Jack Monroe #108 You’re really good on camera mate, honestly

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Pocahontas

Pocahontas

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Congratulations to @Scarletfever for the thread title! 78 reactions 🎉 Seeing as this is your second, I believe you have to eat a plate of the three tin tender. May the odds be ever in your favour.

Ok, so technically @JoyceDivision won with: ‘Are ewe aware of our work, Tattle?’, but I’m afraid I made an executive decision and chose the more relevant title to Jack’s latest chaos, seeing as this is a Jack Monroe thread. Apologies! 🌸

Buckle up, ninnies. This is a long one.

Recap of thread #107
  1. She reminisced about the good old days. Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt? Matt?! Matt! Matt!!!
  2. Erm, you need to tag the right Matt, Jack.
  3. Jackbot 2020 overheated again and spouted code. U wot m8?
  4. Not again, said Jack. FFS. (Did the Daily Mail catch it? No? Oh.)
  5. Let’s all gloss over her three tin tender beef (really, let’s) - because, look! She’s having a beef with Sia.
  6. Screenshot extravaganza HERE of the long thread of her increasingly egregious tweets that prove without a doubt that she is NOT ... hard work.
  7. She’s moved her office again. Such a tiny bungalow.
  8. Cancel mob? Lol. You don’t know a damn thing about her, buddy.
  9. Don’t be snitch tagging her now, she has every right to thoroughly make something about her on a large public platform and keep it a secret from Sia. ‘Sake.
  10. She’s really good on camera, honestly. If you don’t believe her, here’s the proof, mate.
  11. And just like that, none of it ever happened. Not again FFS.
  12. She’s so proud of her new Twitter byline. That’ll do, Jack.
  13. She made her signature bake.
  14. Oh dear.
  15. She ‘accepts criticism’, people. (One for the list, @kachoochoo 😂)
  16. Jack, you forgot your honorary double doctorate with the letters after your name.
  17. She’s a self-described ‘kitchen maverick’.
  18. She has changed her byline again. And AGAIN. And A G A I N.
  19. She’s not a ‘bleeping pick n mix’, she’s as white as mayo, and don’t you forget it.
  20. Jack says: ‘I’m not here to create outrage, I do recipes hun.’
  21. Cup-o-sick, anyone? Truly awful.
  22. The Breakdown has hired her as a columnist. It’s a new magazine that is Patreon-funded. She must have fit the bill.
  23. She’s gifting her column fee back to The Breakdown to fund another writer. Jack says: ‘My suggestion, not theirs.’
  24. Would anyone like to do the next few recaps? 🥴
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

*** JACKISMS ***

Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’

**New**
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’

One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

Also:
  • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
  • She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
  • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
  • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
  • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
  • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
  • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
  • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
  • She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.

Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

  • Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
 
Wow that was a long Grunka.
I believe we were told Buddle was staying 4 nights per week. Weekend is probably more likely than midweek I’d guess. Did BB cancel this week’s visit?
I agree with @Pocahontas exec decision on the thread title, I was pleased to note that the Vampire squiggle has seen the light Lol and disagreed with the kitchen maverick. Also I was most heartened and pleased to see not just a sheep but a little lamb ❤️ Reminding me of all that is pure in the world.
If I saw the staff of Cactus walking down the street I’d cross the road. But that’s just my experience. If I never speak to them again it won’t be long enough.
 
Top Trumpd said:
god she’s insufferable
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Just this and a deep sigh. The Sia debacle was one of the first things I saw this morning and my immediate reaction was "Oh, god. Jack's going to put herself in the middle of this, isn't she?" I've just caught up on the overnight (for me) chaos and had to stop myself replying to every damn post as I went. She is pathological and I simply cannot anything any more.

I find myself wondering if the whole "J.1g" thing is part of an ingredients list. Like: Jack Monroe: 1 GRAM IS ENOUGH.
Absolute fark.


Fraggle said:
How long before Jacks account goes private, or she leaves Twitter for the umpteenth time?
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Maybe this is why her follower count is going up - people who know her tendency to lock down more than her larder jumping on board quickly before ACCESS DENIED!?
 
