I May Destroy You

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Dizzy said:
Just watched 4 back to back and really enjoying it although the scenes in the Italian nightclub made me feel ill - been there, done that many times in my youth šŸ‘ŽšŸ¼
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Yeah, threesome aside (personally) it was all too relatable. The part when she comes up was especially well done.

Edit to add:

Ha, the end of ep7 ā€˜happy animalsā€™ was so good :

ā€œclimate crisis is real. My hair isnā€™t. And I love chicken.ā€ Cue images of ecological destruction .... great ending. I didnā€™t love it all. Arabella locking that guy in the room with Kwame seemed more a means to an end for the plot to put him in a difficult situation rather than something someone like her would do. Plus a bit of a lazy way to show her negative side, selfish and stuck in her own world. There were other interesting discussions though, the white girl being at the party and the exploitation of skin colour for money and power.

overall though I love how unpredictable this show is. Itā€™s not the ā€˜girl deals with rape traumaā€™ typical narrative is it ?
 
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Horatio said:
there's been a bit of chat about the value of showing black middle class people just living life without it having to be about race.
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The racial micro aggressions stood out to me in the first few episodes. The large beige plaster on her head was a huge reminder they only come in colours that blend for white peoples and the awkward job interview with Terri with the white women asking her if it was her real hair and could she remove her wig.


For me personally, itā€™s the most gripping tv I have watched in a long time. Itā€™s so important for young people to see this on tv so they can begin to understand and discuss boundaries for themselves.
The episode where Kwame went to that guys house literally had my whole body tense.
It felt so sinister.


The only criticism I have is Arabella acting masculine and like ā€˜man demā€™ when trying to portray her happier side, which is clearly an act for her character. Maybe itā€™s just me

What did people think of the threesome scene?
My friend and I interpreted it differently.

SPOILER

I thought she felt dirty after and my friend thought the men had set it up so Terri felt upset that she had been tricked? Not sure on what that was implying ..
 
@Boredinstagrammer29 Teri was definitely set up on that threesome. I could be wrong but Iā€™m sure initially as she approaches the bar where she talks to the first guy, heā€™s seen talking to the other guy, who both look at her and the second guy walks away, allowing first guy to make his move. I noticed it because I thought it might be a gang following her to rob or rape her.

As she sees them walk away together after, itā€™s clear they knew each other beforehand. And this takes away all the power she thought she had regarding the situation. She thought sheā€™d found 2 separate guys who both wanted her, that she was happy to engage in a threesome with. It made her feel beautiful, empowered, sexy. Then she sees after that it wasnā€™t that way at all, they targeted her, they chose her long before the idea had even entered her head.

Sorry for the essay, I just love talking about this show! Going to watch eps 9 and 10 today.
 
This show is one of the best things I've seen in a long time.
I think it is also very important that there is a mainstream show showing "normal" successful black characters just living their lives, the friend being a city boy, her friend the wannabe actress, the writer & the brother at uni. I feel like too many shows centre around gang culture rather than showing black characters in a positive and uplifting light.
Michaela Coel is incredible, I get Phoebe Waller Bridge vibes.
 
Boredinstagrammer29 said:
The racial micro aggressions stood out to me in the first few episodes. The large beige plaster on her head was a huge reminder they only come in colours that blend for white peoples and the awkward job interview with Terri with the white women asking her if it was her real hair and could she remove her wig.


For me personally, itā€™s the most gripping tv I have watched in a long time. Itā€™s so important for young people to see this on tv so they can begin to understand and discuss boundaries for themselves.
The episode where Kwame went to that guys house literally had my whole body tense.
It felt so sinister.


The only criticism I have is Arabella acting masculine and like ā€˜man demā€™ when trying to portray her happier side, which is clearly an act for her character. Maybe itā€™s just me

What did people think of the threesome scene?
My friend and I interpreted it differently.

SPOILER

I thought she felt dirty after and my friend thought the men had set it up so Terri felt upset that she had been tricked? Not sure on what that was implying ..
Click to expand...
I also thought she had been set up and the realisation came to Terri when she seen them walking away together. Having a threesome because you decided to is very different to being tricked into it in the way the episode portrayed imo.
 
Ineedmorecoffee said:
@Boredinstagrammer29 Teri was definitely set up on that threesome. I could be wrong but Iā€™m sure initially as she approaches the bar where she talks to the first guy, heā€™s seen talking to the other guy, who both look at her and the second guy walks away, allowing first guy to make his move. I noticed it because I thought it might be a gang following her to rob or rape her.

As she sees them walk away together after, itā€™s clear they knew each other beforehand. And this takes away all the power she thought she had regarding the situation. She thought sheā€™d found 2 separate guys who both wanted her, that she was happy to engage in a threesome with. It made her feel beautiful, empowered, sexy. Then she sees after that it wasnā€™t that way at all, they targeted her, they chose her long before the idea had even entered her head.

