Helen Anderson #13 please read! ClutchandNOPE!
- Thread starter Lunamoon22
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Intrepidtraveller
Active member
Voyeurofcrap
Well-known member
She’s such a bloody 5 year old. Literally reads like something you’d put in a primary school report about your birthday. 30 going on 5.
rivers
Well-known member
Tbh, that plate is probably delicious but my god, it looks unappetizing. Idk why she'd share it other than to make a point to us that she isn't going out to shop unless she needs to...
Intrepidtraveller
Active member
At least if it were a 5 year old you could get the food being the main feature, not a 30 year old goblin. Most of the photos are of the mountain of food she just had to show off. Moron
Shesaidwhat?
VIP Member
Are they Turkey Twizzlers she’s cremated?
@Lunamoon22 get your magnifying glass out
.I wonder who is on the photos on the left page we can’t see?
Kat_Valentine
VIP Member
Lunamoon22
VIP Member
Ahem... Y'all ready??
(I love how she fucked up the spelling of birthday)MY BIRTHDHAY.
It's Feb 2021. The UK is currently in a national lockdown due to the Coronavirus pandemic. It's been like this for nearly a year and I can't decide if I'm used to it or fed up? Probably the latter.
Originally I had my heart set on going to Nashville for my 30th. I'd already planned out a route, the dates, starting in Nashville and ending in New Orleans. ALAS, with the world off limits I was woken by Phil bringing me downstairs to my own version of Nashville in my own living room. There was a menu laid out filled with essentially a free for all. There was flowers and champagne and a pile of presents. Gorgeous. Le Labo Santal 33 was my main gift. The scent of our happiness.
We (??) our day with a trip to Waitrose (YES). A McDonalds drive thru and Starbucks coffee. A dog walk to Catton Park and as an influx of flowers arrived, I arranged them. Luckily I had enough vases.
We had Nandos for lunch all whilst steadily sipping prosc.
Mum and Hayley dropped off presents. Kayleigh came to my door with a candle, a party popper and sang Happy Birthday on a slab of brownie. We chatted for a bit it is nice to see them, even if it was on my doorstep.
We finished the day with enchiladas, which Phil thought was hilarious as I could have had ANYTHING and I chose that. (We ??) slammed some tequila shots, drank margaritas and (??) to my favourite tit movie Rock of Ages.
Considering (??) it was probably one of my favourite birthdays I've ever had anyway (??) effort Phil did. I felt so much love from my friends and family and (??) positive mind set. I truly feel excited to enter a new decade. There was (??) to have a ridiculous party or go OTT to prove how much fun you (??) did arrange a virtual party with my pals. I sent them party bags (??) made them cakes and we met on Zoom on Friday the 5th at 7pm. (Ellie & Danni ??) arranged (??) and games to play. Although not the same (??) we still all be connected in times like these. Love to all
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Wtf has she done to those poor Twizzlers
delightfullydee
Well-known member
She realises that this is the equivalent of a ridiculous party, right ?
And that she made SURE to prove how fun her birthday was ?
What I don't get (and I'm not judging on the door step dropping off of presents because we did it at Christmas, although we literally dropped off presents and said hi, bye not a chat or anything else) is that it's still against the rules. She's publicly stating several times she broke the rules with several different people. And she's supposed to be some sort of influencer/public figure. How are these people getting away with it but two mates taking a socially distanced walk with a coffee are being stopped by police???View attachment 425666 q
Ahem... Y'all ready??
MY BIRTHDHAY.
It's Feb 2021. The UK is currently in a national lockdown due to the Coronavirus pandemic. It's been like this for nearly a year and I can't decide if I'm used to it or fed up? Probably the latter.
Originally I had my heart set on going to Nashville for my 30th. I'd already planned out a route, the dates, starting in Nashville and ending in New Orleans. ALAS, with the world off limits I was woken by Phil bringing me downstairs to my own version of Nashville in my own living room. There was a menu laid out filled with essentially a free for all. There was flowers and champagne and a pile of presents. Gorgeous. Le Labo Santal 33 was my main gift. The scent of our happiness.
We (??) our day with a trip to Waitrose (YES). A McDonalds drive thru and Starbucks coffee. A dog walk to Catton Park and as an influx of flowers arrived, I arranged them. Luckily I had enough vases.
We had Nandos for lunch all whilst steadily sipping prosc.
