Jack Monroe #289 I see that Jack Monroe is doing her attention seeking thang again. Tiresome.

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Jelly Bean

Jelly Bean

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Thanks to @Brian Butterfield for thread suggestion title. Inspired by an exasperated Squig's tweet. We salute you anonymous comrade.

We are all still reeling in the aftermath of Jack's shopping expedition. I hear you. But hold firm dear ninnies. This too shall pass.
Highlights from the last thread:

* Another delightful meander down memory lane from Jack involving grandparents. (I've lost track of how many she had and where they all lived ffs. I'm sure we're up to about eight now). Anyway this latest grandparental had a guest house, and a highly endearing and loveable trait of his was to liberally sprinkle fagash over guests breakfasts. How they all hooted and fizzed at his jolly japes.
Jack now wants to follow his example. She has a dream. A modest dream. She too would like a guest house by the sea. But oh no! A big fly in the ointment. The pressures of singlehandedly stopping The Poverty and Bringing Down The Government means that cruel mistress Fate has put a stop to Dunsloppin before it even began :cry:

* Jack had lots of people (4) round for dinner. A predictably grim affair judging by the photographic evidence. Some poor blighter was given two portions. What the duck they had done in a previous life to deserve that we may never know.

* Jack brought the government to its knees again by lambasting Jacob Rees Mogg. She is so good at skewering non obvious targets.

* Some nonsense about chocolate cake with a goblin on top she pretended she made and an outrageously photoshopped face 😂

* Her dad wants her to marry Captain Kirk. So much to unpick there. Where do you begin.
 
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Jelly Bean said:
Thanks to @Brian Butterfield for thread suggestion title. Inspired by an exasperated Squig's tweet. We salute you anonymous comrade.

We are all still reeling in the aftermath of Jack's shopping expedition. I hear you. But hold firm dear cabal. This too shall pass.
Highlights from the last thread:
* Another delightful meander down memory lane from Jack involving grandparents. (I've lost track of how many she had and where they all lived ffs. I'm sure we're up to about eight now). Anyway this latest grandparental had a guest house, and a highly endearing and loveable trait of his was to liberally sprinkle fagash over guests breakfasts. How they all hooted and fizzed at his jolly japes.
Jack now wants to follow his example. She has a dream. A modest dream. She too would like a guest house by the sea. But oh no! A big fly in the ointment. The pressures of singlehandedly stopping The Poverty and Bringing Down The Government means that cruel mistress Fate has put a stop to Dunsloppin before it even began :cry:
* Jack had lots of people (4) round for dinner. A predictably grim affair judging by the photographic evidence. Some poor blighter was given two portions. What the duck they had done in a previous life to deserve that we may never know.
* Jack brought the government to its knees again by lambasting Jacob Rees Mogg. She is so good at skewering non obvious targets.
* Some nonsense about chocolate cake with a goblin on top she pretended she made and an outrageously photoshopped face 😂
* Her dad wants her to marry Captain Kirk. So much to unpick there. Where do you begin.
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Dunsloppin has finally done it. I am ended. When Jackie finally had her forever home, that will be its true name!
I wouldn’t want to marry the old Captain Kirk but the new one is on my laminate list even though I can never remember his name. Big eyebrows. Also hot in Wonder Woman.
I wonder if Jack does a special slop on Easter Monday? I’ll be waiting with bated breath to see how many pages I’ll have to grunk when my ✈️ lands.
 
Ok so that thing Jack said in the last thread, about her jumper being in the wash so she couldn’t tell the squig what shop it came from, is EXACTLY what she said to her superfan who asked that question after DKL. I believe it is her pat response when something is designer and she doesn’t wanna admit it.

I quite liked the jumper tbh.

@RevEd you are awesome! I never knew that about Jesus in the Temple. I thought He was just kicking out the moneylenders. These threads are truly an education! 🥰
 
Just a thought but that text chat from her ‘Dad’. I thought the same as others - why would her dad message his openly gay daughter about marrying Kirk? At best it’s clumsy and unthinking; at worst it’s pass-agg commentary on her sexuality. Now I don’t want to go down a rabbit hole here but given her propensity for socks, how do we know that’s her Dad and not just another thread in her woven narrative? I could easily have a second phone and assign the number as ‘Dad’ in my main phone and all the messages, calls, etc., would show as ‘Dad’. Is this too forensic. OMG, am I Jack? 🥺

ETA: Poca beat me to it. Apologies - the perils of an early morning grunk. 😁
 
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she's awake!

