Ioan Gruffudd & Alice Evans #174 Even her divorce lawyer left her.

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FA: Ooh where can I see that? I heard she got it pulled from the entire internet after people saw her acting and laughed themselves silly

She's desperate to see Relationshit. As is 'Tone'

FA: I actually thought she might go for it again. But instead I hear the parents are besties with the Bogan. Nothing like standing up for your own abused grandchildren, eh?

3 living grandparents who have no contact with their grandkids. Why?

FA: Well if his face in those pics that ran Saturday is anything to go by.. B was all 'look at me I abused I child!' and he looked like he needed one of those 'HELP ME' signs on his five head.

Like this?

IG help me.png
 
I really feel for the girls. I know exactly how Ella is going to feel once she hits adulthood and the guilt hits her.

I would have done what she's done. I have done what she's done. It's so demoralising and confusing living with a parent like Alice. You will do just about anything to placate them, or to prove your allegiance, so they'll give you a moment of bloody peace.

I hope Ioan can still hold onto the hope that she will come out of this, and realise he left Alice, but never her.

I suspect there's a whole other Ella underneath the facade right now, that just wants it to be okay to love her Dad.

It really does get constructed as betrayal by these histrionic mothers. It feels like you're having an affair. As soon as you feel a moment's happiness with the parent you're meant to "hate", the crushing feeling of turning against the other one seeps in and you can't even enjoy it - because you're thinking about the interrogation you're going to be smashed with when you get home.

The tears, the "I do everything for you, how could you choose them?!" , the silent treatment, that then becomes "well why don't you ask Dad, since you love him so much?!" Starts, and you feel like you're living in a home where you are now an interloper, and all you want to do is anything you need to do to get back in - because being on the outside doesn't feel safe, and you just want her to be nice to you again so you can eat dinner and watch TV and not have the raving aimed at you.

I know what she's doing is wrong, but sometimes it feels like it's safer than the alternative.

Ioan may have to keep his distance for a little while, but don't give up.

She's going to need you.

Mother's like Alice tend to discard their children the moment they start to assert their own identities.

Trust me. Ella feels like she's always on the cusp of being replaceable ( thanks to her mother pounding it into her)

Don't prove her right.
 
Mother's like Alice tend to discard their children the moment they start to assert their own identities.

Trust me. Ella feels like she's always on the cusp of being replaceable ( thanks to her mother pounding it into her)

Don't prove her right.

Who would replace the Golden Child? That's mother's little soldier.

Alice is the replaceable one. Ella needs a safe space not a madhouse.

Even if AE dumped Ella (she won't) it would be the best thing to happen to her, although it would take time to realise it. Kids don't always know best.

I agree that if Ella ever disobeyed AE there would be war but right now she's very obedient.
 
I really feel for the girls. I know exactly how Ella is going to feel once she hits adulthood and the guilt hits her.

I would have done what she's done. I have done what she's done. It's so demoralising and confusing living with a parent like Alice. You will do just about anything to placate them, or to prove your allegiance, so they'll give you a moment of bloody peace.

I hope Ioan can still hold onto the hope that she will come out of this, and realise he left Alice, but never her.

I suspect there's a whole other Ella underneath the facade right now, that just wants it to be okay to love her Dad.

It really does get constructed as betrayal by these histrionic mothers. It feels like you're having an affair. As soon as you feel a moment's happiness with the parent you're meant to "hate", the crushing feeling of turning against the other one seeps in and you can't even enjoy it - because you're thinking about the interrogation you're going to be smashed with when you get home.

The tears, the "I do everything for you, how could you choose them?!" , the silent treatment, that then becomes "well why don't you ask Dad, since you love him so much?!" Starts, and you feel like you're living in a home where you are now an interloper, and all you want to do is anything you need to do to get back in - because being on the outside doesn't feel safe, and you just want her to be nice to you again so you can eat dinner and watch TV and not have the raving aimed at you.

I know what she's doing is wrong, but sometimes it feels like it's safer than the alternative.

Ioan may have to keep his distance for a little while, but don't give up.

She's going to need you.

Mother's like Alice tend to discard their children the moment they start to assert their own identities.

Trust me. Ella feels like she's always on the cusp of being replaceable ( thanks to her mother pounding it into her)

Don't prove her right.
This is true of my experience too. The things you say before you're old enough to stand up for yourself and work out your own feelings about things! I can remember saying horrible things about people I loved, just because it would make her laugh and let me actually feel close to her. When I started refusing to do this, our relationship broke down entirely.
 
