For anybody struggling ❤
- Thread starter Toffeebythesea
- Start date
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Toffeebythesea
VIP Member
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Could it be a phase in your marriage? I find my relationship struggles during stressful times and i look back and it was the stress rather than the relationship.
I hope you are getting the help that you need ❤
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Congratulations on your baby, I've been there although my first was one at the time so not quite as little. I can only imagine how difficult it must be with a newborn. Do you have family and friends around for support? I found some amazing mum friends through baby groups.
MeghanSnarkle
VIP Member
I'm so sorry to hear your feeling this way
if you ever feel like you need on the spot help but don't feel ready for a full on talk (or because its either late at night or early hours of the morning) there's a text chat helpline called Shout that you can literally post your message with whatevers worrying you and a professional (real person with training) will text you back with advice and they keep texting/chatting with you until you feel ready to end the conversation,it's anonymous btw
Xxx
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Dancing_in_the_dark
VIP Member
you are probably right that it’s a phase. The biggest issue is being hyper focused by my MH being all over the place. I just feel like I’m stood in the centre of a storm with no way of getting out right now xx
Jwren
VIP Member
My shopping/buying also got out of hand, not sure how helpful this is but here goes.
I had so many clothes I’ve never worn and never will, still with tags on to the point my cupboards/closets were stuffed full of them. It really got me down, I was continually thinking I can’t get rid of them as it would be such a waste of money. Then one day I decided enough was enough and I needed to face my problem head on, so I got EVERY item of clothing out.
I was so upset with myself at the time seeing it all and the money I’d wasted, but I sorted through all the clothes and put the ones I would wear to one side and the others I bagged up, I filled two cars to the brim not just in the boot 
and took them to charity shops and I can honestly say it was the best thing I did. It made me realise how much money I’d wasted and I could no longer brush it off by shutting them away, trying to brush it under the carpet and it also helped some charities along the way.
Around the same time I sorted my closet out I heard Trinny Woodall say don’t buy anything to wear unless you’ve tried it on and that really helped because often I would do that and get home and look absolutely shite in my purchase
I also love up-cycling, whether it’s things for the home or clothes, so I now buy more from charity shops and TKMaxx as you often find a bargain and some of my buys I’ve turned into profit by selling them online.
I appreciate it’s not an easy one to deal with but just take one day at a time and perhaps even make notes of why you bought something and how it made you feel and see if there is a pattern that you can change, or even little goals you can set yourself xx
I had so many clothes I’ve never worn and never will, still with tags on to the point my cupboards/closets were stuffed full of them. It really got me down, I was continually thinking I can’t get rid of them as it would be such a waste of money. Then one day I decided enough was enough and I needed to face my problem head on, so I got EVERY item of clothing out.
I was so upset with myself at the time seeing it all and the money I’d wasted, but I sorted through all the clothes and put the ones I would wear to one side and the others I bagged up, I filled two cars to the brim not just in the boot and took them to charity shops and I can honestly say it was the best thing I did. It made me realise how much money I’d wasted and I could no longer brush it off by shutting them away, trying to brush it under the carpet and it also helped some charities along the way.Around the same time I sorted my closet out I heard Trinny Woodall say don’t buy anything to wear unless you’ve tried it on and that really helped because often I would do that and get home and look absolutely shite in my purchase
I also love up-cycling, whether it’s things for the home or clothes, so I now buy more from charity shops and TKMaxx as you often find a bargain and some of my buys I’ve turned into profit by selling them online.
I appreciate it’s not an easy one to deal with but just take one day at a time and perhaps even make notes of why you bought something and how it made you feel and see if there is a pattern that you can change, or even little goals you can set yourself xx
Toffeebythesea
VIP Member
I completely get that. Honestly I do. It's so hard to describe as well isn't it. Can you talk to your husband about it? I know its helped my partner by me opening up as he's been able to do some research about ways to support me etc.
qwikti
Chatty Member
I'm so sorry to hear your feeling this way
Xxx
Thank you, you amazing kind person ❤ For now I'm just sitting down with a pen and paper and figuring out what I can do in how much time I've got, trying to face the challenge head on, as I really want to be able to in a few months look back and think 'I did the absolute best I could'
It’s The Truman Show
VIP Member
Don’t give up. Try over next few days and maybe contact your college/uni peeps to ask for an extension etc. ??
qwikti
Chatty Member
My shopping/buying also got out of hand, not sure how helpful this is but here goes.
