Carrie Hope Fletcher #78 What do we do when life gets tough? Marry our rebound and get up the duff!

[salatblader]

Honestly you don't learn how to "parent" from a bit of babysitting. How would that help?

Also it's obvious she's completely bullshitting when she says she "knows nothing" because she was so "career focussed". Her last BF ran screaming for the hills from the laser focus pressure to have kids with her at 30.

I *guarantee* you she knows the progression to uni for every nursery in a 50 mile radius of their house.

The whole "god, I was such a boss career witch, how will I ever switch to bring a mother" is clearly a lie.

Of course you don't learn to parent from babysitting, but I meant the sort of people who have never been alone with a child/had any sort of responsibility for a child and then decide to have kids because it's "the next thing" society tells them to do. For those cases, at least it would be better to have babysat or gone out to get some sort of experience being around and taking care of a kid, instead of never having held any child until bringing one into the world and passing on all their generational trauma

 

[Ray1403]

Imo, not bothering to look up anything/babysit kids/getting experience with children while actively wanting/trying for kids is really selfish. I've seen too many parents that don't know how to parent or talk to kids before having them, and then transfer their own bad upbringing/generational trauma onto their kids because they didn't do the work. No one should be allowed to have kids on a whim

no i’m sorry, maybe i am just taking this personally and i’ll bow out after this but i don’t think not babysitting/getting experience before having a baby is in any way selfish. not being prepared for your life to change is selfish, but not everyone who wants/has children has the opportunity for “hands on” experience and no two kids are ever the same

 

[GrilledCheese]

Honestly you don't learn how to "parent" from a bit of babysitting. How would that help?

Babysitting can be useful (not saying you have to do it before having kids though). You can see what to do when a kid is misbehaving, what works, what doesn't and so on. I remember looking after my nephew for the first time and having no clue what to do or say to him. I've looked after him here and there over the years and you do pick up some good tips

Of course you'll never know how your own kid will be but it's good practice

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

You know that horse event where they turn up on the day and get given any random horse they’ve never laid eyes on before to compete with?

Well, that’s a bit what having a baby is like. You don’t know what you’ll get. Even the most experienced rider can get thrown off

 

[ladybugblue]

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I’m very possibly a bit pregnancy-brained myself but my brain actually struggled to read that absolute word vomit. Does the actress/author REALLY need to speak about herself in the third person?

 

[salatblader]

no i’m sorry, maybe i am just taking this personally and i’ll bow out after this but i don’t think not babysitting/getting experience before having a baby is in any way selfish. not being prepared for your life to change is selfish, but not everyone who wants/has children has the opportunity for “hands on” experience and no two kids are ever the same

Too many people have kids on a whim. Imo, the very least they can do is to make sure they have been around kids and understood the responsibility and what it entails at some point before making a person, read up on child development, and to have worked on themselves and their own responses, so they don't pass on their own tit to their innocent kid.

 

[SIXTYNINEDUDES!]

Babysitting can be useful (not saying you have to do it before having kids though). You can see what to do when a kid is misbehaving, what works, what doesn't and so on. I remember looking after my nephew for the first time and having no clue what to do or say to him. I've looked after him here and there over the years and you do pick up some good tips

Of course you'll never know how your own kid will be but it's good practice

I babysat at 15. I was an idiot looking back who probably shouldn't have been left alone with 2 toddlers. I definitely was not atuned to their needs and mostly willed the time away waiting for the bit where I got paid.

Nothing I learned from babysitting prepared me for being responsible for getting my own child safely to adulthood.

Honestly this "Carrie needs to do a bit of babysitting" is a reach.

 

[salatblader]

I babysat at 15. I was an idiot looking back who probably shouldn't have been left alone with 2 toddlers. I definitely was not atuned to their needs and mostly willed the time away waiting for the bit where I got paid.

Nothing I learned from babysitting prepared me for being responsible for getting my own child safely to adulthood.

Honestly this "Carrie needs to do a bit of babysitting" is a reach.

You honed in on _one_ of my many points and you're ignoring my caveats. I'm not gonna repeat myself again and again. Too many of you didn't bother considering what parenting would be like before becoming one, it seems - and that's why you're taking what I'm saying too personally. My point is: People shouldn't become parents randomly, on a whim. Just because you can't prepare for exactly every tiny way it will impact your everyday life, doesn't mean you shouldn't know something about children and child development and how to speak to kids before getting knocked up

 

[Shrekssister]

Yeah I don't think it's bad necessarily that she hasn't had much experience with kids hands on because it won't matter. I'm one of 8 kids, one of the oldest sp had a lot of responsibility young. I now have two of my own and it's wildly different, before even considering the fact that both of mine have disabilities. The issue I have with her blithe attitude is that she doesn't seem to care to learn before the baby is here. She doesn't have to spend months knee deep in books but the laissez faire, it'll be easy assumption, is unfair to the baby. Hopefully behind the scenes she is making an effort to learn.

 

[Hurrem]

I didn't know anything about babies before I had mine. I have no siblings, I have a small family. None of my friends have any. You learn!

A reminder that this is not about you, this is about Carrie. She admitted herself she hasn't bothered for the last 10 years and now she decided her clock is ticking and it's time to get pregnant with a guy that's practically a stranger. It's not the way you plan to bring a child into this world.

Also Carrie has kids in the family, 3 of them. I've never seen her bother with them too much. Seeing them on holiday or going to visit on a weekend doesn't even begin to give the idea of what having kids is gonna be like.
If I were obsessed with having kids my entire life, I'd have done better than this. She's hoping she'll be able to wing it, like she's done everything else in her life.

