Helen Anderson #16 can't be alone, can't stay at home.

[Lunamoon22]

WELCOME TO THREAD #16

Helen Anderson - can't be alone, can't stay at home

Big thank you to everyone who suggested titles and voted. The most voted one was mine with 62 votes​

PREVIOUSLY ON QUIRKERZ.....:

We've got a fun little poll for this one (suggested by @angelinalblyth), about Helga's latest skating obsession

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▷ I DON'T BREAK RULES AND MY BUSINESS IS THRIVING!
(YET SHE STILL BREAKS RULES AND HER VIEWS ARE AT AN ALL TIME LOW)
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- Has a Twitter spat with a viewer about her breaking covid guidelines. She claims she doesn't break rules - yet goes out for multiple non-essential trips to multiple places, and goes out for multiple exercise outings when the law clearly states to only leave your house for essentials and only ONE form of exercise.

- When it's pointed out that her view count is low, Helen states that her business is thriving... but her Twitter, Instagram and YouTube stats state otherwise. Plus she pays a company to manage her and give her work.

- Shortly after realising that she sounds like a dickhead, she deletes all her tweets.


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▷ BREAKS LOCKDOWN RULES... AGAIN... AGAIN... AGAIN... AND OH LOOK, SHE'S DONE IT AGAIN
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- Fiwl confirmed that they went to visit his friend to borrow a tiny bike for Helga to film a two-second clip for her reel

- She met up with Ben to take (yet another) picture for their BAND'S new profile picture. There was no social distancing.

- Mentions multiple times in her videos that she's going places like the homeware section of Sainsbury's, other supermarkets and the garden centres because "there's nothing else to do"... (Helen, there's still a lockdown dipshit, just because places are open doesn't mean that you can just go out because you're bored. Stay the fuck home)

- Arranges a meet up with some girls from her IG skating group, at least 4 people turn up {6 including Helen and Fiwl). Then goes on to try and arrange another meet up. In her Vlog she acts like they weren't associated with her, but the girls tagged them (link 1 | link 2) on their social media (which Helen also shared on her public skating page)

- Admits in her vlog that she went out to two friends, one after the other. Rules state ONE person, not line multiple people up and go hopping from one to the next, idiot.


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▷ SHE CAN'T BE ALONE, AND SHE CAN'T STAY AT HOME
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- In her 'Cosy me time weekend' vlog she shows that she can't function when Fiwl has to work

- Has to keep going out because she's bored, ends up going out to the garden centre, not for anything essential, she's just bored.

- Keeps obsessing over Fiwl working late, when he comes home she shoves the camera in his face.


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▷ IGNORES ANOTHER RACISM ISSUE
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- In her skating video, she states that she was informed about Impala's (the previous skates she bought) "bad shit" and went on to say that it "pissed on her parade" because she thinks the skates are beautiful

- She neglected to mention Impala's racism issue and only addresses the fact that she was told that some skates can break.

- She gets comments on her video asking why she skipped over this important point, but she ignores the comments but replies and likes other comments about how amazing she is.


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▷ SHE'S DIVORCED, SHE'S A SMOKER, SHE'S READY FOR FIWL TO IMPREG HER WITH HIS POKER
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- In her Morning Routine GRWM / QnA video she confirms that she is now divorced

- She keeps repeating how she's feeling ready for a baby and will probably have one at the end of next year

- Keeps going on about wanting to marry Fiwl and that they talk about marriage and babies all the time (they've only been together a year)

- Confirms that Fiwl already left her once, but they're in LOOOOOOVE and never argue, but if he ever left her again... well he can't coz they're in LOOOOOOOOVE. He has to stay with her FOREVER!

- Confirms that she quit her part-time teaching assistant job because it was too difficult, also confirmed that she only wanted to be around people because her job is lonely.

- Admits she smokes, but only sometimes! She's not addicted! She just has to hide it because she's unapologetically herself! But she's not addicted! Smoking is not kewl, but it makes you look kewl, kids!


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▷ SHE'S BACK TO BEING A SKINCARE INFLUENCER
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- Does a video on skincare where she smooshes her face around like it's made of putty and tells people that her awful retinol burn incident gave her a chemical peel and now she has amazing skin.


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▷ SHE HATES BEING CALLED AN INFLUENCER BUT USES IT IN A VIDEO TITLE BECAUSE SHE NEEDS VIEWS
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- Her video title made no sense when she titled it "What being an INFLUENCER really like?

