Jack Monroe #154 The book has furloughed itself

[Vanelope]

Phwoar, you lot – I want pie NOW! Potato, butter, cheese, let’s be havin’ you! Yielding pastry with a hot, luscious filling that makes a satisfying warm spot in your tummy.

I’m gonna cry – got no pie.

ETA
If you want the filling without the pastry try a Northumberland pan haggerty. I think the Irish have a similar dish but with added bacon.

This should be under a spoiler for reasons of indecency

 

[Captainmouse]

Please, it's a TED X talk. That X makes all the difference.

Next TED X organised in my town, I'm going to give a talk about the cabal.

Will it be live? Can we tattle along?

 

[Droosie123]

Blaa bread....my Irish grandmother used to make it. She was from southern Ireland where I believe it originates from. She had the recipe from her Mum who had a recipe from her mother in law she swore by.
I have never made it but now I want to have a go.

 

[Vanelope]

She’s just so boring - it’s you lot I hang out here for.

Confession Fraus - I have clearly been reading this too much late at night as had a very weird dream early this morning where me and someone else from the canal (can’t remember who consider yourselves all costars) were invited to interview Jackie at her strange mansion bungalow and discuss all her issues. Her face - I kid you not - kept changing like in a horror film - fillers, no fillers, hair all different. I got the last word - as we were escorted out for being mean ie truthful I yelled ‘you do know Patreon is taxable don’t you?’

Stunned silence

‘no’

Triumphantly ‘You are so fucked mate’

Then my alarm went off.

I tit you not Fraus, lucid dreaming is weird but I’m glad I managed to get some sort of good result for the cabal.

 

[Mogmog]

Switching saffron for turmeric because it's yellow is all the confirmation I need to believe that Jack has no tastebuds due to her chronically enlarged adenoids. JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE THE SAME COLOUR DOES NOT MEAN THEY TASTE THE SAME!! It's the mental reasoning of a 3 year old.

I just use yellow paint... same thing innit. Yellow is yellow is yelllow

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

This is Marcus and THAT MAN in the car -- off to start another free school meals campaign -- when Jack appears at the window.

Looking at the trifle again, on a different screen, I've noticed the custard on top is almost brown. How do you make a trifle brown?

I’ve just had a vision of her cresting a Rachel trifle monstrosity with gravy in her cream

 

[Blurp]

I lived in Ireland for six years, which is six more than Jack. You can add me to the "wtf is a blaa?" pile.

I'm starting to get the impression it's one of those regional delicacies that is deeply beloved by everyone from the region, but not tasty/exciting enough for other people to care. A bit like a precious family tradition viewed from the outside.

(A few years ago I was living in Granada ️ and a friend offered to make me a traditional breakfast to celebrate the Día de Andalucía. It was a bread roll dunked in a mixture of olive oil and sugar. He then put the Andalucían anthem on Spotify and literally began to cry. I was...less emotional. I feel that blaa may be in this general category.)

Oh, yes. As a displaced quine, I long for a proper Aberdeen buttery or rowie. Any that you can buy here in the south are like cardboard. I fear that I will have to up my breadmaking game and attempt them or spend a fortune on a precious box from an Aberdeen bakery (they do do them!).

A buttery hot and fresh from the bakery back door is a thing of joy in the early hours on the way home from a night out.

 

[PortiaControl]

Thought I'd leave this here whilst it's semi quiet, has it ever been discussed before? It's erm. . Interesting. Some 'highlights':

-Has a thing for men in uniform which is 'surprising for a lesbian' .
-Some army blokes outside the venue of the talk assumed her walking stick use was a result of military injury .
-How we are all silenced by the worry that if we call out a racist uncle he might not talk to us at the next family wedding
- champagne socialists- 'who doesn't want a glass of bubbly and universal health care?! Guffaw guffaw
- ooh a whole 3.38 seconds before we get on to The Poverty

There is a long 10 more minutes of extremely cringy nonsensical rants after this but there are only so many eye roll emojis a girl can use. (recommend watching on 1.25x speed if you do wish to subject yourself).

Couldn't hack it for more than a minute. How is she still getting these gigs?! She is not good at public speaking at all and if recent performances are anything to go by she appears to have gotten worse.

 

[Powershower]

I just use yellow paint... same thing innit. Yellow is yellow is yelllow

It’s been said that this is where Coldplay got the idea for their song

S’all yellow

 

[I’MBUSY!]

