Emma Drew #22 I don’t know why I'm accused of neglect, I arranged a click and collect

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Pixlepuff said:
Long time lurker.

I am struggling a bit today, her storied hit a nerve and then when I read through here I felt quite down.

I was a carer for a my nonna for many years. She had a whole host of issues before she developed dementia. I had to step away from it. I felt awful, like I had let her down.

I had a young child, hubs worked so I could stay at home with the child, he was 3 at the time, and I would take him with me every day to go and sort things out for her. One day she didn't recognise him. He kept telling her who she was in this tiny sweet voice, but she just said that I don't have children. We left that day and we both cried. I cried for him and he cried because he couldn't understand why the lady that called him her little man wasn't calling him her little man anymore. I kept trying and some days she knew him and others she didn't. I had to make a choice to step away and it has killed me to this day. She passed 10 years ago now and I still wish I could have worked something out, I still feel like i failed her and I still miss the time I could have/should have spent with her.

I wish I was in the position Emma is in. I wish I could have weathered the bad days just for the days that were good. I miss cooking for her as she would sit in the kitchen with me and tell me she remembers when I cooked with her, stood on the stool that she still had in that kitchen.
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It's quite a different situation, you had a 3 year old with you who was getting confused and upset with the situation, that makes it extra difficult for you all. Plus you said you were her carer for many years, it sounds like you burnt out and needed to look after yourself by stepping away. Which is what Emma needs to do, but instead of stepping away she needs therapy to look after herself and help develop her resilience because she is barely going to see her dad as it is and still can't cope and sends Tony instead. It's only going to get more challenging as her dads illness progresses and she is already checking out, she doesn't pop round every day, she says she's got private carers going in. She is coping by spending tons of money and eating bad food, unhealthy coping mechanisms which we all do sometimes but she does it to a point of complete self destruction, which she openly admits to but doesn't address it or get help. I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't compare yourself to Emma xx
 
Pixlepuff said:
I could take her not knowing who I was, it was her not knowing the child that broke me. He was too young to understand and I couldn't put him through that. I just wish that Emma knows how lucky she is to be able to pop in and spend time with her dad. My Nonna was the backbone of our family. She was the stereotypical Italian nan. It broke me having to hand over duties.
She is so lucky to be in the position she is in. She has ample time to spend with him. Even if she wasn't caring for him, she could go there everyday and enjoy the moment. Imagine being in his position and having lucid moments, alone. It's those moments when they realise just how alone they are. Heartbroken for him.
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completely agree, at the end of the day yeah it's difficult but he's only going to get worse, she should be making the most of the time she has with him now. I'd say in 5 years time she'll kick herself for not spending time with him but I doubt she will because she's selfish
 
JessTxxx said:
completely agree, at the end of the day yeah it's difficult but he's only going to get worse, she should be making the most of the time she has with him now. I'd say in 5 years time she'll kick herself for not spending time with him but I doubt she will because she's selfish
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I like to think somewhere underneath all of her selfishness is a semi decent human, but she's proved everyone wrong so many times. It shouldn't take a tattle thread to make her sort care for her father. It should have been her first instinct. The minute she noticed a change a iron clad plan should have been put in place for every future eventuality. Copies made and shared between family so if anyone had noticed he had changed everyone knew what the next step was.
Emma, if you're reading:call age concern. If you really feel unable to visit him, they have a fantastic befriend an old person service. That one call a week with someone may give him the normality he needs. Having someone to chat with on a regular basis about anything g and everything keeps his mind active. Idle minds are proven to deteriorate faster!
 
LucyLu2 said:
So much I want to say her, but not quite sure how to form it all clearly (especially whilst trying to home school!) but here goes.

I think we're all in agreement that losing a relative to dementia is awful and heartbreaking. I think we're also all I'm agreement that Emma is making some awful choices here and as a result her father is suffering even more than he should.

At the end of the day though I honestly don't think Emma knows or understands that what she is doing is wrong. She's a little girl herself, with clearly no clue as to how to look after herself. She can't even remember to brush her teeth everyday. What's possibly the saddest thing in all this is that it's clear from what is happening that she has no one to help her. No one to make her realise that what she's doing is wrong. No one to point out the mistakes she's making in life or to help her make better life choices. Whether that be about her diet and health and exercise, or how to care best for her father. Tony it seems just enables whatever behaviour Emma wants. The poor guy's under the thumb and we've see from when he said a dress looked tight that she'll only ignore what he says, so he's probably staying quiet for an easy life. What about her friends and family though? Have none of them see what we've seen on social media and tried to step in to help? She's screaming out for attention (on social media) possibly because she's never had any in her life before.

She's like a lost child who doesn't know how to be a grown up, despite telling us all that she's a "girl boss". I don't know quite how old she was when her mum died, or what sort of relationship she had with her, but I get the distinct impression that she's just never been shown how to grow up. My step-daughter is much the same. Her mum treats her like a kid and has never spoken to her about hygiene, personal care, interacting with other people managing money or anything practical. She expects constant gifts and everything to be done for her. She didn't even know how to butter a slice of bread when she was 14 years old! I see Emma as being quite similar and she shows no signs of wanting to learn - possibly because she's so lazy. It's sad really.

