Jack Monroe #123 CAROLE MALONE IS AWAY

[Minky McMoneypenny]

Can we keep the caps in the title for full shouty effect!
Congratulations to @Scarletfever

 

[Lanie]

When people like her muck about and flout the rules I often want to ask them imagine that someone else did it and they went for chips with symptoms around the same time your parents took alittle jaunt out from shielding for a rare treat at Christmas and passed it on to them. You would be so angry at their selfish act.

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

This is a reply to Raydogs post in the previous thread:

I really don’t understand why L and the others who know her IRL never seem to call her out on her lies, especially given how many of them make real people look bad. The one exception is I can understand SBs dad wanting to keep the peace for SBs sake, but why don’t her parents, her siblings, her exes etc ever say anything to defend themselves? Or step in when she’s clearly absolutely manic and/or drunk on twitter?

 

[HotesTilaire]

I’m going to try and put the recap in this post. Not sure I can add “Jack for dummies” so check other thread recaps by @Pocahontas she’s best at this! I think she is away...
1. Jack has got the ‘rona, did she mention?
2. She does not like maverick trifle recipes- it must be birds packet mix with Del Monte tinned fruit, just like her dad never made. A festive gold spray with green baubles made it less appealing than the Rachel Green off of “Friends” effort.
3. She owns a total of 7 slow cookers and she used them all to cook her Xmas dinner for one
4. She was too unwell to cook roasties but admitted to having frozen Yorkshire’s.
5. She went on a long Boxing Day yomp visiting several shops to buy cold fish and chips (despite the 60 portions of fish she was #gifted three days ago and the parboiled potatoes sitting in the kitchen awaiting roasting).
6. She forgot to tweet that she is standing in as a guest columnist for Carole Malone in the Daily Express until after all the paper shops had shut, but Fraus have dads who buy it for sudoku so we already had receipts
7. She’s had ‘Rona (she’s never said it was covid!) for two weeks, she was in bed struggling to breathe apparently.
8. Louisa’s covid twitter thread went viral, then mainstream - being published in the Times today

 

[Montrachet]

How is poor LC going to know whether these disgusting smells are not the everyday aroma of anchoïade, burnt mackerel weetabix and JM's nail detritus?

Long COVID symptoms may include parosmia as people report 'disgusting' smells of fish, burning and sulphur | UK News | Sky News

I was going to say yes complicit even if she just follows the shite jack puts on twitters and knows differently she should pull her up on it ! Let alone living through the lies and deceptions ! honestly if that was your mate you would be like what are you playing at you loser ?

I've said before that LC will have to make a choice between her professional and private life. Associating with Jack will adversely affect her media career.

 

[waffle maker]

I’m going to try and put the recap in this post. Not sure I can add “Jack for dummies” so check other thread recaps by @Pocahontas she’s best at this!
1. Jack has got the ‘rona, did she mention?
2. She does not like maverick trifle recipes- it must be birds packet mix with Del Monte tinned fruit, just like her dad never made. A festive gold spray with green baubles makes it less appealing than Rachel Green off of “Friends” effort.
3. She owns a total of 7 slow cookers and she used them all to cook Xmas dinner.
4. She was too unwell to cook roasties but admitted to having frozen Yorkshire’s.
5. She went on a long Boxing Day yomp visiting several shops to buy cold fish and chips (despite the 60 portions of fish she was #gifted three days ago and the parboiled potatoes sitting in the kitchen.
6. She forgot to tweet that she is standing in as a guest columnist for Carole Malone in the Daily Express until after all the paper shops had shut, but Fraus have dads who buy it for sudoku so we already had receipts
7. Louisa’s covid twitter thread went viral then mainstream being published in the Times

What an amazing Christmas we had. Thanks for the recap- Good Skilz @HotesTilaire!

 

[KebabGirl]

The 60 mile ride is more likely to have been in Essex than London. So at the very start, they were cohabiting. I think the post from Jack about the school bubble was bollocks, it was a cover. She got called out on it big time and then we had a lot of radio silence to avoid any more slip ups. They both have a dependency on media for work so need to maintain a persona.
As for either of them leaving the house - I don't know how long after the test / symptoms you are expected to stay indoors. So benefit of doubt there. There is no excuse for not having spuds on Xmas Day though!

Great thread title, and great recap.

