I agree - and it is the patently obvious schtick of trying to generate an air of mystery, rarity, exclusivity hidden behind the certifiably false pretense of "privacy" and victimhood. The schtick is to raise the "value" of the conveniently commercial "appearances" of said child. It is the celebrity name-dropping that the unborn and then born baby seemed to used for that questioned the overall sincerity of the situation
[deep breath]
- look I'm pregnant! at Eugenie's wedding, in Oz arching her back to feign an early bump, all of it screaming "LOOK AT ME! I'M AMAZING! LOOK AT ME!!"
- the BFC stage crash spoiling CWK's award and with extreme cringey belly cupping, completely upstaging Rosamund Pike (which did NOT go down well with anyone - not Pike, not CWK, not the BFC, and certainly not the audience, and really really not any of the other celebs who were in the audience who witnessed the entire stunt and couldn't believe that this c-list actress who recently married a b-list price had just Mean-Girls shoved a recognised fellow a-list actress off the podium) using her belly to make herslef untouchable
- super expensive, inappropriately tight-fitted prgnancy wardrobe at a variety of events complete with thee "SEE MY BUMP! LOOK AT IT!! LOOK AT IT I SAID!!!" coat flicking - all the while it was dramatically changing size and shape in the space of minutes. Anyone who has been pregnant or lived with a pregnant person for any significant period of time can tell you that the extremes of these belly changes are baffling. utterly and completely baffling. Mini-dramas left-right and center. Each coat flick was meant to have everyone go "oo wait - hold up. Pregnant woman in our midst. No loud noises and make way for the woman waddling in 8in stilettos"
- the baby shower. the whole thing was a tasteless merching event where it has now been proven by the secret service papers that were released that US secret service dudes were blindsided by the demand for her "protection" and that they were told that she had called the paps. Baby showers are private. They rarely demand that the 3rd trimester mother fly across the atlantic, or even fly at all. Usually it is the intimate group of guests who come to the future-mother's side of town and it is held somewhere private and no there are no party favours at baby showers. Seeing the "away" suitcases was the equivalent of Rose Byrne's character one-upping Annie in the 2011 movie Bridesmaids by giving out puppies at the bridal shower. All of this using the unborn child for drama, photos, PR. USUALLY members of the family are invited, but no, not even her mother. We know Meghan has form when it comes to not inviting family. Not even her sister in law. Nope. oh but recently-introduced Gayle King was there! oh and let's name drop Serena and Amal Clooney and pirouette across 20,000 carbon size 11 footprints by using her private jet for the swift 4 day jaunt in THE most expensive penthouse hotel room in NYC. AGAIN using the unborn child to associate herself with KimK-esque nouveau riche stylings and a-list name dropping.
-Morocco - stomping ahead of Harry, cupping the belly like a loot bag, and breaking every cultural and diplomatic (and pure common courtesy) norm imaginable. Using the belly yet again - but as a "me first" battering ram and a "get out of jail free" card for all the faux pas. Oh and wearing a $100k tent to a midday coffee meeting where everyone else was in business casual.... making sure the dress did what? HUGGED the now- square, 4th trimester-with-twins ginormous balloon. But she was eyond reproach because (all together now) "unborn royal baby coming through - outta my way".
- News drops that she is meeting with such folks as her BFF Gayle King at her home (wherever that was) in the run up to the birth. Whatever for, might I ask?> Gayle had flown all the way from LA to give Meghan a footrub? hadn't they just dropped $40k on a 3 day babymoon in some spa in Ascot or Wiltshire or whatever? Had Meghan not been pregnant, I doubt very much Gayle would have given her the time of day for either the showerr or the footrub.
any british journos invited during this private nesting period? nope. It was patently spiteful towards the brits. I'm not even British and I winced at the audacity and unnecessary nastiness of the regular PR "drops". We were moving from "Mean Girls" to "Heathers" at this point. All of this using the baby card throughout.