Sorry for the essay, I just love talking about this show! Going to watch eps 9 and 10 today.
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šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ I love it too and love hearing other peoples perspectives as we take different things from each episode. I search the twitter hashtag too, get to see other peoples thoughts and opinions on there


Thanks for your response. That totally went over my head, I just thought she regretted it!
 
I enjoyed this as well but maybe because I watched with a gap between the first 8 and the last 2 i kind of lost the thread. What was the family dinner about? And why was Terry so upset when Arabella said sheā€™d been to see Simon?
 
Dizzy said:
I enjoyed this as well but maybe because I watched with a gap between the first 8 and the last 2 i kind of lost the thread. What was the family dinner about? And why was Terry so upset when Arabella said sheā€™d been to see Simon?
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The dinner was for her mums birthday then she told her about the assault, terry was worried Simon would tell her that she gave him the ok to leave Bella that fateful night.
 
Love this programme. Absolutely so different to anything I usually watch but this is great. I can relate in so many ways (thankfully not the darker side) but just how easy and normal it used to seem when I was younger to go out and get absolutely steaming drunk. So, so dangerous but you donā€™t think none the wiser when itā€™s you.
 
I have now watched the whole series. I agree with a lot of you that this is such a necessary piece of television. I did wonder what the title meant, but from the last episode, I now understand that she is worried that her trauma from the rape may destroy her. The last episode is amazing and I donā€™t want to spoil it, so I wonā€™t, but it shows her try to process her trauma into something manageable rather than something which fully consumes her.

I also think there are a lot of people who will learn from the series that rape covers many scenarios and is not just a stranger spiking you in a bar. I hope it gives people courage to speak out when some of the disgusting crimes in this series are perpetrated.

I am a millennial and I have had my drink spiked twice.

Six years ago, I was out clubbing with my best friend. I got talking to a good looking blonde guy. We were dancing together for a bit and then we saw there was a booth/table free so we sat there and started kissing. I was taking sips of my drink in between and looking back now, I lost a lot of time after that moment. I think whilst we were kissing and my eyes were shut that he slipped me something. I donā€™t remember how, but I had been separated from my friend. I remember none of this at all, but my friend was worried that I had been spiked and was waiting by the entrance/exit of the club to try and stop someone if they had tried to take me home. She had called her brother to come and get her (us) and he was massive and broad, so not a guy you would want to mess with. My friend tells me that the blonde guy did try to get me out of the club just as her brother turned up outside, at which point there was a stand off where my friend was saying ā€œoh no you donā€™tā€ whilst he was saying everything was fine and I wanted to go home with him. My friendā€™s brother spotted my friend and started screaming at the guy to leave me alone, at which point he did and just left. I donā€™t remember any of that so it is really strange whenever my friend and I discuss it.

Three years ago, I had my drink spiked for the second time. One minute I was having the time of my life dancing with my friends, and the next, I was passed out on the floor of the toilet cubicle. I was going in and out of consciousness. I donā€™t know exactly how much time had passed by the time my friends came into the toilets shouting my name, but I am glad that they did. The toilet door was locked and it took lots of their gentle coaxing to get me to open it, but I finally did. I then started vomiting all over myself. I got kicked out of the club, although we obviously would have been leaving anyway. My friendā€™s Dad came to pick us up and I kept being sick all of the way back to her house. My friend stayed up with me all night whilst I slept. It was a very deep sleep whilst I was out if it. In the morning, I woke up to 30 missed calls from my boyfriend, who apparently I had phoned to say that I wasnā€™t feeling so good. I have no memory if doing this at all, but he was glad to hear from me and know I was safe. I tried to eat breakfast and I couldnā€™t at all. In fact, I couldnā€™t eat anything for a whole day afterwards because I would just keep being sick. I was also shaking beyond my control, which was very scary. Eventually, this wore off, but I have no doubt that if my friends had not found me when they did, that this story would be very different.

Both times my friends were there for me. Thank God they were.
 
Boredinstagrammer29 said:
The racial micro aggressions stood out to me in the first few episodes. The large beige plaster on her head was a huge reminder they only come in colours that blend for white peoples and the awkward job interview with Terri with the white women asking her if it was her real hair and could she remove her wig.


For me personally, itā€™s the most gripping tv I have watched in a long time. Itā€™s so important for young people to see this on tv so they can begin to understand and discuss boundaries for themselves.
The episode where Kwame went to that guys house literally had my whole body tense.
It felt so sinister.


The only criticism I have is Arabella acting masculine and like ā€˜man demā€™ when trying to portray her happier side, which is clearly an act for her character. Maybe itā€™s just me

What did people think of the threesome scene?
My friend and I interpreted it differently.

SPOILER

I thought she felt dirty after and my friend thought the men had set it up so Terri felt upset that she had been tricked? Not sure on what that was implying ..
Click to expand...

