who used to recreationally consume research chemicals bought off the internet. But I did it and idk what to say? Wish I could mail it out and get a second opinion. It tastes like a really cheap sweet I suppose? Like orange flavouring but not pleasant? Feel like MancBee as it’s definitely stuck to the back of my mouth. If anyone wants to bake with it I’m happy to send it you

 

[Lazarus]

I’m still heebie-jeebied at yesterdays mention of a father in law.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

thought you died everything black, pal?
View attachment 1253604 qView attachment 1253605 q

And not an iron in sight!

 

[Nottonightbabe]

With my husband safely out the house decided to try j0.2g orange sugar. Yet again she’s given me a task with poor yield!

View attachment 1253735 q
ps have just gone back to see wtf that grey hair is and it’s not there? Harold????

Spoiler: The recipe

This peel is approx 3 weeks old and has been living in an IKEA stacking cup in a cupboard after a day in the gorgeous sun, a pic of the before:

View attachment 1253742 q

Yummy right? The texture isn’t quite brittle but isn’t what you know a peel to feel like? Imagine this is what sun damaged leather would feel like? Then into the grater it went:

View attachment 1253748 q

This is one of those circular handle graters that makes life so easy but it was getting jammed so I’d just shimmy it back/forth slightly rather than round. The yield was PITIFUL:

View attachment 1253753 q

Don’t @ me about my unsanitary wooden chopping board pls usually it’s just used for cheese boards tbf, already had grief from husband for binning his gross chopping boards need to buy new ones but keep forgetting lol

Then got the zester involved:

View attachment 1253757 q

You can see the zester “sugar” is lighter and provides longer strands. It was easier but also feared slicing my finger as the peel was so small?

Had seen enough / too much by this point. In fairness it did smell nice, which surprised me as it’s not far off a month old? I did hesitate to sample it and this is coming from someone who used to recreationally consume research chemicals bought off the internet. But I did it and idk what to say? Wish I could mail it out and get a second opinion. It tastes like a really cheap sweet I suppose? Like orange flavouring but not pleasant? Feel like MancBee as it’s definitely stuck to the back of my mouth. If anyone wants to bake with it I’m happy to send it you

That yield is terrible.

 

[WTFDidIJustSee]

This is from the last thread, soz, but the Thermos cooking thing just popped into my head - it sets off the alarms installed in my head by the Public Health Food Poisoning module I did at Uni. In fact, a lot of her recipes do.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Spoiler: ”autism and schools”

Middle kid is allowed to wear compression leggings and trainers at school. She wears the usual polo t shirt, though. Secondary starts this September and I’m terrified - she cannot stand the stiff, formal shirts (despite me trying this year) and as for formal shoes? She wears Doc Martens boots, and secondary do not allow boots. She’s allowed fidget toys, to leave the classroom to “shake her sillies off”

My eldest kid is there now and has been for 3 years, and they are spectacularly bleeping awful with ND kids, but fantastic for the “gifted” kids like my eldest (who is also probably ND but in a less debilitating way)

I am already That Mother with that school due to their deeply misogynistic rules (eg boys can wear tight trousers but girls cannot).

Spoiler: response schools

This is often the case, and is in my town (the two “best” schools are just not providing for ND students).

When the provision is there, allowing ND students to learn in the way that they find best, sometimes in separate spaces, sometimes 1-1, sometimes in small groups, sometimes in mainstream, it really is so beneficial for the whole school. Everyone gains. Schools are shortsighted if they only cater for the ones (NT or not) who they think are going to get them the best outcomes.

It is always about the overall outcomes for some schools and they are doing a disservice, no, I would go as far as saying they are breaking the SEND code of practice if they do not think about the outcomes for each individual who goes to that school.

Rant over.

 

[Veronicaaa]

With my husband safely out the house decided to try j0.2g orange sugar. Yet again she’s given me a task with poor yield!

View attachment 1253735 q
ps have just gone back to see wtf that grey hair is and it’s not there? Harold????

Spoiler: The recipe

This peel is approx 3 weeks old and has been living in an IKEA stacking cup in a cupboard after a day in the gorgeous sun, a pic of the before:

View attachment 1253742 q

Yummy right? The texture isn’t quite brittle but isn’t what you know a peel to feel like? Imagine this is what sun damaged leather would feel like? Then into the grater it went:

View attachment 1253748 q

This is one of those circular handle graters that makes life so easy but it was getting jammed so I’d just shimmy it back/forth slightly rather than round. The yield was PITIFUL:

View attachment 1253753 q

Don’t @ me about my unsanitary wooden chopping board pls usually it’s just used for cheese boards tbf, already had grief from husband for binning his gross chopping boards need to buy new ones but keep forgetting lol

Then got the zester involved:

View attachment 1253757 q

You can see the zester “sugar” is lighter and provides longer strands. It was easier but also feared slicing my finger as the peel was so small?