Mum and Hayley dropped off presents. Kayleigh came to my door with a candle, a party popper and sang Happy Birthday on a slab of brownie. We chatted for a bit it is nice to see them, even if it was on my doorstep.
We finished the day with enchiladas, which Phil thought was hilarious as I could have had ANYTHING and I chose that. (We ??) slammed some tequila shots, drank margaritas and (??) to my favourite tit movie Rock of Ages.
Considering (??) it was probably one of my favourite birthdays I've ever had anyway (??) effort Phil did. I felt so much love from my friends and family and (??) positive mind set. I truly feel excited to enter a new decade. There was (??) to have a ridiculous party or go OTT to prove how much fun you (??) did arrange a virtual party with my pals. I sent them party bags (??) made them cakes and we met on Zoom on Friday the 5th at 7pm. (Ellie & Danni ??) arranged (??) and games to play. Although not the same (??) we still all be connected in times like these. Love to all
Tyla73
VIP Member
Lunamoon22
VIP Member
EXCEPTING her own little world and bubble.... Where covid and lockdown rules don't exist to her
Shesaidwhat?
VIP Member
Luna you truly are an AngelView attachment 425666 q
Ahem... Y'all ready??
MY BIRTHDHAY.
It's Feb 2021. The UK is currently in a national lockdown due to the Coronavirus pandemic. It's been like this for nearly a year and I can't decide if I'm used to it or fed up? Probably the latter.
Originally I had my heart set on going to Nashville for my 30th. I'd already planned out a route, the dates, starting in Nashville and ending in New Orleans. ALAS, with the world off limits I was woken by Phil bringing me downstairs to my own version of Nashville in my own living room. There was a menu laid out filled with essentially a free for all. There was flowers and champagne and a pile of presents. Gorgeous. Le Labo Santal 33 was my main gift. The scent of our happiness.
We (??) our day with a trip to Waitrose (YES). A McDonalds drive thru and Starbucks coffee. A dog walk to Catton Park and as an influx of flowers arrived, I arranged them. Luckily I had enough vases.
We had Nandos for lunch all whilst steadily sipping prosc.
Mum and Hayley dropped off presents. Kayleigh came to my door with a candle, a party popper and sang Happy Birthday on a slab of brownie. We chatted for a bit it is nice to see them, even if it was on my doorstep.
We finished the day with enchiladas, which Phil thought was hilarious as I could have had ANYTHING and I chose that. (We ??) slammed some tequila shots, drank margaritas and (??) to my favourite tit movie Rock of Ages.
Considering (??) it was probably one of my favourite birthdays I've ever had anyway (??) effort Phil did. I felt so much love from my friends and family and (??) positive mind set. I truly feel excited to enter a new decade. There was (??) to have a ridiculous party or go OTT to prove how much fun you (??) did arrange a virtual party with my pals. I sent them party bags (??) made them cakes and we met on Zoom on Friday the 5th at 7pm. (Ellie & Danni ??) arranged (??) and games to play. Although not the same (??) we still all be connected in times like these. Love to all
. Clearly she’s been on the Secco writing this.Why is there SO MUCH of it?!
View attachment 425666 q
Ahem... Y'all ready??
MY BIRTHDHAY.
It's Feb 2021. The UK is currently in a national lockdown due to the Coronavirus pandemic. It's been like this for nearly a year and I can't decide if I'm used to it or fed up? Probably the latter.
Originally I had my heart set on going to Nashville for my 30th. I'd already planned out a route, the dates, starting in Nashville and ending in New Orleans. ALAS, with the world off limits I was woken by Phil bringing me downstairs to my own version of Nashville in my own living room. There was a menu laid out filled with essentially a free for all. There was flowers and champagne and a pile of presents. Gorgeous. Le Labo Santal 33 was my main gift. The scent of our happiness.
We (??) our day with a trip to Waitrose (YES). A McDonalds drive thru and Starbucks coffee. A dog walk to Catton Park and as an influx of flowers arrived, I arranged them. Luckily I had enough vases.
We had Nandos for lunch all whilst steadily sipping prosc.
Mum and Hayley dropped off presents. Kayleigh came to my door with a candle, a party popper and sang Happy Birthday on a slab of brownie. We chatted for a bit it is nice to see them, even if it was on my doorstep.
