Food and Drink #53

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Once my Harold did something so dickish that I actually stopped speaking to him because he tit me to tears just looking at him. On the fourth day of ignoring him he said "So, are you not talking to me then?" I burst out laughing because it was such a stupid thing to say.

I do agree that women mostly take on the mental load of running a house, I often have to remind my Harold to do things even though he has eyes and a working brain. I used to just 'do it myself' to save the hassle but these days I can't empty the bin or change kitty litter without hurting myself.
 
MaineCoonMama said:
Once my Harold did something so dickish that I actually stopped speaking to him because he tit me to tears just looking at him. On the fourth day of ignoring him he said "So, are you not talking to me then?" I burst out laughing because it was such a stupid thing to say.

I do agree that women mostly take on the mental load of running a house, I often have to remind my Harold to do things even though he has eyes and a working brain. I used to just 'do it myself' to save the hassle but these days I can't empty the bin or change kitty litter without hurting myself.
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I’ve done loads of trying to train everyone to do better in the house and YH has come a long way now. We made a list and split in into two timetables. I’ve fucked mine recently because I’ve not been well but he was doing better. Things are more equitable in the jobs aspect but the thinking is still done largely by me. Then there’s things like washing the kids water bottles every day to avoid mould. It’s on his chart, he does the washing up (dishwasher broke and he didn’t want a new one), only I found one kids bottle full of broken off bits of sludgy yuk/mould the other day and he hadnt been washing them every day like he was meant to. It drives me nuts. I had to throw that one away and buy another one.
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kachoochoo said:
ah, yelling "come on andy!" at the telly, confirming with mr kcc that we do indeed still have strawberries, cream and meringue for eton mess later

sky turns black, massive clap of thunder

the great british summer 🫡
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Speaking of which, everyone up your vitamin d3/k2 uptake as we are getting none with the weather.
 
griftalo said:
I’ve done loads of trying to train everyone to do better in the house and YH has come a long way now. We made a list and split in into two timetables. I’ve fucked mine recently because I’ve not been well but he was doing better. Things are more equitable in the jobs aspect but the thinking is still done largely by me. Then there’s things like washing the kids water bottles every day to avoid mould. It’s on his chart, he does the washing up (dishwasher broke and he didn’t want a new one), only I found one kids bottle full of broken off bits of sludgy yuk/mould the other day and he hadnt been washing them every day like he was meant to. It drives me nuts. I had to throw that one away and buy another one.
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Speaking of which, everyone up your vitamin d3/k2 uptake as we are getting none with the weather.
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It's been a long minute since I lived with a partner and I think I would find it hard to share my space now. I like things the way I like them.... which is obviously the correct way.

I have friends where the wife is a total martyr to the mental AND physical load. Her three (now almost grown) kids and her husband do absolutely nothing in the house and she runs around after them all, making separate meals for fussy eaters, taking abandoned plates and mugs to the sink, reminding her spouse to take the bins out, remembering where someone last placed a crucial item (never in its right place but always somewhere like "on the trampoline" or "next to the bath"). And they have multiple pets which the kids asked for but she has to do all the work for, including nagging them to take the small furries out of their cages for exercise and forcing them out of the house to walk the dogs.

As a consequence, my friend is always exhausted. Her husband spends hours every night on FB posting memes about neurodivergence and how kids need gentle parenting and need to be in quiet, calm spaces with no sensory overload etc. And, in the meantime, his wife is mopping the kitchen floor at 11pm and worrying about getting the kids' school uniforms ready for them to just step into the next morning.

Rant over.... it just drives ME crazy to witness such an imbalance in a marriage but I realise it's not mine to fix. I have limited my own exposure to it by trying to only see them outside of their house because it stresses me out to be in such a chaotic space and I don't want to add to the washing up!
 
I've never really understood this kids water bottle thing. Didn't have it in my day. We had fountains. Nothing to fill up. We didn't have small plastic bottles either I suppose, soda stream tho.
ETA even though I didn't post this, old man shouting at cloud, and tattle always seems to hold on to things I write but don't post
 
mchops said:
I've never really understood this kids water bottle thing. Didn't have it in my day. We had fountains. Nothing to fill up. We didn't have small plastic bottles either I suppose, soda stream tho.
ETA even though I didn't post this, old man shouting at cloud, and tattle always seems to hold on to things I write but don't post
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One kid is constantly thirsty, and can’t cope without a litre of water in tow wherever we go.
 
MurielSnark said:
It's been a long minute since I lived with a partner and I think I would find it hard to share my space now. I like things the way I like them.... which is obviously the correct way.