- "Birth" announcement (by the stables of Windsor) and later presentation, where only one journo is invited (in both cases) and apparently Gayle King as offered exclusivity (and then secured an $11m renewal of her contract with CBS right after that claim, which never happened) and Harry says "babies change so much in the 1st two weeks" at which point Meghan's Novichok stare pierced into Harry's right earlobe. The lone journo says "can we see his face a bit more" and Harry looks like he is going to tit himself. He is asked again. refuses again. the baby has not budged -- nothing. He is blissfully aware and hopefully asleep, but the interaction with the ONE journo iis creepy. It isn't "proud dad" ... it breathes "I've poo'd myself and I'm wearing no undies so no I will NOT turn around".
Meghan's Novichok stare is now on point, and we are truly in Heather's territory.... but she remains untouchabe because (once again) just had a baby and not just ANY baby - a ROYAL baby that nonee of you pleb will ever see.
-ONE picture of Archie with his grandmother. ONE. To this day. and it isn't like his grandmother is crazy old Mrs Smith from across the turnpike. She is the bleeping Queen of England. ONE photo with grandma and you cannot even see his face. She could be holding a prize turnip for all we know. In fact, come to think of it, Frgomore did have an organic vegetable garden installed by Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall, did it not? perhaps it was a prize Turnip, that grew immensely with the help of all of the horse tit they had spouted in the meantime.
anyway.... where was I?
-MORE DRAMA around invisible Archie: time to name drop, in his name!! You peasants cannot see him. You are not worthy - but Hillary clinton is. and so is my new BFF Ellen Degeneres. I don't give a damn about seeing him but to make a big deal about totally random celebs seeing him is rubbing everyone's nose into "we are no longer in the pleb circle. you are not worthy". Fine. screw you. whatevs. We didn't see George, Charlotte, Lena, Louis or anyone else post birth otheer than for the christening or official photos, BUT we also didn't get regular news updates that Elton John had popped by to help change nappies or that Dame helen mirren had come over to have tea and burp a legit direct successor to the throne, did we. no. We saw official family photos (taken by Michael Middleton or Mama Catherine herself) and released properly.
-MORE ARCHIE-Linked DRAMA: nothing can be polite and simple, like "Hey he is going to be christened and here are his godparents and we are scheduling it around the availabilities of some key persons, like grandma, AKA THE bleeping QUEEN OF ENGLAND, because frankly our schedules are otherwise EMPTY.... but no. we decide when it will be (scew you GanGan if you cannot make it. Not our problem) and who will be there (again just ONE member of her family) and who will photograph it AND who will know about attendees. No one will know. Not a soul. That's the answer. and we will SCREAM it that no one will know. so THERE.
Except let me stick a knife in and photograph my dead mother's sisters (who haven't been seen or heard from or mentioned or in the press for any reason in, oh, decades?) next to my dead mother's ex-husband and his new wife. That's a good idea. Use poor innocent Archie's christening to cause yet another stir. keep things simple? NFW. tit-stir as often as possible and use the child as your cover.
this is photo op number 2 of the child - not including the turnip shot and silly foot and thumb photos that just upped the "ooo!!! Myster exclusive surprise, wink-wink-nudge nudge on-a-need-to-know-basis and you aren't in the club" ante.
-THEN there is the cringe-fest polo event where every person on the planet felt like running over and taking the baby from the moron's slippery grip. It was awful. She looked deranged. the child wasn't dressed and it was just weird and I don't think it was planned (excpet for the paps being there - called at the last minute). Whatev's. At least she wasn't name dropping some US celeb this time. but she was trying to play happy Royal Families after having dissed all of those persons at every turn in the run up to Archie's birth. Again using Farchie as the shield, battering ram, and get out of jail free card.
- Uses Archie as an excuse to not fly to Balmoral to visit Gan Gan (he's too young to fly) but instead flies the 3x as far distance not once, but twice to the mediterranean for super expensive villa holidays in Ibiza (hmmm? with a 3 month old? what?) and Nice (elton). Archie used as the excuse for flying on private jets, for his safety.