Tbh some girls from London do act like this.
You see your bredrin, you'll say wagwan G.

It's not always an act, but the way you've grown up - seeing Bella and Terry in secondary school showed it was a normality of language they've continued ---- kinda reminds me of how Tolly T from The Receipts Podcast acts.
 
This programme was amazing. I learnt a lot; for example ā€œstealthingā€, the difference between rape and sexual assault as both terms are often used interchangeably/ synonymously, how hard it is for men to report rape because that police officer was so incompetent from the questions about using an app where you donā€™t even know someoneā€™s name to how can he have been raped if he had had consented sex before, the differences between consent, and targeted like Terri and the threesome. I felt bad for her as this is something which happens to sooo many people.
I loved how the 2004 flashback went because it was so interesting to see that the issues of ā€œrevenge pornā€ ā€œnudesā€ have been going on for years itā€™s not new. We had incidents like this at my school and msn screenshots, sex tapes - one person was 15 about to be 16 and the other had just turned 16 and how that was sent around/seen by so many people including staff.

I found the ending really difficult as I couldnā€™t work out which of the three endings but I think perhaps itā€™s that it could have gone any of those ways.

Michaela Coel is amazing.
 
Watched it all and thought it was so good, so many different ways of looking at the nuances of consent.

One thing I didn't get or maybe there was a bit I missed earlier in the series- what was the baby ultrasound bit all about? There's a scene where she's looking at it and says she forgot about it or something and then you also see the scan pop up in a couple of other scenes... When was she pregnant?
 
Horatio said:
Does anyone know why itā€™s called ā€œI may destroy youā€œ incidentally ?
Iā€™ve found the fact I donā€™t know how it relates to the show made it really hard to remember.
I had to search ā€˜coelā€™ on iPlayer a few times to find it . Maybe it relates to how much another persons actions can impact you ?

there's been a bit of chat about the value of showing black middle class people just living life without it having to be about race.
I agree but I also appreciate the portrayal of drug taking. That itā€™s may lead to bad decisions but not something immediately about to ruin your life. Itā€™s something friends can do casually together all the time. Iā€™ve especially never seen black women taking drugs so nonchalantly on tv before
This has reminded me I meant to respond to this post ..:

Trust me it may not sound safe on paper but itā€™s something that happens very regularly and is usually fine. In the same way someone might have one drink too many and black out or throw up , but most people wonā€™t and no one intends to . A semi regular drug taker with a moderate tolerance could easily do all three spread across a night. Coke and K are relatively short highs plus most drugs are cut with so much other stuff , itā€™s hardly healthy and youā€™re going to feel rough the next day but you probably wonā€™t end up in hospital.
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I actually thought that was brilliantly nuanced in order for the viewer to jump to victim blaming because ā€˜she was on all those drugsā€™, then forcing you to think about how if she was out of it she couldnā€™t have given consent even and then having to face up to the horror of what happened. Just amazingly done!
 
Boredinstagrammer29 said:
The racial micro aggressions stood out to me in the first few episodes. The large beige plaster on her head was a huge reminder they only come in colours that blend for white peoples and the awkward job interview with Terri with the white women asking her if it was her real hair and could she remove her wig.


For me personally, itā€™s the most gripping tv I have watched in a long time. Itā€™s so important for young people to see this on tv so they can begin to understand and discuss boundaries for themselves.
The episode where Kwame went to that guys house literally had my whole body tense.
It felt so sinister.


The only criticism I have is Arabella acting masculine and like ā€˜man demā€™ when trying to portray her happier side, which is clearly an act for her character. Maybe itā€™s just me

What did people think of the threesome scene?
My friend and I interpreted it differently.

SPOILER

I thought she felt dirty after and my friend thought the men had set it up so Terri felt upset that she had been tricked? Not sure on what that was implying ..
Click to expand...
I thought it was a set up!
 
Sw4 said:
Watched it all and thought it was so good, so many different ways of looking at the nuances of consent.

One thing I didn't get or maybe there was a bit I missed earlier in the series- what was the baby ultrasound bit all about? There's a scene where she's looking at it and says she forgot about it or something and then you also see the scan pop up in a couple of other scenes... When was she pregnant?
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Was she not pregnant when she was much younger and lost the baby? I thought the reference was that was another thing/trauma she had hidden away under the bed.
Ps IM SO EXCITED TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT THIS SHOW šŸ™Œ
 
i just finished the last episode...at 4 in the morning and i want to scream

I genuinely think this is the best bit of Tv ive ever seen. thereā€™s just so much crammed into 30 mins. itā€™s unbelievable.

wow

also...the whole time i thought Ben was a shady guy and in reality heā€™s lonely šŸ’” he was possibly the most genuine person in Bellas life. but i thought he was a creep cos he was just always there...
 
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