Yes, Money Saving Expert. Please do google Jack Monroe and her "years of foodbank use".

Stop by anytime you like.

Astonished that Jack does nothing to disabuse anyone of this. Astonished, I tell you!

 

[Duckypoo]

My dear late mother would make me a 'cheese pie' when she thought I was 'too thin' (those were the days ). I would huff and puff and pretend to not like the idea but omg. It seemed to consist of vast amounts of cheese, mashed potato and other stuff baked to go crispy on top.
I think it was a post war thing?

Lame attempt to get back on topic - did Jack ever mention her rash again?

My mum made this but includes onion and calls it a wormery... Off-putting name for delicious stodge!!

 

[Mr Krabs]

They probably said "you've been in the wars, haven't you?" Just like my dad did every time I had a grazed knee when I was a child.

She's been in the (Twitter) wars.

 

[Duckypoo]

I would truly love to hear her take on the troubles. Should be as authentic as that pesto recipe.

Also I note as per that article she "lost her job" with the fire service. Funny how everyone she talks to seems to get that idea.

Ffs. Does that mean I can claim to be Irish?! I grew up with huge amounts of security, mirrors under car checks, etc. because my dad's military unit deployment made us families a target. I'm closer to the Troubles than she is and I'm a southern england lass.

twit, try growing up realising people want you dead for your dad's occupation.

 

[bazzam]

You Monroe it

with peas on it.

 

[kachoochoo]

She’s just so boring - it’s you lot I hang out here for.

Confession Fraus - I have clearly been reading this too much late at night as had a very weird dream early this morning where me and someone else from the canal (can’t remember who consider yourselves all costars) were invited to interview Jackie at her strange mansion bungalow and discuss all her issues. Her face - I kid you not - kept changing like in a horror film - fillers, no fillers, hair all different. I got the last word - as we were escorted out for being mean ie truthful I yelled ‘you do know Patreon is taxable don’t you?’

Stunned silence

‘no’

Triumphantly ‘You are so fucked mate’

Then my alarm went off.

I tit you not Fraus, lucid dreaming is weird but I’m glad I managed to get some sort of good result for the cabal.

omg, I've had a cabal-related dream too! didn't want to say because it might've sounded weird, but whatever!

we all (obv imaginary versions of you all since I don't know any of you irl, but you're all stunning) were part of a live tv show that was roasting my dad, the accidental fellow keeper of The List and then jack showed up to have the Last Laugh and was firmly told where to go!

 

[FunnyFuneral]

I can't believe there's a crisp sandwich recipe in the repertoire. I didn't click the link because I'M BUSY but having seen it all before am I far off with guessing it's 20 sentences of selected highlights of The Poverty, a side helping of stereotypes and assumptions, a salad of misused basic vocab then:

BREAD
CRISPS
BREAD

(no butter, obvs)?

A crispwich, hope the bread is softy softy pillowy white. Best bread ever is Mothers Pride Pan loaf, fantastic toasted & dripping in butter. With home made rhubarb jam. The extra thick endy bits were a treat to be squabbled over between 3 siblings & I was a square end fan . It would choke you deid with dryness in a sandwich raw with just crisps though

Misty eyed bread nostalgia

 

[Blurp]

I'd forgotten about the Cockatiel Hair.

Looks like my fringe and short bits round my face after one of my dogs has finished ensuring herself that my face and hair are clean to her satisfaction (just before I get in the shower!).

 

[Vroo]

A crispwich, hope the bread is softy softy pillowy white. Best bread ever is Mothers Pride Pan loaf, fantastic toasted & dripping in butter. With home made rhubarb jam. The extra thick endy bits were a treat to be squabbled over between 3 siblings & I was a square end fan . It would choke you deid with dryness in a sandwich raw with just crisps though

Misty eyed bread nostalgia

Just recently introduced v family to pan loaf. They were not fans which was fab as more for me. The non heel ‘heel’ the best especially toasted

 

[HotesTilaire]

She's been in the (Twitter) wars.

Blaa Wars

 

[Blurp]

If the people asking about war injuries actually existed, they were taking the piss out of her.

After I had my big toe joint fused, I was on crutches with a big turkey skewer sticking out of the side of my foot. I got collected one evening to pop into the cadet unit in which I was an instructor. We were located together with a Royal Marine Reserve unit. "Blimey" said one Bootie when I met him in the corridor, "were you on the same course as me?".