Screenshot_20220418-071708_Twitter.jpg
 
humpty. said:
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sorry if someone has already mentioned this but they’ve scribbled in fake hair to cover the Tiffany earrings but not scribbled out the Tiffany necklace. I’m also getting Beetlejuice vibes from the smallness of the head xx
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Ooo I didn't notice that. Normal vs. facetuned Jack is so different it's like Honey I Shrunk My Face.

''Kevin: a man'' 😂
 
Just because we keep saying “do a baked potato Jack”, here is Jack, ballsing up a baked potato.

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To add insult to injury, here is another “cake”. Apparently the the green stuff is candied basil. Personally I would rather eat out of date Philadelphia, but that is my take.

ETA- it feels sad to look back through her Instagram at those times because it was when many of us hadn’t seen the light and we were still taken in by her. She looks truly happy in many of those pictures and although there were still the unbelievable ups and downs and stories she was telling, it wasn’t on the scale it is now. Are we partly to blame for her escalation in behaviour? Is having her tweets constantly reflected back at her causing her to introspect and instead of modifying she gets worse?
 

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Clovis said:
On a morning grunk and dying at the face tuning.
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Okay Clovis get out of my brain, was just gonna post the same 😂

Why do people use these smoothing tools? Like, we all know you don't look like this? Recent pictures of Jack remind me of a thumb with hair.

Unfortunately for Jack you can only smooth the outsides and the inner fraud/absolute awfulness will always come peeping through
 
Into_the_tunnel said:
Just because we keep saying “do a baked potato Jack”. Here is Jack, ballsing up a baked potato.

View attachment 1202308 q

To add insult to injury, here is another “cake”. Apparently the the green stuff is candied basil. Personally I would rather eat out of date Philadelphia, but that is my take.
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Nooo, that's not a cake. It's a moss-covered animal carcass. 98% vegan. (Seriously, that is one of the worst things I've ever seen).

Does Jack take the photos of her own food or does she ever have a food photographer? Asking because those people can work wonders, but her stuff never looks good from any angle.
 
Emmapism said:
Okay Clovis get out of my brain, was just gonna post the same 😂

Why do people use these smoothing tools? Like, we all know you don't look like this? Recent pictures of Jack remind me of a thumb with hair.

Unfortunately for Jack you can only smooth the outsides and the inner fraud/absolute awfulness will always come peeping through
Click to expand...

the smoothing and FaceTuning really grates my mushrooms, for someone who likes to present herself as authentic, greedy little goblin who eats and eats and never sleeps but is sTiLl mAgIcALlY gOrGeOus

I think the face slimming and cheekbone accentuating is unforgivable for someone who claims to have suffered a severe ED “for ten years” (the timeline is a bit problematic)
 
Boyo said:
Just a thought but that text chat from her ‘Dad’. I thought the same as others - why would her dad message his openly gay daughter about marrying Kirk? At best it’s clumsy and unthinking; at worst it’s pass-agg commentary on her sexuality. Now I don’t want to go down a rabbit hole here but given her propensity for socks, how do we know that’s her Dad and not just another thread in her woven narrative? I could easily have a second phone and assign the number as ‘Dad’ in my main phone and all the messages, calls, etc., would show as ‘Dad’. Is this too forensic. OMG, am I Jack? 🥺

ETA: Poca beat me to it. Apologies - the perils of an early morning grunk. 😁
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When my dad passed my brother lost his phone a few months later, my mum gave him my dad's old enough phone to help him until he got a new one. It was a rubbish phone but it kept him in contact, however I didn't know the exchange had occured and one night at like 2 am he rang me. My dad's number was still under dad at the time, I nearly peed my pants when I saw dad's name come up in the phone.

Perhaps it her dad's old one she is texting from. I definately get daddy isn't proud of me vibes.
 
Emmapism said:
Okay Clovis get out of my brain, was just gonna post the same 😂

Why do people use these smoothing tools? Like, we all know you don't look like this? Recent pictures of Jack remind me of a thumb with hair.

Unfortunately for Jack you can only smooth the outsides and the inner fraud/absolute awfulness will always come peeping through
Click to expand...
I always feel sad for people who feel the need to Facetune their photos for the likes. It’s not real and the impact it has on youngsters who try to emulate their idols is just awful. Although, thinking about it - probably not JM as I can’t imagine a beggy slopgibbon being anyone’s idol. The crawly bumlicks on Twitter might disagree.

It’s another type of fraud.
 
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