 

[PoorPatrol]

This is a reply to Raydogs post in the previous thread:

I really don’t understand why L and the others who know her IRL never seem to call her out on her lies, especially given how many of them make real people look bad. The one exception is I can understand SBs dad wanting to keep the peace for SBs sake, but why don’t her parents, her siblings, her exes etc ever say anything to defend themselves? Or step in when she’s clearly absolutely manic and/or drunk on twitter?

Because narcissistic rage is awful when you’re on the receiving end. She’ll do things like cut them all off, and much worse. I would consider myself a very strong and capable person, but the only method I have for dealing with ‘my’ narc is grey rock/no contact. Engaging with a narcissist during their lying bullshit moments is asking for an absolute mental, emotional, and sometimes physically battering.

 

[Pixieboots]

Spoiler: Jack for Dummies!

For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

*** JACKISMS ***

Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’

** NEW **
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.

She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’

As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.

*****

One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

Also:

• She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
• She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
• Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
• Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
• ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ‘buddle’ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesn’t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
• Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
• She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
• During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
• The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
• She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.

Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

• Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.

 

[GothPrincess]

Way behind but have you seen this?

 

[skronkywildcat]

Who is the crown on her list of people? I really cannot understand why Louisa would have wanted to move back in with someone she'd broken off an engagement with who also had a child who was in contact with at least 30 other children every day. I've no idea whether SB bought it home from school or if Louisa bought it into the house but either way - if they'd stayed in their own homes, they wouldn't have all got infected. (I'm assuming SB was asymptomatic).

 

[HotesTilaire]

Louisa did the bike ride where she got soaked on Thursday 10 Dec. Seems to have been in the first part of the day as the cold, sneezes developed later that day and she decided to self isolate.
Monday 14 Dec Jack announces isolation due to -SB's school/reasons not hers to discuss
Tuesday 15 Dec Louisa tweets she had a positive test result the day before her birthday
Saturday 26 Dec the Daily Express prints Jack’s column which says she has been in bed and struggling to breathe for TWO WEEKS
Edit- info grunk

 

[Veronicaaa]

I've just been working on a brief timeline for Louisa / Jack's illness because I clearly have too much time on my hands I just wanted to get it all straight in my head. I'll post it here for reference but feel free to add to it if you're interested.

Dec 10th - Day 1 for Louisa - 60 miles on bike


Dec 14th - jack has to isolate after SB’s teacher tested positive


December 15th - Day 5 - Louisa positive test. Jack says she can’t post out Patreons because she’s isolating


December 16th - Louisa sore leg


December 17th - Louisa odd jobs around the house / Jack says she has COVID (so Day 1 for her?) and has never felt so ill in her life (pic of thermometer)


Dec 18th - publication of Express menu on Jack’s website


Dec 19th - Louisa can barely walk to bathroom without feeling faint, Jack’s joints on fire


Dec 20th - day 10 - Louisa faints getting out of the bath. strange facial tic and around that time ambulance came out (according to Times) - no tweeting from Jack


Dec 21st - announcement of partnership with Del Monte on twitter


Dec 22nd - writing about her heroes of 2020 for the Express


Dec 23rd - posts covid selfie, massive fish delivery


Dec 24th - trifle day, also eats egg and kipper and puts Christmas dinner in the slow cookers. Says “there are three of us” for Christmas dinner. Wakes housemate up to tell her about Monroasties


Dec 25th - porridge with cream / Christmas dinner


Dec 26th - Louisa on day 16 of COVID. Jack on day 9 or 10 after her positive test. Jack goes fo a walk, gets a fish supper. Express column printed. She posts a pic of the paper which she may have bought on her walk.


Dec 27th - Louisa on Day 17, written about in Times. On twitter, posts that she still gets breathless climbing stairs or on short walks.

 

[waffle maker]

I've just been working on a brief timeline for Louisa / Jack's illness because I clearly have too much time on my hands I just wanted to get it all straight in my head. I'll post it here for reference but feel free to add to it if you're interested.