I have friends where the wife is a total martyr to the mental AND physical load. Her three (now almost grown) kids and her husband do absolutely nothing in the house and she runs around after them all, making separate meals for fussy eaters, taking abandoned plates and mugs to the sink, reminding her spouse to take the bins out, remembering where someone last placed a crucial item (never in its right place but always somewhere like "on the trampoline" or "next to the bath"). And they have multiple pets which the kids asked for but she has to do all the work for, including nagging them to take the small furries out of their cages for exercise and forcing them out of the house to walk the dogs.

As a consequence, my friend is always exhausted. Her husband spends hours every night on FB posting memes about neurodivergence and how kids need gentle parenting and need to be in quiet, calm spaces with no sensory overload etc. And, in the meantime, his wife is mopping the kitchen floor at 11pm and worrying about getting the kids' school uniforms ready for them to just step into the next morning.

Rant over.... it just drives ME crazy to witness such an imbalance in a marriage but I realise it's not mine to fix. I have limited my own exposure to it by trying to only see them outside of their house because it stresses me out to be in such a chaotic space and I don't want to add to the washing up!
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well i'm going to say it: you get the behaviour you allow. your friend's life doesn't need to be like this - she's probably accepted it for so long it's become the norm.

i'm not saying that in a preachy way; i think i probably 'own' most of the tasks and at times as i've said on here, Mr Laz will wait for me to delegate something to him. i'm trying to get away from that - i just wish he'd load the dishwasher like a normal person. he can't stack it, so he just chucks maybe a few glasses and half a dozen things in then switches it on the longest, hottest cycle. if he'd just do the dishwasher properly i feel i'd be a happier soul!
 
Lazarus said:
well i'm going to say it: you get the behaviour you allow. your friend's life doesn't need to be like this - she's probably accepted it for so long it's become the norm.

i'm not saying that in a preachy way; i think i probably 'own' most of the tasks and at times as i've said on here, Mr Laz will wait for me to delegate something to him. i'm trying to get away from that - i just wish he'd load the dishwasher like a normal person. he can't stack it, so he just chucks maybe a few glasses and half a dozen things in then switches it on the longest, hottest cycle. if he'd just do the dishwasher properly i feel i'd be a happier soul!
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You're completely right Laz. There's always a payoff or benefit for the people involved so, on some level, it's working for them and they don't see a need to change the dynamic.

In my friends' case, the wife gets to be morally superior to her husband, complain about how tired she is but also keep in total control over everything going on in the house. She can't even spend a night or two away from them because they'll all collapse without her (or so she believes) and this is a huge source of validation. And the husband gets to spend every night after work gaming and posting on socials without having to do any of the household jobs. He just does things he likes e.g. the odd bit of DIY.

So, yes, it works for them. But not for me -- which, I'm sure, says something about me too!
 
Last week I caught myself thinking I would rather scrub my whole house top to bottom with cotton buds than spend another minute in the presence of someone in my circle who is vile to me. So after setting soft boundaries (let's hang out but only if this person is already busy) and having these ignored, I have now gone to firm boundaries (moving on with my life). I currently have Nicole Kidman glorious freedom vibes, which I didn't expect. It definitely feels like the right decision.
 
also, when it comes to cishet male partners doing their bit, I've always praised my mr kcc. he's great at everything, even fresh out of hospital

I mean, I go feral when I get left alone and he's a big fan of freshly cooked food and clean laundry 🙃, so he kinda has to keep himself going

I'm ridiculously lucky, I know
 
I have a confession to make. I'm crap at household stuff. (I'm female btw). I do the bare minimum, because the executive functioning needed to co-ordinate all the tasks is too much otherwise. Plus, my work is quite irregular and I'm not in at the same time every week so timetables are no good. The thought of having set tasks hanging over me is too much to handle as well. I'm pathetic, I know. My rationalisation is that everyone is good at some things and crap at others, it's just that some things are more socially acceptable to be crap at. Being bad at spelling or maths is okay but being crap at household organisation isn't.
 
CarmenGhia said:
I have a confession to make. I'm crap at household stuff. (I'm female btw). I do the bare minimum, because the executive functioning needed to co-ordinate all the tasks is too much otherwise. Plus, my work is quite irregular and I'm not in at the same time every week so timetables are no good. The thought of having set tasks hanging over me is too much to handle as well. I'm pathetic, I know. My rationalisation is that everyone is good at some things and crap at others, it's just that some things are more socially acceptable to be crap at. Being bad at spelling or maths is okay but being crap at household organisation isn't.
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Don't be hard on yourself @CarmenGhia. Depression and low energy means I've had to adjust my standards of household excellence, although I have my mum's voice in my head constantly berating me about it.
 
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