- She kept droning on about hating being called an influencer and how she wants to be known as a "content creator".

- Tells people her genius idea of stealing people's pampas grass to sell on eBay, but don't worry - she's just joking, guys! Lololol

- In the QnA section of the video she says that her therapist is also her life coach.... he saw her coming from a mile off

- She also says that she does sooooo much editing, yet shows herself trying to edit her videos with a time limit of 20 - 30 minutes

- Gets asked in the comments why she doesn't want to call herself an influencer when that is her job, another mollusc replies for her saying exactly the same words as Helga did in her video (lol at the influence), and then Helen replies saying that she wants to give her followers more credit and that it's insulting to the people who watch her to assume that they're being influenced


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▷ SHE'S BACK LOOKING AT TATTLE
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- She's been posting about her "rolls" after obviously reading the last thread title.

- Does a reel of her dancing around, wobbling her belly and shaking her arse. Nobody asked for this. Nobody wanted this.

- Posts about Diane's feet getting lost in her rolls


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▷ SHAMES FIWL'S EATING HABITS...AGAIN
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- Weirdly shames Fiwl for eating all her snacks and now she has to label and separate everything into his and her baskets.

- Acts as if she only eats healthy snacks and that she's not the one with an eating disorder.

- We remember the time Ben told the story of when she ate all his food and hid wrappers, and when she ate a box of chocolates that Fiwl gave her and she had to hide the box so he wouldn't judge her for it

- HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO EAT HER SNACKS OR HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE!


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▷ HAS A SERIOUS CASE OF FOMO
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- After complaining in many videos about how shit cordless hoovers when all of hers broke and how she was going to stick with her old Henry Hoover from now on, she purchased a brand new Shark hoover after her friend got one.


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▷ HOW TO GET MOTIVATED? JUST DO IT!!!!
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- She had a bit of an unmotivated day where she couldn't film anything, but instead cleaned her whole house and went out for walks

- Gives people the advice that if you don't feel like doing your work then that's okay just sack it off and do it tomorrow as your mental health is way more important than going to work.

- Shames people who have baths as part of self-care by calling herself "basic bitch" for having one when she felt low.

- Does a todo list for the next day, which includes "wake up" and "eat lunch". She also has to do her weekly trips to the tip and trips to B&M

- She does an IG story where she films Fiwl (who's on his phone... again) that he gave some good words of wisdom in her video... he doesn't know what she's talking about

- Desperately tries to promote her video on IG, but can't even describe what it's about


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▷ HOW TO PUT MUSIC ON YOUR REELS? ILLEGALLY RIP IT OFF SPOTIFY
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- Films herself ripping music off Spotify and says she does this if she doesn't own the music


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▷ THE SUPER CLEAN FREAK WHO NEVER WASHES HER HANDS AFTER GOING TO THE TOILET
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- Claims that she has got a love for cleaning and is hopping aboard the Hinch train

- Apparently, she has a group chat with her "food hygiene friends"

- She has a history of being a slob, getting her sister to clean for her, having Maff clean for her and pressuring Josie to pay for a cleaner when she lived with her.


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▷ FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGES SARAH EVERARD, BUT WANTS TO QUICKLY MOVE ON
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- She finally posts about what's been happening in the news after Sarah Everard's murder in the form of a temporary IG story

- However, she quickly moves on because it's a new week so how we feeling folks?

- On Undelete we can see that she's deleted her post about BLM, most likely because it didn't 'fit' with her IG theme of all things Helen

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▷ SHE STILL DOESN'T WEAR A HELMET
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- In her beginner skater video, she bought a helmet after getting told off on IG about not wearing one. She kept saying "safety first" while wearing it but soon ditched it and it hasn't been seen in pictures or video since.

- In her skating vlog she didn't wear a helmet and fell over many times. People commented asking her to wear her helmet, she replied that she does wear it sometimes, then adds a "hehehe" at the end. Because brain injuries are funny.


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▷ LAME FILFLUENCER IS DESPERATE FOR A SPONSOR
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- Promotes a pair of work gloves on his IG with the tag line "It's a good day when you have a fresh pair of Maxiflex to put on"
- Also gives everyone a top tip: If your gloves are dirty... just wash them!


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▷ SHE IS A WHINY LITTLE BITCH
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- Complains about people giving her help with her skating, says she'd rather make mistakes than have help with her form.
- Tries to police people's comments on her skating by only wanting positive critiques and accusing people of sapping the fun out by trying to help her.


