Dating after lockdown #38 midnight messages from the ghost of boyfriends past

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Thank(space)you

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Previous thread here:

Dating after lockdown #37 - One thing men are consistent with is the AUDACITY.

I’ve been content being single for the last 12 months because of just how awful my last relationship was. However, I had one of those dreams last night where I was in a relationship and just felt so safe and secure (shows it was a dream as I’ve never felt those things in a real relationship 😂)...
tattle.life

@Villanelly posted the words & nominated by @tomato_paste , very taylor swift esque in my opinion and I love it!

Feel free to do a recap anyone 😊
 
TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo said:
I had a brief look on the app I'm on last night and one of the profiles of someone who had liked me was full of pictures of a graphic sexual nature. Bondage, domination over women etc. It was really grim.
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the last two profiles who have liked me have been exactly this too. the one before them also had “i don’t live in wales i’m just bored of the women in my area 😈” in his bio so also probably counts. i’m sick of it.
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Thank(space)you said:
Feel free to do a recap anyone 😊
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recap as follows:



 
freezelouise43 said:
Well one of my exes texted me last night at midnight asking me if I fancied any company? He’s done this a few times over the years and I suspect I wasn’t his first message. I was so annoyed I messaged his wife on Instagram and told her I valued my sleep so if her husband could stop messaging me drunk that would be great 😂😂😂
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love it
 
Weeks and months have passed by since FWB guy. I’ve delved into reading, I started a professional development course. I’ve worked on me, sorting out finances, the house, me time... looking to move house.

I’m overeating again... I’ve put one stone eight pounds on... 😩. Overeating and stress are major problem with me. Food is my crux when I feel low.

My child is unwell. Diagnosed with a lifelong chronic illness. Been hard to navigate life when I feel so alone and unanchored and everything feels scary all at once.

I’m not actively looking anymore. It will be what it will be but like others above (wonder if it’s a full moon) I’ve had some weird messages from ex’s.

I was so upset earlier. FWB guy. He truly in every sense of the word has broken me.

I sat down with a friend earlier and we were talking, it helped to get it off my chest, we talked about how I was feeling and how I’m not myself at the moment and how you can see it in my eyes.

I need to learn to accept it will never be for me. I spent a long time alone (17 years). I’m sure I can do it again. I need to find a focus. Distract myself. Of course I’m missing the sex (which was amazing) and I’m missing being held. (Also amazing). Not feeling skin on skin is tough. Especially when you’ve not had it for so long and then it feels incredibly satisfying when it does happen for it to be taken away again...

Sunday night pondering...

Also joined a local singles FB group and to be honest it’s full of people and I’m not sure they are who they say they are IYKWIM
 
I've been away for 2 months and I came back to all my smug married (or in long term relationships) friends breaking up! The 30s life crisis is in full swing here apparently. At least I won't be the only single person at dinner parties anymore 🤷‍♀️ (or be slightly judge for it)

I've downloaded Tinder too for the first time ever! Not sure I'm gonna used it though 😅
 
Thank(space)you said:
Honestly all I'm seeing on the apps lately are profiles that could work as jump scares 😳
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🤣 I was just going to ask what the apps are like at the moment. Thinking of starting back on them properly after being ghosted earlier this year. I've been on and off tinder for a few weeks but I'm not sure if it's broken 🤣

I think it might just be bumble or maybe hinge but it was a ghost town the last time I was on there. Does anyone have any other recommendations? Online or not
 
freezelouise43 said:
Well one of my exes texted me last night at midnight asking me if I fancied any company? He’s done this a few times over the years and I suspect I wasn’t his first message. I was so annoyed I messaged his wife on Instagram and told her I valued my sleep so if her husband could stop messaging me drunk that would be great 😂😂😂
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He’s clearly read the thread title and understood the assignment 😂 Ah, men. Depressingly predictable since time immemorial.
 
When your friend tells you you're single because you're too fussy 🙄 I'm choosing someone I'll hopefully spend the rest of my life with of course im going to be a bit fussy?!

I don't actually think I'm that fussy tbh - but I do have a strong list of non negotiables. For example, I'd not date her partner if we were single as he takes drugs every day.
 
Screenshot_20241025_121443_Bumble.jpg

The audacity of these 'men'
 
I met a man in the wild last night 😊

I got talking to him in the pub. I was upfront and asked if he was single and told him I liked him.

But...he told me he's just come out of a relationship so isn't looking to get into anything right now. I do think his honesty and not jumping into anything is quite refreshing, he seems to have some self awareness that he needs to work on himself. And he's possibly going abroad next year for work...

There was a vague conversation about meeting up next week and he has my number so we will see if anything comes of it.

But, after work guy, I felt I wasn't ever going to meet someone I liked ever again (dramatic I know 🤣) and it felt good to spend a few hours with a nice man.
 
Stimpii said:
How do people stop themselves from thinking that all guys are the same 😩 I’m such an over thinker and I’m driving myself insane.
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I have this habit too so whenever I start to think this, I sorta flip it back on me. “Am I the same as every other lady? No I’m not so the men I meet will be the same” or “everyone is different, I’m just using the recent experience of men I’ve met to support my current belief which isn’t true”
 
boomska said:
I have this habit too so whenever I start to think this, I sorta flip it back on me. “Am I the same as every other lady? No I’m not so the men I meet will be the same” or “everyone is different, I’m just using the recent experience of men I’ve met to support my current belief which isn’t true”
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Never thought of it like that.

It’s just so hard to not over think everything and I’m trying to not come across as being a needy witch. But at the same time I can’t just say ‘look, do you have a secret girlfriend that is going to message me in the middle of the night’ 😫
 
Stimpii said:
Never thought of it like that.

It’s just so hard to not over think everything and I’m trying to not come across as being a needy witch. But at the same time I can’t just say ‘look, do you have a secret girlfriend that is going to message me in the middle of the night’ 😫
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I totally get this!! & I say this with love & respect as I’ve had the EXACT same thoughts and something I’ve worked massively on but as much as heart breaking that would be, youve got to trust in yourself that you’ll be ok whatever happens! It’s the same as getting a taxi or a bus, you just have to trust in a complete stranger to get you from A to B safely but you do it without thinking! & that’s with a complete stranger!!

So with a partner, there’s a vulnerability to it but you’ve just got to trust in yourself that it’ll SUCK BEYOND BELIEF but you’ll be ok and his actions don’t define you. And why even worry about something that may happen when they could do something even worse before hand like kick a dog, or a kill an animal? 🤷‍♀️ extreme examples i know lol
 
Hi all I hope you are well! I’ve been chatting to a guy that’s kind of within my social circle and met up with him last week…he’s invited me to his house next Wednesday to meet his rabbits (house ones) and have a takeaway…obviously as I’m middle age I know what that’s likely to mean. My dilemma is, that whilst in my former sexually active life I might have been up for that, I’ve pretty much been celibate for 18 months (since FWB) by choice. Like I don’t miss sex, and the thought of having it feels weird and awkward. Some of this is probably due to my age, I’m not traumatised by any experiences- I simply don’t feel any need for it. I really like spending time with him and it’s not that I’m not attracted to him, it’s just like I feel I could spend time with him and relax knowing that I’m not going to have to do it…anyone else feel like this? I just have zero urges 😂😂
 
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