- SMartworks drive-by appearance: stays for 10 mins as the guest of honour, and then leaves using "feedtime Archie" as the excuse. wowzers
- There are now officially more official pictures of Farchie with Desmond Tutu than with any of Harry's family put together. Using Archie to get photos with people that frankly both of them would never have imagined seeing under any circumstance.
"Hi - I'm Meghan Markle, a retired back-up actress from a defunct TV show called Suits. Can I meet Bishop Tutu for a photosesh please?" Click
"Hi I'm Prince Harry, the spare to the throne of England and thee eembodiment of the nasty colonial past of my male, pale and stale entitled and uneducated forefathers. Can I meet Bishop Tutu for a photosesh please?" "thank you for your call buut the Bishop is very busy drafting a speech for his next UN security council guest appearance. Feel free to drop by our gift shop on your way out"
"Hi. We are HRH Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Can we come over for tea?" "Terribly sorry - the bishop and his family are having private family time that week"
"Hello - we've just flown over with our cavalry of bespoke bullet and mine-proof Range Rovers to meet with victims of violence and poverty. Can we come show you our baby?" " Ah a baby you say? Bishop can be photographed kissing a baby? give us an hour to tidy up and get the photogr.... oh you have your own photographers? Well isn't that convenient"
catching my very long drift yet?
- Using Farchie as an excuse to take time off " as a family" (to plot our revenge and dramatic departure) while in Canada
- Using Farchie as a weird photoshopped Christmas card where daddy is blurred into oblivion and momma is "whip-sharp". the hatchet job of the photoshop is so bad they have to reissue it with Momma slightly blurred and daddy slightly less blurred.
-calling the paps for the private walk on a public path with the child again precariously drooping out of the BabyBjorn.... MORE ARCHIE DRAMA!!! Archie sues the paps for the audacity of interfering in his privacy, even though all you can see is the back of his snowwsuit and his head is covered in a hood. It could be anyone. It is possibly a Canadian Turnip. Megsy knows they are there.... interestingly the RPOs and the dogs do not have any clue and do nothing about it. Not even bark. ARCHIE's PRIVACY HAS BEEN Threatened. More drama in the name of Archie. More PR in the secrecy of Archie.
- Harry and Archie photo. Can't it just be about dad and kid? No - we need to name drop the PM of NZ and our terribly charitable nature of donating 200 beanies so that the beanie is renamed Archie. Oh and we need to merch the tit out of the hat, the shoes, etc. Sigh
are you seeing the trend?
They are using him directly and indirectly.
There are no normal family photos from the general public of Archie out on a walk with momma, buying the first christmas tree. Nope - there are just ridiculous claims of trick or treating with a 15 month old. There are hundreds of Kate with her kids in Sainsburys, Hyde Park, Kings Road, Peter Jones, etc.
Meg goes so far as to say that the child's privacy is too important and they are too famous to have playdates. that is just nuts.
but THEN - to advertise theiir new commercial endeavours? THEN we bring out the child and have him speak his first words..... and they claim THEY are being used as click bait? What was that stunt if it wasn't using your perfectly honed strategy of drama and scarcity valuing your child reaching peak "scarcity value" by released a 4 second clip of his first words. Not even the Kardashians do that.
W + K used Louis' first words to help Attenborough and his fight for animals. They didn't do that for their $35m paid podcast premier about nothing.
If they want the kid to be private - then fine: stay private and let the kid have a childhood. If they want to use the kid as a prop, then fine but do it properly and don't sue in the name of the back of his hoodie/snowpants. Or don't do a birthday video where you have 6inches of makeup on, your haird is coiffed to within an inch of your life and your poor child isn't even dressed or in a fresh nappy.
the kid comes first. Get it? His best interests come first and THAT is not what is happening here. It is a disingenuous platform for whingeing, entitlement and money making.
xx