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▷ SHE CAN'T SPELL AND DOESN'T PROOFREAD HER #ADS
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In her QnA video, she was asked why she doesn't download Grammarly... she said "life's too short". Here are some of the awful errors she's made because she was too lazy to check what she's writing:

"What being an influencer really like?" - Video title

"We both love the convince, that we get to learn and cook new things...." - Hello Fresh Ad

Tommorow - when trying to spell tomorrow...

"he's tummy would grumble..." / "they'll be a video..." - IG post shaming Fiwl's eating habits

"Ask anything, don't by shy, I'm not shy - IG story for yet another QnA...

"HAYLEY YOUR MAKING ME ANXIOUS" - IG story of when her sister told her to spellcheck her posts before posting

ZEPHLORA - when trying to spell Zoflora

Steve ERWIN - when trying to spell Steve Irwin

I'm white concius - when trying to say quite concious

"oerfect" - perfect

BONUS: Fiwl's IG page
Wake up for you're partner this morning - when posting another video of a car


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▷ SETS UP HER 10TH IG PAGE, STEALS SOMEONE's IDEA OFF FB BECAUSE THEIR PAGE HAD "BLOWN UP"
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- Sets up a page for Norwich skaters because the Facebook page she follows has become popular so quickly, thanks to a recent interview with the local news. Helga must have a piece of that pie

- We worked out that Helen has at least 10 IG pages set up:

• helenanderz
• thesnotface
• clutchandgo (she blatantly runs Fiwl's influencer acc)
• sunny.bones
• boxoflight
• welcometohelens
• norwichrollergirls
• confettigirlswedding
• thesossagesisters
• barneyandlola

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▷ REMEMBERING THIS DICKBAG MOMENT
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Danni and Helen play the victim when they block an entrance to very busy Sainsburys and get told by a member of the public to watch out when Danni walked into them while looking at the camera and talking to Helen.

Danni could be heard yelling to the woman "WOW! THAT WAS RUDE" before the video jump cuts to Helen complaining about the "altercation" and admitted that they were blocking the door, but the woman should have accommodated them said in a meek and 'nice' tone: "excuse me... sorry... can I get through?"

Danni plays the victim and says that didn't help her mentally, as she was having a bad day and she claims that she's been crying most of the day already. She didn't consider that the other person could have also been having a bad day and didn't need to be walked into, blocked and filmed by a couple of twats.


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▷ OTHER QUIRKY THINGS FROM QUIRKERZ
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- ]Her guilty pleasure is watching bideos of people arguing and having fighting

- Describes a sandwich and crisps for lunch as a "kiddy lunch" when it's just a fucking standard lunch.

- Keeps trying to make "lunch dessert" a thing.

- Held a worldwide available fitness and QnA event online with Kat, they charged £7 per person. Not many people turned up and some even complained about not getting links to the event

- She's been stalking Tattle and takes notes of our recommendations on accounts to follow. You're welcome, Helga!

- Celebrates women's day with a wonderfully diverse bunch of women

- Doesn't understand how prefix's work

- Does an IG reel where she tries to remind herself how not to dress in trackies and jumpers... yet wears like 8 jumpers and comfies in the video

- First podcast info leaked, it's going to feature Danni and they'll talk about the band

- Tries to see how long she can go without washing her cardigan because she's a dirty bitch

- Copies more looks from other people

- Gets asked to sign the £20 poster she is selling by a super mollusc, we remember the first awkward fan meet up she held where she read out fan letters and showed then drawings of herself

- Gets a 'fun fact' on her Jameson AD from a fan who talks about James Jameson buying a little girl and paying to watch her be eaten by cannibals.... yup

- Posts a picture of her "rolls" and in her caption writes "their sausage, rolls, we make the perfect hotdog" - which makes her sound like she's into bestiality

- We laugh over Fiwl's post where he possibly suggests that Helen is 10st and he is 6ft 2...

- Has no content ideas so has to keep doing QnAs

- She thinks the has ADHD

- Seeming does a fake fall, just to be dramatic in front of Fiwl and her new skating friends

- Shoves her arse in the camera and wears incredibly see-through leggings

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▷ PICTURE / VIDEO HIGHLIGHTS:
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[Influensters]

Checking in, ready for Helen’s next stupid move.