I had so many clothes I’ve never worn and never will, still with tags on to the point my cupboards/closets were stuffed full of them. It really got me down, I was continually thinking I can’t get rid of them as it would be such a waste of money. Then one day I decided enough was enough and I needed to face my problem head on, so I got EVERY item of clothing out.
Around the same time I sorted my closet out I heard Trinny Woodall say don’t buy anything to wear unless you’ve tried it on and that really helped because often I would do that and get home and look absolutely shite in my purchase
I also love up-cycling, whether it’s things for the home or clothes, so I now buy more from charity shops and TKMaxx as you often find a bargain and some of my buys I’ve turned into profit by selling them online.
I appreciate it’s not an easy one to deal with but just take one day at a time and perhaps even make notes of why you bought something and how it made you feel and see if there is a pattern that you can change, or even little goals you can set yourself xx
Thank you so much for opening up, as this is totally my situation mirrored, except I'm all over knick-knacks, junk food and perfumes. Just wanted to thank you for this tip, as I find sometimes when I'm reflecting on my purchases (online ones mostly!) most of the time it's the waiting and wanting that gives me that buzz, more than the item itself
I didn't mention (because I feel really quite ashamed) that I've gotten a few extensions (3) so far already, as I've just been crumbling, and I really want to just be done with this degree at this point. I'd rather just submit something for stuff where I can from now on and just be done, you know? If I absolutely can't take it anymore, I'll absolutely ask though! Thanks for your support, I won't give up!
evie1975
VIP Member
My spending gets away from me too. I have developed a way of reducing it. I will browse a site, adding stuff to the basket. I then leave it 24 hours and go back to it - take out some stuff that I definitely don’t need. Although, sometimes I add more however I try to sleep on it. I can repeat this many times before it’s reduced to what I need or nothing! I have no passwords or bank card details saved on my phone. I have them written in a book that I keep in the living room - hubby’s seat is in front of the cupboard it is in. These techniques put space/time in between we wanting to buy and actually buying. Slows the process down so I don’t impulsively buy.
It’s The Truman Show
VIP Member
Oh my god !! This is me over the past month. I’ve pulled out all the stuff I’ve bought over the years that is cluttering up cupboards/ under beds etc and if it don’t fit or I don’t ADORE it…. It went in recycling. Now only have a few beautiful dresses to get into and if I don’t … off to the charity shop !! It truly was a fab afternoon. But my sisters were truly shocked at how many bags of stuff there was…. Then I felt bad … but on balance I know I’ve just wasted all this money on these items and I’d rather they went to charity now. I do not feel good about it, but I sort of do at the same time. I feel pretty tit talking about it on here tbh as others may be struggling to even buy clothes and …..I have wasted tonnes of money.My shopping/buying also got out of hand, not sure how helpful this is but here goes.
I had so many clothes I’ve never worn and never will, still with tags on to the point my cupboards/closets were stuffed full of them. It really got me down, I was continually thinking I can’t get rid of them as it would be such a waste of money. Then one day I decided enough was enough and I needed to face my problem head on, so I got EVERY item of clothing out.
Around the same time I sorted my closet out I heard Trinny Woodall say don’t buy anything to wear unless you’ve tried it on and that really helped because often I would do that and get home and look absolutely shite in my purchase
I also love up-cycling, whether it’s things for the home or clothes, so I now buy more from charity shops and TKMaxx as you often find a bargain and some of my buys I’ve turned into profit by selling them online.
I appreciate it’s not an easy one to deal with but just take one day at a time and perhaps even make notes of why you bought something and how it made you feel and see if there is a pattern that you can change, or even little goals you can set yourself xx
Jwren
VIP Member
Please ignore me if this isn’t right for you and I don’t want to come over like a nagging mother
….but are you making sure you‘re getting enough nutrients if your anorexia is coming back my lovely. I only say that because if you are depleted that will make stress and anxiety so much worse. And I just wondered if you weren’t already doing that it might help if you could take a multivitamin. I know to some it will sound 
tit crazy but it’s really important for your mental wellbeing as well as your physical health and stress depletes nutrients further, so building those back up can help make a difference. xx
evie1975
VIP Member
That’s all we can do, try our best.