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Is she asleep yet?

When she's like this, she really upsets me. I spent years ticking the not disabled option on application forms for fear of automatically ruled out because of it (yes, I know it's illegal but it's not hard to get round, especially not in the 1980s and 1990s). This lockdown has left me in limbo as far as mental health goes with no chance of challenging my diagnosis and maybe, just maybe, getting a proper assessment for both H-ADHD and autism. The only support I get is Penumbra phoning me once a week to chat and Citizens Advice doing my PIP application form, again over the phone. Luckily lockdown has helped my mental health in that I can avoid people but I'm already signed off from February on Occupational Health advice that I'll have another breakdown if I return to my job. I could easily announce my self-diagnosis like Jack but it still wouldn't get me the help and possible medicine that I need.

Blurp, MA(Hons), PG Cert Personnel Admin, DipGradSec, OA, D, E, A, Al, BPD, GOW, W&W, Ar, HH, FR

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@Blurp wow you just described....me! Just kidding, I don’t have an MA.
Her struggle around masking it hacks me off. Like a grumpy teen (well excuse ME for being forgetful but I do have ADHD you know). She tried masking some kind of behaviour for approx 36 hours this week then we got the chaos breaking out all day today. Masking it is holding down a job day in day out driving yourself into a hole trying to appear normal and organised and effective in an actual job which requires you to attend 37 hours per week, deliver output, not have meltdowns and putting yourself last
 
Lava said:
Jack - "How can people say I'm hard work? Ableist bastards."

Also Jack - "Tee hee, I was asked to bring a range of clothing options and I brought a whole rack of near identical shirts. I'm so quirky!"
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......And I accept a new columnist job where I tell the world I'm doing it for free before I've even started and my stated aim is to 'bang out' what they need in half hour - so committed, soooo professional. Definitely not hard work.
 
I can’t cross post but @MancBee summed it up better than I ever could so thank(space)you.

Missed a whole lot of yesterday evening and refuse to catch up because she is just being insufferable and (in my opinion) more damaging than ever.

I hope frauen and herren who are finding the “I am being visible” tripe hard are ok.

I honestly feel this IS a cases of labelling, which can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy (rejection sensitivity dysmorphia being an example).

Obviously, this is just my opinion, and others may differ but like previous posters, I refuse to be defined/made visible by my academic credentials (which could be as equally labelling ) as by my medical ailments (probably not the right word-sorry).

Into the tunnel, BwtS WatS

(Bored with this tit, Where are the Sheep)
 
Labelling in the way Jack is doing, is, much like everything else she does, so damaging. She only ever believes a person who is/has 'x' will always be the most stereotypical version of it. Not all those who live with ADHD are wild, zany balls of chaos. Not all those on the spectrum are awkward and rude with genius tendencies.

CookieCookie, LoC, GB, RBFS, VT
Lover of Cookies
Grumpy Bugger
Resting witch Face Sufferer
Very Tired
 
I stay at my (support bubble) boyfriends on Fridays and I wake up much earlier than he does and my favourite part of the week is having a little Tattle catch up while he snores. Couldn’t believe how many pages there were this morning, it’s been amazing. I’ve almost woken him up about 4 times with my hooting. I actually did laugh out loud remembering Supper Nanny and what a ridiculously stupid idea that ever was.

a couple of fraus have hinted that there’s a reason for her changed behaviour and it’s something happening this weekend but this is totally lost on me, so please spill.

Not sure where to put ‘tends to get ingrowing toenails’ on my bio.
 
Fruitjack said:
a couple of fraus have hinted that there’s a reason for her changed behaviour and it’s something happening this weekend but this is totally lost on me, so please spill.

It’s being inferred that she may have been hypocritical in accusing others of spending their spare time taking recreational drugs. Pls see “Henry Hoover gif” for details.

Not sure where to put ‘tends to get ingrowing toenails’ on my bio.
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Babe, same
TOO SHORT
Edit - my words got absorbed into he quote. Did I mention I have insomnia?
 
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