We finished the day with enchiladas, which Phil thought was hilarious as I could have had ANYTHING and I chose that. (We ??) slammed some tequila shots, drank margaritas and (??) to my favourite tit movie Rock of Ages.
Considering (??) it was probably one of my favourite birthdays I've ever had anyway (??) effort Phil did. I felt so much love from my friends and family and (??) positive mind set. I truly feel excited to enter a new decade. There was (??) to have a ridiculous party or go OTT to prove how much fun you (??) did arrange a virtual party with my pals. I sent them party bags (??) made them cakes and we met on Zoom on Friday the 5th at 7pm. (Ellie & Danni ??) arranged (??) and games to play. Although not the same (??) we still all be connected in times like these. Love to all
For my burfday I dot sum smelly spray. Den I dot some food. And den I got flowers. And after dat I shat my nappy den mummy changed me.
The end.
CherryAcid
VIP Member
Good point!! I get so sweaty after even a 20 min workout, especially around my hairline. I can’t imagine not showering after.Do you think she actually showers after this ‘PT session’? Or doesn’t bother then goes and tries on a load of ASOS stuff that probably ends up getting returned
Lunamoon22
VIP Member
VIDEO SUMMARY: I'M SCRUFFY AND SCRAPBOOKING | WEEKEND VLOG
DESCRIPTION: I didn't do much other than looking like a thumb and a bird's nest. But I started my scrap book!
It's Saturday she's going to get tit done as the house is a tit hole after birthday celebrations have been had.
She's going to do the housework and then treat herself with a "BARF"
Fil's gone to work.
Friday she had her virtual party, it was nice to see her friends but "it's not the same" she found zoom chaotic because the audio is funny and you can't hear anyone. She feels like she's shouting at the screen. Helen, you always bleeping shout.
We get a demonstration of her shouting.
She's going to edit her birthday vlog today "weird time thing..."
When this is all over she's going to have a MASSIVE garden party where everyone comes and everyone brings lots of birthday cakes
"HAVE A MASSIVE PARTY TO CELEBRATE ALL THE PARTIES AND ALL THE BIRTHDAYS WE WEREN'T ABLE TO SPEND WIV EACH OTHER"
"To summarise my birthday weekend... I'll stop talking about it soon, I promise... I feel like lockdown birf-day woz really nice coz it was like no pressure to do anyfing ova da top, like it's my firty eff, yes I wonted to go on 'oliday and do that WHATEVER. But like you don't av that pressure to feel like you have to do something crazy or like you don't have to feel like youre not doing enuff for yer birf-day"
Didn't you just say you wanted to plan a massive birthday party to make up for ALL lockdown birthdays??
"Social media puts a lot of pressure on individuals when it comes to celebrations and like how to celebrate things properly or like making the most out of it"
Rambles on about how social media makes people compete and compare with each other
"I feel like, yeah, there's like this expectation to just DO something, always DO something, or try and LEVEL UP each year, especially when it's a big celebration. There's no pressure literally. Stay at home, have a lovely day, eat your favourite foods...just do what YOU WANT TO DO"
Cut to her showing off her casserole dish.
Cut to her out of frame goes "HELEN, HELEN, HELEN, HELEN, FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS" She has this 'thing' when she can't concentrate on one task at a time. Now she's screeching into her chin mic. We don't know why. We have a great view of her sink still.
Oh, she swivels the camera around. She's unboxing the casserole dish.
Keeps going on about not being able to focus on one thing and getting distracted.
She grabs a knife
She's been talking to her therapist about her distraction problem
She starts using her knife to unscrew the top of the dish.
She says she tells her therapist about her coffee table analogy as a way to describe her problem:
Imagine her trying to tidy her coffee table, and she's picking up sweet wrappers and glasses, and then she sees a candle that needs cleaning or something across the room, but she's still got handfuls of sweets and handfuls of glasses and she's trying to juggle something else and then she sees something else!!!!!
She's all over the bleeping place.
She wants to do everything at once.
"Is it le crew sat that do the casserole dishes? La KREW sat?"
Goes on about another casserole dish that Le Creuset do of Han Solo where he's frozen like:
"FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS FOR THAT CASSEROLE DISH!!!!!!" she screams "I WANT IT SOOOOO BAD!!! I'M DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO SPEND FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS ON A CASSEROLE DISH... COS THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY"
(I'm sure we'll see it in her meaty hands soon)
She's going to clean up and chill now.