Dec 10th - Day 1 for Louisa - 60 miles on bike


Dec 14th - jack has to isolate after SB’s teacher tested positive


December 15th - Day 5 - Louisa positive test. Jack says she can’t post out Patreons because she’s isolating


December 16th - Louisa sore leg


December 17th - Louisa odd jobs around the house / Jack says she has COVID (so Day 1 for her?) and has never felt so ill in her life (pic of thermometer)


Dec 18th - publication of Express menu on Jack’s website


Dec 19th - Louisa can barely walk to bathroom without feeling faint, Jack’s joints on fire


Dec 20th - day 10 - Louisa faints getting out of the bath. strange facial tic and around that time ambulance came out (according to Times) - no tweeting from Jack


Dec 21st - announcement of partnership with Del Monte on twitter


Dec 22nd - writing about her heroes of 2020 for the Express


Dec 23rd - posts covid selfie, massive fish delivery


Dec 24th - trifle day, also eats egg and kipper and puts Christmas dinner in the slow cookers. Says “there are three of us” for Christmas dinner. Wakes housemate up to tell her about Monroasties


Dec 25th - porridge with cream / Christmas dinner


Dec 26th - Louisa on day 16 of COVID. Jack on day 9 or 10 after her positive test. Jack goes fo a walk, gets a fish supper. Express column printed. She posts a pic of the paper which she may have bought on her walk.


Dec 27th - Louisa on Day 17, written about in Times. On twitter, posts that she still gets breathless climbing stairs on on short walks.

Dec 23rd is my favourite. I just read the whole thing out to my husband.

 

[Scarletfever]

If Louisa is the housemate Jack woke to tell about the Monroasties, then that is pure narc abuse, made even worse by the fact that she is feeling so ill.

 

[Harrybosch]

December 11

BB: Day 1 of her symptoms (long bike ride, came home and a cough, sneeze and sore throat, assumed it was a cold, but cancels all plans and starts self-isolating)

JM is angry that people are criticizing her for writing for the Daily Express.

December 12

BB’s symptoms continue

JM goes to the shop to buy the Daily Express (three copies)

December 13

BB has a terrible headache

JM bores us to death with her knitting tales.

December 14

BB has diarrhoea, sore throat, cough & sneezing but it all felt fairly manageable

JM tweets “Well it was going to happen eventually. One of SBs teachers has tested positive for COVID19 so we are going into isolation. As you might expect, I’m in the kitchen with a clipboard doing a full stocktake to see how we can munch through 10 days on whatever provisions we have in...”

At this point BB has had three days of symptoms and is getting worse. Symptoms include a cough.

December 15

BB gets positive test result, symptoms get worse

JM tweets “I’m gutted to say that goodies ordered through Big Cartel & Patreon won’t be able to be posted until we either have negative test results and/or isolation is over. I’ll update my sites & I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. Closing days before Christmas really isn’t ideal.”

December 16

BB’s breathing gets bad, shooting pain from groin to knee and knee to ankle

JM engages in a bit of foreshadowing with this tweet: “Recipes almost ready to go but will be published tomorrow now. It’s a lot of very focused and precise work and there’s a lot else going on here at the moment. Stay safe everyone. Promise it’ll be worth the wait. Hopefully.”

December 17

BB is feeling better, doing chores around the house

JM announces she’s got Covid and tweets a thermometer as proof. Later that day she malfunctions and tweets out reams of food combinations.

December 18

BB’s breathing gets REALLY bad

JM rewrites history her Daily Express recipes and publishes them in a frankly incomprehensible format on her blog

December 19

BB writes “the breathing was worse than I’ve ever experienced. Walking to the toilet took ages to recover from. The more I panicked about my breathing the worst it got. Deep, long, calm breathing really helped. As did lying really still. And not talking.”

JM offers to write a recipe for a one-tray Christmas menu for one or two people. Hours later we learn that she is still having Covid-19. Her joints are on fire, silently screaming inside.

Squiggle shines out a bat light to the long-Covid community. JM 'has had' Covid for 48 hours.

December 20

BB: was feeling faint all the time and eventually fainted getting out of the bath which was horrible. I would have to stand up really slowly and stand still for a minute before walking to allow my body to adjust. Breathing was still awful. Develops facial tic

December 21

BB’s symptoms are as above

JM is knitting

December 22

BB writes “the breathing felt so much better. The cough which had never been that bad turned into a persistent hacking cough. My sense of smell started to return too. Headaches/facial tic still there”

JM is slowly, gently, restfully writing about her heroes (because as we’ll soon learn, CAROLE MALONE IS AWAY).

December 23

BB tweets this is day 13 and the whole timeline is based on this. breathing has improved a lot more. Sore throat, cough and sneezing still but it feels more like a manageable cold than anything else.

JM calls a household meeting to hold a vote on whether she should make roast potatoes. The democratic vote said she should, but reader, she didn’t.

