Thank you for taking the time to write that. I know it would have been hard to do but I’m glad you did. My drinking began when I left the Iron curtain. Once I begun my new life in the West had my papers sorted out and was legally living and working that’s when my problems came to the surface. I had gone from working as a respected Physicist specializing in Quantum Mechanics to stacking shelves in Kwiksave. Like many people who emigrate or have to flee their homeland they take on jobs that are far below their skill set. I would work a full shift then go back to my bed sit and drink to unwind. In those days there were no emailing, texting or FaceTiming my family. Then the unwinding became a way of managing my loneliness. If I drank I’d forget the fact people at work would take the piss out of my accent and my then bad command of English. At times racist comments from customers and managers. Then as time went on and I got married and was able to resume my scientific career the drinking got less and less but it was still there. Wine every evening. Then if I had a bad day I’d be on the spirits. I would also drink to knock myself out to sleep if I had been working on a research project that took up much hours of the day. Also my marriage was shot to pieces. He had many affairs, so did I. We both ended up resenting each other. Now we are friends. It was never ending and then one day it all came to ahead when my credit card was declined at the supermarket. I was dying for a drink and I had a full on panic attack to the point where I got barred by the manager. There was an incident when I went home to Hungary started drinking in Budapest, woke up on a grass verge in Gödöllő with a stranger and several police officers looking down on me. Also work sussed out my problems and I was very lucky to have a kind and perceptive and practical boss who gave me sabbatical. It was his and my ex husbands suggestion to seek help along with the bulimia I had. I was never violent, abusive or rude when I drank but I became quieter and aloof and cold and indifferent. I was there physically doing the things expected of me, work, family life but I was running on auto pilot my heart and soul wasn’t really there. I can’t have been much of a good mother and wife at that time and I regret sending my children to boarding school probably looking back to whitewash the situation. Fortunately my children and I have a lovely relationship but I was lucky to have wonderfully kind and compassionate children, however I can say hand on heart, I bloody well didn’t deserve their kindness or compassion. Why I ever became an alcoholic is a mystery to most who know me. My parents were teetotal and advocates for healthy clean living before it became so fashionable. Also a problem shared was a problem halved. There was nothing I couldn’t talk about to them so why? My parents were very philosophical on the situation. They never nagged or judged but their view was, there is nothing we can do financially or practically as they were in Romania then left to go home to Hungary. Their attitude was when you’re ready to stop, you’ll stop. It wasn’t that they didn’t care it was like leading a horse to water, can you make it drink it? I have no idea why I was an alcoholic but I was, I am and I’m still recovering it never ends. My partner fortunately isn’t a drinker and is very supportive. I would seriously question his character if he acted like Josephine in front of Charles with her antics. I can cope with him having a glass of wine at dinner but out of love he always no, he doesn’t like it anyway and it’s not in solidarity to me if he did. Love is so much more than soft words, good sex and laughter. It’s being there in the thick of darkness, despair and destruction and still being there to say figuratively, here’s my hand darling, I got your back