 

[Freakishlyme]

You know what will be interesting to see? If Carrie will ever admit to finding motherhood/having a newborn difficult. She's been so fake and dead inside for the past almost two years, I cant imagine anything genuine coming from her when it comes to struggles and actually admitting them. Other than when it benefits her, like the whole imposter syndrome/crippling anxiety thing she mentioned when it came to the tour and then suddenly overcame.

I'm expecting her to act like everything is blissfully easy, then about a year later, come out and say that actually, it was a really hard time for her and that she really struggled with her mental health (bonus points if she mentions having to "solo parent" while Joel is at work).

I feel like with this whole relationship, she's really painted herself into a corner, honestly. She's gotten so many people questioning her decisions, which has never really been the case before now. She's doubled down on it all being perfect, and the best thing that ever happened to her...which has created a situation where she can't (or feels like she can't) be honest or talk about harder times, like if she and Joel have a row, or if she is feeling completely out of her depths with this pregnancy. It's all her own doing, of course, but that's a sad state of affairs to be in.

 

[SIXTYNINEDUDES!]

She was completely obsessed with having babies to the point she frightened her last man away. Does anyone really believe she "gave this no thought"?!

I'd imagine it's literally all she's thought about, especially whilst clenching her eyes tightly shut while skrek does unspeakable things to her.
Why else would she go through that other than its all part of her master plan to be married with kids at 30?!

She's bullshitting when she says she hasn't thought about it. I'd wager it's the only thing she's thought about.

 

[GrilledCheese]

You know that horse event where they turn up on the day and get given any random horse they’ve never laid eyes on before to compete with?

Well, that’s a bit what having a baby is like. You don’t know what you’ll get. Even the most experienced rider can get thrown off

I read the first part and thought you were describing her seeing Joel thinking "he'll do" then marrying him

 

[KeriRhys]

Oh this threads going to be fun for the next 6 months!

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

You honed in on _one_ of my many points and you're ignoring my caveats. I'm not gonna repeat myself again and again. Too many of you didn't bother considering what parenting would be like before becoming one, it seems - and that's why you're taking what I'm saying too personally. My point is: People shouldn't become parents randomly, on a whim. Just because you can't prepare for exactly every tiny way it will impact your everyday life, doesn't mean you shouldn't know something about children and child development and how to speak to kids before getting knocked up

Does this go for blokes as well, before they do the ‘knocking up’? Or is it just the women who need to garner hands on experience and do their research before they procreate?

 

[AaronPurrSir]

There is no point in doing all of that “how to parent” research too far in advance. I read all of the parenting books whilst pregnant: behaviour strategies, dealing with tantrums, what to do in certain situations, nodded sagely and said “yes, I’ll do those things.” Then promptly forgot them all once I had a baby, as none of those things are relevant for at least the first year or two of a baby’s life.

My children are now a bit older, we’re in the stage where those behaviour management tools are relevant, I’m rereading all of those books and it’s actually sinking in as I can immediately put it into practice.

Reading parenting books whilst pregnant is like revising for an exam 3 years in advance. You read and revise the things that are relevant to know now, or very soon, not things you’ll need to know in 3-4 years.

At the moment all she needs to research is some pregnancy and birth stuff (I recommend the Expecting Better book, and the Positive Birth company course) and later in pregnancy, some safe sleep guidelines and general infant safety guidelines.

 

[salatblader]

Does this go for blokes as well, before they do the ‘knocking up’? Or is it just the women who need to garner hands on experience and do their research before they procreate?

Of course it goes for men as well. Notice I used the word "parents", not just women who want to become mothers.

 

[Hurrem]

Why else would she go through that other than its all part of her master plan to be married with kids at 30?!

You realize that wanting something doesn't equal to preparing for it to the best of your abilities?
This is the same woman that has been obsessed with becoming a west end star, yet she never bothered to prepare for it properly (singing, acting and dancing classes). Same goes for writing, yet she can barely type and write coherent phrases.

Do you really think she's suddenly changed? Shrek's sperm just impregnated her, it didn't give her a new personality.

It's really no fun when people take things personally and need to defend themselves and their choices (which we don't care about, this is about Carrie).

 

[Pistachiyo]

Just to throw in my two cents, but I think it's important to be confronted with the reality of what being around children is like. Of course each child is different, of course you learn as you go. But what happens if you have a child being blissfully unaware of how loud and sticky they can be (to use those two sole examples!) and you realise you're not cut out for it? I like children but after spending some time with the noise and sticky hands, I got sensory overload and could feel that I was going to snap. That comforted my decision to not have children of my own. It's one thing to look after your friends kids for an afternoon and to suck up and deal with it. It's a whole other thing to have your own and no break.

I think people commenting that she should at least babysit first, are saying it from a similar perspective. You can't get rid of your child if you suddenly decide you're out of your depth.

However as I said on the last thread, I don't think this will be much of an issue. Between her parents and Tom and Gi, Carrie will have a support system and a tag team to help out. She'll be fine. I think she'll make questionable choices but I don't fear for the baby's safety or anything like that.

 

[londongirl2001]

Oh this threads going to be fun for the next 6 months!

I know always knew this was going to happen because if you ever read one thread about an influencer who became pregnant, you’ve read them all. It’s always the same discussions, baby name guesses, fights over pregnancy health and then later parenting…. It is what it is, because once a pregnancy is announced, there isn’t much else to talk about I guess. Carrie being Carrie though will always provide other topics too