Jack Monroe #27 Jack's career move after cooking with cans? Who’d have thought it would be OnlyFans?

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kirkvanhouten said:
I feel the hairy legs are to draw people in to saying 'EUGH HAIRY LEGS' and then she can begin the onslaught.

I suspect the armpits will be growing too and shown soon.

Its all a new identity. I personally don't really care, i understand that bodyhair is because of advertising and beauty standards etc etc. I suspect it will be the new 'i don't have to conform!' and 'doing it for all you girls out there!'

Allegedly ofcourse.
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Honestly, if she tries this I am here to take her on. My legs haven't seen a razor for many a month, I'm becoming the Wolfwoman.
 
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chocolate choux said:
33 pounds is a lot considering the fact that she was already slim and also short. I’m calling bullshit
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I am neither slim nor short. I'm 5'8" and a 33lb weight loss would take me from the top end of the overweight range for my height, rather neatly into the top end of a healthy weight for my height. That's a *BIG* weight loss by any standards. From almost obese, to a healthy weight. 33lbs! Nah. Sorry.
 
Also 33lb in that space of time... I done similar and was referred to an ED specialist.
TBF I was manic and not eating (just went through some old clothes from that time, they fit my teeeeny tiny daughter.).

I think Jack is doing this deliberately. Things are going to tit so she's putting in the groundwork now. A bit like when you don't go to school as a kid so the cough starts the night before. It's just all so insincere. She looks gaunt but in the thot pictures she didn't look that thin. She's editing and colouring the pictures to deliberately make herself ill. It's bleeping ridiculous. She has moved from povface (tm Sali Hughes) to sickface.
 
colouredlines said:
I got bored so I wrote a song that covers the last 3 months of Jack's life.

To the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire"

Single mum, not a cook, newfound fame, writes a book
Alcoholic, vegan, trans, immunocompromised
THAT MAN on Channel 4, angry tweets, she's still poor,
Lockdown Larder, spinach cans, Daily Kitchen Live

Coughs a bit, stays at home, tech problems on her phone
Grated corned beef, horse spunk sauce, superhero pose
Cans of veg, cans of roots, passive-aggressive citrus fruits
Rinsed beans, dry cake, now in the studio!

She didn't put out fires
She just answered phones
Although you'd never know
Some would call her a liar
But they're all just bitter
And her lawyer's with her

Fat in mince, bread knife, borrows Matt from his wife
Cheeky duo, rising star, laughing up a lung
Suing Tattle, printing pages, hasn't felt this good in ages
Nigella-lite, wants renewal, phone stays unrung

Big announcement coming soon, superfan is on the moon
Garden camping, buying paint, renovates the shed
Apologies to THAT MAN, camping stove, lots of cans
Youtube show? No but look, now she's shaved her head!

She didn't put out fires
She falls under trains
The Tories are to blame
Her food always looks dire
Salmon paste and rinsed beans
On a bed of tinned greens

On the train, pervy men, same old tit once again
Bloke says "hi", Jack gets mad, kicks him in the shin
New book, depressipes, This Morning, veg and cheese
Uncooked pasta, no chicken, straight into the bin

Posting books, all by hand, anything for her fans
None arrive, what's gone wrong? Blame the Royal Mail
Makeover for Instagram, lifts 93 kilograms
Fridge breaks, begs a Smeg, going off the rails

She didn't put out fires
She's a maverick leader
With a million readers
She's available for hire
Four jobs and patrons online
She's still on the breadline

Hellman's mayo, grey hair, Miguel Barclay sure looks scared
Potato salad, tofu sandwich, comments all turned off
Stays up late, many tweets, tucks her labia, then deletes
Now she has severe hayfever - wasn't it a cough?

Video in black and white, #JackLivesMatter so let's fight
White as mayo, small advance, where is Mrs J?
Racist drama, shielding mother, now here comes her black brother!
Lockdown haircut, Twitter break, lasts less than a day

She didn't put out fires
She supports black dreams
But just behind the scenes
Why do her fans admire
Her suspicious fiction
And Twitter addiction?

Lost weight, overshare, photoshops her body hair
Sexy photos in weird clothes, Stuart's going mad
Mrs J has run away, time for a new fiancée
Sports bra, skin-tight skirt, but she just looks sad

Grenfell Tower memories, nuggets of mince, fat and cheese
536 days off the booze
Marcus Rashford, Twitter fights, thirst trap photos, sleepless nights
Bathing in her own ephemera, hardly any views

She didn't put out fires
Small Boy's dad is helping
But she won't stop yelping
Maybe she should retire
She'll use her Hellman's riches
To sue Tattle witches
As the lawyers conspire
To pay legal fees, er,
She could sell a freezer?
While we sort court attire
She's triangulating
So let's all stop hating...
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THIS IS A WORK OF PURE ART, BEAUTY AND TALENT.

I applaud thee!


 
Flumps said:
Same, babe. He was wonderful.

I would say that you also have an amazing turn of phrase too.
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Aw no, get out of here! XXX
I could only dream of being a runty ghost of the stylist that Clive James was. He once said, "all I can do is turn a phrase until it catches the light". That simple phrase was so perfect in itself that it made me want to cry. He was well aware of his gift and how rare it was - but he always defaulted to self-deprecation, knowing that British audiences would baulk at an Aussie polymath (upstart!) throwing his intellectual credentials around.

Sorry, bit of a rant - as you can tell, I loved Clive James ❤
 
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