Or, maybe I'm putting far too much thought into all this!
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I totally agree that she is a little princess. However I don't think she's completely helpless as she was able to set up a successful business on her own, which requires a lot of research, trial and error and a million things that go into a business e.g. marketing, technical parts like setting/navigating a website, writing, creating graphics, accounts and so on. She's outsourced most now but she did do it in the beginning. she does still (barely) manage multiple sites

I believe her mum died when she was at Uni?

Didn't someone say she was popular at school? I think she's just a witch and this causes you to lose your friends. Being stuck in the house all day with tony and the cats is enough to make anyone miserable

She suffers with mental health but she doesn't do anything to support it. She knew she had passenger anxiety so she went to therapy for that. She knew she had a weight problem so she went to get surgery. She knows what the problems are, she just doesn't want to do anything about food and spending which are the only things that bring her joy
 
Oh for goodness sake Emma! Why are you such a moron?! Open your bloody eyes and see how ridiculous you look!!
 

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Pixlepuff said:
I like to think somewhere underneath all of her selfishness is a semi decent human, but she's proved everyone wrong so many times. It shouldn't take a tattle thread to make her sort care for her father. It should have been her first instinct. The minute she noticed a change a iron clad plan should have been put in place for every future eventuality. Copies made and shared between family so if anyone had noticed he had changed everyone knew what the next step was.
Emma, if you're reading:call age concern. If you really feel unable to visit him, they have a fantastic befriend an old person service. That one call a week with someone may give him the normality he needs. Having someone to chat with on a regular basis about anything g and everything keeps his mind active. Idle minds are proven to deteriorate faster!
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Good thinking. If he's part of a housing association they may have a person too who can visit and talk to the old people. We had one each Wednesday from my grandad's housing association who would call him one wed and visit the other for an hour which meant mum and I got an hours 'break' every other week as someone else sat and chatted to him. It also gave us a human to talk to too as she'd check in with us and see if they could help with anything. (through this we got him a downstairs bathroom fitted paid for by them) If he owns the house then speak to the council as they can do alterations too in the form of a disability grant but you may have to pay something towards this or be means tested - I'm not sure on the process now as we're talking about 9 years ago.

If he's religious too, his church likely have some people as well who could chat to him/visit/support him too. My grandad was catholic and I don't know the processes but they had someone come out each week to do... religious stuff. (not meaning to be offensive, it was a service of some sort but I don't know what - I'm athiest)
 
LucyLu2 said:
Oh don't worry - long term reader here so fully know how vile she's been to people, but it does make you wonder what her childhood was like so that she wasn't every taught how to respect other people, how to take constructive criticism and how to make and keep friends.
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Oh, I 100% think she was told every day by her parents that she's a princess! That's why she goes through life with such a grandiose sense of entitlement now and is every customer service rep's worst nightmare. 😳
 
ChubClubThug said:
If he's that bad won't someone have to have power of attorney to look after his financial matters 🧐
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If it hasn't been obtained by now, it's too late. He'd need to have someone apply to the court of protection to become a deputy(deputyship) for him.
Without a legal authority to deal with his accounts it's actually illegal and you'd likely be prosecuted for it.
 
Up until yesterday she didn’t want to share her dad’s story at all as it was his story to tell but now it’s plastered all over Instagram and Facebook for the world to see. Her poor poor dad! She is using him as an accessory and click bait right now and it’s so incredibly sad.
 

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She shouldn’t be posting photos of him if he doesn’t have capacity. It could make him vulnerable to people who live locally and now know he lives alone and is vulnerable.

She cannot get Lasting Power of Attorney as that requires him to give consent to her being his LPA.The only way she have any legal say in his matters is through applying through deputyship through the court of protection if he doesn’t have capacity. However there are fees for this AND she would have to submit an annual report to a guardian to show what she has spent money etc on.
 
Pixlepuff said:
Long time lurker.

I am struggling a bit today, her storied hit a nerve and then when I read through here I felt quite down.

I was a carer for a my nonna for many years. She had a whole host of issues before she developed dementia. I had to step away from it. I felt awful, like I had let her down.

I had a young child, hubs worked so I could stay at home with the child, he was 3 at the time, and I would take him with me every day to go and sort things out for her. One day she didn't recognise him. He kept telling her who she was in this tiny sweet voice, but she just said that I don't have children. We left that day and we both cried. I cried for him and he cried because he couldn't understand why the lady that called him her little man wasn't calling him her little man anymore. I kept trying and some days she knew him and others she didn't. I had to make a choice to step away and it has killed me to this day. She passed 10 years ago now and I still wish I could have worked something out, I still feel like i failed her and I still miss the time I could have/should have spent with her.

I wish I was in the position Emma is in. I wish I could have weathered the bad days just for the days that were good. I miss cooking for her as she would sit in the kitchen with me and tell me she remembers when I cooked with her, stood on the stool that she still had in that kitchen.
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Sending you a hug - I can tell that you were so emotional writing that. :cry:
 
boohoo2u said:
Not sure i'd use the word 'sexy'

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What is that behind her? Patterned blinds with a mirror mounted on Top? or badly applied thin strips of wallpaper? I'm so confused!!!
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Wallpaper! 😂 I think a few threads ago someone mentioned that Emma cheaped out when choosing some Poundland bargain type wallpaper, which she then paid a decorator to put up. 😂
 
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