Who would replace the Golden Child? That's mother's little soldier.

Alice is the replaceable one. Ella needs a safe space not a madhouse.

Even if AE dumped Ella (she won't) it would be the best thing to happen to her, although it would take time to realise it. Kids don't always know best.

I agree that if Ella ever disobeyed AE there would be war but right now she's very obedient.

I don't disagree.

But, I was that little soldier.

My mother used to dial the number and hand me the phone and I would abuse my Dad and his girlfriend - multiple times a day. When I was on visitations I would sabotage their lives and be expected to 'report back'. There was no room for refusal, unless I wanted to suffer for it.

The first time I refused - she didn't speak to me for a week, and stopped cooking dinner.

I was 11.

It would absolutely be best for Ella if she wasn't with her mother - but to Ella, it's probably going to feel like a failing.
 
This is true of my experience too. The things you say before you're old enough to stand up for yourself and work out your own feelings about things! I can remember saying horrible things about people I loved, just because it would make her laugh and let me actually feel close to her. When I started refusing to do this, our relationship broke down entirely.

I'm so sorry.

Yes, when I stopped allowing the interrogations and started actually spending time with my father that wasn't solely for her benefit (to help her destroy him), she abandoned me at a childrens Hospital and I didn't see or hear from her for years.

We have no relationship now.
 
I really feel for the girls. I know exactly how Ella is going to feel once she hits adulthood and the guilt hits her.

I would have done what she's done. I have done what she's done. It's so demoralising and confusing living with a parent like Alice. You will do just about anything to placate them, or to prove your allegiance, so they'll give you a moment of bloody peace.

I hope Ioan can still hold onto the hope that she will come out of this, and realise he left Alice, but never her.

I suspect there's a whole other Ella underneath the facade right now, that just wants it to be okay to love her Dad.

It really does get constructed as betrayal by these histrionic mothers. It feels like you're having an affair. As soon as you feel a moment's happiness with the parent you're meant to "hate", the crushing feeling of turning against the other one seeps in and you can't even enjoy it - because you're thinking about the interrogation you're going to be smashed with when you get home.

The tears, the "I do everything for you, how could you choose them?!" , the silent treatment, that then becomes "well why don't you ask Dad, since you love him so much?!" Starts, and you feel like you're living in a home where you are now an interloper, and all you want to do is anything you need to do to get back in - because being on the outside doesn't feel safe, and you just want her to be nice to you again so you can eat dinner and watch TV and not have the raving aimed at you.

I know what she's doing is wrong, but sometimes it feels like it's safer than the alternative.

Ioan may have to keep his distance for a little while, but don't give up.

She's going to need you.

Mother's like Alice tend to discard their children the moment they start to assert their own identities.

Trust me. Ella feels like she's always on the cusp of being replaceable ( thanks to her mother pounding it into her)

Don't prove her right.
Fully relate to everything in this post
 
I don't disagree.

But, I was that little soldier.

My mother used to dial the number and hand me the phone and I would abuse my Dad and his girlfriend - multiple times a day. When I was on visitations I would sabotage their lives and be expected to 'report back'. There was no room for refusal, unless I wanted to suffer for it.

The first time I refused - she didn't speak to me for a week, and stopped cooking dinner.

I was 11.

It would absolutely be best for Ella if she wasn't with her mother - but to Ella, it's probably going to feel like a failing.
I’m so sorry you went through this.

I absolutely cannot write Ella off either. She’s been conditioned to act like this for at least three years, if not more. And she’s still just only 13. It’s so so young still, and you’ve got so much going on in your still developing brain.

I was an absolute nightmare as a teenager, moody, hormonal, acting out - and I had a reasonably okay upbringing.

my heart hurts for those two girls
 
She’s clearly googling and jumping on to the bandwagon about women who have been abused, subjected to DARVO and failed by the family court.

Alice there are real women out there who this has happened to.

You were not abused - you have said it yourself. Leaving you is not abuse - stop saying you were gaslit.

You are the abusive partner and piggybacking on women who have suffered at the hands of abusive men is disgusting.

You’ve said before you are not a feminist, you belittle and insult other women and only care about yourself and revenge.

I always think you cannot stoop any lower but you always do.

Get divorced, get on with your life and stop hurting people!
 
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