Jack Monroe #269 The secret ingredient is … SPITE

[OwlRightsReserved]

If she gets a job, I genuinely wish her well - it's an opportunity for her to stop bloody grifting.

That said, if she gets a job, I have negative levels of expectation that she'll turn up more than 50% of the time, do more than 30% of the work, or annoy less than 100% of her colleagues.

I get acid reflux at the thought of this - I mean, I know she doesn’t actually sup hot and sour soup at 4 in the morning or eat packed lunches at midnight but if she did, her stomach must be like an alligator.
I get heartburn if I drink coffee never mind anything else.

Big agree - the thought of salad cream in the middle of the night makes me crave death.

 

[maytoseptember]

If she gets a job, I genuinely wish her well - it's an opportunity for her to stop bloody grifting.

Oh you sweet summer child.

Jack has never let earning legitimate money get in the way of grifting even more money. Remember the Hellman’s gig? She got paid well for that shitshow, didn’t she?

 

[StringyMango]

I hope the sandwiches die a natural death soon, it's just supposed adults crapping on about their gross fillings and that's just not satisfying my need for chaos and

@ MCM I hear you loud and clear. All this tomato ketchup talk is . I don't know how to spoiler/ add TW or fade parts of a sentence but I once had Very Upsetting Experience with corned beef. Tomato ketchup triggers me for other reasons. (Too much boring info).
Any payment to TT yet? Hope your new job is a success!!

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Alas I think Jack has ruled herself out of strictly because as we all know her years of dance experience means she would be a sure fire contender to lift the grifter ball ( budget cuts means this is now 2 trifles sandwhiched together and sprayed gold ) . As she is crippled by arthritis, and after weeks of strenuous intense dance training on top of her 100 hour work weeks , attempting to lift such a heavy trophy would likely lead to a severe injury . Also, can you imagine the shitstorm the BBC would get if mid ballroom lift , an unruly labia escaped the 3 leotards and smacked Shirley Ballas in the face ?!?

much more likely that Anton has decided to return to dancing , and Jack has taken his place on the panelView attachment 1126628 q


Twice daily - don’t forget she said that sometimes they look so delicious that she can’t wait for lunchtime and just truffles it right up as a smol midnight snak

edited due to a pesky auto of Anton to Aaron

So this is a bit off topic because I'm still actively pissed, but I woke up with Copacabana in my head, Googled Barry Manilow, was faintly surprised he's gay, then watched the video for aforementioned song and wondered how we hadn't known all along. ANYWAY I hope Jack does go on Strictly and dances like he does in that video.

Also I have never ever given more thought to sandwiches in my entire life than I have in the past 24hrs, good lord. I'm taking wraps to work now.

 

[JombleWomble]

View attachment 1126579 qView attachment 1126580 q
(disabled has been back in her bio for a week or so btw)

How is she claiming that EVERY sandwich suggestion is King/God-tier/her favourite since childhood? I'm no Big Mathematician but surely statistically there should be at least one suggestion that she hasn't tried/doesn't like/thinks is just "ok". Everything with Jack (Jack Monroe the Bootstrap Cook who promised 10k to Trussell Trust ) has to be THE MOST and it must be exhausting.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

Her ballet pic is her worse and least self-aware iteration to date. Her posture is terrible. Her expression is unballetic. Yet she actually thinks this is aesthetically pleasing. Fuxake.

 

[jenny2603]

This is intolerable. Just get on a train, do a chaos, give us the story about how you've just fallen over on your way to the interview for big gig and everyone was looking at you because you had a leg hanging off but you did your best and hope the horrible corner of the internet, burger flipper teacher, Old Chief, THAT MAN and Walliams are all raging. Entertain us, slopgibbon.

 

[Feck]

This is intolerable. Just get on a train, do a chaos, give us the story about how you've just fallen over on your way to the interview for big gig and everyone was looking at you because you had a leg hanging off but you did your best and hope the horrible corner of the internet, burger flipper teacher, Old Chief, THAT MAN and Walliams are all raging. Entertain us, slopgibbon.

I'm eating a leftover bag of prawn crackers like a greedy goblin because I can't face a sandwich smeared () with mushed up salad leaves and nearly choked at slopgibbon. I am deceased.

 

[StringyMango]

Her ballet pic is her worse and least self-aware iteration to date. Her posture is terrible. Her expression is unballetic. Yet she actually thinks this is aesthetically pleasing. Fuxake.

Awww was just about to say the ballet pic is my favourite, especially the facial expression!
Teething necklace sequence and flower crowns are my second and third choices.
All that pride and happiness on display. I find it touching just how much (self) love you have Jackie..

 

[MooBelle]

Just caught up.
The nine year old child who wanted a sandwich is almost certainly SBs sister. Jack mentions his younger siblings to wind up their mother.
Her manager put her forward for Strictly years ago and they turned her down. (This will never stop being funny to me)
I really hope she does get a telly gig, the bigger the better. It will be a disaster and only give her a bigger spotlight when it comes out about the £10k to Trussell Trust and that Jack Monroe hasn't paid tax for 2 years.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Comic Relief is coming soon. Even Jack wouldn't have the gall to do a segment/piece for that would she? With her own history of charitable donations? Maybe an amusing skit with Nigella.

 

[PoorPatrol]

If we get another Daily Kitchen style watch-along, I’m quitting my job. The slop won’t watch itself! I don’t know where my life would be now, if I hadn’t watched Matt say “terrible” in real time.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Her ballet pic is her worse and least self-aware iteration to date. Her posture is terrible. Her expression is unballetic. Yet she actually thinks this is aesthetically pleasing. Fuxake.

Word. One of my closest friends was a dancer in her youth, trained in ballet, and her posture at 55 is still absolutely spot on, and she's definitely multi-talented - caught her dancing to Beastie Boys in her office the once and it was weirdly attractive. Jack's 'ballet' pic is in my top ten of 'Jack photos that make my hole crawl into my throat', along with that ridiculously gender-stereotyping Guardian pic, Viv dress (RIP) abomination, Burglar Bill, and Bruise by Urban Decay.

 

[It’s The Truman Show]

Still waiting for images of the inflammation and bruising not to mention the chunk missing from her lip.

Which lip from which set of lips though ?

 

[ChactFecker]

I actually hope the interview / meeting is a presentation for some MLM scheme.

And look forward to her trying to flog Younique mascara to her half a million followers.

 

[Powershower]

Tell you what tho, I really fancy a sandwich.
Throw me out I don’t care



I do care

 

[jenny2603]

Comic Relief is coming soon. Even Jack wouldn't have the gall to do a segment/piece for that would she? With her own history of charitable donations? Maybe an amusing skit with Nigella.

Now this is a strong possibility, especially after she had Big Dave and the special people rolling in the aisles with her gold trifle.

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

 

[Orphan_Black]

C'mon Jack. The Vatican are on standby with the doves and smoke.

 

[BubbleDuck]

Is it too early to nominate an honourary Frau for this years sloppies ?