Jack Monroe #148 Ya prune

[moosesauna]

Her fridge must be so fragrant

I really can't deal with this, it's beyond rank. She is actually disgusting and is going to make herself or her son very, very ill one day.

My heart's hoping that it's all just part of the poverty cosplay, and her son eats like a king in reality. Either way, I hope he isn't forced to eat the awful things she posts!!

 

[kachoochoo]

glad to see her followers (yes, including me) are correct here

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Almost forgot, I found something on Instagram earlier that's even more cursed than beans on Weetabix yet still more appealing than anything Jack has ever posted.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Sounds like somebody's got the munchies.

 

[Flash123]

Turd in the hole

Thread Title!!!!!

 

[Marwood]

Parma violets in hot chocolate - truly no depths unplumbed

 

[Narner]

Could you not just Sample her?! Pet Shop Boys Style.

surely you mean Pet Slop Boys?!
(This feels way too obvious so sorry if it’s been done before!)

 

[Switchstreetz]

Here’s one for your Instagram, NotJack, since you like this sort of thing.

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Old chief quotes

Oh my bleeping christ... WHY is there an open jar in the fridge containing nothing but half an inch of a suspiciously viscous looking liquid? WHY?

Oh god, she's been out to the stable again with a jam jar

 

[Boyo]

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Snore.

This week on Boring-by-the-Sea: Events quickly unfold as secret sweetie stashes are revealed and Bertie Bassett shows up and offs half the cast.

 

[PoorPatrol]

She’s done all of this just so she can talk about tampons, cos she’s an irreverent Maverick. I’ve never known someone to go on about boobs, arses, fannies and cocks as much as this idiot. It’s not risqué, Jack. It’s not even funny. You’re just a basic witch, and probably a total prude at the end of the day.

 

[Duckypoo]

Oh lord it's Corner Shop Jack again Parma Violets? In a hot chocolate? At this rate I'm going to have to write an hour-long epic electro-slop opera (a slopera, if you will) to detail all her culinary crimes. I'm also highly tempted to remix her singing but it does feel a bit cruel. To me, I mean - I'd be the one listening to it over and over.

Reminds me of being young and attending Reading Festival for the first time () and we ran out of suitable smoking vegetation. We, and this may be a product of the vegetation, tried crumbling parma violets into the rollie and smoking that.

That was a hot rock burn that left a scar, 0/10 do not recommend. #justsaynokids

 

[fauxpoor]

OT just wanted to say hi and thanks for the entertainment, you guys! I have a real no-fooling chronic illness and spend a lot of time with just my three actual real Maine Coons so I've been devouring these threads and pissing myself laughing/clawing/rage-reading. So good!
Also sorry for the multiple post before, I'm new at this.

welcome, I love maine coons but sadly am bereft of any pet atm

 

[MaineCoonMama]

welcome, I love maine coons but sadly am bereft of any pet atm

Thank you! They are really cool animals, good natured and sociable.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Scarletfever]

She’s done all of this just so she can talk about tampons, cos she’s an irreverent Maverick. I’ve never known someone to go on about boobs, arses, fannies and cocks as much as this idiot. It’s not risqué, Jack. It’s not even funny. You’re just a basic witch, and probably a total prude at the end of the day.

I thought this too. It's so embarrassing. Tampons are not a personality trait.

She must think it's so very quirky and random to be always bringing it up.

"I keep my tampons in a ceramic pineapple everyone isn't that so WEIRD! I'm just so different and out there yanno.

But can I just shock you?

You know the pineapple tampon container I have because I am so quirky and interesting and express my personality through tampon storage?

Well, you'll never believe this but I have changed the sanitary protection I use, and now the tampon container is full of sweets! Hahaha, you see how zany I am? I'm mad me!"

 

[PoorPatrol]

I thought this too. It's so embarrassing. Tampons are not a personality trait.

She must think it's so very quirky and random to be always bringing it up.

"I keep my tampons in a ceramic pineapple everyone isn't that so WEIRD! I'm just so different and out there yanno.

But can I just shock you?

You know the pineapple tampon container I have because I am so quirky and interesting and express my personality through tampon storage?

Well, you'll never believe this but I have changed the sanitary protection I use, and now the tampon container is full of sweets! Hahaha, you see how zany I am? I'm mad me!"

Exactly! I think I mentioned before, in something I read recently there was this observation that the hens on hen nights who insist on making everything about penises are the biggest prudes ever. They think a bit of Ann Summers underwear equates to insane debauchery, and make constant references to the wedding night as if decent sex happens on one night only, when you ‘become a woman’

They’re the sort that have joint Facebook profiles.

 

[Misbehaving]

I thought this too. It's so embarrassing. Tampons are not a personality trait.

She must think it's so very quirky and random to be always bringing it up.

"I keep my tampons in a ceramic pineapple everyone isn't that so WEIRD! I'm just so different and out there yanno.

But can I just shock you?

You know the pineapple tampon container I have because I am so quirky and interesting and express my personality through tampon storage?

Well, you'll never believe this but I have changed the sanitary protection I use, and now the tampon container is full of sweets! Hahaha, you see how zany I am? I'm mad me!"

Yes imagine trying that hard to be interesting and failing?

 

[Harrybosch]

I've just spent an hour going through her Instagram trying to triangulate NotJack's plates. No success, but it's been truly a wild ride. Long before us, there's knitting, Viv, Nigella, non-binary, trans, vegan mama bear, who gets regular homophobic and/or sexist abuse by taxi drivers/passers by for wearing hot pants/having tattoos, but she's stronger than ever because she's 90%vegan/self-love crap. She's also had at least 70 billion decluttering sessions since 2014, suggesting shes not very good at decluttering.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Exactly! I think I mentioned before, in something I read recently there was this observation that the hens on hen nights who insist on making everything about penises are the biggest prudes ever. They think a bit of Ann Summers underwear equates to insane debauchery, and make constant references to the wedding night as if decent sex happens on one night only, when you ‘become a woman’

They’re the sort that have joint Facebook profiles.

I remember reading that, and just thinking YES, you got her spot on! The ones who aren’t prudes say more about a love of sex with just a glint in their eye than all those tweets of Jack’s ever could.
eta: the tampon pineapple really did amuse me though, I think just because we all knew about it, whether we wanted to or not!

 

[PoorPatrol]

I've just spent an hour going through her Instagram trying to triangulate NotJack's plates. No success, but it's been truly a wild ride. Long before us, there's knitting, Viv, Nigella, non-binary, trans, vegan mama bear, who gets regular homophobic and/or sexist abuse by taxi drivers/passers by for wearing hot pants/having tattoos, but she's stronger than ever because she's 90%vegan/self-love crap. She's also had at least 70 billion decluttering sessions since 2014, suggesting shes not very good at decluttering.

This was me earlier, when I found the toad in the holes! My head was spinning by the end of it. She’s had so many ‘this is it now, my life is fantastic and I’m having the last laugh’ moments it’s unreal. One thing I did notice, was that her food was much more fresh, colourful, and interesting going back a few years. She doesn’t give a tit anymore, she makes no effort at all.