Takes delivery of fishes and loaves.

Has bed hair in bed with the ‘rona. (typing this makes me feel icky).


December 24

JM tweets “Making stuff to get ahead for lunch tomorrow. There are three of us, but you’d be forgiven for casting an eye around my kitchen and thinking I was feeding forty-seven. It’s the Greek-Irish hybrid, absolutely no concept of portion control.”

Based on the there are three of us it strongly suggests BB, JM and SB are in the same home and have been for the duration of BB’s illness, as BB would not have been able to move house at any time between December 11 (onset of symptoms) and December 24 (still symptomatic).

 

[Funnifing71]

Because narcissistic rage is awful when you’re on the receiving end. She’ll do things like cut them all off, and much worse. I would consider myself a very strong and capable person, but the only method I have for dealing with ‘my’ narc is grey rock/no contact. Engaging with a narcissist during their lying bullshit moments is asking for an absolute mental, emotional, and sometimes physically battering.

Totally agree with this as have a narc ex. Their biggest fear is being exposed so they usually block family and friends from social media for fear of being called out. I imagine JM has a blocked list longer than her Covid19 symptoms!

 

[Minky McMoneypenny]

Can we keep the caps in the title for full shouty effect!
Congratulations to @Scarletfever

Mod edit: sorry changed to sentence case, everyone wants to shout their titles and it's probably better to be consistent

That's a real shame.

 

[Emmapism]

December 11

BB: Day 1 of her symptoms (long bike ride, came home and a cough, sneeze and sore throat, assumed it was a cold, but cancels all plans and starts self-isolating)

JM is angry that people are criticizing her for writing for the Daily Express.

December 1

BB’s symptoms continue

JM goes to the shop to buy the Daily Express (three copies)

December 13

BB has a terrible headache

JM bores us to death with her knitting tales.

December 14

BB has diarrhoea, sore throat, cough & sneezing but it all felt fairly manageable

JM tweets “Well it was going to happen eventually. One of SBs teachers has tested positive for COVID19 so we are going into isolation. As you might expect, I’m in the kitchen with a clipboard doing a full stocktake to see how we can munch through 10 days on whatever provisions we have in...”

At this point BB has had three days of symptoms and is getting worse. Symptoms include a cough.

December 15

BB gets positive test result, symptoms get worse

JM tweets “I’m gutted to say that goodies ordered through Big Cartel & Patreon won’t be able to be posted until we either have negative test results and/or isolation is over. I’ll update my sites & I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. Closing days before Christmas really isn’t ideal.”

December 16

BB’s breathing gets bad, shooting pain from groin to knee and knee to ankle

JM engages in a bit of foreshadowing with this tweet: “Recipes almost ready to go but will be published tomorrow now. It’s a lot of very focused and precise work and there’s a lot else going on here at the moment. Stay safe everyone. Promise it’ll be worth the wait. Hopefully.”

December 17

BB is feeling better, doing chores around the house

JM announces she’s got Covid and tweets a thermometer as proof. Later that day she malfunctions and tweets out reams of food combinations.

December 18

BB’s breathing gets REALLY bad

JM rewrites history her Daily Express recipes and publishes them in a frankly incomprehensible format on her blog

December 19

BB writes “the breathing was worse than I’ve ever experienced. Walking to the toilet took ages to recover from. The more I panicked about my breathing the worst it got. Deep, long, calm breathing really helped. As did lying really still. And not talking.”

JM offers to write a recipe for a one-tray Christmas menu for one or two people. Hours later we learn that she is still having Covid-19. Her joints are on fire, silently screaming inside.

December 20

BB: was feeling faint all the time and eventually fainted getting out of the bath which was horrible. I would have to stand up really slowly and stand still for a minute before walking to allow my body to adjust. Breathing was still awful. Develops facial tic

December 21

BB’s symptoms are as above

JM is knitting

December 22

BB writes “the breathing felt so much better. The cough which had never been that bad turned into a persistent hacking cough. My sense of smell started to return too. Headaches/facial tic still there”

JM is slowly, gently, restfully writing about her heroes (because as we’ll soon learn, CAROLE MALONE IS AWAY).

December 23

BB tweets this is day 13 and the whole timeline is based on this. breathing has improved a lot more. Sore throat, cough and sneezing still but it feels more like a manageable cold than anything else.

JM calls a household meeting to hold a vote on whether she should make roast potatoes. The democratic vote said she should, but reader, she didn’t.