Dancing_in_the_dark
VIP Member
every time we try and talk it descends into an argument. It’s like we don’t know how to talk to each other anymore. He chooses to bury his head in the sand though and I need him not to. I know that much.
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You are right. And not a naggin mother at all. I know I’m not getting enough of anything. At most I can eat a few safe foods. But even that is a struggle. I know if I can get on top of it things will settle but I just don’t even know how to xxPlease ignore me if this isn’t right for you and I don’t want to come over like a nagging mother
Jwren
VIP Member
Well done you!!
We don’t do feeling tit on here
unless it was some of the clothes I bought 
It’s called having a blip and you should be really proud of yourself xx---
If you can manage it I would get a good multivitamin and also some digestive enzymes, they help you to digest vitamins and stop you feeling nauseous after taking them, as you‘re not eating much but always check they are right for you.
Take one day at a time, be kind to yourself and put yourself first. Might it be helpful to put some of your feelings down maybe on your phone, or tablet because sometimes when you write down your feelings it frees your mind a little.
Also if you haven’t already I would speak to your GP, as they will/should have your best interests at heart and if they don’t you find one that does. When my head was in an absolute mess I had a wonderful GP who said your mind is a bit like a clock ticking over, but he said at the moment all your cogs are going at once and don’t know how to get back on track, he was not wrong. I liken it to going to the library, pulling out a book and the whole library of books came down on top of me and sometimes we need a little help to find our way back.
It really will get better I promise you. I have been to hell and back in my lifetime, I’m now in a very good place and have been for quite a while and able to deal with things I wouldn’t in the past and I never thought I‘d ever say that on my darkest days.
And then when you‘re in a better place it will be easier to make decisions. xx
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Burda
VIP Member
I've used shout recently and they did help me think with better clarity xI'm so sorry to hear your feeling this way
it's anonymous btw
XxxView attachment 1972844 q
Poppysmimi
VIP Member
Hi everyone
I’m a nurse and mum of 8. Three of the children are mine and I also have a baby boy who passed away at six months from a congenital heart defect. The other 4 are my sisters children. She was killed by a drunk driver in 2021 just before Christmas. I had to identify her.
My mum died a few months later and now my dad is on end of life care with cancer. He’ll pass away in the next few days.
Needless to say, I’m struggling massively. Sending love to all of you who are also struggling xx
Please send hugs my way xx
I’m a nurse and mum of 8. Three of the children are mine and I also have a baby boy who passed away at six months from a congenital heart defect. The other 4 are my sisters children. She was killed by a drunk driver in 2021 just before Christmas. I had to identify her.
My mum died a few months later and now my dad is on end of life care with cancer. He’ll pass away in the next few days.
Needless to say, I’m struggling massively. Sending love to all of you who are also struggling xx
Please send hugs my way xx
Sending hugs. I’m a single mum and have been since my daughter was tiny. It is tough, I won’t sugar coat it, but believe me it gets better and it’s so worth it
Jwren
VIP Member
I‘m so sorry for all you’re going through and have been through.
I cannot imagine the heartbreak you’re dealing with.
I hope you are getting help through various services but I know that will never be enough and won’t change, or make better all that’s happened to. Your children are blessed to have you.
Sending love and hugs your way.
xx
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MeghanSnarkle
VIP Member
That's so good to hear
I was going through a bad patch last year and found I was waking up each morning like I was being hit with an almighty lurching feeling of Christ not another day of this, then I was going to bed at night and sleeping so heavy and dreaming really vividly and weird, then my periods started to go haywire but I just couldn't be arsed go to the doctors for fear of tests, basically in the end was just mentally knackerd and it was coming out on me physically,
but at the time I didn't want to even ring the doctors reception and face being 37 in a que so I just thought I'd text that shout number because I knew I needed to do something sort of thing.
Its better than nothing basically and was definitely the start of me getting back on top things personally