Clocks herself in the viewfinder and says she looks rough.
Now she's dancing and miming to planet rock.
Cut to the dining room. She's just finished editing the birthday vlog, apparently, it was realllly, reallly long (it was only 30 mins lol)
Danni sent her a plant.
Helga is excited about her birthday vlog going up because "it's just a joyful, lovely, happy vlog"
She's trying to contact Fil because she's itching for an excuse to go out, she's noticed that he didn't take his lunch with him so she's planning on dropping it over to him.
Cut to later and Fil's back, looking as miserable as ever. We get a shot of Helga's arse hanging over the bench as she digs into the greenest dinner she's had in a long time.
"yeah....." agrees Fil
Helga laughs at her diet of "cake and carbs and booze" that she's been living off of.
Helen's got an email from her car insurance, her renewal's going to be £750
Fil likes cars, so he shouts an excitable "bleeping hell!!"
Helen can't believe that on go compare it's only £200. Shocking.
"How can they get away with charging ME that much money?!?"
Fil wants to know if the cheaper price includes him on the insurance too.
"YEAH - EVEN WITH MY POINTS ON TOO!" Why is it not surprising that Helen has points on her licence?
Helen changes the subject about how she has to fight her lazy self when she's on the sofa and asks Fil isn't it better now they actually got their lazy arses up and cooked proper food.
Next day
Helga's had the laziest Sunday morning, she's well tired.
Now she's inventing something in the air fryer.
She's grated two potatoes, squeezed the water out, put some other tit with it and she's shoved it in the air fryer and it's doing it's thing to make an air fryer hash:
Now we're scrapbooking, she's going to fill it out every time something KEWL happens to her. She's planning the first page to say "This book belongs to HELEN"
She's excited for her kids to look through it when she's old
She can't spell birthday.
She reckons that she'll fill out the book in 10 years.
She's obviously been reading Tattle as now she's creating a "hunt through the freezer and fridge, use up left overs" dinner
She's got chips, beans, chicken kiev balls, cheese and turkey twizzlers....
Wait how is this a slap anything together meal...? get rid of the cheese and twizzlers, and you have an actual normal meal.... chips, beans and kiev balls... she can make two or three meals from what she's just created. bleeping hell. Useless.
Helga is lounging on the sofa and drawing her and Fil's name, talking about It's a Sin tv show and how being gay in the 80s and aids were "kewl". She realises what she just said.
She bought a bunch of skincare on look fantastic because of the book she's been reading.
That's all
DESCRIPTION: I didn't do much other than looking like a thumb and a bird's nest. But I started my scrap book!
It's Saturday she's going to get tit done as the house is a tit hole after birthday celebrations have been had.
She's going to do the housework and then treat herself with a "BARF"
Fil's gone to work.
Friday she had her virtual party, it was nice to see her friends but "it's not the same" she found zoom chaotic because the audio is funny and you can't hear anyone. She feels like she's shouting at the screen. Helen, you always bleeping shout.
We get a demonstration of her shouting.
She's going to edit her birthday vlog today "weird time thing..."
When this is all over she's going to have a MASSIVE garden party where everyone comes and everyone brings lots of birthday cakes
"HAVE A MASSIVE PARTY TO CELEBRATE ALL THE PARTIES AND ALL THE BIRTHDAYS WE WEREN'T ABLE TO SPEND WIV EACH OTHER"
"To summarise my birthday weekend... I'll stop talking about it soon, I promise... I feel like lockdown birf-day woz really nice coz it was like no pressure to do anyfing ova da top, like it's my firty eff, yes I wonted to go on 'oliday and do that WHATEVER. But like you don't av that pressure to feel like you have to do something crazy or like you don't have to feel like youre not doing enuff for yer birf-day"
Didn't you just say you wanted to plan a massive birthday party to make up for ALL lockdown birthdays??
"Social media puts a lot of pressure on individuals when it comes to celebrations and like how to celebrate things properly or like making the most out of it"
Rambles on about how social media makes people compete and compare with each other
"I feel like, yeah, there's like this expectation to just DO something, always DO something, or try and LEVEL UP each year, especially when it's a big celebration. There's no pressure literally. Stay at home, have a lovely day, eat your favourite foods...just do what YOU WANT TO DO"
Cut to her showing off her casserole dish.