Takes delivery of fishes and loaves.

Has bed hair in bed with the ‘rona. (typing this makes me feel icky).


December 24

JM tweets “Making stuff to get ahead for lunch tomorrow. There are three of us, but you’d be forgiven for casting an eye around my kitchen and thinking I was feeding forty-seven. It’s the Greek-Irish hybrid, absolutely no concept of portion control.”

Based on the there are three of us it strongly suggests BB, JM and SB are in the same home and have been for the duration of BB’s illness, as BB would not have been able to move house at any time between December 11 (onset of symptoms) and December 24 (still symptomatic).

Exactly the type of forensic work I would expect from you Harry. Bravo.

 

[waffle maker]

December 11

BB: Day 1 of her symptoms (long bike ride, came home and a cough, sneeze and sore throat, assumed it was a cold, but cancels all plans and starts self-isolating)

JM is angry that people are criticizing her for writing for the Daily Express.

December 1

BB’s symptoms continue

JM goes to the shop to buy the Daily Express (three copies)

December 13

BB has a terrible headache

JM bores us to death with her knitting tales.

December 14

BB has diarrhoea, sore throat, cough & sneezing but it all felt fairly manageable

JM tweets “Well it was going to happen eventually. One of SBs teachers has tested positive for COVID19 so we are going into isolation. As you might expect, I’m in the kitchen with a clipboard doing a full stocktake to see how we can munch through 10 days on whatever provisions we have in...”

At this point BB has had three days of symptoms and is getting worse. Symptoms include a cough.

December 15

BB gets positive test result, symptoms get worse

JM tweets “I’m gutted to say that goodies ordered through Big Cartel & Patreon won’t be able to be posted until we either have negative test results and/or isolation is over. I’ll update my sites & I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. Closing days before Christmas really isn’t ideal.”

December 16

BB’s breathing gets bad, shooting pain from groin to knee and knee to ankle

JM engages in a bit of foreshadowing with this tweet: “Recipes almost ready to go but will be published tomorrow now. It’s a lot of very focused and precise work and there’s a lot else going on here at the moment. Stay safe everyone. Promise it’ll be worth the wait. Hopefully.”

December 17

BB is feeling better, doing chores around the house

JM announces she’s got Covid and tweets a thermometer as proof. Later that day she malfunctions and tweets out reams of food combinations.

December 18

BB’s breathing gets REALLY bad

JM rewrites history her Daily Express recipes and publishes them in a frankly incomprehensible format on her blog

December 19

BB writes “the breathing was worse than I’ve ever experienced. Walking to the toilet took ages to recover from. The more I panicked about my breathing the worst it got. Deep, long, calm breathing really helped. As did lying really still. And not talking.”

JM offers to write a recipe for a one-tray Christmas menu for one or two people. Hours later we learn that she is still having Covid-19. Her joints are on fire, silently screaming inside.

December 20

BB: was feeling faint all the time and eventually fainted getting out of the bath which was horrible. I would have to stand up really slowly and stand still for a minute before walking to allow my body to adjust. Breathing was still awful. Develops facial tic

December 21

BB’s symptoms are as above

JM is knitting

December 22

BB writes “the breathing felt so much better. The cough which had never been that bad turned into a persistent hacking cough. My sense of smell started to return too. Headaches/facial tic still there”

JM is slowly, gently, restfully writing about her heroes (because as we’ll soon learn, CAROLE MALONE IS AWAY).

December 23

BB tweets this is day 13 and the whole timeline is based on this. breathing has improved a lot more. Sore throat, cough and sneezing still but it feels more like a manageable cold than anything else.

JM calls a household meeting to hold a vote on whether she should make roast potatoes. The democratic vote said she should, but reader, she didn’t.

Takes delivery of fishes and loaves.

Has bed hair in bed with the ‘rona. (typing this makes me feel icky).


December 24

JM tweets “Making stuff to get ahead for lunch tomorrow. There are three of us, but you’d be forgiven for casting an eye around my kitchen and thinking I was feeding forty-seven. It’s the Greek-Irish hybrid, absolutely no concept of portion control.”

Based on the there are three of us it strongly suggests BB, JM and SB are in the same home and have been for the duration of BB’s illness, as BB would not have been able to move house at any time between December 11 (onset of symptoms) and December 24 (still symptomatic).

There is a full panorama/ dispatches documentary here. v. good.