 

[Tyla73]

SHE'S DIVORCED, SHE'S A SMOKER, SHE'S READY FOR FIWL TO IMPREG HER WITH HIS POKER

This just slayed me . Superb round up as usual @Lunamoon22.

 

[fr3nch13]

I replied to her story regarding her whining on criticism and she answered back something that makes zero sense!! I don't know how to share without outing myself

 

[Marwood]

Wonder if she'd change her tight-fisted tune if she saw someone ripping Sunny Bones off Spotify

 

[navybluewolf]

SHE'S DIVORCED, SHE'S A SMOKER, SHE'S READY FOR FIWL TO IMPREG HER WITH HIS POKER

I can't go on

 

[Lunamoon22]

I love how she's already going nuts and complaining about getting a teeny weeny bit of constructive criticism on her skating, if she doesn't like people messaging her about a simple non-thing as that, then boy... she's going to fucking HATE people messaging her and giving their thoughts and criticism when she has a kid

 

[Kat_Valentine]

@Lunamoon22 DOING THE LORD’S WORK! As ever, thank you

 

[Emmapism]

Thanks @Lunamoon you precious jewel. Class thread title also

 

[delightfullydee]

I might be stupid and it’s an actual thing but... beer tinted moisturisers ?

 

[Emmapism]

I'm sorry but I refuse to accept Helen doesn't already have a shed load of products exactly like this in her house already

 

[luckyblue]

I know she’s used self tanner before but I hope she’s not about to start doing it often. I can’t deal with the inevitable poorly done hands and feet, and flaky speckled tan as it starts to come off because she won’t give herself a proper scrub.

 

[Lunamoon22]

View attachment 495799 q
I might be stupid and it’s an actual thing but... beer tinted moisturisers ?

Beer tinted...

And now she wants to be a 'pro' tanner.....? Which influencer has Copy McCopyingson copied now?

I can't wait for her to throw a strop at people giving her constructive criticism because she looks like a crusty, grubby wotsit.

She'll be moaning about being a beginner at tanning and how she needs to make her own mistakes and how it's all about her getting her head around the LoGiC of tanning before she pErFecTs her FoRm

 

[rivers]

In some sense, I feel a little bad for Helen because it must be annoying to have others criticizing you when you're trying to find your feet in a new hobby. But also... you don't need to share it and you've already shown that you can't accept criticism from your past behaviour. Just don't share the fuck ups if you can't take people trying to give advice? You'd think after years of being an OG youtuber, she would have slightly thicker skin.

A good video idea for her in a month or so's time would be a video re: how she's improved and found her feet more in skating - what tips and hints helped her in getting better. Would get the point across without her feeling attacked as she improves. Shame she's already made a million bits of content already and pretty much exhausted people on the topic.

Also, what word did beer autocorrect from? Surely, it can't be 'more', can it? I've been trying to work it out.

 

[ekl2000]

Lmao the Lego head pic HAHAHA

 

[Alien1956]

In some sense, I feel a little bad for Helen because it must be annoying to have others criticizing you when you're trying to find your feet in a new hobby. But also... you don't need to share it and you've already shown that you can't accept criticism from your past behaviour. Just don't share the fuck ups if you can't take people trying to give advice? You'd think after years of being an OG youtuber, she would have slightly thicker skin.

A good video idea for her in a month or so's time would be a video re: how she's improved and found her feet more in skating - what tips and hints helped her in getting better. Would get the point across without her feeling attacked as she improves. Shame she's already made a million bits of content already and pretty much exhausted people on the topic.

Also, what word did beer autocorrect from? Surely, it can't be 'more', can it? I've been trying to work it out.

Sheer I don’t see how autocorrect would think you’re trying to write beer though. The letters aren’t close enough to each other? Like you must either have really fat fingers or type beer a lot on your phone

 

[Elliebell13]

Sheer I don’t see how autocorrect would think you’re trying to write beer though. The letters aren’t close enough to each other? Like you must either have really fat fingers or type beer a lot on your phone

In her case it must be both

 

[Lunamoon22]

Oh Jelly Belly, you really think the only person judging you for working from the sofa is you?

No, hun. We are ALL judging you.

Especially after you made a huge deal about making over your office and made a huge song and dance about separating your work and home life. That only lasted a week before your arse was plonked back on that sofa and hasn't moved since.

 

[Emmapism]

Why has she put a weird fish eye looking lens on that photo like estate agents do? Is it because the sofa is too big for the room and looks shit and ridiculous?

 

[triesherbest]

Her living room looks tiny...