Jack Monroe #118 Diagnosis: gifted

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Pocahontas

Pocahontas

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Congratulations to @Emmapism for the thread title! 🎉 Your prize is Christmas dinner at Jack’s. Mmmincemeat bread pudding (bring something to wash it down).

  1. Her festive feature in The Express happened. @MancBee took one for the cabal and purchased a copy of the paper. Photos here.
  2. Most enlightening part of the article? She was ‘diagnosed as gifted’ when she was a little girl.
  3. She bought copies of the newspaper. Three of them.
  4. She’s a knitter. She loves to knit. Nails too yikes to mention.
  5. She was proud of her stock and its ‘secret ingredient’. She’ll be writing the recipe up on her blog soon! Don’t tell us. It’s pineapple, isn’t it.
  6. Knitting Jack is a bundle of fun. Killing us softly with your wool, killing us softly. With your wool.
  7. She made it into the Scottish Local Retailer magazine. A win for (one of) her spiritual home(s).
  8. [*]
    For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

    Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
    Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

    Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

    For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

    *** JACKISMS ***

    Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

    Yes, absolutely x

    Some other favourite Jack quotes:

    ‘Babe, same’
    ‘I did a chaos’
    ‘My maverick brain’
    ‘My sad little face’
    ‘I’m BUSY’
    ‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
    ‘I laughed up a lung’

    ** NEW **
    ‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.

    She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’

    As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.

    *****

    One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

    To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

    Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

    Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

    We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

    During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

    Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

    Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

    *Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

    Also:
    • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
    • She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
    • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
    • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
    • ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ‘buddle’ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesn’t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
    • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
    • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
    • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
    • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
    • She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.

    Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

    We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

    • Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
    [*]
 
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TurnedUpInTipp said:
After her first album, 'Diagnosis: Gifted', I eagerly await the second, 'Knitting For Attention'...
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Closely followed by “Another Day on the Monroellercoaster.” There were some cracking threads suggestions in the last thread.

The gifted thing makes me cringe so, so bad. When my eldest was in Year 3 we were told at parents evening that he had been identified as “gifted and talented” I think they called it, and all it meant was that the worksheets he was given were slightly harder and designed to challenge him. Apart from attending a creative writing day at another school with other “gifted” kids we never heard about it again. There was no diagnosis or ceremony and he wasn’t even aware of it because we never told him. Jack holds on to her school days for some odd reason. Like sending her book to the school teacher who said she’d be flipping burgers. Jack is forever reliving her glory days.
 
The entire premise of the Breakdown just reminds me of this Dril tweet:

B41312FA-3BAB-4EEF-9A5B-C400C45BC95B.jpeg


Rich girls who’ve done restrictive eating and have anxiety and maybe got prescribed Prozac and then their parents paid for therapy for them so now they feel they have the authority to talk about “self-care” without anything more than a cursory acknowledgment that self care is a dereliction of responsibility on the part of institutions, placing the onus on the individual to make themselves better while nothing is done to address the structural reasons that so many people struggle with mental health.

So. Very. Jack.
 
Veronicaaa said:
It'll be her PTSD acting up again. From the brief time she had to sign on in her early 20s. Hard to overcome something like that.
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I've just realised that in total during my life I have signed on for 26 months. Surely I must be due a prize or cup for my unimaginable suffering which dwarfs Jacks by some way. In addition my Dad was out of work for eight months when I was a teenager so that's a double trauma really. If anyone needs me I will be punching walls and howling for the reminder of the day.
 
HarderFaster said:
The entire premise of the Breakdown just reminds me of this Dril tweet:

View attachment 346303 q

Rich girls who’ve done restrictive eating and have anxiety and maybe got prescribed Prozac and then their parents paid for therapy for them so now they feel they have the authority to talk about “self-care” without anything more than a cursory acknowledgment that self care is a dereliction of responsibility on the part of institutions, placing the onus on the individual to make themselves better while nothing is done to address the structural reasons that so many people struggle with mental health.

So. Very. Jack.
Click to expand...

God I live for your posts @HarderFaster
 
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