Cut to her out of frame goes "HELEN, HELEN, HELEN, HELEN, FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS" She has this 'thing' when she can't concentrate on one task at a time. Now she's screeching into her chin mic. We don't know why. We have a great view of her sink still.
Oh, she swivels the camera around. She's unboxing the casserole dish.
Keeps going on about not being able to focus on one thing and getting distracted.
She grabs a knife
She's been talking to her therapist about her distraction problem
She starts using her knife to unscrew the top of the dish.
She says she tells her therapist about her coffee table analogy as a way to describe her problem:
Imagine her trying to tidy her coffee table, and she's picking up sweet wrappers and glasses, and then she sees a candle that needs cleaning or something across the room, but she's still got handfuls of sweets and handfuls of glasses and she's trying to juggle something else and then she sees something else!!!!!
She's all over the bleeping place.
She wants to do everything at once.
"Is it le crew sat that do the casserole dishes? La KREW sat?"
Goes on about another casserole dish that Le Creuset do of Han Solo where he's frozen like:
"FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS FOR THAT CASSEROLE DISH!!!!!!" she screams "I WANT IT SOOOOO BAD!!! I'M DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO SPEND FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS ON A CASSEROLE DISH... COS THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY"
(I'm sure we'll see it in her meaty hands soon)
She's going to clean up and chill now.
Clocks herself in the viewfinder and says she looks rough.
Now she's dancing and miming to planet rock.
Cut to the dining room. She's just finished editing the birthday vlog, apparently, it was realllly, reallly long (it was only 30 mins lol)
Danni sent her a plant.
Helga is excited about her birthday vlog going up because "it's just a joyful, lovely, happy vlog"
She's trying to contact Fil because she's itching for an excuse to go out, she's noticed that he didn't take his lunch with him so she's planning on dropping it over to him.
Cut to later and Fil's back, looking as miserable as ever. We get a shot of Helga's arse hanging over the bench as she digs into the greenest dinner she's had in a long time.
"yeah....." agrees Fil
Helga laughs at her diet of "cake and carbs and booze" that she's been living off of.
Helen's got an email from her car insurance, her renewal's going to be £750
Fil likes cars, so he shouts an excitable "bleeping hell!!"
Helen can't believe that on go compare it's only £200. Shocking.
"How can they get away with charging ME that much money?!?"
Fil wants to know if the cheaper price includes him on the insurance too.
"YEAH - EVEN WITH MY POINTS ON TOO!" Why is it not surprising that Helen has points on her licence?
Helen changes the subject about how she has to fight her lazy self when she's on the sofa and asks Fil isn't it better now they actually got their lazy arses up and cooked proper food.
Next day
Helga's had the laziest Sunday morning, she's well tired.
Now she's inventing something in the air fryer.
She's grated two potatoes, squeezed the water out, put some other tit with it and she's shoved it in the air fryer and it's doing it's thing to make an air fryer hash:
Now we're scrapbooking, she's going to fill it out every time something KEWL happens to her. She's planning the first page to say "This book belongs to HELEN"
She's excited for her kids to look through it when she's old
She can't spell birthday.
She reckons that she'll fill out the book in 10 years.
She's obviously been reading Tattle as now she's creating a "hunt through the freezer and fridge, use up left overs" dinner
She's got chips, beans, chicken kiev balls, cheese and turkey twizzlers....
Wait how is this a slap anything together meal...? get rid of the cheese and twizzlers, and you have an actual normal meal.... chips, beans and kiev balls... she can make two or three meals from what she's just created. bleeping hell. Useless.
Helga is lounging on the sofa and drawing her and Fil's name, talking about It's a Sin tv show and how being gay in the 80s and aids were "kewl". She realises what she just said.
She bought a bunch of skincare on look fantastic because of the book she's been reading.
That's all
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I don't think my diaries/scrapbooks were that bleeping dull when I was writing them at age 11. At least I'd have an anecdote about kissing someone who smelt like Lynx Africa..whenever I get a whiff of it now I feel sick.
Also love the self importance of her thinking her kids will one day read this tit. She's in for a treat when she realises her kids will most likely rip it up and use it for rizla.
Also love the self importance of her thinking her kids will one day read this tit. She's in for a treat when she realises her kids will most likely rip it up and use it for rizla.
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