Had seen enough / too much by this point. In fairness it did smell nice, which surprised me as it’s not far off a month old? I did hesitate to sample it and this is coming from someone who used to recreationally consume research chemicals bought off the internet. But I did it and idk what to say? Wish I could mail it out and get a second opinion. It tastes like a really cheap sweet I suppose? Like orange flavouring but not pleasant? Feel like MancBee as it’s definitely stuck to the back of my mouth. If anyone wants to bake with it I’m happy to send it you

Can't believe you've been softy, gently, quietly working behind the scenes at this for the past three weeks! I will NEVER doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion the canal.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

When is Jack going to shut up? All that OH stuff is immature and inane, literally no one does this unless they are a teen in their first relationship. She must be incredibly jealous of Louisa and TD to make up all that BS. I'm convinced there is no OH now but she will get her daft pal to breadcrumb clues that there is. Or it is true but its a saggy old man boobs has been like Timmy Mallet or Eddie the Eagle and she is too ashamed to tell anyone.

 

[FlirtyThirty]

With my husband safely out the house decided to try j0.2g orange sugar. Yet again she’s given me a task with poor yield!

View attachment 1253735 q
ps have just gone back to see wtf that grey hair is and it’s not there? Harold????

Spoiler: The recipe

This peel is approx 3 weeks old and has been living in an IKEA stacking cup in a cupboard after a day in the gorgeous sun, a pic of the before:

View attachment 1253742 q

Yummy right? The texture isn’t quite brittle but isn’t what you know a peel to feel like? Imagine this is what sun damaged leather would feel like? Then into the grater it went:

View attachment 1253748 q

This is one of those circular handle graters that makes life so easy but it was getting jammed so I’d just shimmy it back/forth slightly rather than round. The yield was PITIFUL:

View attachment 1253753 q

Don’t @ me about my unsanitary wooden chopping board pls usually it’s just used for cheese boards tbf, already had grief from husband for binning his gross chopping boards need to buy new ones but keep forgetting lol

Then got the zester involved:

View attachment 1253757 q

You can see the zester “sugar” is lighter and provides longer strands. It was easier but also feared slicing my finger as the peel was so small?

Had seen enough / too much by this point. In fairness it did smell nice, which surprised me as it’s not far off a month old? I did hesitate to sample it and this is coming from someone who used to recreationally consume research chemicals bought off the internet. But I did it and idk what to say? Wish I could mail it out and get a second opinion. It tastes like a really cheap sweet I suppose? Like orange flavouring but not pleasant? Feel like MancBee as it’s definitely stuck to the back of my mouth. If anyone wants to bake with it I’m happy to send it you

We salute those who have gone before us. She’s such a maladroit idiot isn’t she.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

I wish I had up to date info on her sock accounts so I could block them.

 

[trueblue222]

God her dress sense is appalling. I wore denim shirts 30 years ago. Why does she need to have multiples of the same style of everything. Her clothes are so odd.

Like she was practically welded to that horrible one she had on last summer

Oh give it a rest Jack. I do not believe for a nano second you have immobilising depression. If you have immobilising depression to the point you have to buy three horrible denim shirts because you can’t decide what to wear in the morning, seriously, ring one of your therapists.

Like that mumsnet thread, people were going on about her excessive tweeting. Her poor me. This is two years ago and she’s still at it.

oh btw Jack are you actually autistic? You never mention it.

 

[usefullyuseless]

Was it not for the celebrated 'dancing in high heels' GQ shoot?

Oh, maybe. I just remember her showing off a rail of all denim and I thought it was for DKL.

 

[Jelly Bean]

I'm still baffled by the school run scenario. So SB pokes her on the forehead at 7am to wake up if it is a 'big' day. And she needed lots of alarms for today as it is an early start. But it isn't early if you are regularly up for school is it? Didn't she say recently they have breakfast at 7.30am?
And last week she was up all night for election night (duck knows why) when she said SB had an exam the next day.
It really does look like he isn't there in the mornings.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Curve ball: husband just got back, initially refused to eat it as he thought it was crushed up cornflakes. He even made me try some in front of him then refused to (Mark Lewis do you do divorces? x) but he eventually relented… and loves it???? Even went back for seconds.

Thinks it’d be a great sugar substitute in coffees and will use the rest up in his smoothie later apparently. He is an actual troll put on this earth to terrorise me so I’m not sure how authentic this praise is?? He’s just come down again and called it moreish. Maybe this is the second coming of the peach curry?